Chapter Text
Shikamaru hadn’t planned on using that technique; it was something he had stumbled across ages ago when his father made him read through several books on Nara Shadow Jutsu. It had been a single paragraph, explaining that a simple change to the hand sign for controlling physical shadows could allow one to instead control the shadow of the soul. “Not recommended,” he remembered the passage concluding without further explanation. He had idly asked his father about it, but Shikaku hadn’t been forthcoming, either, only saying it was dangerous and nothing more.
Thus, the technique had been pushed to the back of his mind, all but forgotten for a few years.
Until his first mission as a squad commander. Exhaustion was slowly crawling through him, having had little rest or food over the last two days. The hunt to bring Sasuke Uchiha back to Konohagakure was not going well, and Shikamaru had been forced to leave his squad, his friends, behind one by one. And not one of them had returned from their battles. The chunin’s stomach was churning with unease since Chouji had been the first to stay behind, that feeling only growing as each member of his team either stayed behind or was blown away or chased after another enemy.
Shikamaru’s own chakra reserves were starting to dwindle and this Tayuya was proving more of a challenge than he would’ve liked. Unexpectedly, however, help arrived in the form of Temari. She was quick to defeat Orochimaru’s servant and explained to the Nara that her siblings were assisting in other battles nearby.
He gave a quick thanks and, with whatever strength he had left, darted in the direction Naruto had gone, the Suna ninja yelling protests after him. I have to know, Shikamaru told himself as his stomach twisted sharply with worry, that he’s alright at least. Of those part of his squad, the loud-mouthed Uzumaki was most likely the closest for Shikamaru to catch up with.
The chunin wasn’t sure what to expect when he did catch up to the boisterous blond, after having passed a battle he noticed Gaara was fighting, but he definitely was not ready for the loud explosion and sudden wave of energy that threw him back several meters. When he picked himself back up, a little shaken at how powerful it felt, Shikamaru again darted through downed trees and emerged onto a rocky clearing. He immediately noticed Naruto’s orange-clad body lying upon the ground and Sasuke hovered over him, his breathing labored as he grasped his left shoulder.
Shikamaru’s options were limited; his chakra was nearly depleted and exhaustion was slowly starting to envelop his mind, his body feeling heavy and sluggish and thoughts slower to form.
And if Naruto couldn’t defeat him, what chance did the Nara have?
Just as he was contemplating trying to talk to the Uchiha, Sasuke’s head rose, his dark eyes locking onto the chunin and pinning him with a disdainful glare.
Shit, was the only word that came to Shikamaru’s mind as Sasuke suddenly darted toward him, his right fist raised and his expression promising pain.
It was instinct that Shikamaru’s hands came together to perform the shadow possession jutsu, which he knew he couldn’t complete with so little chakra. But then he remembered a simple change and, seeing an immediate lack of other options, straightened his index finger and pushed his chakra through the sign.
He could see it, a dark, shadowy mass that swirled around the Uchiha’s shoulders and the chunin intuitively reached his energy out toward it. His consciousness suddenly felt like he had been tossed the moment his chakra touched the darkness, the Nara’s senses swirling and confused as sudden fear and sorrow filled his mind.
A thick, tangy scent of blood was the first thing he noticed, the air cold around him as Shikamaru struggled to make his vision focus. He could hear choking, stuttering sobs nearby and his vision finally cleared to a gruesome sight. Within a dark room, two bodies lay upon the floor, surrounded by blood-splatter. A man he only vaguely recognized at that moment stood over the corpses, his slender form imposing with the light of the moon cascading over his back, a thin ninja blade in his hand dripping with blood, his eyes glowing red as he gazed over to the Nara.
Shikamaru found himself swallowing down against the terror that was beginning to spread throughout his being; this was Itachi Uchiha, he was certain now, and the cold radiating from his sharingan penetrated deep into the Nara’s soul.
“Wh-why?” The word came out a raspy, broken squeak to his left.
Shikamaru forced his gaze away from the wanted ninja to find a young child kneeling on the floor beside him. He was trembling, familiar dark eyes wide with fear and full of tears as he stared at the blood-soaked shinobi. It only took a moment for the chunin to realize it was Sasuke. “Why did you do this?” he asked again, voice shaky, a small tone of determination breaking through the rasp.
Itachi tilted his head slightly, almost indicating the answer to be obvious and replied with an icy tone, “To test my power.”
