Chapter Text
Shushu makes Jordan eat a chocolate bar in the car on the way home, where Lan Zhan carries Arthur's limp, blanket-covered body into the house.
"That idiot," Merlin snarls, even as Ziyuan is rushing to hug Jordan.
"He'll be fine," Shushu says. "Wen Qing?"
"As always, only on condition that he does not try to 'help'," Wen Qing sighs. "I do not wish to deal with wild magic or its effects today. Or ever."
"As if I'd try to heal that reckless bloody oaf," Merlin snaps.
"Good." Wen Qing follows Lan Zhan and Arthur to somewhere deeper in the house.
"I'm so glad you're all right," Ziyuan whispers and kisses Jordan intently.
"You need real food and then probably a nap," Shushu says.
Jordan is just too tired to argue.
"Once Wen Qing is done you're going to do something," Merlin hisses at Shushu.
"Of course, of course," Shushu assures him. "Threats. Slaughter. Destruction, all of that. But let Wen Qing put at least some of his organs back together first, all right?"
~
They pass strangely awkward, not-quite-tense hours waiting.
"How are you doing?" Shushu asks Jordan. "I'm pretty confident that was your first time killing something that looked like a human."
Jordan thinks about it. "I'm all right, I think," she says. "For now, anyway." She'll probably have a panic attack later, but not about the killing. "He was a vampire, and even when he was pretending not to be he was a jerk."
"He was," Ziyuan says. "I still kind of can't believe the vampire was Jeff."
"Tedious office drone is pretty good camouflage," Shushu says.
It's quite late in the evening when Wen Qing emerges to announce that Arthur's wounds have been treated, and Merlin immediately demands that Shushu do it, he heals faster when he's not dead and Shushu looks weirdly terrifying again as he announces that he's going to destroy all the lands and peoples of the West unless Arthur objects in person, and then Arthur wakes up and comes out in a wheelchair to ask him not to and join them all for a late soup supper in the living room.
Jordan asks.
"We're pretty sure it's a curse," Arthur explains. "I will have not the slumber of the just nor rest in peace, but sally forth whene'er the realm be in danger, the true once and future king."
"I thought true love's kiss could cure any curse." Jordan frowns.
"I don't love him," Merlin says. "It's just he's slightly more fuckable than he is annoying." He practically stomps out of the room.
Jordan stares after him.
"But I thought..." She trails off. "He asked Shushu..."
Arthur grins. "You're right. He does love me. The thing is that true love's kiss depends on accessing the resonance of your whole existence, the span of you across space and time. And Merlin... Well. Imagine that the space-time continuum is a road, and all the living creatures in the universe are vehicles driving down the road. Got that?"
Jordan nods slowly. "Sure."
"In this metaphor, Merlin has parked by the side of the road and wandered off to pick flowers. He is now travelling cross-country by hot air balloon." Arthur shrugs. "Also, honestly, he could probably lie to causality and it would believe him."
"So if you die, you'll come back when Cymru is threatened," Jordan concludes. Arthur never calls it Wales.
"Exactly. It used to take ages sometimes. The first time I slept until the Norman invasion, and a right bloody mess it was too. Luckily now Wei Wuxian very kindly threatens to lay waste to the place."
Jordan looks at Shushu. "You wouldn't, would you?" she asks doubtfully. "Could you?"
"I could," Shushu says, grinning. "It wouldn't work if it wasn't a real threat."
"It's a bit more painful this way," Arthur says, "but honestly it would take me a century to heal as much in my grave as I can in a week when I'm up and about."
"You've always been a quick healer when you're alive." Shushu nods approvingly.
"I should hope so," Arthur says. "I've been invited to a party tomorrow evening. I'd hate to miss it. We'll do a feast to celebrate Jordan's victorious heroism next week, I think."
~
Arthur has bandages, dressings, and a several visible lines of stitches on his face.
It's quite disconcerting, but he explained quite cheerfully that while he's a very good and experienced fighter, but he doesn't have superpowers to speak of apart from the thing where he doesn't stay dead. Going up against an ancient vampire bare-knuckled was, he says, fun, but he never expected to win. The point was to buy Jordan time.
And have fun.
He wants to go to a party on Saturday. He thinks that will also be fun, and he wants to see if Darren and Chris are a couple yet, and -
"You look like you lost a fight with a bull," Merlin yells. "Or, I don't know, a vampire. Everyone will be staring at you and not in the way you like."
"Nonsense," Arthur says. He's up and walking today. "I've a plan."
Merlin stares at him. "I loathe you."
Arthur smirks. "You're just upset because I'm not well enough for the sex you know you're going to wish we could have."
Merlin stomps away without answering.
"Do you ever argue without an audience?" Ziyuan asks. Neither Arthur nor Merlin had been in the living room, where Jordan and Ziyuan were snuggling on the couch with books.
"What would be the fun in that?" Arthur asks, seeming genuinely baffled. "Anyway, I'm going to get dressed."
"The party isn't for three hours," Jordan points out. She's not eager to go, but she doesn't really mind and it will probably seem odd if Arthur goes without her.
