Chapter Text
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“You’re freaking out, aren’t you?”
Nikki stood on the corner of Kate’s room, while Kate was frantically trying to stuff her two duffle bags with all her possessions.
Kate didn’t answer, just walked as fast as she could with her bandaged feet to the other bedside table to take her chargers, her laptop and some more books stacked there. She couldn’t believe how much she had brought to this house for her two-week-stay so far. And she also had more books on the coffee table in the living room and on Chloe’s bedside table that she should take back with her.
“You know that I was joking when I said that you shouldn’t forget to go home, right?” Nikki tried again.
Kate finally sat down on the bed and looked up to meet Nikki’s eyes. “No, I should thank you for that reminder. Because for the past 2 weeks, I’ve been playing house with a man that had just buried his dead wife today. And that man,” she took a deep breath to prevent herself from hyperventilating, “had to take a break from his own mourning to rescue me from my ex,” she paused again to send Nikki a deadpan look, “who crashed the memorial because my ex thought that the 4 stiches on my body he had directly caused hadn’t been enough, and he wanted to inflict more, this time to my psyche.”
“Kate….” Nikki stared at her in horror, “Mike caused these?” gesturing to the bandages, “why is he not in lock-up?”
“Because according to him, I was a slut that had begged to fuck him. How did you think it’d go down with the police and in the eventual trial if I pressed charges against him? My career would be in ruin. I would be branded a slut by everyone. Not to mention the fact that we broke the rules. So, no one can know anything, except select people I trust, including you, because I know that your own experience would give you unique perspective.”
“Ok, I get it,” Nikki sighed, “but you know that Swain wouldn’t blame you for Mike crashing Sally’s memorial. Mike disgraced himself. This is not on you. You don’t need to run away.”
Kate shook her head with tears in her eyes, “Nik, I have forgotten my place. I don’t belong here. I’m a nobody. I have caused this family enough damage and embarrassment today. I have taken enough of their time and energy, and now I need to go back to my own life and fend for myself just like before.”
“Kate,” Nikki sat next to her on the bed and circled her arm around her, “it’s ok to rely on your friends when you’re facing difficulty. Didn’t you say that you’re going home next week anyway after the doctor clears you to walk again? Why don’t you just keep that plan?”
“Because I’m afraid if I didn’t go back to my house today, I would never go back.” Kate finally voiced her thought. “It’s so easy to stay, Nik. It’s so easy to wake up here every day, sipping my coffee from the machine in the kitchen while waiting for Chris and Chloe to wake up and get ready for the day. It’s so easy to help Deb in the kitchen, play boardgame or watch cartoon or Disney movies with Chloe and Chris to pass the time and before I know it, it’s Chloe’s bedtime and I would read for Chloe. After that, Deb, Chris and I would watch TV or movies on the couch until it’s our own bedtime. And the day would repeat all over again the next day. It’s so blissful, it’s so peaceful that I forget that I’m living here on borrowed time.”
Nikki looked at her in sympathy, “you’re falling in love with this family.”
“And that’s wrong, Nik. They are not mine. They are Sally’s.” Kate’s voice started to crack, “I feel like I’m stealing her family from her. I’m surprised that Sally hadn’t raised herself from the grave to haunt this room or at least scream at me in my dreams for my audacity.”
Nikki snorted, “I can’t imagine Sally doing that. She seemed like such a sweet woman, at least from the few times I met her when I was in Hammersley and of course from today’s video in the memorial.” She then continued thoughtfully, “maybe she was the one sending you to her family, have you ever thought of that? What were the chances that you were injured at the same time as Chloe? Similar injury too. The two of you were using crutches at the same time. It’s almost serendipitous.”
“I can’t think that way, Nik.” Kate shook her head, “I really should go back home now.”
“What if you’re already home?” Nikki smiled at her knowingly, “maybe this is meant to be your home. Maybe all of you have been given a second chance to start a new life together; to be happy together. There is nothing wrong with that.”