In that moment, Shikamaru believed it; the elder Uchiha appeared poised as he stood among the carnage of his own making, splattered with the blood of his kin, grip tight upon the blade he used to end so many lives. His frightening eyes were glued to his younger brother, impossible to read as he took a single step toward them.
“S-stay away!!” Sasuke shouted, quickly turning and bolting from the room, Shikamaru finding his consciousness was upon the younger Uchiha’s heels, following him through the door—
“STOP IT!!!”
Shikamaru suddenly fell backwards, his mind back in his own body as he blinked and looked around frantically.
The scent of fresh blood was quickly being replaced by the light, airy smell of fresh rain, the area around him an open, rocky ridge near a waterfall, and Sasuke Uchiha was collapsed on the ground before him.
The talented genin was gripping his head tightly, strangled sobs escaping his lips. “Stop it, stop it, stop it!” he muttered.
The Nara frowned, he must’ve been reliving it as I saw it. He had only heard of the Uchiha Massacre and didn’t know the only survivor had also been a witness to it.
Sasuke struggled to sit up, his dark eyes overflowing with tears and filled with hate and pain as he again glared at the chunin. “Why,” he demanded, his voice cracking with raw emotion, “why would you—” he flinched with a sob. Taking a deep breath, he asked, “How could you?” His tone was soft and hurt as the words left his lips.
Guilt welled up within Shikamaru’s heart, spreading a chill through his chest. He lowered his gaze and replied, “Sorry… I didn’t know that would happen.” The chunin was honest about that at least, but when he looked back at the Uchiha still recovering and continuing to glare at him beneath his tears, Shikamaru knew he would not have a better opportunity.
He moved quickly, snatching a small piece of paper from his back pouch and palming it onto Sasuke’s forehead.
The genin tried to pull away, but Shikamaru immediately focused what chakra he had left and put it into the sealing mark Tsunade had given him. The paper glowed and burned away in a flash, the intricate design of the sealing jutsu taking affect and Sasuke suddenly slumped fully to the ground, fast asleep.
Once the Nara verified that the seal would hold and Naruto was also breathing, he huffed a large sigh of relief and sat back on the wet, rocky ground. “So troublesome,” he muttered as he gazed at the two comrades. He would wait for aid, since it was the only thing he could do. His legs felt like wet noodles and it took a good while before his heart stopped pounding.
What he had seen had burned itself deep into his mind and Shikamaru was beginning to understand at least a part of why that technique was not recommend, why his father called it dangerous.
However, Shikamaru had to admit, it was effective. Sasuke had gone down fast and easily subdued. If they had come across him before he’d been sealed in that coffin and the Nara had known more about that jutsu, the entire mission would have played out more to their advantage. The possibilities lingered within his mind as he eventually returned to Konoha, carrying Naruto while Kakashi quietly retrieved the sleeping Sasuke.
~~~
Shikaku Nara was an observant man; very little could get passed his penetrating gaze, and Shikamaru was well aware of this. He had several memories as a child trying to sneak around or lying to his father to have Shikaku pin him down with that look and guess correctly what his son was up to. (If his mother didn’t get to him first, of course.)
So it came with little surprise for Shikamaru when his father pinned him with that very familiar gaze much later that evening, after his mission debrief and checking on his friends, safe in their home just as the young Nara was about to turn in for the night.
“You used it, didn’t you,” Shikaku accused, despite his tone sounding nonchalant.
Shikamaru wanted to deny it, even knowing it would be futile to lie; his father had called it dangerous, which was the only reason he hesitated, silently and quickly weighing the option of trying to keep it secret from Shikaku, at least until he understood the jutsu better. But his father would know of it, being Head of the Nara Clan, and he didn’t seem upset. Maybe this could be an opportunity to take while he was able.
The chunin nodded slowly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck with a little embarrassment. “It was kinda an accident,” he explained. “My options and chakra were limited and Sasuke just came at me and I—”
“—used your intuition,” Shikaku guessed with his interruption.
“Yeah,” Shikamaru confirmed, looking up at his father with some intrigue, “and it worked.”
The elder Nara sighed and crossed his arms, a worried frown tugging his lips. “At what cost?” When his son merely blinked in confusion, he elaborated, “I told you the Shadowed Soul Jutsu was dangerous, because of the effect it can have on the user.” His eyes again found Shikamaru with a penetrating stare. “What you see will haunt you, too, Shikamaru.”
