Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It’s Wednesday, the day where everyone will be gathered for a celestial meeting, and the day where we will be given a task to accomplish in three months. I was the first one to arrive at the meeting room. Followed by my friend, Sachiel. 

Sachiel is my only friend, she is always my go-to person whenever I fail my tasks. She’s very energetic, one that can lift my energy as well.

“ Sephie, ano sa tingin mo ang ipapagawa sa atin ngayon?” Did I mention that she loves giving nicknames too? Well if I don’t, then there you have it. “You’re speaking in a language again that I don’t clearly understand, Sachi.” I love giving nicknames as well.

Anyway, I didn't really know what she was saying so I told her to translate it for me to understand.  “ Hayy, I said, what do you think will be our task today?” oh. I really don’t have an idea, they love giving us tasks that are unpredictable.

“I have no idea, Sachi. But I hope it’s not that difficult like the last time.” the recent task we did was to stop humans from committing suicide. It was hard because there’s a lot of people who’s committing it. 

Sachi and I are always together whenever tasks are given to each celestial being. I am glad that I have someone with me because I don't think I can do it alone. 

The meeting started and everyone was here.

They started giving us our task. Some are gonna do what we did last three months ago, some are doing the work of cupids, well they are cupids afterall. 

The higher ups told us that we shouldn’t break the rules, especially me and Sachi who will guide the lost souls, because some of them are fallen angels.

Have I told you that we are forbidden to fall in love with fallen angels? If I haven’t, then I am telling it now. We are forbidden to fall in love with them as they are just gonna mess up our minds, and our tasks to do.

I heard that some of the fallen angels had a past with an angel like us. They told us that some of us used to be with them in their time when they were still humans. As if I will fall in love with them, right?

I don’t believe that, though. 

I mean having a past with fallen angels when we’re still humans? That’s just ridiculous if you will ask me.

To be honest, I don’t really know my past. What kind of human am I or maybe I was an animal? I don’t know. 

But I always get the feeling of being empty, so lonely and I always cry for a reason that even I can’t answer. I once asked our father if he knew the reason behind it, but he told me that I should find it out myself.

He also told me that if I find my answer, it will test if I am faithful enough or I will still choose that reason.

Two days from now, we will be sent down there to guide the lost souls and help their way to their rightful path.

I’m a little excited to do my task but at the same time I feel sad, but I don’t know the reason why. Nevertheless, I will still do my mission even if there will be a problem that I might encounter.

It’s finally the day we’ll be sent down there to do our mission. I’m kinda nervous though, but I will do well… hopefully.

“ Nervous?” a sigh left out my mouth, “yeah, it’s been a while since we did our last task.” Sachi pats my shoulder and tells me that everything will be alright and that she will always be there for me, especially if something happens along the way.

I really hope that I don’t fail this task because this will be my last chance, and my punishment is still unknown if I ever fail this mission. 

We were now descended on earth, it feels good to be back, I guess?

Sachi said she’ll just take a rest first.

Actually, we don’t look like angels at all, we just look like normal human beings. The only difference is we can sense danger, we can read someone's mind, and also we can see the lost souls who are wandering around.

We also have a house just like any other humans. It was already prepared before we even got here.

And if ever we meet humans, we will erase our memories with them if our time is up. Well, there’s no reason for us to stay in their minds. 

We are just their angels, that they shouldn’t remember the memories we shared with them, also how we look. 

Although, sometimes we wished that they would remember us, but that’s impossible because we always make sure that we erased everything in their memories that we exist in.

Anyway, as I was walking down the street the cold breeze hit my skin. It feels good if I am being honest. It’s just 7 in the evening but the street looks so dark.

Not that I am scared of darkness.

I continued walking around the area until I bumped into someone. By the smell of this person I know that she is not a human. 

When I looked at them, it was a girl. I felt like my heart ached just by looking at her. “ Aray.” I heard what she said, and I quickly apologized. She wasn’t looking at me but when she did and our eyes met, I suddenly felt like there was a connection between the two of us. 

“Have I met you before?” I asked. She was looking at me like she didn't understand what I said. “ Ano? Hindi kita maintindihan.” and now I’m looking at her because I don’t understand her as well.

She speaks like Sachi, they use the same language. 

I heard her sigh and she walked away, leaving me behind. “ Sino ba ‘yung babae na ‘yon, siguro sa ibang planeta siya nakatira.” I heard what she said but she spoke too fast and I don’t even understand it. 

This is why I need Sachi with me.

I watched her walk away, and I can still feel my heart aching just by our small interaction.

Have I met her before? 

I don’t really know. I will just ask Sachi if she knows her, maybe she can give me an answer.

I didn’t continue walking around and just went home to just rest. Tomorrow will be another day for us.

Will I ever meet her again? 