“Of course, it’s wrong!” Kate whispered harshly, “the soil in Sally’s grave is still fresh!”
“Kate, you’re not sleeping with Swain, are you?” Nikki raised her eyebrows at Kate.
“Of course not!” Kate hissed sharply.
“You’re not asking Chloe to call you Mum, are you?
“What?” Kate’s eyes bulged, “of course not! I would never!”
“And you’re not asking Deb to officially adopt you, are you?”
“No!” Kate now stared at Nikki in anger, “are you out of your mind, Nik?”
Nikki just continued patiently, “if you haven’t done any of those, and not planning to do any of those in the near future, then what’s the harm in staying for another week in this house and sticking to your own plan of injury recovery? What’s the harm in staying in touch with this family even when you’ve gone back to your house? They would still need a family friend to help them out with the transition to living without Sally. And I’m sure they are not looking to you to replace Sally. I’m sure they just enjoy your company in this difficult time. Maybe instead of running away, you should just talk to Swain and discuss this with him.”
A sharp knock on the door startled the two women.
“Kate? Nikki? Are you still here?” Swain’s frantic voice filtered through the closed door.
Nikki whispered, “see, even his timing is impeccable. Don’t knock a second chance at happiness, Kate. Take it from me, it’s been two years after Josh, and I haven’t found my second chance yet. You and Swain are some of the most selfless people I’ve ever known; you both deserve to be happy. Maybe together, maybe separately, but don’t run from each other until you both figure out what you both want.”
“Ladies, I hope you’re decent, because I’m about to come in.”
Nikki chuckled at Swain’s warning from behind the door. “Come in, the door is not locked.”
The doorknob turned carefully, and Nikki could see Swain visibly breathed a sigh of relief once he saw them still in the room.
“Hey Swain, I managed to stall Kate for you,” Nikki said cheekily before squeezing Kate’s shoulder one more time and standing up afterwards. “I think the two of you need to talk.”
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Chris could feel his heart rate slowed down slightly from the panicked state he had been in when Deb had first told him that Kate had insisted to go back to her house right this minute.
Alex had even taken the car key from him and had driven him home as his younger brother hadn’t trusted that he would be able to drive properly in the state he had been in.
He saw Nikki’s understanding smile as she approached him at the door and he pulled her in for a quick hug in gratitude, “thank you Nik for today.”
Nikki just smiled softly, “you’re welcome. Take care of yourself, Chris,” before whispering to his ear, “and take care of Kate too.”
He chuckled and whispered back, “I’ll try. But she might not let me.”
“Convince her otherwise then.” Nikki gave him a fond look before she closed the door behind her.
Chris sighed and walked towards the woman currently sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down on her hands to avoid looking at him.
“It looks like a tornado had gone through this room.” He commented casually.
Kate looked back at the two opened duffle bags with clothes and knick-knack thrown at the opening. Stack of books next to it on the bed, then her electronics, her toiletries, her make-ups, everything.
“I’m sorry, Chris.” Kate finally met his eyes, “I’m sorry that I’ve imposed myself on your family. I’m sorry that you had to deal with my shitty ex at Sally’s memorial. I’m causing you further grief, at the time when you require peace to grieve Sally properly with your family. That’s why I need to go back to my own house now. I can’t do this to you any longer.”
Chris didn’t reply straight away, he instead sat on the bed next to Kate and pulled her to his arms. Her head was now resting on his chest, and he kissed her hairline softly before pressing his nose against her scalp.
She was stiff in his arms for the initial few seconds, before she melted away and circled his waist with her arms tightly.
“I’m sorry too, Kate.” He spoke softly, “I’m sorry that my family and I have been taking advantage of your kindness to us.”
“No, you haven’t.” Kate shook her head and looked up to meet his eyes.
