Chapter Text
Mikoto wakes up to the sound of pouring rain-–his alarm didn’t go off. He goes to check his phone to find out it’s dead and didn’t charge like he thought it did. He rushes to get ready, trying his best to work fast and still look presentable for work. Afterwards he searches for his umbrella, where did he leave it? Why is this happening? Why is everything going wrong? He just needs to keep getting ready, he can’t let himself get overwhelmed now. He finishes getting ready and runs out the door. The rain is getting Mikoto soaked, clothes sticking to his body-–making him uncomfortable and cold. There’s so many people, it’s hard to get through all of them. He’s getting trapped in the crowd. He’s going to be late. What time is it even right now? It doesn’t matter–he just needs to keep running.
Oh. He’s at work. He didn’t… get here himself, did he? It’s alright, it still feels weird when this happens, but he trusts John. He rests his hand on his cheek for a few seconds, making him feel better before going back to work. He works until his break, he forgot to bring lunch since he left his apartment so quickly. He decides to pass the time talking to John until he goes back to work. The rest of his shift was busy, it got a little stressful. But he was able to handle it without getting overwhelmed.
Once he gets home, Mikoto puts comfortable clothes on and draws again. He’s getting better! Mikoto grabs his camera to find that picture of himself to draw John, only to see he took a few of himself at some point. Mikoto smiles at them. Going through them, Mikoto sees one of John attempting to smile and pose like him, he looks really stiff in it. One where he looks embarrassed while smiling awkwardly-–his face is red in this one. Mikoto’s favorite is the one of John where he doesn’t look like he’s forcing himself to act a certain way–-he’s being himself. He smiles lovingly while looking at it. He uses that one as a reference for his drawing. After a while, he finishes it and looks at it for a while. He isn’t sure if it’s the best drawing he’s done, but it’s his favorite. He puts it up where they can see it easily.
“I’m here for you, Mikoto. I’ll protect you.”
“Huh? What are you talking about all of a sudden? You’ve already done so much for me, John. You can take a break too, you know.” Mikoto says sincerely while hugging himself.
“All this time… all I’ve wanted to do was protect you and make you happy. Is it fine for me to do that…?”
“It’s really okay, don’t worry. We can be there for each other now, so you don’t have to do this alone anymore.” Mikoto moves his hands to his chest, keeping them together as his face goes bright red.
“I’ll still do whatever it takes to make you happy. But… we’ll do it together.”
“Yeah! We can help each other!”
Mikoto lets go and stands up. He still has things to do. But before he can forget, he plans another day with his friends-–this time he’ll tell them about John. He’ll make sure he does. John deserves it. Maybe they can be friends too? Mikoto thinks about what they can do together, maybe he can use his tarot cards again, it’s been a while since the last time he used them. He can cook something for them too, John’s been helping him get better at cooking! What should he cook? He does have a little time, but he wants to get this planned as soon as possible. He’ll make sure everything goes perfectly for when they come over.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Today’s the day Mikoto sees his friends, and the day he tells them. He wakes up early to clean his entire apartment to make everything look nice. He continuously adjusts and moves things nonstop until John reassures him that things look fine and to not stress himself out.
“You don’t have to keep doing that. It doesn’t look bad.”
“I want it to look good. It has to look good…” Mikoto starts tugging at his jacket sleeve.
“Oi, don’t stress yourself out.”
Mikoto takes a deep breath in and out. “Uhm, do you think there’s anything else I should do before they get here?”
“The food still needs to be cooked. Want me to help?”
“No, no! I should do this, you’ve worked really hard. But thank you.”
Mikoto cooks and by the time he finishes, his friends arrive. He greets them before handing them their food then sitting down to chat with them. Afterwards, he does a tarot card reading for the both of them. Fuuta isn’t satisfied with getting cards that seemed to insult him. Complaining that he isn't immature and says it's all just bullshit anyway before going to play games on his phone while Mikoto does it for Mahiru. She’s slightly disappointed she didn’t get any cards about love, but is delighted after Mikoto tells her that the cards she got means that the friendships she has are good. They watch a movie together that ends before he realizes it–-Mikoto couldn’t even focus on it. His worried thoughts were swirling around during the entire movie. If he doesn’t tell them now, then he doesn’t know if he can ever bring himself to tell them. Mikoto excuses himself, standing up way too quickly before hiding in the restroom.
Mikoto paces back and forth, it feels like the room keeps getting smaller and smaller as he does. “I can do this…I can tell them. It’s easy, just sit down and say something like “Hey, when I went to go talk to the therapist they told me I have DID.” then explain what it is and who John is and that we’re dating. It shouldn’t be too hard, right?”
