Chapter Text
“What the FUCK are you doing here?” The Water Genasi Elder snapped, turning toward the door.
“Well, I tried to talk to the Triton Elder but he drank too many squirties and told me to talk to you… But I didn’t feel like it, so I went to the Grung Elder who also drank too many squirties and told me to talk to you… But I still didn’t feel like it,” Gillion went on to explain how he went to everyone in town but they told him to talk to the Water Genasi Elder. He kicked a rock and watched it float up and away, traveling a solid distance before landing on the ground.
“On a scale of one to twenty, that would actually rank over 10…” The Water Genasi Elder coughed. “But that doesn’t matter.” She didn’t say that it’d be rated at about a 17 without any further consideration of modifiers. Standing up, she placed her hands upon a nautical high-class shell-shaped countertop. “What the fuck are you doing here?” She walked around the child, looking down on him. “What do you want ?”
Gillion gilly-gulped gil-aciously. Twice. “Um.” Thrice.
“Are you trying to drink the seawater? That doesn’t work.”
“Okay, you caught me. I got a little thirsty-” Gillion’s earfins suddenly perked up as he turned– “Oh! Is that the Triton elder? I think–”
“You really think a diversion will work on me? I live with the ELDERS of the UNDERSEA! I am an Elder of the Undersea. And I will not be lied to, I will not be tricked.” The Water Genasi Elder crossed her arms, glaring down at the teeny tiny eenie beenie itty bitty baby Gillion. “What do you want.”
Gillion began to mumble.
“DO NOT MUMBLE.”
“My parents had Fortnite downloaded on their SlayStation 5 and I had a lot of SeaBucks saved up so I was wondering if I could maybe go back home… To get it? And also other things.”
“Oh, you’ll get your ‘Victory Royale.’ In fact, isn’t it time for your training? You should put on your armor. Why aren’t you wearing it? You’re supposed to be our body guard.” Her voice sounded as though it were a hiss.
As he left, he could hear one more whisper permeate his brain.
“You are the chosen one, after all, aren’t you?”
This armor makes me feel like Baby Bill. Big boot. As he swam towards the training room, one of the aforementioned boots slipped off and he had to go back to grab it.
“FINALLY, you’re here. Took you long enough.” The Water Genasi Elder sat at a long table, with three empty seats. “Can’t wait until you’re old enough to swim us back home.” She sighed. “They keep making ME the designated swimmer…”
“So, what goes on during training?” Gillion piped up through the giant fucking chestplate.
“Take this sword and stand over there. The first part of training is grabbing a… beer…? Damn it. That’s wrong, scratch that.” She groaned, shuffling her papers. “That’s supposed to happen next week. You need to actually be able to protect us in case some land people come and attack during one of the shows.”
“Land people?”
“Yeah, people on land.”
“What’s land?”
“Don’t even fucking worry about it.” The Water Genasi Elder whispered something along the lines of ‘maybe we should’ve put more sand dollars into education’ as she pushed Gillion to a specific spot. He slipped a little, but was able to keep his footing for a second before falling on his face. “Off to a bad start already.”
As Gillion tried to get up, there were just so many fucking guys. SO many people! LAND PEOPLE! And they were all kicking him and laughing at him. What the fuck?
He managed to stand up and try to swing with the big giant sword The Water Genasi Elder gave him, but just barely missed due to the weight of the thing. Gillion felt the sword as it tried to pull him off to the side from the heft of it all, but he kept his footing. “Gilly swing!” And then he gets a nat 20 and kills like 3 of these fake simulated guys.
“Okay, let’s do that again without the falling over and crying like a little baby. We’re looking for something a little more like ‘stoic bodyguard who doesn’t say or think or feel anything.’ And go!”
After a few more run throughs, Gillion managed to perform adequately. “How was that?” He yawned.
“Ehh, good enough. I’m kind of hungry. See ya, kid.”
“Wait!”
“What?”
“Can I come with?” He looked up at her with big pleading eyes. For a moment, he saw hesitation.
“ Fuck no, go see the Triton Elder. He’ll probably be at least awake by now. You–” she pointed at some random citizen. “Yeah, you. I don’t know how you got here, but take this kid to the castle. Here’s the keys, just make sure to leave them with the kid once you bring him there.” And she swam away.
“Are you my dad now?”
“No, here’s those keys she gave me. I don’t know what she means by castle, I just got here.”
“Me too! Did they also have you get kicked by the land people?”
“What?”
“Huh?” Gillion watched as the citizen limp-swam away, blood flowing from his body out into the water. He looked down at the keys to the castle.
“I’m… alone now.”