Gosh, maybe I really need to rest so that I can stop thinking about her.

Another day means it’s time to do our task. 

I asked Sachi last night if it’s possible that she knew the girl who I bumped into yesterday night. She told me that she didn't have any idea who she was.

Maybe I met her somewhere in my past, but that’s impossible because like what I have said, I don’t remember what happened in my past, not even a glimpse of it.

Sachi and I started roaming around, it has been three hours since we started walking.

We already met some lost souls along the way, I mean just two of them and I think they are a couple because they were wearing matching clothes. We guided them to the right path and they were so happy that finally they will be able to cross another life.

I told them that we might see each other up there, well they are kind souls.

As we are walking around I spot a girl who’s sitting not so far away from us. I recognized that it was the girl from last night.

I can remember someone just by their figure.

But not my past, of course.

I told Sachi to come with me but she was complaining so I ended up pulling her hand. “ Sephie, stop. Where are we even going?” I didn’t answer her but continued to pull her until we arrived at the girl I saw last night.

I think she felt our presence since she looked at us.

If looks can kill, maybe we’re already dead. I mean, I am since she’s glaring at me. 

“ Ikaw na naman? ” I asked Sachi what she said but she just facepalm and was throwing tantrums. “ Uy, pasensya ka na ha. Hindi nakaka intindi ‘to ng tagalog eh.” Gosh, I really need to study what they are saying.

They keep talking as if I am not here, and then they are laughing as well? I am starting to get so pissed. 

When they stopped laughing, the girl looked at me and started introducing herself. In a language that I can finally understand. 

“ I’m sorry about that, I’m Jashriel. I don’t understand you, but your friend here,” she points at Sachi “helped me to say these words I am telling you. I will try to learn your language so that we can talk to each other.” After saying those, she asked Sachi in their language. 

Sachi was the one who introduced myself since I don’t know how to translate it just yet. 

I will try to learn her language too, so that I can do better.

She stood up and bid her goodbye to us since she’s going somewhere. I really don’t know what I am feeling, but I just know that she is so familiar to me.

We started roaming again and Sachi was telling me what they talked about earlier.

She said that Jashriel is a wandering soul, that’s why she smells different. She doesn’t smell like a human at all. 

It was like a powerful spell, like she’s from heaven too. 

Perhaps she's an angel too? That’s why she’s familiar to me? Ah, I really don’t know.

Wait, if she’s a wandering soul then she’s probably a lost soul too that needs guidance from the path she should go, right?

“ You know Sephie, your thoughts are too loud sometimes. Sadly, she’s not a lost soul. She didn’t tell me where she was going, she just told me that she’s just wandering around. Searching for someone from her past.” Is that why her eyes look so sad? Because she’s waiting for someone she’s not sure if they will come back?

Is it bad that I wanna know her more? Because it really feels like I have met her somewhere.

It has already been a week since we were descended here on earth, and during those days we are here, I always see Jashriel. I haven’t approached her yet because I'm too shy to do so. 

Also, I’ve been learning their language with the help of Sachi. I admit that it was so hard to learn it but well maybe I am a fast learner in my past life because I adopted it so well. Although, I don't know their deep words yet.

During the night, Sachi and I will have a lesson about it and then whenever I get it wrong she’ll flick my forehead. And gosh it hurts so much, since when did her hands feel so heavy?

Today, if I ever saw her again, I would try to talk to her to test what I have been learning for the past few days.

And well, talk about my luck because I saw her walking down the street. She still looked so lost, like her eyes were tired from searching. I don’t feel any emotion from her, it’s like she’s an empty shell.

Who is she searching for, really? Is it someone from her past? I am so curious to know.

I approached her with a smile on my face and I just know that she finds me weird or strange. Well, we are not close to begin with, so if I were in her shoes I would probably think that I’m weird as well.

Let’s try what we practiced and learned, shall we?

“Magandang umaga, ikaw ay kumusta Jashriel?” I heard her laugh, did I say it wrong? “ Alam mo, kaya na kitang intindihin sa lenggwahe mo,  Seraphiel.” She was still laughing and I should be getting annoyed but instead of that, I found myself smiling.

She spoke so fast that I didn't understand what she said except for my name.

Since when did my name sound so nice? Or is it because she was the one who’s saying it? 

“ I guess you didn’t understand me, but I said that I can finally understand you. I asked your friend to teach me.” So that is why Sachi is always missing in the morning, because she’s out here, teaching Jashriel my language. 

And wow, she sounds so fluent, unlike me who’s trying hard to speak like her. 

“ Okay lang ako, ikaw ba? Kumusta ka?” this time, she spoke so slowly for me to understand. I guess, Sachi’s lesson won’t be a waste. “Okay lang rin ako. Salamat sa pag tanong, Jashriel.” I know I sound so dumb, sound robotic but the way she looks at me, I know that she understands why.