“If you aren’t ready to tell them, then don’t do it.”
“I want to tell them, they deserve to know.”
“No. Mikoto, I know you care about them but how you feel is more important.”
“This is important to me, it’s something I really want to do.”
“You’re absolutely sure this is what you want?”
“Of course.”
“Just, stay safe. Don’t force it.”
Mikoto reaches for the handle–-but stops before turning the knob. “Do you…not want me to tell them? I can wait until you’re ready too.”
“I don’t care, I just don’t want you to stress yourself out. You need to care about how you feel.”
“I understand. I won’t, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Mikoto stands in front of the door briefly, then opens it. Fuuta and Mahiru are talking but notice Mikoto once he sits down quietly. They look at him with a confused expression. Where should he even start? Maybe it’ll be easier to tell them about John first? That would help him feel at ease.
“Mappi? Fuuta?”
“What is it?” Fuuta asks plainly.
“Yes, Mikoto?” Mahiru replies with concern in her voice.
Mikoto can feel his heart beginning to beat faster. “Just start talking about John, it’ll be okay. They won’t hate me, or John.”
“Hey… just breathe in and out slowly.”
Mikoto does as John suggests and continues. “Um, so there’s this guy and-”
Mahiru gasps. “Do you have a boyfriend!? When can we meet him!?” Mahiru leans forward, hearts practically forming in her eyes as she stares into Mikoto’s eyes–-as he avoids looking into hers.
“You’ve met him a few times already, actually…”
“We have!? When!? Who is it!?” Mahiru questions Mikoto rapidly.
Mikoto starts fidgeting nervously-–this doesn’t feel like it’s really happening anymore. It feels horrible and fuzzy. He brings hands up higher, rubbing his arms. How can he get this feeling to stop? He’s starting to lose focus, he just wants to reach out to see if his friends in front of them are real. Is it? He doesn’t even realize how hard he’s gripping his hair until Mahiru puts her hands on Mikoto’s, making him jump.
She pulls her hands away, resting them on her lap as she crouches in front of him. “Mikoto? Is something wrong? You can always tell us.” She states with a concerned look.
Fuuta stands up. “Did this guy fucking hurt you or something?”
“No!” Mikoto blurts out loudly. “He didn’t hurt me! He wouldn’t do something like that!” Mikoto gently puts one hand over his wrist, making him smile fondly as he looks down–-eyes softening. “He cares a lot…”
“Then what’s the problem? It’s usually hard to get you to stop talking.”
“Um, you know how I went to go talk to someone after you suggested it, right?”
Mahiru nods. “Mahiru knows what you’re talking about.”
“They told me that I-” Mikoto’s voice hitches as tears start streaming down his face.
Why is he crying? He shouldn’t be sad. He shouldn’t be crying. Wasn’t he okay with all of this now? He’s ruining the mood, this will just make everyone unhappy. He’s messing things up with his friends, with John…
“Mikoto!?” “Mikoto?” Fuuta and Mahiru shout at the same time as Fuuta makes his way over to Mikoto.
“Mikoto, please don’t do this if you don’t want to. You need to think about yourself first.”
Mahiru squeezes Mikoto into a tight hug as Fuuta awkwardly pats Mikoto’s shoulder. Mikoto hugs Mahiru back as Fuuta continues patting Mikoto.
“Thank you, Mappi… Thank you, Fuuta…”
“Thank you, John.”
Mikoto pulls away, voice still shaky as he speaks. “When I went for the first time…they talked to me for a while and I-I couldn’t really remember what happened. Then I went again and…they told me I have something called…dissociative identity disorder…” His voice trails off as he finishes his sentence.
Mahiru and Fuuta give him a puzzled look. Mikoto explains what it is as they silently listen. Fuuta briefly looks like he’s considering saying something but decides to stay silent. The silence afterwards is horrible. It feels like it’s consuming the entire room, canceling out any sound that might have been there.
"It's scary, isn't it?"
"We wouldn't ever be scared of you Mikoto.Thank you for telling us." Mahiru gives him a reassuring smile.
"Yeah, thanks. We're still friends, got it? Don't ever fucking think we aren't."
"Mhm." Mikoto gives a small nod, looking at the ground.
“So, what’s that got to do with your boyfriend?”
Mikoto’s eyes light up as he looks at them with a smile, tension immediately leaving his body. “Oh! His name is John and he’s an alter. He’s really cool, you know… He’s kind, caring, and he’s helped me so much.”