The younger Nara felt his face pale as Sasuke’s memory replayed in the back of his mind and he averted his gaze. The images were terrible and terrifying, but also still fresh. I just need a few days, he told himself as he took a calming breath, let the shock of it wear off. I’ll be fine. And, for as upsetting as it was to witness, it had completely overcome Sasuke and made the mission a success. If I can just be calm when executing the technique, I can take my opponent down fast and without anyone else getting hurt. That thought soothed the guilt making his shoulders and chest feel heavy; Chouji and Neji had come close to death, with his best friend hanging on by a mere thread by the time he was retrieved, and Kiba, Akamaru and Naruto had sustained severe injuries. If Shikamaru had been able to perform the Shadowed Soul at the start of the mission….
His father sighed again, this time in mild defeat, and placed a gentle hand on the chunin’s shoulder. “Shikamaru, this is not a path I can encourage. It is very dangerous and could easily lead to you going down a darker path, but… I won’t deny it to you. Just know that what that technique will do to you can never be undone.”
It was Shikamaru’s turn to frown, having had a feeling that mastering the technique would be troublesome. But to even have his father disapprove of it was equal parts disconcerting and intriguing. Another thought whispered within his mind; am I strong enough? It was enough to give the younger Nara pause, as he had never described himself as such.
Although, he never saw himself as a leader, either, quite the opposite. He never minded sharing his ideas and plans with others, but would rather someone else gave the orders and take on the responsibility that came with it. Now, as a chunin of Konoha, he had very little say in the matter, and would be expected to take on the role of squad commander often. And every failure, every wound those under his orders would suffer would be on his conscience. Chouji, Neji, Kiba, Akamaru, and Naruto; all were in the hospital, a few barely clinging to life when they arrived, all would be recovering for weeks. The guilt twisted in his chest and Shikamaru felt determination swell around his heart, his gaze steady as he found his father’s concerned eyes again. “I’ll pay the price, so they won’t have to,” he stated.
Shikaku’s lips twitched into a sympathetic smile for a mere moment before his expression fell neutral and he released his son’s shoulder. “I have to go on another mission in the morning and should be back in a few days,” he said. “When I return, I’ll take you to the Master of the Shadowed Soul for training… if you still wish to learn it.” His tone indicated to the younger Nara that this was the final warning; there would be no taking the choice back once he started the path.
Shikamaru nodded in understanding, and that was that.
~~~
While he remained resolute in his decision, the chunin still took the time while his father was away to carefully think it through. There was so much that he didn’t know about the technique, exactly how it worked, how far it could be pushed, how much his own mind could take, to really make a fully insightful choice. Shikamaru knew the jutsu would tear at his own mind over time, but could bring an opponent down in an instant. It did concern him about what he didn’t know, which is what pushed him to learn more about it; there was a master of the jutsu, someone who taught others, so there had to be ways of negating the effects of seeing someone’s traumas.
At the very least, the chunin just wanted it to be an option, something to use if nothing else worked and the ninja around him were suffering. And it would be far more effective if he had mastered it than stumbling around within someone’s traumatic memories.
Shikamaru went to the hospital every day, checking in on his friends diligently (and bringing plenty of snacks for the recovering Chouji.). As was expected, Naruto was healing faster than the others and was rarely found in his room as he made his own visits within the building. This was one such time, the Nara smirking as he glanced at the empty bed in the quiet room, before continuing down the hall. There was really only one room the blond visited more than the others and Shikamaru casually made his way toward the more secure wing of the hospital.
Security at the main entry let him pass through the large double doors, the Nara noting one of them of the Inuzuka clan as a large canine sat calmly at their feet, its large, black nose pointing toward Shikamaru for a quick sniff, then licked its nose and placed its attention back to the room.
While security in this part of the building was tighter, once inside the only difference was the traffic of people was far less. Patients were only allowed to leave their room with a doctor or nurse and any visitors weren’t supposed to be permitted to stay for longer than an hour. Although he bet some exceptions were being made for the lone Uchiha.
The chunin smirked again when he neared Sasuke’s room, already hearing Naruto’s boisterous voice carrying into the hallway. “We’ll do it together!” he was loudly declaring.
“Naruto,” Sakura chastised in a quieter, yet piercing tone, “keep it down! We’re in a hospital, you know!”
Shikamaru poked his head through the mostly open door, seeing Naruto and Sakura sitting on chairs beside the bed, upon which Sasuke sat. He was on the edge of the bed, as if he had been trying to get up and leave, looking every bit the broody Uchiha Shikamaru remembered; annoyance etched onto his pale face, eyes forever iced over with some arrogance, despite him also appearing tired with some darkening circles beneath dark lashes, which he tried hiding behind his long bangs.