“ Halika, maupo muna tayo doon.” She’s asking me to sit with her right? Because she was pointing at the bench near us. I didn’t get to respond since she suddenly held my right hand.

What is this? Why do I feel some spark about me? 

These new feelings are making my mind go crazy. I can feel some electricity, the way she held my hand. It felt so soft, so tender. 

When we were seated, she was looking at the sky. It’s already five in the afternoon. I left Sachi earlier to do our task, I mean I already did mine. We had an agreement that everyday, we would guide 10 lost souls to their right way. Five for me and five for her. Since I already fulfilled mine today, I decided to take a detour.

Detour means the girl who’s sitting beside me.

I really want to know more about her. 

We are both sitting in silence, none of us are talking. Suddenly, I felt a water drop on my skin. 

Oh.

It’s raining? 

I was about to stand up not forgetting to look at Jashriel but she’s not standing up. “Do you like the rain?” she nods her head and there goes my answer.

To just sit with her while it's raining.

The once bright sky is now changed by a cloudy one. 

“ Can you remember your past, Seraphiel?” I’m still not used to her speaking my language, but I appreciate her effort to learn it just because she wants to understand me as well.

But why would she, right? 

“I don’t… but I would like to know. How about you, why are you still here?” she finally looks at me, I can really see the sadness in her eyes. 

How long is she waiting for that someone?

“ I am waiting for someone, although I really don’t remember what they look like. But I always saw them in my dreams. She’s a girl, someone who’s so special to me. I think… she’s the answer for me to go where I belong.”

I can sense that she wants to say something more, but is hesitant to do so.

“ Hey, Seraphiel are you perhaps… an angel ?” I was caught off guard by her question. Am I going to say that I am? Well, she will forget me anyway, right? And it’s not against the rules to let them know that you are a celestial being.

I would lose nothing anyway, might as well be honest. 

“Would you believe me if I say that I am an angel?” she smiled. “ I would. Ikaw na ‘yan eh.” Wait, am I seriously getting flustered just because of what she said? Oh my gosh, this is so crazy.

“ P’wede ba akong mag tanong?” 

“Aren’t you already asking?” She hits my shoulder.

“ Alam mo ikaw? Nevermind. Gusto ko lang itanong kung magagalit ka ba kapag nalaman mong kaaway mo ako?” 

What does she mean by that? Enemy? Why would she say that, we don’t know each other, right? Or maybe we do.

“ You look so confused and curious, Seraphiel. I mean, what if I told you that I am a fallen angel, would you believe me?”

Oh.

Is she really a fallen angel?

But why doesn’t she look like one? Maybe she’s just asking me hypothetically? I looked at her, from her eyes, down to her nose, lips, her body figure, trying to sense her aura if it’s a bad one. I don’t see anything at all.

Maybe she’s just joking? 

Well if she really is a fallen angel, i should stop hanging out with her right? But I can't seem to do that. I feel like if i do, my heart would feel emptier. I’m already feeling fulfilled, I don't cry at night anymore ever since I met her.

So if I stopped hanging out with her, what would happen to me?

She fills the void in my heart. 

Her presence makes me feel so warm, which I haven't experienced yet.

“To be honest, I won’t… but if you insist, I will.” and then suddenly she stood up, we are now drenched by the rain, and i haven’t realized that we have been sitting here for almost two hours, and the rain is slowly coming to an end. 

“Let me show you something.” she showed me her wings, it was black with a little white as well. It was a broken wing, her feathers were a complete mess. It’s like she fought 100 soldiers. 

She has a tiny devil’s horn but she got a black halo as well.

Woah, so this is what fallen angel looks like? But I really can’t sense anything bad from her. I wonder what was her cause of death. Why did she become a fallen angel? Why did she disobey the Gods and Goddesses?

“ Cat got your tongue, Seraphiel?” she’s back to her normal self, and i’m still dumbfounded.

She was now reaching for my hand, like asking me to stand up from where I am sitting.

I held her hand, and I felt it again… that electrifying feeling, the sparks whenever I got to touch her hands.

Is this some kind of her powers? 

We’re now walking, and I still don’t know what to say. But I guess I don't need to, since she already broke the silence between us. 

“ Ang dami mo sigurong gusto itanong sa akin ‘no?” she’s so considerate.

She really speaks so slowly just for me to understand what she’s saying, and I am thankful for her because of that.

How come she’s a fallen angel when she’s this kind? I thought they were bad angels? One that would ruin our task? But she’s not like that. If i’m being honest, she’s kinder than Sachi.

“If you are a fallen angel, why are you so kind? And is it okay for me to ask what was the reason you became one?" She stopped walking and looked at me.