"I know, I've left it a bit late," Arthur says, and limps out.
"It's just a regular party, right?" Ziyuan confirms. "No-one is dressing up."
"Right," Jordan says. "Maybe Arthur doesn't have a shirt with enough rhinestones."
Several hours later she realises she was not prepared.
No-one will be able to see that Arthur is injured. The bandages are invisible under the padding and the stitches are concealed by heavy makeup, because Arthur emerges from his room in full drag. His skirt's sequined hems sweep the floor and conceal the walking boot he's in.
Wen Qing is coming into the living room from the other direction just as Arthur makes his entrance.
"What do you think?" Arthur asks. He's looking at Jordan and Ziyuan, but Wen Qing is the one who answers.
"This is obviously a terrible idea and you have the good judgment of a concussed puppy," she says. "This is neither new nor surprising information. You are still in very poor health, as evidenced by the way your attempt at a smoky eye makes you look like a panda and your messy lipliner." She looks at Jordan and Ziyuan too. "I regret that the two of you had to meet him. It is always difficult to process the realisation that Wei Wuxian is no longer the most ridiculous person you know."
"That's so hurtful," Arthur says. "A panda?" He pulls out a small pocket mirror with a little makeup kit attached. "You know what, I can fix this."
Wen Qing looks profoundly unimpressed. "Every time I have put your body back into some semblance of functionality I have had to do it again within a day. When you reopen your wounds and aggravate your internal injuries, be sure you are taken to Mooro Hospital, specifically. I have arranged to spend the night assisting in their emergency department. I will ensure there is an operating theatre ready for a surgical team to waste their time reassembling you."
"It's not a wild party or anything," Jordan volunteers. "There'll probably be board games."
Wen Qing's sigh seems to come from the floor. "Not with him around," she says, and walks out.
~
When they arrive at the party Darren sees Arthur and walks into a wall.
The next door neighbours are having a party too. Some of the people hanging out in the front garden (fresh air, less noise, the back garden is where the smokers go) start talking with the front garden people from next door's party. Jordan never figures out if that's related or not to the two drunk guys who start shouting and squaring up to fight.
She doesn't know either of them. Neither of them turn up again at gatherings with her friends.
What she does know is that each of them seems to have a few friends, it seems like there's about to be a fight, and Arthur walking up to the scene all sparkling with sequins does not help.
"Absolutely not," Ziyuan says. "Jordan, stay back." She runs over that way.
Jordan is staying back. She's tired. She wasn't sure she wanted to come to the party but something about Arthur is weirdly compelling. If he's going somewhere, instinctively she feels like she should follow him.
She still feels like she should follow him over to the angry guys, but Ziyuan told her not to and that's winning. The elevation of the patio means she can just see what's going on.
The music and the voices of all the people around her mean she can't hear what's being said. Arthur is grinning. One of the guys is saying something to him. Arthur makes an unmistakeable come at me then gesture. Ziyuan steps between them, her back to Jordan.
A different guy moves towards Ziyuan, and then -
"Holy shit," someone next to Jordan says. "Isn't that your girlfriend?"
"Yeah," Jordan manages. I'm totally going to marry her, she thinks.
Ziyuan is moving like she's starring in an action movie, fast and agile and smoking hot as she drops every single guy before he can land a punch or a grab on either her or Arthur. (Arthur looks slightly disappointed, but mostly impressed.) Five of them are lying on the ground looking like they're in pain before the others start backing away. Ziyuan doesn't even look like she's breathing hard.
Jordan has met a number of Ziyuan's family. She's not surprised or anything. Just... her girlfriend is so cool.
~
They get home around two. Merlin is pacing back and forth in front of the house.
"Oh, Arthur, I was so worried," he says, seeming earnest and almost distraught. "There's trouble in Bwlchyfadfa and we're needed, but I couldn't find you."
"I'm in no condition to fight, but?" Arthur frowns.
Merlin blinks. "What month is it?"
"March."
"Bugger. I'll come and get you next month. They don't need us for another few hours." Merlin steps forward and disappears in a flicker of golden light.
Jordan looks at Arthur. "Hot air balloon?"
Arthur nods. "Hot air balloon."
"Okay." Jordan yawns. "I'm going to bed."
~
"Chris and I are officially dating," Darren says on Monday. "You each get one intrusive question."
"No-one has questions, we know everything already," Jessica says.
Kim drops onto the grass with a groan. "I just had the stupidest tutorial," she complains. "We spent like twenty minutes on whether Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch is problematic."
"The Five Nations and Yunmeng have made official statements expressing their approval," Michelle points out.
Also the real Yiling Patriarch has every piece of merch in existence, Jordan thinks.
"Not for that part," Kim sighs. "Whether the focus on how Jin Guangyao is a hero for rebuilding the village is a deliberate undermining of the first openly gay heroes in Disnar history. Which then became an argument about whether And Did I Mention is reinforcing gay stereotypes about being shallow and superficial."
"But that whole song is about how amazing he thinks the Yiling Patriarch is," Chris protests.
"He's clever and thoughtful and terribly brave! He'll send all those monsters right back to the grave," Darren sings.
