Chapter Text
Bruce figured from the way that Clark had reacted initially to the realization he had eaten cake that it was bad, but he hadn’t thought it could be like this. It was like the man he had known for years as Superman and had gotten to know over the last few months as Clark had been swept away in the tide of Kryptonian biology.
The sudden shift scared Bruce, but he didn't hesitate for long before he moved cautiously toward Clark. The kryptonian had a strange look in his eyes, the kind of look reserved for Arkham inmates. “You need to get away B. I can't...can't control myself any longer.” The fear in Clark's voice is quickly replaced by an unfamiliar tone.
“Cake. Must have more.” Clark turns to him as he reiterates his demand. “You'll give me more or I'll find more. I won't stop until I have more cake.” The threat would probably go unheeded by anyone else, but Bruce knew that it would be bad if Clark with all his powers went on a cake-finding spree.
“Okay Clark I'll get you more cake. Just wait here while I get some from the kitchen.” He didn't even make it to the door when Clark had grabbed hold of him. “No, you're not about to leave my sight. I know you'll do something and I won't allow it.”
“Clark, please let me go. I promise I won't do anything, but I can't help you get more cake if you don't let me go.”
For a moment Bruce worries that he'll be trapped only able to escape if he manages to get kryptonite from the cave somehow. Instead Clark releases his wrist and allows him to open the door. They walk out into the hallway together, making their way to the kitchen at a fast pace. Bruce didn't know how long the calm would last but he knew that cake would be his only salvation.
They entered the kitchen where the remainder of the cake sat, only a small portion missing. Clark raced over and sat staring for a moment.
“Aren't you going to eat it?” Bruce asked in confusion.
“I don't... I can't. Because if I do there won't be any more and it's just so good.” he said this in a resigned tone, like a child that knew how the world worked but still wished it could be different.
“If you want I could buy more cake mix and bake you some more.”
Bruce was confused. From what Clark had said earlier it had seemed like he would seek out all the cake in the world and eat it, but instead he seemed fixated on the single cake before him.
"You would make more for me?” the other man asked with heartbreaking tenderness. Bruce couldn't believe he had felt threatened by the sweet man who looked like he would cry over the (probably burnt) cake he would bake.
“Of course I would,” he said as he pulled the other man in for a comforting embrace. "Thanks. No one’s ever been willing to bake a cake just for me before.” Clark replied, his lower lip wobbling as he held back tears. While Bruce found it a bit silly to cry over such a thing, he got to work on another cake as Clark ravenously devoured the first.
By the third cake though he was beginning to worry. Clark didn't seem to be slowing down and from what little he knew of kryptonian biology he wasn't sure there was enough cake in the world to satisfy the man's hunger.
By the fifth cake he knew this wouldn't be sustainable and so he asked, "Hey Clark, I'm getting kinda tired, do you think I can call it a night?” the rapid shift to anger and betrayal was a bit unexpected but not as much as Clark’s words.
“You dare take back your proposal?!” he said, his eyes glowing red with his anger. Bruce was lost but figured he better play along until he better understood the situation.
"No, of course not! Would it be alright if I called your mom though? I feel bad not getting a recipe from her to make you from scratch instead of these box mixes."
Luckily Clark was all too happy to bring him his phone in order to call Martha.
“Martha, it's Bruce I think I'm in over my head.”
“Are you alright? I've never heard you so tense before." "I've also never given your son cake before?”
“Oh no, please tell me you didn't really.”
“Sadly my curiosity has gotten me into a bit of a situation. I don't know what to do because this is the sixth cake I've baked and I don't know why but he thinks I proposed.”
“Well, that last part is new but don't worry. The last time this happened was at his first birthday party with us. He’s going to be a bit crazy for about a week, then he’ll be right as rain.”
“What do I do until then?”
“That’s the issue. See Jon and I had to console him through the biggest temper tantrum ever the whole week. You have the resources though, so the best thing to do is bake cake and keep feeding him ‘till it ends. I'm on my way but until I get there I recommend getting the kids to help get supplies and bake in shifts.”
“Okay I'll see if they can sort this out with me, and I'll see you soon.” he hangs up relieved to have a plan and back -up on the way but he's not sure how long they can last. If Clark really plans to eat cake for a week straight there's going to be a limit to how much they can really make before causing a food shortage.
Clark allows him to place a call to the kids, with Dick answering. After being briefed on the situation he gets the others and his little soccer team of kids arrive to probably laugh at his misfortune more than anything. He figures that if nothing else he's showing them what not to do. Tim brings his laptop and makes a spreadsheet with everyone’s schedules so they can take shifts baking and gathering supplies.
Since Gotham has a limited number of cake mix boxes they divide up with half going out tonight to get every box in town, and the other half waiting to strike every town in the surrounding States for more. Steph has to remind Tim that the boxes still require you to add eggs and oil so that's added to the list of things to grab.
By the time they're done Bruce has baked his eighth cake and Jason takes pity on him and says he'll take over for the next few cakes. While Bruce expects Clark to protest his retreat, he instead seems pleased to watch him rush towards his bed for a few blissful hours of sleep.
