Chapter Text
They ended up getting as much sleep as they could’ve before Chris abruptly woke them all up with an airhorn.
Noah had fallen asleep first, and naturally, woke up last. He felt somewhat better now, but he still had a nagging feeling in his stomach about yesterday. He still had to deal with that.
As he shifted, trying to sit up, he accidentally jabbed Owen in the stomach. He’d forgotten he fell asleep on top of Owen this time. This, in turn, alerted him that he was awake.
“Owwwwch! That really, really—“
Owen looked down to see Noah still in his lap.
“—Oh, Noah! You’re awake! How are you, little buddy?”
“…Uuuuh… I'm okay.”
“Aw, that’s great! I'm glad you’re back!”
“I'm… back? What do you?….”
Noah took a moment to recall everything that had happened the day before, and the reminder only served to upset him.
Alright, maybe I’m not fully there yet, but being able to talk to him is already way better than yesterday’s disaster.
“Oh… Right. That.”
His tone conveyed that he was upset more than he wanted him to know.
“Awww, wait, I’m sorry… Do you not want to talk about it yet?”
He nodded, sighing as he looked back at the floor to quell his anxiety, but his eye twitched, indicating he was frustrated as well.
“I know I’ll have to tell eventually, but I still don’t want to. Especially to the others. I made an absolute fool of myself yesterday, and I don’t know how they’ll feel when I explain.”
“It can’t be that bad!”
“Yes, it can!” said with way more desperation than he intended.
Owen had never heard this from Noah before, so this further confused him.
“Reaaaaaally? Was it, uh… Was it you who farted two days ago?”
“Owen, we all know that was you. And even so, I wouldn’t panic this much about it! I can’t even deny or make any excuses now, or they’ll get suspicious!” Now he was really starting to sound like how he actually felt. His usual monotony had faded.
“Okay, okay, relax! Why don’t you tell me first? Then, maybe, I could t—“
“No, buddy, I’d rather do this…”
Noah stopped for a moment. Owen was the only person he could trust on this plane. He’d been there for him since the first season, and was the only other person here he’d confided in. If anyone was to know, it was him.
And yet… He still felt hesitant. What if this issue ruined things between them?
”…I probably would’ve told you… Tried to tell you yesterday.” He narrowed his eyes, exaggerating his slouch. “Nothing even happened yesterday. I’m fine, Owen. It’s nothing.”
“You weren’t! You couldn’t even talk to us! We were all so worried about you!“
Owen wanted to straighten his posture out, but he refrained from touching him for the time being.
“Yeah, and I’m sorry for wasting your time! I’m alright now, really. Come on, let’s—“
“You’re not a waste of time!”
Before Owen could say more, Alejandro, being the team’s unofficial leader, stepped in to add to the heating argument.
“Noah, did the challenge yesterday have anything to do with what happened last night?”
Noah felt his blood run cold. Not now.
“I’m, you’re… I-I don’t know what happened, okay? I’m just as clueless as you are! I fell asleep, then woke up in the middle of nowhere! There, are you all going to vote me off next for that?”
Alejandro was put off by his hostility, but still tried to keep a level head. He felt like he was starting to miss his silence from the day before, but at least he was starting to get an answer to this now.
“No, that wasn’t your fault, but I do presume this series of quite unfortunate events was due to another team’s actions. They’re working against us, but we still need to know about the possible source of your behavior afterward.”
As this went on, and on, Noah lost his rationality, resorting to just refuting everything they said with another thing. He didn’t want to tell them for a multitude of reasons.
The main reason was shame. The image he’d carefully chosen and crafted for himself had been destroyed because of one stupid challenge, how was he going to recover from that?
“Why do you care so much?”
“As Owen said, we were all worried for you, and we want to know what happened so we can work on it.”
Noah stared Alejandro down. He didn’t even care about the stupid show at this point, he just wanted this conversation to be over.
Alejandro and Owen only returned questioning, but worried looks, like something he’d see from his parents. That made him feel like the storm from yesterday was starting to take place in his chest. He was just fine now.
“I don’t need to work on anything. It’s none of your business.”
“Maybe you could work on letting yourself loosen up and open up, little buddy! Lately, you always seem upset but you never say why!”
“I’m not upset!” He yelled, his tone and volume blatantly portraying the opposite of what he was saying. “Not at anything, or anyone! Maybe I will be upset if you don’t knock it off!“
Alejandro breathed deeply, calming himself before choosing his next words. “You’re clearly not feeling well, Noah. We can leave you be if you need more time.”
Noah rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you could’ve done that a lot earlier.” His voice had softened, like they weren’t meant to hear it.
“What was that?”