Kim joins in. "He's kind to children and animals too! He cares about people and cares about you!" She holds up a finger. "And did I mention that he's beeaauutiful! Every verse ends like that, so obviously," she rolls her eyes, "Hanguang-Jun only cares about the Yiling Patriarch's looks."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Ziyuan says.
"Exactly." Kim opens her lunch.
~
The following Friday Arthur is feeling much better, Merlin has been positively pleasant and charming for most of the week except when he complains about how limited his ability to use magic at all is on this continent, and they're having a feast to celebrate Jordan's 'heroism'.
She doesn't feel very heroic, but the food is -
- plentiful, if slightly odd, because it's a mixture of Lan Zhan's cooking (sometimes eclectic, drawing on a range of cuisines and techniques he has experienced over centuries, always flavourful) and Arthur's (he spent three days baking non-stop and then roasted an entire deer; Jordan has no idea where one would obtain an entire deer in this city).
Arthur dresses for dinner every night. Usually he wears a dinner suit, although on Monday he wore a sequined purple tailcoat and on Thursday he still had smudges of flour on his cheek, but tonight he wears polished chain mail with a satin surcoat embroidered with three crowns - as well as an actual crown on his head.
The reasoning becomes clear when he stands before they start eating and begins a speech.
Well.
Sort of a speech.
"Noble hearts will ever call to one another, and call to heroic service," he declaims. "Courage is not reckless abandon, nor is it a quarrelsome nature that seeks conflict at every turn." He glances sidelong at Merlin. "I do learn, actually."
"Doubtful," Merlin mutters.
"Thus must a king call to his service those whose hearts are proven true, and reward those whose courage is manifest - honestly, this is such a load of bollocks, let's skip it. Jordan, I'm making you a knight in my service. Technically you can refuse but it would be awfully rude and hurt my feelings terribly. I might cry." He looks at her brightly.
"I. What." Jordan has no idea what she's supposed to say at this moment.
"Just a reminder that I literally died for you." He's starting to give her puppy eyes.
"I don't think it comes with any obligations that aren't something you'd just do anyway if he asked," Wen Qing says with a sigh. "If he does try to make you fight a war for him or something we'll send someone to slap some sense into him. It's fine to say yes if you want to."
"Um. Yes?" Jordan wonders if this is a dream. These days it's very hard to tell, her life has become extremely weird.
"Wonderful!" Arthur does a little jump and claps his hands. Since he's wearing chain mail and armoured gloves, it's loud. "Then kneel, if you would."
Jordan does so. Arthur draws his sword.
"I bind thee by no oaths nor bond save that of friendship," Arthur says. "Trusting in your good heart alone, I dub thee Sir Jordan of the Round Table." He taps Excalibur on her shoulders. "Arise, Sir Jordan."
"Thank you," Jordan says uncertainly, standing up.
"Let's eat!" Arthur flips Excalibur in the air, spinning it. When he catches it it's a carving knife.
Jordan returns to the table.
The weird thing is that it's not the weirdest thing that's happened to her this month.
~
Arthur and Merlin go home on Saturday.
The next week there's a package for Jordan. A very large one. It doesn't have a postmark, even though the postman delivered it. With a dolly, because it's heavy.
Wrapped in brown paper is a wooden trunk. Sticky taped to it is a card that says HAVING A GREAT TIME, WISH YOU WERE QUEER, with the "queer" crossed out and HERE written in glitter pen.
She knows without looking inside that it's from Arthur. She can't imagine anyone else finding it more difficult to locate a wish you were here card than a wish you were queer card.
Who is that even for?
"What did he send you?" Shushu asks curiously. "Last time I got a package from him it - never mind, I'm sure he meant well."
The trunk is held closed by a leather buckle. Jordan opens it.
At the top there's an elaborately ribboned medal and a framed certificate printed on what she thinks might actually be vellum, embossed with the seals of the government of Cymru and with the signature of the Prince written in gold ink.
There's also a letter addressed to her as Sir Jordan and with KRT after her name, congratulating her on her elevation to the knighthood and also signed Llywelyn XV, Prince Regent.
Under that there's a gleaming sword and a suit of armour.
"See, that's one of the ways I think we're just better," Shushu says, looking over our shoulder. "The ceremonial dress for cultivation sects doesn't require a tin opener to take off again once you put it on."
Jordan is staring at her name on the paper. "Do I always have to put the KRT?" She imagines handing out business cards that append KRT to her degrees and having to explain that and not have people think she's insane.
"I don't think so," Shushu says. "Can I look at your sword?"
Jordan lifts it out without taking her eyes off the letter and holds it up to him. He draws it.
"Flashy," he says. Jordan looks up at the jewel-studded hilt, the finely etched designs on the blade, and the silk-wrapped sheath. He's right. It's flashy. "Jiang Cheng will love it."
Jordan's life is so weird.
Ziyuan kisses her hair. "Let's not tell Popo someone else gave you a sword," she suggests.
"Especially not a magic sword," Shushu says, sheathing it. "We don't want her to think it's a competition."
"Sure," Jordan says. "Sounds good." It's not like there's any point resisting it.