Chapter Text
“What if I'm in the wrong?” He asked, curling more to Remus' side. The morning sun was shining through the gap in the curtains, urging them to get up and start their day after already laying there awake for hours, but neither of them wanted to. It was much nicer to stay curled up with each other underneath the sheets, warm and cosy, neither wanting to break the bubble and get up.
“What about?”
“Y'know…” He whispered, starting to play with a loose strand he'd found from Remus' shirt, twisting it around his fingers as he tried to gather his thoughts. “About the way I feel… y'know, about me? What if I'm in the wrong.” As he continued his voice got quieter, barely above a whisper when he finished, anxiously waiting for Remus to answer.
“What if you're not?” He asked back, running his hand through the curls, placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head. Sirius shrugged, closing his eyes against the sunlight that had slowly shifted to warm up his face. “For what it's worth, I don't think you are.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because, it's you.” He said simply, trying to find the words to properly say what he wanted to. “I'm not sure, and I can't be because it's not something I've experienced. But, I believe you when you tell me it's something you feel, and I just find it difficult to believe it's wrong. How could it be?”
Sirius shrugged, being quiet for a moment before he spoke again, voice quieter than before. “I don't know how to feel.”
“That's okay, love.” He whispered, smiling as Sirius turned to look at him, chin resting on his chest. “You don't have to know. Takes time to figure out, yeah? And, it's okay if you don't figure it out. I'll still be here, always with you.”
“I love you, Rem.”
“I love you too.” He whispered, kissing his forehead before running his hand through Sirius' hair. “We should get up.”
“No.” He groaned, hiding his face into Remus' chest, shaking his head. “M’not getting up. We've got nowhere to be.”
“Mm, but we can't lay in bed all day.”
“M’still sleeping.” he mumbled, clinging on tighter as Remus tried to get up from below him. “No. You're my pillow you can't leave.”
“C’mon up. I'll bring you breakfast in bed if you let me up.” Sirius shook his head.
“Don't you love me?” He asked, a cheeky grin on his face, turning back to look at him. “If you loved me, Rem, like truly loved me, you'd cuddle with me.”
“You’re so stupid.” He laughed, but Sirius just smiled, hiding his face back into Remus’ chest, who wrapped his arms around him better. “Alright, five more minutes, but then I'm getting up. I need coffee.”
…
“What if I feel like nothing?” Sirius asked, biting his lip as he looked at Remus, who was sitting on the other end of the sofa, reading. He looked up from his book, smiling at him softly as he closed it, setting it down onto the coffee table.
“What do you mean?” He asked, reaching for Sirius' hand, shuffling to sit closer to him.
“That- like… What if I feel like nothing? Y'know, boy or-” He looked away for a moment, then back up at Remus as if to study his reaction to his next words. “What if I feel like neither, but like maybe something more eh- neutral.”
“That's okay.” He smiled. “Why wouldn't it be?”
“I dunno.”
“What would that something more neutral be?” He asked as Sirius leaned against his shoulder. “Do you have any preferences to maybe pet names or pronouns or your name? Anything really, and if you don't know, it's okay. But if you do, and you wanna tell me, I want to know.”
“I don't really care what you call me. It all feels good. And um, I don't know. It all feels somehow like me- but like only sometimes. Only on some days” They whispered. “Today's just- more neutral.”
“Okay, baby.” He smiled into their hair. “What if I happened to be talking about you to someone else, What would you want me to call you? My boyfriend, partner, something else maybe?”
“I don't want anyone to know.”
“Okay. I'm proud of you for telling me though, so proud, love.” Sirius smiled, lifting their head to look at Remus, who smiled, brushing a loose strand of hair behind their ear. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too.” They whispered, leaning in to give Remus a kiss. “I'm still scared.”
“It's okay to be scared, love.” He said, and Sirius nodded, looking away. “It's new, and different and that's scary, but it's okay. I'm here, baby.”