The rest of the week passes in a blur with each family member pitching in, the Kents and even Lois and Selina joining as well for a few hours. By the time the madness has ended Bruce doesn't think he'll ever be able to look at cake without wanting to cry. Everyone seems to think it a just punishment for being so pushy.
Finally after one final cake Clark returns to them, looking a bit weak.
“Where’s Bruce?” he asked to which everyone turned to the man in question.
“Hi Clark,” he started in a nervous voice.
“Don’t ‘Hi Clark’ me mister. What part of no cake didn’t you understand?” As what appears to be a fight starts brewing Alfred begins guiding the kids out of the kitchen much to their disappointment.
“Come on Alfred we should get to see this. We’ve been baking all week after all.” Duke protested, his siblings nodding their assent.
“Be that as it may, I believe Master Clark deserves some privacy after the week he’s had and I’m sure we’ll be informed later of any important news.”
With that quiet conversation in the hall over the group dispersed, most going to their rooms to rest before patrol.
Meanwhile in the kitchen Clark was waking, his displeasure over the whole fiasco quite clear. "It's one thing to do it on accident, but you deliberately went behind my back and did something I told you not to. We were lucky it was just a week of me craving cake, imagine if I had been violent and out of control. I could have hurt people Bruce, I could have hurt you. I need to know I can trust you not to take advantage of my secrets.”
“I realized that and I'm sorry. I spent this whole week being reminded that no matter what my reasons or intentions were I was still wrong for not respecting your boundaries, especially after you explicitly told me not to.”
Clark didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to be petty and not forgive him for his betrayal. The rest of him wanted to just scoop Bruce up and accept his heartfelt apology. In the end he chose to say, “You’re right, you should have respected my boundaries, even without any cake-related consequences, but I wouldn't be with you if I wasn't fully aware of who you are. I'm still upset, but I'm willing to forgive you this time.”
“Really?” and the genuinely hopeful look on Bruce's face leaves no doubt in his mind that the man doesn't expect to be forgiven so easily.
“Yes, really. I love you Bruce, even when you're being a curious sneak. I can't believe you managed to trick me, I didn't even think you still cared after all these months.”
“Yeah, sorry for playing the long con on you. I just wanted to understand.”
“Well, if you want I could get the computer at the fortress to explain my cake aversion.”
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And that's how Bruce found himself at the fortress of solitude several hours later after a good long sleep. The computer is more than able to pull up several historical looking documents listing the cake phenomenon over the course of Krypton’s long history.
Apparently there had been some massive war early in the planet's history which had resulted in food shortages for the mostly rural agrarian society. As a result grain-based foods were in high demands - including the infamous kryptonian equivalent of cake. During this period, similar to the Terran custom of dowry giving, kryptonians would bring a cake to the person they wish to marry to show their ability to provide.
As society evolved the practice became so common that a biological response evolved, specifically after it became common practice to not just bring one, but instead a horde of cake for the intended recipient. Around the equivalent of the feudal period, the mutations that would go on to create a new enzyme specific to the consumption of cake arose.
By the modern era, cake giving had become an old fashioned practice reserved for the engagements of the elite and wealthy due to the craze that developed as a side effect of the [cake] enzyme. At this stage in kryptonian evolution the craze had become a week-long constant craving of cake that would cause the person who had ingested cake to eat as much cake as the could (typically a maximum of 3 cakes) before pausing for a period that varied between a half hour and 3 hours.
After quickly doing the math Bruce is horrified to realize that the number of cakes eaten by the average kryptonian varied from 168 to 1,008. They had been lucky to only have to get Clark about 336 cakes over the course of their crazy week. The thought of having to bake 3 times as many cakes is incomprehensible.
He continues reading to learn that the rest of kryptonian society agreed and as a result of the expense and loss of time that would come with such a ritual, most couples would avoid the entire ritual.
The record went on to list the notable exceptions to this which included the El family, who had an extensive list of not only engagement but also wedding and marriage rituals that had grown from a simple ceremony in the feudal period to so elaborate an event that it was fortunate they had been so wealthy and successful.
In the wake of his discovery though he knew he needed to set the record straight with Clark about a few things. Thankfully he had spoken to his kids in the last few weeks. In between plotting for his Halloween surprise and baking cakes he had checked in with each on how they felt about his plans.
He had even gone so far as to orchestrate an entire evening in a few weeks, but in the wake of everything he had moved his schedule up. Well he had hoped to be able to once he had gotten Clark’s forgiveness, and while he hadn’t explicitly said it yet Bruce knew Clark well enough to know the man was no longer mad about his indiscretion. As such he turned to the man to begin with another heartfelt apology before continuing.
“I never meant to propose in such a way, but since the opportunity has presented itself,” he paused to get on one knee and pull the ring box out of his pocket. “Would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”
“Oh Bruce, you don't have to do that.” Clark looks startled by his actions, as if the idea hadn’t crossed his mind despite everything that had occurred in the past week.
“No, but I want to. I've been in love with you for years now Clark and if there's one thing I know, it's that I don't want to spend another day without you. So, will you marry me?”
“Yes, yes of course, there isn't anyone I could want to spend the rest of time with.” And with that he pulls Bruce in for a passionate kiss, the first of many to come both that night and in the decades to come.