Naruto had his mouth open to respond to the pink-haired kunoichi when his bright blue eyes spotted the chunin in the doorway and a large smile spread on his face. “Hey, Shikamaru!” he beamed.
Sakura’s green gaze turned away from the blond and faced the Nara, her expression immediately altering from that of a scolding sibling to something darker, her brow drawing down into a displeased scowl.
Shikamaru almost voiced the question her stare had caused, when a warning chill rippled down his spine and his eyes darted to the Uchiha. He only had a short moment to register those dark, piercing eyes as they glared coldly at him before Sasuke moved.
In an instant, there was a grip at the front of the Nara’s chunin vest and he grunted as he was slammed against the wall behind him, his vision filled with that hateful gaze as Sasuke’s right fist swung towards his face.
“Sasuke-kun!” Sakura called out as a loud ‘whack!’ filled the room.
Shikamaru didn’t move, intent on holding the Uchiha’s stare with his own, Sasuke having punched the wall mere millimeters from the chunin’s face.
The hate emanating from his nearly black eyes was palpable, even as they slightly shimmered with moisture, giving away small flickers of pain the runaway was desperately trying to hide. He leaned forward, his irises slowly fading into a red-and-black design and whispered with a snarl, “Stay the fuck away from me, Nara.” Sasuke then pushed Shikamaru back toward the door, where he stumbled over the threshold and watched silently as the Uchiha strode back to his bed and sat, placing his left hand over his eyes as he slowly clenched and relaxed his right hand.
Sakura was quick to go to his side, rubbing his back and giving a quick glare to the chunin before focusing fully on her teammate.
Shikamaru frowned, noticing Naruto hadn’t moved; the blond’s concerned gaze was torn as his eyes darted between the three of them. Not wanting to cause another scene, the Nara quickly started moving back down the hallway, that icy knot of guilt squeezing within his chest tightly.
He barely made it a dozen steps when the blond’s voice called out, “Hang on, Shikamaru!” followed by the slaps of his bare feet catching up to him.
Shikamaru stopped, but didn’t look at Naruto when he stood beside him.
“What did you do to Sasuke?” he asked, voice unusually quiet and calm. “He’s been acting a bit— I don’t know, sensitive?— since he woke up and says that you… did something. Showed him something he ‘didn’t want to see’?”
The Nara sighed with a slight flinch when the guilt dropped to his stomach. “Not on purpose,” he started, but then shook his head. Whether intended or not, this was his responsibility. Standing a little straighter, he turned toward the blond and gazed directly into confused blue eyes. “I made him relive the night he witnessed his clan’s murder.”
Naruto was silent for a moment, shock obvious on his face before it quickly fell to disgust and fury. “Why… why would you do that, Shikamaru?!”
I didn’t know; he pushed away more guilt that was starting to churn his gut and glared. “If I hadn’t, Sasuke would be with Orochimaru and we’d have failed our mission.”
“By doing such a dirty trick!” Naruto countered, fists shaking at his side. “I thought you’d be better than that!”
Me, too.
Shikamaru looked away, frustrated at his own thoughts, and shoved his hands into his pockets. “It’s not like I had a lot of options,” he defended. “Sakura’s pleas fell on deaf ears, and you were unconscious on the ground!” He glanced at Naruto to see him again looking torn, as if wanting to yell at the Nara more of how stupid he was. He sighed again and calmly stated, “It worked, alright? He’s here and now you can help him achieve whatever he wants. Be happy for that.”
At the blond’s silence, the Nara again continued down the hall, his footsteps echoing down the otherwise empty corridor and ringing loudly within his head.
Naruto Uzumaki had mildly annoyed him when they were younger, mostly because he was loud and made sleeping through classes frustrating. They had gotten closer as the years had gone by, to eventually becoming friends during the Chunin Exams. A strong bond of trust had formed, one Shikamaru didn’t realize was truly there until that moment, when he also realized a significant rift within that bond.
A rift Shikamaru had caused.
“It is very dangerous and could easily lead to you going down a darker path.”
His father’s words also echoed in his head and his frown deepened, the first small seed of doubt planting itself into his decision. Would this jutsu change so much about him that he would feel fine about doing this to someone?
No, he resolved, his brow dropping into a scowl, I will not become that. He could bear it, he would bear it, so that those around him would survive. Shikamaru would not let this technique drive him down a dark path, but he need to learn how to do that first.