“Ah, that’s great, Mikoto!”
“I’ll kick his ass next time we go to the arcade.”
“I don’t know~ he’ll probably beat you again.” Mikoto laughs happily.
“Hah!?”
“Mahiru wants to get to know him too.”
“Well, then we’ll have to plan something soon then.”
Mikoto spends the rest of the day overjoyed getting to be with his friends. He’s relieved that telling them went well. He didn’t think that he would be accepted and they even want to be friends with John too! Mikoto’s excited for the future, to do more with the people he cares about.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Mikoto checks in for his next therapy session. He patiently waits until he’s called back. It doesn’t seem as scary this time. He still doesn’t fully understand everything and he’s still not exactly ready to talk about certain things. But he can ask for help now, even if it might be hard or something he doesn’t want to do. Then, the therapist walks in and sits down in front of him with a smile, Mikoto smiles back in return.
“Hello Mikoto. It’s been a while since I’ve last seen you, how are you?”
“Ah, I’m good! So much has happened lately!”
“What’s been going on?”
“I saw my friends, I told them about how I-about what we talked about. Oh! They want to get to know John too!”
“Who’s John?” The therapist asks curiously.
Mikoto smiles as his face goes red–-bringing one hand up to his chest while smiling. “He’s someone who’s really special to me.”
“That’s good you found someone like that.”
“He’s amazing! I’m really happy I met him.”
“Anything else you want to talk about before we start our session?”
“No, we can start now.”
“What are your thoughts about what we discussed last time?”
Mikoto thinks for a minute before answering. “There’s still some things I have to think about, but I’m doing alright.”
“Any noticeable issues with your memory lately?”
“Hmm… there were a few times.”
“How do you feel after that happens?”
“I was terrified, I didn’t like something like that happening to me. I mean, it’s still not a good thing, but I’m not as worried about something bad happening anymore.”
The therapist writes things down and asks while looking up. “Have you been able to communicate with any alters yet? Don’t worry if you haven’t. There’s a few different methods you can try if trying to talk with them directly doesn’t work.”
“No, not yet. I don’t even know if there are anymore. Ah, but I’ve been talking with John easily!”
“I understand now, so that’s who John is. I’m glad you’re able to be closer with him.”
“I am too.”
“Is there anything specific that you want to talk about involving your DID?”
“Hmm… nothing I can think of.”
“If you think of something later you can stop me and ask. Alright?”
“Alright.”
Mikoto talks with the therapist and listens to what they say until the session ends. He sets one up for the next week too, since they mentioned it would be better for him to go more often.
“Hey, John? Want to do something on my next day off? Maybe we can make that custard pudding? Oh! It can be a date too!”
He starts feeling really happy all of a sudden. “We can do that.”
“Great!” Mikoto claps his hands together on instinct, making a loud noise which makes some people turn their heads towards Mikoto. He awkwardly laughs and apologizes while rubbing the back of his neck.
Mikoto walks home with a smile on his face while holding his hands together as he does. He walks slowly, thinking of fun plans for his date on the way and almost getting lost twice. No wonder why John’s always worried, Mikoto doesn’t take care of himself too well. He doesn’t want to worry him-–or anyone else. He’ll start doing better at taking care of himself.
Once Mikoto enters his apartment, he immediately washes off and goes to make dinner. He wants to be as good at cooking as John is.
“Don’t worry about that. Your cooking’s already good.”
“I still think it’s important to keep working on it but… alright.”
Mikoto enjoys eating dinner with John then afterwards they watch TV and talk for the rest of the night.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The sun shines through Mikoto’s curtains that he left open last night, waking him up. He had fun looking at the stars through the window with John. They should do things like that more often. He did fall asleep without noticing though–-he must have been really tired. He gets up and hums to himself as he walks around his apartment, getting ready for the day. He decides to wear his favorite tarot card shirt with his brown pants and his diamond shaped pair of earrings that shine brightly in the light. Once his morning routine is complete he sits down on the couch.
“What should we do first?”
“Don’t know. I just like doing things with you, it doesn't matter what we do.”
“Then can I do a tarot card reading for you? We can do one for romance or something.”
“That works.”
“Okay! I’ll get them!” Mikoto rushes over and grabs them, sitting in front of the table excitedly with a smile on his face.
