Chapter Text
Sylvie spent days cleaning and packing and setting things aside to be tagged. Dawn to dusk, she busied herself so that her brain had no time to create twisted scenarios in her head that ended with Loki finally coming after her. Or with him never seeing her again.
All the small knick-knacks in the dining room were finally sorted through and organized. She decided to keep a pair of glass bunny figurines her aunt loved to display. She loved to talk about how hard it was to find them, her mother, Sylvie’s grandmother, had a set when they were small and her aunt had smashed them on accident. Her aunt had spent years looking for them and found them a week after her grandmother passed. That always seemed to be how life was, always too little, too late.
The week passed quickly, the estate sale was a mild success. A constant stream of people flowed in and out of the house, mostly nosy townspeople curious about Sylvie’s aunt or Sylvie herself. The ones there to poke around were gracious enough to buy a few of the smaller pieces at least. Some of the bigger furniture moved the second and third day of the sale, A newly-wed couple took the carved headboard and a few of the side tables and lamps, their family came to help load the items into their truck.
Sylvie sat behind a table at the entrance, barely glancing at the people coming in and out. She rang people out as if she were shoveling snow off the drive, and those who tried to haggle the price of the curios were in luck, Sylvie really didn’t care if they sold for $300 or $20 as long as they were out of the house (They each sold for $100).
When she didn’t have anything to busy herself with, she found her hand toying with the silver chain around her neck, a piece she found on her aunt’s dresser. Sylvie remembered the teenager who had given it to her, a thank you and a goodbye gift, right before she left for New York. It was well-loved, one of the gems had fallen out already. When Sylvie saw it earlier in the week, she had slipped into her pocket, planning to pack it away. Earlier that morning though, she felt it in her pocket and put it on. Standing in front of the mirror, Sylvie nearly broke down again, missing her aunt more than words could express.
She longed for home but now couldn’t even understand what that meant. New York? New York was a lovely place to live but that wasn’t home. This was home, this house. And yet, bare, empty, it wasn’t home either. There’s no one in the house but her and the ghosts of what was and what could never be again. Even in the ocassional creak of the door and the voices of onlookers echoing down the halls, she was painfully alone.
“Hello?” A voice boomed through the house. Sylvie had gone upstairs to her bedroom to continue packing up the last of the items. The sale had ended a half hour ago, most of the house empty, a truck was going to swing by soon to pick up whatever was left for donation. Sylvie heard the voice and popped her head out of the room.
“Sale’s over!” She called down, annoyed she had forgotten to lock the door. Instead of a response or hearing the person leave, she heard heavy steps move closer to the stairs. “Sylvie?”
Sylvie rolled her eyes and peered over the railing to see Thor standing at the bottom looking right up at her.
“Oh, hey.” Sylvie sighed, glad it wasn’t a stranger refusing to leave. She met Thor at the bottom of the stairs, “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to see if you had anything cool.”
“Well, I probably did a few days ago, but everything’s pretty much gone now.”
“Oh, well, can I take a look around?”
“Yeah, sure.” Sylvie passed by him and headed into the kitchen, grabbing two beers. She brought them back to the entry and gave Thor one. He popped the top off easily and took a swig before walking into the living room. The cabinets were gone, the walls left with a discolored pattern in the paper where sunlight faded the spaces around the cabinet.
Thor made a circle around the room, Sylvie following behind him and made it back to the base of the stairs. He looked to Sylvie for permission for heading up. He entered the master bedroom, the only thing left against the far wall was the dresser with a vanity mirror sitting atop, carved in the same wood with intricate flowers.
“Is this for sale?”
“Yeah, are you looking for a new vanity?” Sylvie prodded from the doorway.
“I was hoping to give it to Jane.”
“Oh, what’s the occasion?”
“I think it would be a nice gift for our home,” Then, after a pause, “I want to ask her to marry me.” At this, Sylvie was surprised. Happy for him of course, but surprised nonetheless. It wasn’t that Thor couldn’t commit to someone, it was just that she was surprised him and Jane were so serious. With Thor, it was hard to tell when he was serious or not, especially because his infectious energy could be hard to read even for Sylvie, who, maybe not now, but had in the past known him pretty well.
“Oh, congratulations. This would be great, she’s going to love it.”
“You think?” Thor lit up. Sylvie had no idea what Jane would think, she still couldn’t remember if she had ever met Jane before if she were honest, but she figured anyone would admire something so lovely.
“Oh for sure, you want it?”
“No, no let me pay for it.”
“Thor, come on, as long as you can get it out of the room, it’s yours, think of it as an early wedding gift.” Thor looked delighted and pulled out his phone to take pictures of it.
“So, you and Jane are really serious then?” Sylvie asked, tracing her hand over the engravings, a last goodbye.