And despite that, they heard it anyway, but they didn’t hear it clearly. Noah tensed, loudly exhaling before turning his back to the two in front of him.
“…Forget it. I’m leaving.”
Alejandro nodded, letting him do so. Owen wanted to say something, but held himself back. He wasn’t in the mood for it now, but maybe he’d be open to conversation later?
He would storm over to the cafeteria on the other side of the plane, where Chris would usually announce challenges to the show’s contestants. He was greeted by Izzy and Tyler sitting at a table, as they had gone for breakfast minutes before.
“Oh, Noah, hey! How are you now, man?” Tyler called, waving to get his attention.
“Fine.”
He sat down next to them, his elbows on the table, holding his head in his hands.
“You want something to eat? I could get you something!”
“Later.”
The two only looked over at him for a moment, seeing how he was clearly annoyed. Tyler nudged Izzy, pointing this out, wanting her to bring it up to him first.
“Why are you being such a grouch? It’s not even that early in the morning!” Izzy partially joked, jumping up on the table in front of him.
“It’s too early for this, Izzy,” he replied.
Tyler tilted his head. “Too early? For what? Breakfast? I’d say this time is perfect—“
“—No.” He raised his voice, leaning further into the table.
“Alright, alright!” Tyler flinched, looking at him with wide eyes. “But what happened there, bro? I heard yelling, then you just burst into here! You okay?” He moved closer, their shoulders touching.
He was audibly annoyed, but didn’t push him away. “Clearly not.“
He sighed, now faceplanting onto the table, with his hands crossed by his head. Tyler moved back to give him some space.
They decided to leave it at that, leaving the room shortly after to give him some space, greeting him a short goodbye.
On the way, though, they ran into Owen, seemingly on his way to the cafeteria.
“Owen! Noah’s in the cafeteria, if you’re looking for him.”
“Oh, he was there? How is he doing?”
“He won’t tell us, man...”
“…Makes sense.”
Owen decided to approach Noah, leaning over his side.
He responded by turning his head to look at him.
Okay, that was more receptive than earlier.
Sitting down beside Noah, who was still laying his head on the table, he put a hand on his back, softly rubbing it.
“Come on, Noah, you can’t keep it all inside forever! That isn’t good for you! You’ve got to get your feelings out like everybody else does at some point!”
“That’s still what I should’ve done,” He huffed, still being upset with him about what had happened earlier. “I already let it out, yesterday. I didn’t even want to. Was that not enough?”
“I just feel like you’re hiding way more than you should, okay? Ignoring the game, you’ve still got me to trust, you got that?”
“Ignoring the game, we still have loads of cameras on us at all times, and that footage could make it onto live TV. Chris loooooves drama, and this could be exactly what he’s looking for. Is that anything to you?” Noah snapped, turning his head away.
“No, not really… But don’t you think Chris wouldn’t care about this right now? Especially if this is…” He stopped to think about his choice of words. “Hmm… If it’s over with soon, he’ll drop it if it doesn’t boost his ratings! You said that to me before we got back on the show!”
“...I just know my problem isn’t going to be resolved as quickly as you’d like it to.”
“Don’t talk about it like you’re a problem! I’m sure we can work it out together! I just want to know how you feel! I want to know how to make things… Better, ya’know?”
He turned back and stared at him, but gave no verbal response.
“You’re my friend, Noah,” Owen continued, trying to make eye contact, “We’re only trying to figure out what’s been going on because we don’t want you to hurt yourself over it!”
“What’s been going on is that I messed up yesterday and acted stupid, and it’s over now.”
“I can still tell you’re not feeling good about something!”
Noah stared at him from the corner of his eye, not wanting to repeat the point he’d already made just moments earlier. He didn’t know.
”…Is this all about how you acted yesterday?”
He noticeably tensed at the mention of it. “…Yes? Because I made a mistake? And if I keep thinking about that mistake, it’s only going to make it feel worse about it?“
“You were crying because you were scared! I don’t think that’s wrong, isn’t it? It’s not as bad as how you make it out to be!”
“I had no reason to cry! I was just being stupid!”
“Your feelings aren’t stupid! I just want to know what happened, you’d never done that before! We were so worried when you wouldn’t talk to us, and we still are because you’re not saying anything about it, but why?”
“I’ve already told you, because… This is a waste of time. You’ve been at this for too long. Just forget about it like you forgot about the other times.”
Owen really paused to think about this for a moment. He couldn’t keep running away forever! He just wanted to know what was wrong and how to make him feel better, that was all!
“If this keeps happening, I will have to know! You said that earlier, you can’t just keep avoiding it! That’s… Probably why you broke down yesterday and why you’re so mad now, isn’t it?” Owen questioned, trying to clarify his point. “I just want to help you! No matter how stupid it sounds to you!”