~~~
Shikamaru was familiar with the Nara Forest, as all of his clan was. He had played within it as a child, trained with his father when he became of age, and learned from the branches of Nara whom took care of the deer that populated it. But he had never seen the areas deep within the trees his father was leading him.
The trees were definitely older, towering extremely high over their heads and thick with long branches and heavy leaves, nearly fully blotting out the sun. It was fitting, Shikamaru supposed, that those of his clan being taught an all but forbidden jutsu would be hidden deep within the Nara Clan’s territory, where sunlight hardly reached.
They didn’t walk on a path, the chunin following Shikaku on what seemed a weaving trail, most of them probably carved out by the deer. Those didn’t last too long before the Head of the Nara Clan just seemed to be wandering aimlessly into the darkened forest. Shikamaru knew better, of course; he was sure there were plenty of secrets he had yet to learn that his clan’s forest kept.
It was quite a while before they found a small clearing of trees, but the boughs from the surrounding trees reached over and kept the area hidden within shadows. The sun was high enough that Shikamaru could make out a grand manor sitting in the middle of the clearing, the building painted mostly black and simple in its construction, except for the deer antler accents added to the roofing points.
The front door was large and inscribed with the Nara Clan crest, a circle encompassing several horizontal wave-like lines. It split down the middle as the doors opened when they approached and a woman stepped out to meet them.
Shikamaru had never considered the Nara an elegant clan; while they stuck to traditions and some rules (mostly) the Nara could be considered fairly casual in their day-to-day lives. Besides, Shikamaru had always thought the Hyuuga were elegant enough for all the clans of the village.
However, elegant was the only way he could describe this woman as she approached them. She was fairly tall, with long, straight black hair, with a streak of silver running from her left temple, kept free from binding and it poured gracefully down her back. Her face was slightly round, but age had thinned her cheeks a little, her lips painted with dark red as she smiled at them, her dark eyes kind and gentle. Her body was dressed in several layers, her outer most kimono dyed a deep green along her shoulders and darkened to black at her feet, depictions of several deer and lilies embroidered into the silk with yellow-gold thread. The wooden sandals on her feet clacked quietly as she walked up and stopped before the two ninja, bowing deeply.
“Master Shikaku, it is an honor to have you visit the Manor,” she said, voice crisp and formal, but still having warmth.
Shikaku nodded his head. “The honor is mine, Madam Shikame. I hope you have been fairing well.”
“Very much so,” she replied, smile still present as she again stood straight. “Thank you for the concern. What brings you to the Shadow Manor?”
The Head of the Nara clan hesitated for only a moment, Shikamaru noticing his father forcing the frown off his face. “I’ve brought you a student.” Shikaku nodded toward his son.
The Madam’s gentle gaze moved to the younger Nara, a flash of surprise flickering over her expression. “The Young Master wishes to learn about the Shadowed Soul?” she asked.
Shikamaru was able to hold back his glare at being called “young master,” and gave a little bow, doing his best to be polite, although this kind of formality wasn’t really his thing. “Yeah—I mean, yes, Madam, it would be an honor to learn this jutsu.”
To his surprise, the Madam Shikame giggled and he looked up to find her laughing behind her hand. “It’s alright, Young Master,” she said after a moment, “I know the air I give off, but there’s no need to be so formal around me.” She smiled softly at Shikamaru for a moment and he felt his cheeks warm slightly in embarrassment.
“But I must know,” she followed with, her expression turning serious, her eyes becoming as piercing as his father’s could be, “if you are aware the severity of this choice. There will be no turning back once you enter these halls.”
Shikamaru took a deep breath, again letting the resolve he felt push back against the guilt still weighing against his heart. “I do and I’m ready.”
The Madam stared for a quiet second more, gaze searching. “It weighs on you,” she muttered, before she smiled again. “If this is what you truly want, Young Master, then I will teach you. Come, let us get you settled inside.”
Shikamaru nodded and looked up at his father. Shikaku didn’t seem very pleased, but inclined his head to follow the lady Nara. “Hope you’re better here than you were at the Academy,” he chided with a teasing tone.
The younger Nara chuckled. “Eh, the Academy was different.” He sobered a moment as he said, “Thanks, Dad, for taking me out here.”
Shikaku sighed, patting his son’s shoulder as he turned to leave. “Just watch yourself, Shikamaru. See you in a few months.” With that said, he darted away, quickly vanishing into the darkness of the forest.
Shikamaru watched him go, then turned and followed the Madam into the Shadow Manor, determined to make the most of this path he now walked.
Even if he walked it alone.