“Yeah, we’ve been dating for a while, three years actually. But I’ve known pretty much from the moment I met her.”
“Really? Why are you just now proposing then?”
“She was never ready, but I’ve talked to her and now she is. I didn’t tell her when, but she knows it’s coming.”
“But wasn’t it hard, waiting so long to start your life?” Sylvie asked, absentmindedly, not really sure where the questions were coming from.
“For her, I’d wait a thousand more years to be with her. She’s so smart and so sure of herself, and I can’t imagine my life without her, you know?”
Sylvie wasn’t sure if she exactly knew what he meant. Sure, she had dated over the years, but none of them involved an earth-shattering declaration of love like Thor was describing. One might have, if she had let him but now she was questioning if that was even real. “You remember her from highschool?”
Sylvie just gave him a puzzled look, lost in thought over Thor’s proclamation.
“Oh well, she was very quiet and super into science. Probably makes sense you don’t remember her, you spent all your time with Loki.”
And there it was. The pair had been avoiding the name since Thor walked through the door. His phone buzzed, but he ignored it. Instead, something flickered across his face. He wanted to speak, it was clear, but he was holding back, leaving them both to sit uncomfortably in the silence.
“What happened between you two?” He finally asked, after Sylvie defiantly refused to speak.
“Nothing.” Sylvie responded, looking away to take another sip from her bottle.
“Come on Sylvie, I know something’s up. Loki’s been sulking like a scorned puppy dog and you’ve already got your knuckles up preparing to fight me if I mention his name again.”
“Thor, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sylvie, you and I both know that I know that you know that I know…that you know…Okay, wait. Start over. Sylvie, you and I both know that something happened.”
“Well, if something did, I don’t want to talk about it.” At that, Sylvie turned away and walked out the door, headed back down the stairs.
“Sylvie come on. If you won’t tell me that, tell me what happened all those years ago. You didn’t just leave Loki, you left me too.”
That got Sylvie to pause at the bottom step.
“I’m sorry Thor. I really didn’t mean to leave like that. Honest. But I had to get out and Loki knew that. Loki knew that and didn’t follow.”
“But, did he even know that’s what you wanted?”
“See, that’s the problem.” Sylvie continued walking away, heading back to the kitchen where extra boxes were stored with the canned goods she had planned to bring to the pantry. Now was a good a time as any to get it together and bring it to her truck. Anything to get out of this conversation.
“Sylvie, I get it, you didn’t want the small town life. But Loki was devastated. Still is.”
“He’s moved on. I’ve moved on. I think it’s time you moved on too.” Thor stopped at this. Sylvie could see the hurt in his eyes, something she couldn’t recall she had ever really seen before and was immediately filled with regret for what she said. She really hadn’t considered her leaving having had any effect on anyone, not Loki, and surely not on Thor who had always seemed to make friends wherever he went. She really didn’t think she meant as much to him as he had meant to her when she had had no one. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Thor only sighed and said, “I know.”
Sylvie felt her heart break over again.
“I know you think you’re better off, but you’re not. And we aren’t either.” Thor held Sylvie’s gaze, silent and searching for some semblance of the friend he knew so many years ago.
“He has a girlfriend.” Sylvie finally responded.
“That’s not it.”
“Not what?”
“That’s not why you’re not with him.” Thor said before continuing down the stairs and out the door. From the doorway, he added “Sylvie, you’re not with him because you’re choosing not to be. It’s that simple.” At that, Thor left and Sylvie was left frozen in place. She hated how much she knew Thor was right, but she couldn’t just pretend like she hadn’t left. Or that he let her. Nor could she ignore Sif, who was a lovely person if not misguided in her love of small animals or the fact that Loki didn’t seem to know what he wanted either. Sylvie didn’t think she had it in her throw Loki and Sif’s relationship into an upheaval, not when she wasn’t sure if she could even give Loki what he wanted. She wasn’t even sure if she was capable. She had been on her own for so long, and the walls she put up weren’t nothing. She had spent years and years fortifying them, making sure she could never be hurt the way he had hurt her and now.
A few days passed, Sylvie packed up the house, placed a sign in the yard and walked through the house one last time. Thor had returned a day after their confrontation after Sylvie had texted him that he was still welcome to have the dresser. He didn’t say much to her, there really wasn’t anything else that could be said and he was out quickly.
Sylvie was headed to the offices of the real estate agent who would take over selling the property. She finally had her car back, got it the day before but decided that it was much easier to pack what the boxes she was taking from the house into the truck and drive that to New York. She put a FOR SALE sign on the back window hoping maybe someone in town would ask about it once she was done, or perhaps she’d be able to sell it once back in the city. Getting in the truck, she whispered a goodbye to the house and drove a winding path through the town, stopping off at the cemetery first to leave fresh flowers by her aunt’s grave.