“Yes, we have.” Chris tightened his embrace, “I’ve used you as emotional crutch and personal counsellor lately. My daughter has latched on to you like you are her own personal angel that would cater to her every whim. And Deb, whether she realised it or not, has been treating you as a surrogate daughter. And we shouldn’t do this to you. You have your own life to go back to. A new job to start, a career development that you need to think about. If you said that we haven’t grieved for Sally properly because we’ve been distracted with your problem, then you probably haven’t processed your breakup properly either because you’ve been distracted by us.”
She frowned, “but I am processing it. I’ve cried so much in the last three weeks already. I’ve rehashed things in my head so many times too, all the what if scenarios, and so on. I’ve resigned from Hammersley; I’ve accepted a new job; I’ve severed all contact with him. What more do I need to do to process it properly? What sort of outcome would I need to achieve to indicate that I’ve processed things correctly? Hold hands and sing kumbaya with him? I don’t think so. Look at what just happened over an hour ago.”
Chris chuckled, “that slap was so satisfying to see. I think Dylan was cheering you on.”
“And then I had to fall over backwards in front of everyone. Way to ruin that heroine moment, hey.” She rested her head on his chest once more and closed her eyes.
“He was clearly moving forward to strike you back.” His eyes darkened at the reminder of what he had witnessed. He never thought that he would see that kind of behaviour from his former boss.
His dad and brother had also recognised Mike Flynn’s aggressive body language. They both had asked him whether the captain had needed to be arrested. His brother was technically off-duty today, but as active police officer, still had authority to arrest someone in Queensland. He had said to them that he had handled it. But the truth was that he’s still afraid for Kate, despite his warning to the man already. He truly hoped that Mike Flynn wouldn’t try anything else.
“Frankly, the last 10 days living here has been the most peaceful period in my life. That’s despite the gravity of the tasks assigned to me, the difficulty with my own injuries, and the worry I have for the three of you on how you’re dealing with everything.” Kate looked guiltily at him, “and that’s why it’s so easy to continue living here for eternity. It’s wrong, Chris. The three of you are not mine.”
He could feel a pang in his chest as she voiced that fact out loud. And that’s the truth that they were dealing with here. She was not theirs to hoard over.
But inappropriately, he wished that she was.
He was waiting for lightning to strike him at any minute now for his audacity. Was Sally turning in her graves now for how quickly her family had cosying up with another woman within 3 weeks of her being dead?
“I think I should go now. Before everyone else arrives home.”
“Stay.” He found himself saying as she started to extricate herself from his embrace.
Kate froze, “Chris?”
Forgive me Sal, for what I’m about to do. If you’re angry, please be angry at me only, you can haunt me in my sleep if you wish, but please spare Kate from your anger.
“Please stay.” He reached for her cheek and caressed it softly, “Christmas is only 10 days away. Spend the holiday with my family. Stay with us until the holiday period is over. And go back to your own home in the new year.”
Her heart beat faster when she felt his soft caress and she felt even guiltier now for her body’s reaction to this man and the fact that she was considering his offer.
“Spend time with us without the shadow of the funeral and memorial. Since you’ll start your new job on Monday, it’ll give us a chance to celebrate your life and share your excitement for that. I’m planning our Christmas BBQ too, and the gang will be here like last year. Buffer said that he had to miss the funeral today, but he’s sure that he’ll be onshore for Christmas holiday, so he’ll fly here to come for the BBQ.”
She shook her head, “what would our friends say when they saw that I was still here by then? what would your parents and brother say?”
“Forget about them for a minute please.” He tilted her chin up to stare at her seriously, “what do you want to do? Not what you should do or the right thing to do in the eyes of society. Do you want to spend the holiday with us? Or do you want to go back to your own home now? If the later was what you want to do, then I would drive you back right now, no question asks.”
She felt like crying. The indecision tore her heart out. She wanted to stay. She wanted to never have to leave. But like she said to Nikki, she knew it was wrong. She knew that she should leave now. If she stayed until after the holiday, it would be much harder to leave then.
“Oh Kate….” He gently wiped the tears that she didn’t realise she was shedding. And that only made her cried harder.
