Chapter Text
"Feelin' better?" Chuuya's voice cuts through the comfortable silence as he stands by the bed, his eyes locked onto Dazai’s relaxed form.
"Huh?—oh yeah, yeah I am," flashing his usual smile as he snaps shut his book, The Complete Manual to Suicide. "Thanks," he mutters quietly.
Chuuya hums in acknowledgement, making his way to his closet to grab some fresh clothes.
"Say...Chuuya?"
"Yeah, shitty Dazai?"
"Are you interested in anyone?"
The question makes Chuuya freeze, his fingers halting mid-air.
you wouldn't like me back.
"No," he grumbles, shrugging off the uncomfortable prickle climbing up his spine.
"Really?" Dazai smiles, a cheekish grin plastered on his face. One that he knows Chuuya hates. "Chuuya! Your body language is telling me you do!" His voice dips teasingly, and Chuuya can feel the heat rise to his cheeks.
"Tch. You’re delusional." Chuuya rolls his eyes, crossing his arms defensively.
"Is it Akutagawa-kun?" He wiggles his eyebrows, grinning mischievously at the redhead.
"HAH?! What the fuck, you bastard— he's only a kid!" He finds a tshirt and aims it at Dazai, who catches it easily.
Dazai chuckles, sensing the disappointed tone in Chuuya's voice. He hums, tapping his index finger on his chin as if thinking hard, "hmm, what about Higuchi-chan? She's pretty!"
"You motherfucking asshole—"
"Tachihara-kun, maybe?" Dazai’s smile stretches wider as Chuuya’s face flushes a deeper red.
"Fuck is your problem?!"
Dazai laughs, the sound reverberating within the 4 walls and making something flutter inside Chuuya's chest. He likes the sound of his laughter. He wishes Dazai laughed more.
"Chuuya’s blushing! You totally have a crush."
"You're so annoying! I told you, I don’t like anyone!" Chuuya growls, but Dazai only leans closer, his grin cheeky as ever. "Get out of here!"
"Your face says something else—"
"STOP LOOKING AT MY FACE—!"
***
"Chuuya?"
The redhead hums in reply as he turns to look at the brunet who is standing just inches away. The wind blows past them, and he watches how it brushes against Dazai's features; soft, brown curls swaying like waves under the cool, night air.
"Were you being serious?"
"Huh, about what?"
"That you aren't interested in anyone?"
"Why the hell are you so stuck on this? And it's night, you should probably go before anyone... you know, comes to know that you're here."
Dazai doesn’t answer immediately.
Why do you look disappointed, you idiot? Chuuya wonders, his own heart pounding in his chest.
How does it matter anyways?
How does it matter if I tell you?
"Nothing, forget it—"
And then chuuya snaps, "I DO okay?!" his voice harsher than he intended. The confession slips out before he can stop it, and the look of surprise that flickers across Dazai's face makes him regret his outburst. "I like someone, are you fucking happy?" The words tear from his throat before he can even think. It’s like a dam bursting inside him, the pressure of holding back for so long crashing through, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. His chest tightens the second he says it, panic surging.
Dazai blinks, his expression softening into that infuriatingly smug grin that Chuuya despises—and secretly loves.
"..pesty bastard."
"C'mon, tell me!"
Chuuya sighs heavily, frustration and something far more vulnerable clawing at his chest. "I like this person, been liking them for a long time now. But I doubt they’d ever like me back." His words come out quieter, more honest than he intended.
"They?" Dazai leans in, intrigued. "What’s their gender?"
Chuuya's eye twitches in annoyance."You narcissistic asshole—" he grumbles, gritting his teeth. "I'm not gonna tell you that."
"Can I keep guessing who it is?"
Chuuya doesn’t answer, but his silence only fuels Dazai’s amusement, "is it Kunikida-kun?"
"Hah?! No why would it be—"
"Gin-chan?"
"Stop—!"
"Is it me?"
silence.
Chuuya’s head snaps up, eyes wide, heat rushing to his face. whatthefuck.
and all he could think at that moment is to deny it.
denydenydenydeny.
"HAH?!" he squeaks, the pitch of his voice cracking slightly."Why would it be you?! Gross! Just thinking about it makes me—" His words stutter to a halt, and the rest dies in his throat. Why does that even sound like a lie?
The silence between them thickens. Chuuya notices the way Dazai’s expression shifts. Something in his eyes… falters.
***
"Why would I like a lazy, useless—
Chuuya starts rambling, his face growing redder by the second.
but Dazai's vision blurs, because he could only hear one word.
useless.
uselessuselessuseless—
The loud, ringing noise in his ears resumes, and the word only echoes in his mind and gnaws at him -- a word he’s heard too many times, a reminder of everything he hates about himself.