“ Sa tingin mo mabait ako? Salamat kung gano’n.” she hummed. “ I don’t remember my past but I committed a suicide when I was still a human. That’s what I can still recall. The higher ups told me that it was a big sin that I committed just because I don’t want to be left out by my own lover.” 

I didn’t know I was crying until she wiped my tears. 

“ Huwag kang umiyak, Seraphiel.” i never cried as much as this.

My heart is aching so much and I am getting chills. I can feel a de-javu, but I don't know why.

“ The higher ups gave me a chance to be a better person, but I used the power they gave me just to search for that person I am looking for. I was punished, they brought me down there but i also did what i have done when i was still an angel. And now I’m still being punished. They erased the image of my lover. Masisisi mo ba ako? Gusto ko lang naman na makita at makasama siyang muli.” 

Why are they so cruel? She only wants to be with her.

I can’t stop myself from crying, while she’s just here, comforting me. I know she wants to cry as well but maybe she’s just stopping herself. Or maybe she cannot do it? 

What’s more weird is that I’m starting to get a glimpse of my past. 

Maybe I should go home and rest. 

“Jashriel, uuwi na ako… ayos lang ba?” she just nods her head.

“ Mag iingat ka, Seraphiel.” she walked away first, and now i realized that she’s surrounded by darkness. That darkness is her sadness as well.

What if I help her search for that someone she’s looking for? 

I must be out of my mind, I have my own mission here. I shouldn’t do that.

But, I really want to.

I mean I'm not doing anything bad right? It’s not like it will ruin my task. I just want to help her, and she will forget me as well so i guess it’s okay?

I don’t know anymore.

As soon as I arrived at our home, where me and Sachi stay, I laid down on the sofa. 

Sachi is not here yet, she’s probably wandering around again. I feel like she knows something I don’t, but I do not want to force her to tell me everything, because eventually she will do that.

I will just go to sleep.

May the next day will be filled with happiness, and I hope I can help her as well. 

Days passed, and I’m starting to have a dream of a girl, who I supposed to be my past friend or maybe something more. 

What’s more strange is, whenever I'm with Jashriel, I always get the feeling of dejavu. 

We became friends, we always hang out after my daily tasks.

Sometimes, she will tag along with me and Sachi. They also became very close friends. 

Oh, and I met her friend! Her name was Mitzrael, she’s also a fallen angel just like her. And they also share the same situation, she was also looking for someone who she can’t recognize because her image was erased as well, just like Jashriel. 

Mitzrael’s personality is just like Jashriel, maybe because they share the same sentiments, that’s why she’s like that? She can also speak my language fluently. 

When I asked her why she didn't teach Jashriel that language, she said that Jashriel doesn’t want to and is too lazy to do so. And she likes to speak in her language because that’s where she is comfy to talk.

During the night, me and Jashriel would walk around and then we'd talk about life. I learned that she was a year younger than me, that her parents were sweet and kind, and that she never had siblings. 

She would tell me every moment she spent with her lover in her dreams, and honestly speaking I feel sad. I would often cry and she would wipe my tears, telling me not to cry.

I learned that she can’t feel the pain, she can’t cry, she can’t be happy. She’s like a tormented fallen angel, who was ordered to not feel any emotions. Because if she does, she probably saw who she’s looking for.

It makes me feel sad whenever I think that she would leave first before me, and that she will not remember me.

How I wish I could remember my past, what kind of human I am, what kind of lover I am. And what kind of person I am in general.

I never had an idea how I became an angel in the first place. 

It has been one and a half months since we came here on Earth, and this is the first time that I have enjoyed my mission.

Is it because of her?

Is it because I want to see her everyday?

That I am looking forward to what we will do, or what we will talk about?

I don’t really know, but at least I am happy doing the things I never expected that I will enjoy.

One and a half months more and we will go back to our celestial home. 

Only a short remaining time to spend with Jashriel.

I don’t want to erase her memories with me, but that is against the rules. I am an obedient celestial being, I always do what they want us to do.

But I think I'm becoming a little rebel, because I'm thinking of disobeying one of our rules.

And I think I'm feeling something I shouldn't feel to Jashriel.

This is bad.

Really bad.

Maybe Sachi was right, something is bound to happen if you get too attached to someone, especially fallen angels.

Our father was right too, that they will just mess up our minds if we befriend them.

I think I should start avoiding her, right? 

I’m sorry Jashriel, but I need to do this. 

It’s for the both of us.

Weeks passed and I started avoiding Jashriel.

I know she’s confused as to why I am suddenly avoiding her. I stopped hanging out with her, whenever I can feel that she’s near I will go to a way that she won’t see me. 

Sachi doesn’t know the reason why I am doing it, but I know even if she won’t ask, she already has a hunch. 

It’s night time, and I was wandering around. I just finished my task today, and all of the lost souls who I guided are asking me why I look sad. Like I'm about to cry any second. 