“ ‘m glad you are.” Sirius whispered, leaning against Remus, who wrapped his arms around them, holding them tightly.
…
“Moony?” They asked, coming into the living room, Remus hummed, looking up at them with a small smile. “Could you, um. Can you paint my nails? I tried, but- I'm shit at this.”
Remus laughed quietly, patting the place next to him on the sofa. “I won't make any promises that I'm any better, but I can certainly try.” He smiled as Sirius sat down next to him, handing him the bottle of nail polish, black with some glitter in it. “Give me your hand, love.”
Sirius did, watching as Remus took their hand into his, holding it so he could more easily paint their nails. They watched as he slowly started to apply the nail polish, being really careful, and trying his best to not mess it up. “Did you get this today?” He asked, glancing up at Sirius as they nodded. “I love the glitter, looks great, baby.”
Sirius blushed slightly, smiling as they looked down to their lap for a moment, then looked back at Remus. “Do you actually like it?” They asked quietly, more nervousness seeping into his tone than before. “It's not- um too much?”
“It’s not, you've worn nail polish before, what's this about?” Sirius shrugged, giving him their other hand when Remus tapped it so they would give it to him, they smiled as Remus started to apply the nail polish onto his other hand. “Do you like it?”
“Do,” Sirius whispered, smiling as he glanced up at them. “I thought it was pretty.”
“You're pretty.” They blushed, looking away for a moment, then watched as Remus closed the bottle of nail polish, leaning to give them a kiss. “The prettiest of them all.” He whispered against Sirius' lips, giving them another kiss. They leaned against Remus after a moment, who just wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too.” Sirius whispered. “Rem?” He hummed, taking their hand into his now that the nail polish had dried. “I saw something in the shops today. I really wanted to buy it, but um-” They trailed off then, sounding nervous as they leaned more against Remus.
“What's so expensive that you can't buy it.” Sirius shook their head with a little laugh, Remus smiled, glad he could at least get a smile out of them, even if it was a small one. “What is it then, hmm? Why didn't you get it?” Sirius mumbled something, but he couldn't catch what it was, but they did blush further, hiding their face into Remus’ neck. “Didn't catch that, darling. Can you speak up?”
“It… it was a skirt.” They whispered quietly, voice suddenly wavering with unshed tears. “I'm sorry.”
“Hey, no. Shh, love don't apologise, it's okay.” Sirius didn't answer, but felt Remus wipe away tears and kiss their head. “For the record, I think you'd look absolutely beautiful in any skirt.”
“They're for girls.” Sirius mumbled, shaking their head as more tears fell down.
“They're not. Sirius, baby, it's just a piece of clothing, anyone can wear them.” They nodded slightly, though they didn't seem entirely convinced yet. “A little bit of fabric won't define who you are, you can wear whatever you want and what makes you comfortable.”
“But other people.”
“Since when have you cared about what other people think? Hmm, love?” They shrugged. “Don’t care about them. You can do whatever you want. You can wear whatever you want, I promise nobody will care.” Sirius nodded. “And if somebody does or says something nasty to you, they're just not worth keeping around, are they?”
“No,” They whispered hesitantly, though smiled slightly as they sat up to look at Remus who smiled, wiping away the tears and leaning to kiss their forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you more, baby.” He smiled, giving them another kiss before Sirius could lean back against him. “Tell me about it.”
“About what?”
“The skirt, silly.”
“Oh- um. Well…” They laughed nervously, blushing as he started to explain what the skirt had looked like. Remus just smiled as he listened to his boyfriend talk about something so excitedly, he hadn't heard that in a while. It just made him happy.
“That sounds so pretty, baby.” Remus whispered into their hair. “I really need to see you in a skirt now, there's no escaping this anymore now that you've told me.”
“You really think it would look good?”
“Of course,” He smiled as Sirius turned to look at him. “You look good in anything you wear.” They smiled brightly, leaning in to give Remus a kiss, leaning their forehead against his. “You're so precious.”