She was ashamed now as she realised that they both were still in their funeral attire for Sally, having a discussion whether she should stay for the holiday in this house. Had she gone mad? What on earth was she doing? She should’ve been gone the minute she arrived here from the church hall. She shouldn’t have listened to Nikki.
“Tell me what you want to do, and I swear I’ll make it happen.” He vowed to her next and she knew right there and then that he was the reason why she was still here. Somehow, Chris had wormed his way into her heart in the short span of time they had been each other’s confidant throughout this difficult time.
“What if what I want is the wrong thing to do?” She finally replied amongst her non-ending tears.
“Wrong according to who or what? Society in general? The common law? The Navy regulation? Our own moral compass?” He replied patiently, “I want you here as my dear friend, whom I care about very much, whom I suspect one day in the future would become so dear to me that I would want to make you an official part of the family.”
Her mouth opened in surprise, “Chris, what are you….” even her tears stopped as her mind worked overtime to digest his words.
He smiled sheepishly, “neither of us is ready for anything just yet, so that day in the future I’m talking about, is so far off, Kate. For now, all I want from you is your enjoyable company and your friendship. And selfishly, I want to take care of you too. You’re still recovering whether you like it or not. You’re not allowed to walk without crutches for at least another week. You can’t wear shoes for another 2 weeks after that. You still need to be driven everywhere for now because the doctor hasn’t given you the all-clear to drive. And your safety is another matter I need to think about with Hammersley still not sailing and your ex still has time on his hands to be bitter towards you.”
“Chris, you shouldn’t worry about me so much,” she lifted her hand to caress his cheek softly, “you already have Chloe’s months of rehabilitation to worry about.”
“I can’t help it.” He chuckled, “I worry for the people that matter to me. That’s how I know you have become important to me. And if wanting you around me was wrong, then I would seek forgiveness from God and Sally every day. But after experiencing my life turned upside down one ordinary afternoon, I’m not wasting any of my time to think about what the people outside my immediate family have to say about you.”
“And what did your family say about me?” She grimaced at the thought but steeled herself for it. Because maybe this would provide her with a wake-up call, a final push for her to ignore what her heart inappropriately wanted.
He smiled at her, “you know Chloe’s and Deb’s obvious ones. My brother thought that you’re a bit too bossy, but because you’re so pretty, you’re allowed to be.” He rolled his eyes a little bit at his brother’s cheekiness. “My dad thought that you seemed too tough for a woman, and I explained that you had to be tough to be our superior, otherwise nobody would follow your command. He seemed to understand, and he promised to hold further judgement until he got to know you better. And my mother thought that you’re very selfless and she liked that about you. But she was worried about you for the last two days because you seemed to be over-exerting yourself.”
“I was hoping for worse.” She stared at him sheepishly, “I was hoping for someone to give me an excuse to say No to your offer.”
He caressed her cheek gently, “say yes then. Stay with us for longer. Spend the holiday with us. Maybe after that time, you’ll be sick of us anyway and want to go back to your own house for a break. But don’t agonise over your decision like this. Don’t torture yourself over the what ifs in your head. I think we both owe it to ourselves to live our lives to the fullest now after everything that had happened.”
“You’re too good to me.” Tears welled up in her eyes again.
He just smiled and gave her a lingering kiss on her forehead, “you deserve good things, Kate. You deserve the best the world could offer you.”
She couldn’t reply, too overwhelmed by the feelings overflowing in her heart, so she did the next best thing, she gave him a lingering kiss on his cheek and hugged him tight. Of course he reciprocated. She realised that he gave the best hug, just like what Chloe always said to everyone.
“Is that a Yes to my offer?” He asked teasingly after a few minutes in each other’s tight embrace.
She chuckled against his neck, “yes, of course it’s a Yes.”
And somehow, she knew that she didn’t just say Yes for a few more weeks with him, but for possibly a lifetime instead.
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