Can they blame me for feeling this? I was the one who wanted this and yet I am the one who’s hurting and suffering a lot. Or maybe, she’s more hurt than I am. 

As I was walking, I stumbled into someone. When I looked at them, it was Mitzrael.

The look on her face was a little shock, she probably didn’t expect that i would bump into her.

“ Seraphiel? What are you doing here?” I was in the woods, I was just going with the flow where my feets would lead me to. 

I suddenly burst into tears.

She quickly hugged me, she was comforting me. 

I wanted to ask how Jashriel is doing. If she’s okay, if she already found the girl in her dreams, if she already left? I wanted to ask so many questions, yet I feel speechless and just feel like I want to cry.

“ Why are you crying, Seraphiel? Who hurt you?” I couldn't even answer her, and so she just led me to a nearby bench. 

It was a little strange that there’s a bench here, in the middle of the woods. “ You know Seraphiel, I can read your mind because of your emotions. To tell you the truth, this is one of my powers, to create something. Just non-living things.” 

That’s so amazing, I wonder what Jashriel's power is. I haven’t seen it yet.

She gave me a handkerchief so that I could wipe my tears. 

“How are you these past few weeks, Seraphiel?” 

“I don’t feel okay, Mitzrael. I felt guilty and sorry for someone who didn’t do anything wrong to me, and yet I am avoiding them.”

“ Are they perhaps my friend Jashriel?” I was caught off guard. I looked at her and she didn't show any emotion. 

I know she wants to be mad at me, but she can’t. 

They can’t.

“ Silence means yes. Well, to be honest I want to be mad at you, but I can't and it’s not my place to be. Jashriel… She's always waiting for you. She was wondering why you suddenly stopped meeting her. She once told me that her heart was hurting, but she can’t cry, we can’t.”

“I’m sorry, Mitzrael. It’s just, I'm feeling something for your friend, and we both know that it’s forbidden to have feelings for a fallen angel. I don’t wanna disobey our celestial Gods. I can't do that, that’s why I'm avoiding her.”

She gave me a nod of understanding.

She told me that it’s okay to feel this, and that it’s valid. But she also said that maybe I should just try exploring, given the fact that I will erase my memory from them. 

She said that it will be worth trying. And maybe I can find an answer to my questions about my past, that maybe I can see the girl who’s in my dreams.

I told her that the girl in my dreams resemble Jashriel.

I could recognize her, but I am not sure if that girl is really Jashriel. 

Mitzrael comforted me some more, and told me to stop avoiding Jashriel before she left me here at the bench she made earlier.

I think she’s right, it’s not like I would make a huge mistake by saying my feelings.

And it’s just two more weeks before I go back.

I want to spend it with her, before I leave and erase our shared memories together.

I wish that I could keep it, can I do that, our dear father? Will you let me do it? 

If ever the time that me and Sachi will go back, I hope I can remember my past. And I hope that Jashriel will finally find her lover. Please do that for me, our dear father.

Two days had passed since the last time I had a talk with Mitzrael. I talked about this to Sachi and she told me that I am so stupid sometimes. What I cannot believe is that she encouraged me to talk to Jashriel about my feelings.

She told me that if things go wrong, she will come with me. And that we’ll be going down together.

I am so thankful that I have a friend like Sachiel, because if I don't… I think I might not survive being our fathers angel.

Today, I am at our usual spot in the woods. I haven’t seen Jashriel yet, I think she’s still wandering around. I am kinda nervous of what she might say later if ever she sees me. Will she be mad at me? Will she hate me? 

“ Seraphiel?” I just knew that she’s confused. “Hey, Jashriel.” What she did next caught me off guard.

She hugged me.

Ha? She hugged me!

Oh my goodness she really hugged me? 

“ Bakit ang tagal mong hindi nag pakita sa akin, Seraphiel? May nagawa ba akong kasalanan?” up until now, she still speaks slowly just for me to understand her. 

I will always appreciate her, always. 

I feel so bad that she feels that I am ignoring her because she thought that she did something wrong. 

I am really stupid just like what Sachi said.

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong, Jashriel. It was me, I mean it’s just a me problem.” 

“ Pero sabi ni Mitzrael na may sasabihin ka sa akin. Ano ba iyon?” Should I do it now?

Ah, I don't know anymore. 

If I don't do it now, when? 

When I come back to the place where I belong?  

Whatever the outcome may be, I will just accept it. Mitzrael and Sachi are right, she will always be worth the risk.

“Please don’t be mad at me, whatever I may say. Okay?” She looks confused, still. 

Does she always look cute whenever she looks curious or confused? 

She tends to slightly tilt her head on her right side. Sometimes she would pout her lips and that made her look like a little chick.

Anyway, here I go. I’m sorry our dear father for breaking one of our important rules. 