After, she dropped the keys off with the agent and found herself down the same familiar back road. Not sure how she ended up on it, she continued down it, wanting to pass the Odinson’s house one last time before leaving. For good. There really was nothing more tying her to this small town and in a bittersweet mixture of relief and deep sadness, Sylvie found herself growing emotional over the weight of her goodbyes. She was glad she wouldn’t have to worry about running into his ghost haunting the grocery aisles or worry that the road she was on was leading back to him.
She came to the fork in the road that would take her down the road of the Odinson property and attempted to turn around. The truck, after holding out for a week and a half did what was to be expected and gave out with a sputter. Sylvie hit her hand half-heartedly on the steering, knowing the easiest solution but refusing to make herself move.
She was so close to being out of the town for good. Just like she told herself all those years ago, she had to get out, but it was getting harder and harder to convince herself of it. Not after Thor’s comment. Yes, she was choosing to get out. Yes, she was choosing to leave, again. But that’s what she knew how to do. She could pick up the pieces of everyone elses’ lives, arrange and rearrange them into something manageable and maybe even beautiful, but, in her soul, she knew herself wouldn’t be quite so easy. There were too many years of being broken over and over again, of losing parts of herself in hopes that would make her whole again. Ultimately, she just didn’t believe it was possibly anyone could help her now, and she thought she was okay with that. She started this whole trip resigned to the fact that this was how the world was, uncaring and unfeeling and she was okay with that, but now, she realized she was nothing more than a girl who swapped one prison cell for another. Sylvie was suffocated at this realization, her heart squeezed with longing and sadness, making it hard for her to breathe. She finally had to get out of the car, unable to remain confined in the space of her thoughts.
The air was cold, nipping at her nose and ears as she began walking towards town. About five minutes from her truck, a car raced by, nearly hitting her. “Hey, I’m walking here!” She called out, mostly to herself until she saw the car brake hard a few yards past her. The driver threw the door open and climbed out.
Loki. He started walking towards her, almost in disbelief.
“You almost hit me.” Sylvie called out when he was a few feet away. She was too stunned to say anything else.
“I- I didn’t mean to.” Loki stopped, running his hands through his already ruffled hair. “What are you doing out here?”
“My truck broke down. I was going for help.” Sylvie crossed her arms, unprepared to see Loki in her distraught mental state.
“That’s…it?” Sylvie knew he knew how close they were to his home. That it made no sense that she was walking in the opposite direction but he didn’t comment on it. She was going to leave it at that. Let him think what he wanted to, find a way to get out and get on with her life, amd maybe, some day, she would find a way to let Loki go. But she couldn’t. She walked away once, and maybe it was the time of year, or her aunt passing, or even the fact that she hadn’t been with anyone in a long time but deep down, she knew none of that was the reason why she found such clarity in what she needed to do. And it was because of Loki. It was because she loved him, always had and always would. If he could not love her, he could not love her, but if he could, she found she could love him just as much, if not more.
“Loki, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to say.”
“Just, say it.”
The cold was beginning to seep through her clothes, sending goosebumps up and down her skin. “I…miss you.”
At that, Loki moved closer to her. “Sylvie, why did you leave?”
“Because I had to.”
“ Why did you leave?”
“Because I wanted to get out. Because school was in New York.”
“Sylvie, please.” Loki pleaded, pain written plainly across his expression.
“I left…because…I was scared.”
“Of what?” Loki was so close to her now, smelling of peppermint and firewood and pine trees, she could feel the warmth that was radiating from him.
“Of…” Her breath caught.
“Sylvie,” He breathed.
“Of how much I loved you.”
“Sylvie, I loved you, I wanted to be with you, I would have followed you.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t think you wanted me to.”
“I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew I wanted you and that scared me.” The two stared at eachother. Unsure of how to proceed for the thousandth time in the last few weeks. They had already said some version of this before, but somehow this confession felt different.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what I was doing, racing down the road?” Loki’s change of subject threw Sylvie for a split second.
“You mean why did you almost run me over?” She tried to joke, but found the words caught awkwardly in her throat.
“I was trying to catch you before you left.”
“But, why?”
“Because, I wasn’t going to lose you again.”
Sylvie finally closed the gap. Her lips found his like puzzle pieces falling into place. Like coming home after a very long day. Like everything she had been looking for was right there all along. She pulled away briefly, remembering where she was.
“And Sif?”
“There is no more Sif, I broke up with her a week ago.”
“Really, why?” Sylvie asked cheekily, smiling into the crook of his neck, her fingers tangling into his hair. He only wrapped his arms around her tighter, pulling her against him as he kissed her again, pouring every reason he loved her into her soul. She broke away, breathless, her face flushed with the glow of the happiness.