Noah’s face continued to drop. He wouldn’t budge.
Maybe telling him would finally satisfy him and he’d knock it off, he thought on impulse.
If he was going to tell him, he would do it as directly as he could.
“Do you really want to help me? Even when that incredibly minor inconvenience reduced me to acting like a baby? You want to deal with that?”
“Heeeey, what matters is that you’re not feeling well, and I’m here for you, you got that? And besides, I don’t think that’s the worst thing you could’ve done! You were adorable, actually! I’d never seen you be that cuddly with me!”
“…What?”
Noah didn’t expect his response to be positive. On one side, this was Owen, but on the other, this was something he didn’t want anyone to find out about, or at least not yet.
“Yeah? Was that really all this was?”
“You don’t— You don’t get it, Owen, it’s a problem. This gets in the way of how I’m supposed to act. I’m eighteen, and I acted nothing close to it just because I got a little bit stressed.”
”Who said you’ve got to act one way all the time? Everyone needs breaks once in a while, especially when you’re tired, and maybe, you could… I could stay with you for these breaks? If it helps you, of course!”
Owen almost fully expected Noah to turn him down, get angrier with him, and yet…
Noah turned to him, looking him in the eye for the first time in a while, seeming like he was genuinelyconsidering it.
Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought?
“…Do you genuinely want to? Or do you just feel bad for me?”
“Why wouldn’t I want to? You’re my best buddy! Don’t you want someone to, y’know… Look after you when it happens? I don’t want to leave you by yourself when you’re feeling that way!”
“…I don’t even control this. Usually, I can pull myself out of it, or I could leave wherever I am to be alone, but I guess I hadn’t done it in a while, and… Y’know. Yesterday was an accident. I didn’t mean to.”
“Well, does letting yourself do it make you feel better afterward?”
“…Sometimes? I don’t know, but it can be relieving… It gets my mind off stress, and helps me loosen up emotionally, since I’m usually so collected,” he said with a sigh. “I’ve never had anyone around me during it, though…”
Well, not until yesterday, but Alejandro didn’t know that. Neither did Izzy and Tyler.
“Hmm, so… Oh! Could I help make you feel better about it?” Owen asked, grinning at him. He reallywished he could help his friend to feel better, to feel happy, to feel loved.
“That would be…” He sat back up, taking his face off the table. “I think that would be great, actually… Thanks.”
“Hey, it’s nothing, really! Anything for my little buddy… Or should I say, littler little buddy?…”
Noah snickered, softly hitting Owen’s shoulder.
“Okay, that joke was horrible…” He rolled his eyes. “But nonetheless, thank you again. Not just for this talk, and dealing with me through it, but for last night as well.”
“Awww, c’mon buddy, I said it was fine! And besides, you were so cute when you were asleep in my lap! You’d never hugged me for that long!” Owen laughed, recalling how clingy he’d been the night before. “Well, it was great until I had to pee, then it got a bit… Tricky. I didn’t want to leave you alone or wake you!”
“…What do you think I felt the night before that?“ Noah joked, referring to when he had been crushed underneath him for that whole night. “It’s okay. To be fair, I was mostly alright when I woke up, so I don’t think there would’ve been any damage done.”
He shrugged his shoulders, leaning onto Owen’s side, looking up at his face.
“Yeah, but what if you weren’t?” Owen questioned, “I did tell Al you’d be okay by today, and I want to ask, are you going to tell the others?”
“No… Not yet. I don’t think I have to, at least. I’ll tell them I didn’t have a good day, and leave it at that. They don’t need to know the deep stuff right now.”
“Ah, yeah, I totally understand! It’s our secret, yeah? More for the two of us!” Owen giggled, holding him closer.
Noah couldn’t help but smile, blushing slightly at this.
“Yeah, that’s true… You’re a great friend, Owen. Thank you.”
Owen seemed to light up at what he said, like Noah had flipped a switch in his head. His eyes narrowed, and his pupils dilated. Noah swore he could see his eyes sparkle.
“Oh wow, wow, he called me his friend! He called me his friend!“ Owen would cheer, shaking his fists excitedly. “…Your… Best friend?…” He’d further question.
“Yes, the best of friends.”
Noah barely got to finish his sentence before Owen pulled him into a tight hug.
He usually wouldn’t be receptive of his affection, but after what had been happening the last few days, he felt like he had to return it, wrapping his arms around him. A giddy smile spread across his face, as he heard Owen continue to squeal and laugh.
Maybe one good thing came out of this show so far. Maybe, he could feel safe and happy in another’s company for once.