I don’t think I can hold it longer, I need to tell her these feelings before I go in the next two weeks. She would eventually forget about me, and I would erase my memories with her as well.

Even though it would hurt me, I will still do it.

One.

Two.

Three.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Here I go.

“Jashriel, gusto kita .”

“ Ha?”

“Gusto kita.”

“ Ano?” 

“Gusto kita.”

“ Seraphiel, seryoso ka ba?” 

“ Jashriel, gusto kita. Gustong-gusto.” 

She’s looking at me like she doesn’t believe me, and that I said something stupid. 

Wait, does she think I'm stupid as well? 

She didn’t say anything for a while and just stared at me like I just committed a crime. Well I did, I broke our celestial rule.

It’s so awkward now. 

Should I say something again? But what would I say? What if she thinks that I am just joking about my confession? 

Come on now, talk to me.

Since I didn’t get any response from her, I assumed that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, so I just lowered my head and sighed.

Should I just walk away again?

Yeah, I think I should.

I was about to walk away when she suddenly held my wrist, preventing me from leaving.

“ Seraphiel, I like you too. ” 

I felt stuck in my place.

I can’t move, what the heck is happening to me?

I have never felt this way before, like the feeling of your heart beating rapidly. And that you feel like there’s some electricity flowing inside you.

What is this?

I suddenly feel so alive, like I've been fulfilled. Like I am not feeling empty anymore.

Was it because of her? 

Is this perhaps… love? 

But wait, i just remember that she doesn’t feel any emotion right? is it possible that her emotions are back?

“ Huy, natahimik ka naman.” 

“ Huh? What were you saying again?” 

“I said… I like you too, Seraphiel.” oh gosh.

“How about the one you’re looking for?”

“ I don’t think she will come back to me again. I think I am waiting for someone who’s not coming back anymore. Maybe it’s time for me to move on and find a reason to stay here for a while.” 

“What if I cause you pain too?”

“ I don’t mind, if it’s you. I really don’t mind, Seraphiel.” 

She told me that even if she doesn’t feel any emotions, she knows what it is.

She is sure that she likes me.

She is sure that she wants to be with me, even if it’s just a short time.

I didn’t talk anymore and just hugged her. I think this is what love is, and I am scared of what may happen in the future. But I would gladly accept my punishment, as long as I don't have regrets.

Two weeks.

Two weeks since the last time we confessed to each other. During the following days after that, we always hang out. 

She would come with me and Sachi to guide the lost souls, and after that we would walk and wander around. 

We would try human foods, it was no different from the foods we usually eat in heaven. 

We would talk about random things.

Sometimes she would tell me about her past, and then I would tell her my dream that is kinda similar to what she was telling me.

We thought that maybe we knew each other from the past.

I have a bad feeling about this actually. She still doesn't know that anytime I would disappear and her memories we shared together would be erased.

I can feel myself tearing up. 

I don’t wanna leave her… I want to stay by her side.

I want to be with her. 

I want to keep her, can’t I really do that?

As I stared at Jashriel who’s looking at the sky, I can’t help but to cry. I feel so angry at myself for hurting her, even if she won’t feel any emotions. 

What would my punishment be?

I am scared. 

I am so scared.

“ Seraphiel.” hearing her calling my name makes my heart ache so much. The feeling of being so empty is coming back again. And this time, I'm starting to have some flashbacks from my past. 

As she was telling me something, the blurry image suddenly became clear.

And I started seeing her face.

Back to the past.

Ano ba ‘yan? Bakit ang tagal naman dumating ni Jael. gusto ko na kumain pero wala pa siya, ang bagal talaga kahit kailan, nakakainis! 

“SERA! MABY, HEY!” speaking of the devil. Nandito na siya,

“Ang kupad mo talagang kumilos kahit kailan, Jael!” 

“ Hehe peace. Let’s go na? And stop speaking so fast cause I can barely keep up.”

“Ewan ko sa’yo! English spokening dollar ka kasi. Ang tamad mo pa ako turuan niyan.”

“But you can understand me naman!” 

“Syempre, mahal kita eh.”

“I know. And I love you the most. So, let’s go now!”

Another scene from their past.

“Paano kung bigla na lang akong mawala, anong gagawin mo?”

“ Edi, I will follow you. I will search for you, kahit pa i can’t remember, I know my heart will. And I do believe that even in the next life, tayo pa rin ang pinag-tagpo ng tadhana.”

“Hahanapin din kita kasi dapat ikaw pa din. Gusto ko na ikaw lang, kahit maraming maging hadlang, ikaw at ikaw lang ang pipiliin ko, Jael.”

“ I will always love you, my dear angel Seraphiel.”

“ I will always find you in every world I exist in, my little devil Jashriel.”

Last moment from their past.

