Chapter Text
”eternitys what I wanted,,ss" Bill slurred tossing himself from laying on his back to his side, perpetually closed eye facing the ceiling. Ford, Instead of laying down, he sat down, facing Bills sleeping figure.
Fords eyes heavied, it was quiet, too quiet, he liked when it was loud, when Mabel and her friends would sing karaoke so loud it would ring out through the whole shack, when Dipper would go around convincing everyone to go on summer adventures, when Stan would react loudly at the television. Maybe it was the dimension hopping that grew him accustomed to loud noises, or maybe it was that it was basically 3AM and the guy he thought he was inlove with years ago is sleeping for the first time in a week and basically millenia, his entire lifetime, on HIS couch, in FORDS ROOM, and Ford didnt really know how to correctly act with that.
If it was Ford who tricked Bill, if it was Ford who got Bill to make HIM a portal, Bill would jump at the chance to attack him in his sleep, but Ford just silently stared at Bills perpetually closed eye.
”You and me both, Bill, we both wanted eternity,
for different reasons though.”
Ford hugged his knees to his chest, suddenly feeling the urge to visit sweater town, Mabel taught him sweater town.
”i wish we could of had eternity, when i was building your dumb portal. You were sweet when it counted.”
Ford frowned, looking like Mabel when someone breaks a promise. ”But you just wanted the world, the worlds stupid when no one knows who you are.
I’ve wanted to take the world by storm since i was a kid, not hold it, because it was never mine to carry,” Ford scraped his nail against the cushion he sat on.
”I miss when we sat together in silence, comfortable silence though, you’d listen to the scratches of my pen when i wrote and somehow give me the right answer to my math problems when my pen began to sound wrong, i remember when you kept me company when i ate, when i let you take shared control of my body with me, to taste the pancakes i was eating for breakfeast,” Ford snorted, ”Though you complained on the feeling of swallowing food for a week straight.”
Bill shifted in his sleep.
”This is so stupid.” Ford pinched the bridge of his nose.
”i was really naïve? wasnt i? 30 years ago i thought you were amazing, smart, you knew everything i could never get the answer to, worst part is i still think youre just as amazing, and thats horrible. you lied to me, tricked me, how was i naïve enough to think that you could have been the love of my life? you obviously didnt like me, you pushed me away, left for months on end with no explaination, said things that made me doubt myself in my smarts, my intelligence is what i know i have, and you made me doubt that.” Fords voice warbled. ”Bill you have always been horrible to me, Well, after around 3 months with you, you became unavailing. After 3 months you began pushing me away, maybe it was because you felt i was annoying. i have never been keen on relating or understanding others, let alone an intredimensional triangle, let alone an adult human whos lived for a week only. You dont even have your own emotions on point, do you?”
Fords lip trembled and he sucked the traitorous lower lip in between his teeth.
”i guess were both as smart on emotion.”
Bill slurred an unintelligble word in his sleep.
Ford pressed the nail of his thumb into his own thigh, creating crescent moon shaped dents where his shorts ended. Hes gonna have to change out of those shorts first thing in the morning. He only wore shorts to sleep, they were comfy, but he didnt like being seen in them, he thought it was stupid, thats why he never wore shorts a single time when he was working on the portal, afraid Bill would think they were stupid or think Ford himself was stupid in general.
Sometimes, when Bill wasnt even near him, when he was working on the portal, when he was sailing with Stan, he kind of felt a little empty, hollow, like a puzzle with a missing piece, a broken bowl fixed with tape. He just felt like the Bill dying thing was a temporary sulotion, that Bill would come back and he’d be tricked again, lied to. And he was right, Bill came back, hes silently waiting for Bill to lie again, trick him, attach himself to Ford again and his heart would begin to twang with every mention of him like it did 30 fucking years ago.
Ford turned his head to the side, window showing off volumes of an endless inky sky, the moon centered in the quiet abyss, an ever glowing light that emenated off of it that lit up the darkness that tried its attempt to shroud it. A brush of icy air washed by, numbing his legs. Ford could feel the silent itch to keep his hands busy, pick a pen up, write, anything that could keep him distracted.
He was tired, but he didnt wanna lay down.
Ford had everything, his family was his world, he had the world, he had what he didnt have 30 years ago, so why did he still feel so empty and hollow? like his heart strings had been cut, like his heart had been scooped. Ford hates Bill, he really does, hes the one who made him feel so whole, so fulfilled, then destroyed it all and left him empty. When Bill would take control of Fords body to let him rest, when Bill would calm his head when it was anxious and energize it when he was sluggish, some moments seemed so small and insignificant when they happend, but years later they take up so much. Core memories that will remain in the depths of his mindscape. Bill mumbled words in his sleep again, it sounded awfully a lot like ”dont wanna loose you” but when he looked back at Bill he slurred the words ”velcro” and ”silly straws” and ”euclidean” Bill was just muttering random nonsense, and euclidean means geometry, hes just thinking of himself, triangle him,
Ford laid back down throwing his blanket over him, pulling his sweater over his head and becoming the mayor of sweater town, hes tired, and sad, terribly sad.