Right. He thinks. Why would Chuuya like me anyway?
"Oi..um...Dazai?"
His thoughts are brought to an abrupt stop when he hears Chuuya again. Instead, this time his voice is softer, almost vulnerable.
"Yeah— right, I'd never like you too anyway."
"Idiot." Chuuya steps forward, his hand reaching out without thinking. "What is wrong with you?"
"It's nothing," Dazai mutters, but it sounds dead. Hollow. The very thing that Chuuya hates most.
what's wrong with him?
He, too, wonders.
"You’ve been acting weird all day."
he couldn't have expected much less.
why would anyone like someone like him?
someone who self-harms, is suicidal, uncooperative, childish.
"No," Dazai denies again, looking anywhere but Chuuya’s face.
"nakahara chuuya is your weakness."
He’s lying, Chuuya realizes, but he doesn’t push. Instead, he takes a slow breath, swallowing down the nervous flutter in his own stomach.
"Okay," Chuuya says softly, stepping closer. "I've... always wanted to try this... thing." He lets his hand brush against Dazai’s, fingers just barely touching. "...Can I?"
Dazai glances down at their hands, eyes widening slightly. "Try something?"
Chuuya hesitates for a moment, glancing down at his own feet before looking back up at Dazai, eyes locking onto his with an intensity that makes Dazai's stomach churn. His heart races in his chest and he almost regrets asking, but there’s no turning back now. "Yeah. Um...you could say no, though."
Dazai blinks, utterly confused but intrigued. "Okay," he replies, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Is that a yes?" Chuuya asks, his heart racing more than ever.
Dazai blinks. "Mhm, I trust Chuuya."
Without another word, Chuuya steps forward, closing the space between them. His hand rising to cup Dazai’s cheek. The touch is gentle, almost hesitant and Dazai freezes.
His own heart is thumping vigorously and he almost thinks Chuuya can feel it, with how close they were standing.
And then, before Dazai can process what's happening, Chuuya pulls Dazai down by the collar, pressing his lips to the brunet's.
Dazai’s mind goes completely blank. He feels the warmth of Chuuya’s lips, the softness of the gesture catching him entirely off guard.
***
Chuuya’s hand freezes mid-air, his heart racing as doubt creeps in. What the hell is he doing? If he kisses Dazai now, there’s no going back. What if he ruins it all? What if Dazai pulls away, disgusted, or worse—laughs in his face? His fingers hover over Dazai’s collar, trembling with uncertainty.
fuck it.
It’s soft, tentative—just a brush, but enough to send shockwaves through Chuuya’s entire body. The warmth of Dazai’s lips against his makes his heart pound like a drum, every nerve in his body alive with the realization of what he’s just done.
It’s quick—barely more than a second—and when Chuuya pulls back, both of them are frozen in the moment.
"Chuuya…"
Cheeks tinted red, freckles darker and hair strands sticking to his forehead.
He looks shamelessly to the other side, avoiding Dazai's burning gaze.
"Happy?!" Chuuya frowns, nose scrunching. "I like you, bastard. Fuck you by the way, and I'd understand if you don't like me back."
Chuuya’s words echo in Dazai’s mind, but it takes a second for them to truly sink in. I like you. Dazai’s breath catches in his throat, his mind racing to process what he’s just heard. For years, he’s convinced himself that someone like Chuuya—bright, strong, and painfully human—could never love someone as broken as him. And yet here he is, standing inches away from the only person who’s ever made him feel something real and alive. His chest tightens with a mix of disbelief and something terrifyingly close to hope.
Dazai stares at him, wide-eyed, his lips parted in shock. And then, a slow, brilliant smile spreads across his face—real, unguarded, the kind of smile Chuuya rarely sees.
the following sound is a mix of a yelp and a groan.
Because before Chuuya could say anything else, Dazai’s lips crash against his, pulling him close, hands gripping his waist tightly as if afraid to let go. This kiss is deeper, hungrier, and Chuuya feels his knees go weak, his hands instinctively finding their way to Dazai’s hair. He clings to Dazai’s shirt, his heart hammering in his chest, not just from the kiss but from the overwhelming relief that surges through him. He’s always been the one in control, the one who puts up walls and keeps his distance—but here, in Dazai’s arms, he feels like every defense he’s ever built is crumbling. And for once, he doesn’t want to stop it.
When they finally pull apart, both of them breathless, Dazai rests his forehead against Chuuya’s, his hands still resting on his waist. "I’m happy," he whispers against Chuuya’s lips, his voice barely audible. "I’m happy Chuuya likes me back."
Chuuya feels his heart skip a beat, his face red and his vision hazy.
"I'm...happy Osamu likes me too," He whispers back.
he's mine, and i'm his.