Ito na ang araw para sabihin kay Jashriel na gusto ko siyang makasama. Gusto kong tumupad ng pangako sa kaniya, na kami pa rin hanggang sa susunod na habang buhay.

Sobrang hindi na ako makapag-hintay, gusto ko na siyang makita.

At bago pa ako makapag salita naramdaman ko na may yumakap mula sa likuran ko. Hindi ko na kailangan pang lumingon kasi alam ko namang siya lang ang yayakap sa akin nang ganito.

“ Hello maby, my dear angel Seraphiel. I missed you so much.” 

“Hi maby, my dear little devil Jashriel. I missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

“ Ang galing mo na talaga mag speak ng english, I’m a proud girlfriend here !”

“Baliw! Suntukin kita talaga jan, ang hilig mag pakilig Jael ha.” 

Alam na alam kasi kung paano ako pakikiligin palagi. Pero sa tingin ko, siya naman ang kikiligin sa akin dahil sa sasabihin at gagawin ko, lagot ‘yan siya sa akin.

Ilalabas ko na sana ang hawak kong promise ring at bracelet na nasa bulsa ko ng biglang umulan nang malakas.

Ano ba ‘yan nakisabay pa talaga.

Maaraw naman sana, pero bakit biglang umuulan? malungkot ka ba Lord?

Naalala kong madali nga palang tamaan ng sakit ‘tong girlfriend ko kaya hinawakan ko ang kamay niya para tumakbo at sumilong, ngunit pinigilan niya ako.

“ Dance with me, my Sera.” Ang mga tingin niya sa akin, nakakalusaw.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi kunin ang kamay niya at hinayaan siyang isayaw ako nang mabagal. “ ang ganda mo, Seraphiel.” Hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses ba ako nakaramdam ng saya sa kaniya.

Mahal na mahal ko talaga siya, at gagawin ko ang lahat para siya lang ang makasama ko kahit saan mang mundo ako naroon.

“Jashriel, my maby, my dear little devil. Would you mind spending the rest of your life with me?” 

Kinuha ko ang singsing at bracelet sa aking bulsa at ipinakita ito sa kaniya.

“ Sera?”

“Gusto kong makasama pa kita nang mas matagal, Jael.”

“ You know I will always love to be with you, and even without these,” Tinuro niya ang hawak kong singsing at bracelet “ I would love to spend the rest of my life with you. Forever, in every universe we exist in.”

“ Mahal kita, Jashriel.”

“ Mahal na mahal rin kita, Seraphiel.” 

Pakiramdam ko ay ito na talaga ang tamang panahon, na kahit umuulan ay nararamdaman kong masaya kami pareho.

Hindi ko maitatanggi kung gaano ako kasaya na nakilala ko si Jael. 

Palagi kong ipa panalangin na kami pa rin ang mag tagpo kahit sa susunod na buhay naming dalawa.

Isusuot ko na sana sa kaniya ang singsing at bracelet nang biglang maramdaman kong para akong tumilapon.

Naitulak ko ba siya kaagad?

Anong nangyayari?

Bakit pakiramdam ko ay may dugo na dumadaloy sa ulo ko?

Ano ‘to? 

Kukuhanin mo na ba ako Lord?

Pero nag sisimula pa lamang kami, bakit mo naman ako kukuhanin agad?

“ Mahal ko, look at me please. Don’t die, please. Don’t leave me, please. Seraphiel, lumaban ka pa para sa akin, please.”

Hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari pero nararamdaman ko ang mga luha ni Jael, umiiyak siya.

Napaiyak ko ang taong minamahal ko nang sobra.

Patawarin mo ako, Jael. 

Hahanapin kita, pangako ‘yan.

“ Susundan kita saan ka man mag punta, Sera.”

Iyan ang huli kong narinig bago dumilim ang aking paligid.

End of the past flashback of Seraphiel and Jashriel.

After seeing that flashback of my past, I saw how Jashriel was struggling to breathe. 

She was saying something, but I can feel that I was long gone. 

I want to go back there, and say sorry. 

I want to go back there, and tell her that I am already here. 

But I can’t.

This is my punishment.

To finally remember my past and see how the love of my life struggles as she remembers everything. 

As she was trying to fight not to erase our memories together.

I figured out that this is her power, to prevent erasing the memories of someone. Even though she couldn’t remember her past.

I watched her as her emotions were finally back.

But at what cost?

Our dear father, will you hear me out? Will you give us a chance? To be with each other again?

Will you let me and Jashriel live just like how we used to be? Will you let us reincarnate? I wanna be with her. 

Will you do that?

I know that what I am asking is impossible, and that I am still being punished.

But I can't watch her here, looking so miserable.

I know that what she did was bad, but I think she doesn’t deserve this at all.

Please dear father, just this once. I promised to make it right, and that I won’t waste my time. That I would give my all to her, and will not neglect her just because I was busy.