He pulls the cards out and gets ready to shuffle them. The first card he pulls is an upright Chariot card, this card does fit John. He’s strong and does what he wants, without caring about what others think. Mikoto pulls the next card–-the card that represents him. It’s an upright Six of Swords. His life has been changing a lot recently, in ways he could never imagine. Finally-–the card that represents their relationship. He slowly flips the card and sees an upright World card. They can relax and just enjoy being together-–they don’t need to worry about anything else right now. Mikoto has felt more accepted, John too. Mikoto should do more for him after everything he’s done. Mikoto notices that together the cards show just how amazing John is, compared to himself who always needs help. At least the final card makes him hopeful for their relationship.
“Hey. You do enough, don’t ever think you don’t.”
“But you do so much.”
“Mikoto, I love you. You don’t have to change yourself. Not for me-not for anyone.”
Tears start rolling down Mikoto’s cheeks. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying…”
“It’s fine. Cry for as long as you need to.”
Mikoto cries while he hugs himself until he feels better. “I love you too, John.”
They stay like that for a while before deciding that they should start making the custard pudding. Mikoto lays out all the ingredients and reads the instructions. He starts with the caramel sauce, after making it he puts it in the molds he bought to help shape the pudding. John helps Mikoto by telling him that he’s whisking it too fast and that it’s okay to slow down. Afterwards, they cool it and eagerly wait for it to finish. While it’s cooling off, Mikoto and John talk and wonder how it’ll taste. Once it’s done they take it out and try it. Something tasted slightly off compared to how it usually tastes, but it was their first try making it. They can try again.
Since it’s so nice out, they go out for a walk. The walk feels so peaceful. They stop inside a store that catches Mikoto’s eye. Mikoto looks for a gift for John.
“You don’t have to buy me anything. Get something for yourself.”
“But I want to, you should have your own things too, you know.”
“Anything’s fine, I’ll like whatever you buy me .”
“Hmm… how about… this!” Mikoto picks up a cute dog mug. “Oh! Do you like wearing earrings? They have some over there.”
“I like wearing them.”
“Okay! Let’s find some for you!”
They look at the earrings until they find small black crescent moon shaped ones. Mikoto goes to check out, but John stops him–-insisting he buy something for him too. He chooses a sketchbook. They continue their walk, just talking and looking at the things around them. Sometimes stopping to enjoy the scenery. They walk around until the sun starts to set. John suggests going to a restaurant, mentioning one they passed by earlier that looked good. After getting a seat, Mikoto sees that he can get horse meat sashimi. He stops before ordering it, deciding to let John choose what to get. He picks salmon nigiri, he thinks it tasted good and wants to get it again sometime.
They walk home as the sun sets. Once they get home they see the setting sun shining through the curtains that hang over the bed. He looks at his drawing of John and smiles–maybe he can get it printed and framed?
“I want one of you if you do that.”
“Huh? Oh, okay! Yeah, I can do that!” Mikoto was happy that he asked that.
Mikoto places the things he bought in his apartment. He’s going to try to fill up his apartment with even more stuff for John, he doesn’t have many things either. Maybe they can decorate the apartment together? That sounds nice. Mikoto starts imagining what other kinds of things they can do together-–making him cover his face while blushing.
The sun sets and the day ends. Mikoto sits on the couch thinking about how happy he is. He’s happy he gave John a chance. He’s happy he got to know him. He’s happy he gets to date him and be even closer.
“Thank you so much for everything.”
Mikoto wishes he could just relax here with John for just a little longer but he has work tomorrow and can’t stay up too late or he’ll be tired tomorrow. Mikoto stands up and starts getting ready to go to bed and sleeps soundly that night.
Mikoto wakes up to the sound of his alarm going off–the sun shining in the bright blue sky. He gets up to get ready for work. He brushes his hair, making sure it looks nice before brushing his teeth. Mikoto notices the eyebags that seemed like they would never go away finally didn’t look so bad, but he has been able to sleep more lately. He puts on a nice outfit for work, then looks in the mirror. He smiles while putting his hand on the mirror.
“Good morning, John!”
“Good morning. Don’t forget about making lunch.”
“I won’t!” Mikoto gives a small thumbs up before exiting the restroom.
Mikoto makes a nice looking lunch then he puts on his shoes and walks out the door.
He rides his bike to work–the breeze feels pleasant. He should take some pictures here with John sometime. Maybe they can get that honey milk boba after work? He shouldn’t get distracted though, he doesn’t want to get hurt from not paying attention. Once he gets to work he walks through the doors and greets his co-workers. He trips on his way back to clock in.
“Hey, you okay, Mikoto?”
Mikoto laughs while rubbing his head. “I’m okay… thank you, John.”