I know that you showed me my past, and all of it was our happy moments. 

But I now remember that I hurt her because I wasn't spending my time with her. And that I've been a very bad girlfriend to her. 

Maybe I am the little devil after all, and she is the angel between the two of us.

I now know what went wrong and why am I being punished right now, aside from breaking our celestial rule. I finally know why I became an angel. Because you want me to see what I was doing in my past. What kind of person I am, and what kind of partner I am.

You want me to learn from my mistakes and make me realize that I did something wrong.

And in return, you will let me see the image of my lover struggling to keep herself alive, to not erase the memories of us together. 

We are both being punished, and that is the consequence of our sins.

I'm still wishing my dear father to forgive me for what I did and grant my wish to be with my lover again.

I felt someone hugging me, and it was Sachi. she was crying with me, as we watched my Jashriel crying her heart out. 

Still trying to fight for our memories to not be erased.

I'm sorry, my dear little devil. 

I can't do anything.

We also learned that her friend, Mitzrael, was once in a relationship with one of our angel friend here whose name is Azryel.

I just know that both of them are struggling.

Mitzrael and Azryel met, and just like me and Jashriel, they are also suffering from their past together.

How come that the four of us are experiencing something like this?

The sight of Jashriel fighting for everything that’s happening to her, it’s so sickening. I feel like I'm about to pass out too.

I heard Sachi calling my name but I already feel sleepy.

And the image of Jashriel is the last thing I saw before I completely passed out.

“ Hoy! gumising ka na jan atecco Seph, tanghali na.”

What the hell?

Panaginip lang ‘yon?  

All this time nananaginip lang pala ako? and nobody told me? 

“ Hoy! Seph, bakit ba umiiyak ka? kanina pa kita ginigising kasi iyak ka nang iyak habang tinatawag pangalan ng asawa mo. nag business trip lang, ulilang-ulila ka na jan. uuwi naman na ‘yon mamaya.”

“ Sorry ha? Malay ko bang panaginip lang pala ‘yon. Nakaka inis.”

“ Kwento mo nga, malay mo connected pala dreams natin.” 

“Ayoko nga. Matutulog na lang ulit ako, gisingin mo na lang ako kapag nanjan na si Jael.” 

Hindi na lang sumagot si Sachi, at lumakad na palabas ng kwarto.

Ewan ko ba bakit nandito siya, eh alam ko may gala sila nung mala anghel niyang girlfriend na si Gadriel.

And wait bakit nga kasama si Mitz at Azel sa panaginip ko, eh inaaway lang naman ako nung dalawang tropa ni Jael na ‘yon. 

Mga mapang-asar.

Pero, panaginip nga lang talaga? Sobrang realistic naman kasi.

I mean mukha naman talaga akong anghel, not ko ‘yan id-deny. Ang funny lang kasi, hello hindi ko kayang mag speak ng tagalog sa angel form ko? Wow ha, eh gamit na gamit ko nga ‘yan.

Ay matulog na lang ulit ako, baka mapanaginipan ko ulit ‘yon.

Bumukas naman ang pinto, pero hindi ko nakita kung sino kasi naka talikod ako. For sure si Sachi lang ‘yan at may naiwan lang.

Pipikit na sana ako nang may yumakap mula sa likuran ko. 

“ Hello, my Sera. I missed you so much po.”

“ Buti umuwi ka pa.” Tawa pa siya, nakitang nag tatampo ako eh. “ Syempre, ikaw lang naman uuwian ko eh.” 

“Baliw! mag bihis ka nga muna doon.”

Hindi na siya nag salita at nag punta na agad sa banyo para mag shower. Pagbalik niya ay niyakap niya ulit ako.

Miss na miss talaga ako. 

Ako din naman.

“ Maby. alam mo ba I had a very weird yet parang realistic na dream.”

“ Ano naman ‘yon?”

What she said caught me off guard.

What if it really happened and this is the life where we got reincarnated?

I was a fallen angel and you were part of a celestial being. It was sad nga eh kasi nabura ang memories ko with you and basta sobrang sakit niya. Ikaw kasi eh puro angst pinapabasa mo sa akin!”

“ Weird pero same tayo ng dream. Siguro, soulmates talaga tayo, kahit nakakainis ka madalas. And what angst? You were the one who’s reading with me, and sometimes snatching my book from my hand.” 

“ Yeah whatever. matulog na tayo, kahit alam kong kagigising mo lang, tulog ulit tayo. ” 

Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit.

She's the little spoon for today, and I will always love her hugs because this is my home.

This is where I belong.

“ Ikaw pa rin kahit saan man tayo mapuntang buhay, my maby, my dear little devil… Jashriel.” 

“ And I promised that I will always search for you wherever you go, my angel Seraphiel.”

THE END.