Chapter Text
Everything stayed pretty much the same after that. Hyunjin kept their secret safely hidden close to their chest, except now they and Minho would share small, knowing smiles across the dinner table. It felt better having someone know about their whole…gender thing without having to announce it to the world.
They did eventually tell Hajun and Yumi, though. It definitely wasn’t a planned “coming out”, but it worked.
It was around 3 am one night and Hyunjin was lying on their bed, staring at the ceiling lost in their thoughts, as they often found themselves these days, when an odd feeling came over them. They weren’t sure exactly what it was, just an odd feeling in the pit of their stomach and a little voice in their ear (the somewhat working one, in case you were wondering), telling them they should just get it over with. What was the harm in just…admitting it? It hadn’t been that hard with Minho, why would it be any different with Hajun and Yumi? They were their closest friends after all, surely nothing bad would happen.
Rummaging around in their duvet for their phone, Hyunjin opened KakaoTalk and clicked on the group chat for their trio, aptly named “three whores on an island”, hurriedly typing out a message with slightly shaking hands.
Before they could chicken out, Hyunjin hurriedly clicked send and shut off their phone, too scared to see whether the other two had read it. I mean, why would they read it immediately? It was 3 in the morning for crying out loud, the other two probably had much more healthy sleeping patterns and wouldn’t read it until the morning, perhaps if Hyunjin got up early enough, they could delete the message before either of them read it and they could pretend like nothing happened—
Ding!
Hyunjin took a shaky breath and slowly reached out to pick up their phone.
[1 unread notification—three whores on an island. Click to preview]
They could feel their heart beating in their throat, making it difficult to breathe as they typed in their pin, hands far too clammy for the fingerprint recognition to work.
Ding!
[2 unread notifications—three whores on an island. Click to preview]
Closing their eyes, they clicked on the group chat.
Hyunjinnie >.<
hey so I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m non-binary. It basically means that I’m not a boy or a girl, sort of somewhere in between. My pronouns are they/them now
Hajunnnn
sick
Yoomami
Park Hajun if you don’t give a proper response I will personally come over to your house and beat your ass
Be nice for once
Wtf
Thanks for telling us, it must’ve been really scary <3
Hajunnnn
Oh right mb
Thank you great master Hyunjin for blessing us with this information, I have understood and will continue to respect your wishes from this moment forth on using gender neutral terminology when referring to your grace
Wiat shit
Senior hyunjin?
Queen hyunjin??
What is the gender neutral word for master
Hold on
Hyunjin couldn’t help but let out a wet chuckle, wiping away the tears that had filled their eyes. They weren’t even sure why they were crying, all the emotions were just too much. The tiredness that was building probably didn’t help either.
Yoomami
He’s such an idiot I swear
Do you have a different name you wanna go by now or?
Hyunjinnie >.<
Nah I wanna stay as Hyunjin
It’s already gender neutral so I don’t really see the point in changing it
Yoomami
Ok!!
[You reacted “ ❤️ ” to Yoomami’s message]
It wasn’t until a whole 15 minutes later that Hajun finally messaged in the group chat again.
Hajunnnn
The only think I could find was mastress
Sounds kinda lame ngl
Hyunjinnie >.<
Did you really spend that whole time looking for a gender neutral term for master
Hajunnnn
….no
Hyunjinnie >.<
You’re so stupid
Yoomami
He’s definitely a special one that’s for sure
[Hajunnnn reacted “ 😡 ” to Yoomami’s message]
[Yoonmami changed the chat’s name to “Girl, Gay, Them/They”]
Hajunnnn
Wait who’s the gay???
Yoomami
You
Obviously
Hajunnnn
But I’m not gay???!???!?
Yoomami
I’ve seen your tiktok favourites
All those shirtless men
You whore
I know what you are
Hajunnnn
THAT’S TAEMIN IT DOESN’T COUNT
Hyunjinnie >.<
As the official LGBT representative here, it totally counts
Hajunnnn
Wtf man you’re supposed to be on my side here
Wait shit
Wtf thing you’re supposed to be on my side here
——
Now with their two closest friends told, Hyunjin was able to continue feeling a little more free. They didn’t have to worry about getting misgendered while at school with their friends or when hanging out on the weekend. It was one of the most freeing feelings they had ever experienced. They were finally able to just…exist. No residual sick feeling in their stomach, no nervous thoughts polluting the back of their mind. They were just happy.
Well, that was until they got home.
Appa had a habit of referring to the seven kids collectively as “boys”, which under any other circumstance would have been completely fine, but now that Hyunjin was aware of the fact they weren’t exactly a boy, they couldn’t help but feel the need to throw up every time the word was called through the house. They knew Appa meant nothing by it, that he wasn’t trying to hurt Hyunjin in any way, but it still stung every time he said it.
So, one evening, long after the majority of them had retreated to their rooms, Hyunjin snuck up the stairs, past Appa who was sitting on the couch on his phone, and gently knocked on Minho’s bedroom door.
When a muffled hum came in return, they pushed it open, slipping inside.
“What?” Minho asked from where he was lying on his bed. Hyunjin was silent for a few moments as they scoured their mind for the words they wanted to say.
“I want to tell Appa,” they settled on eventually. Minho blinked as he processed what Hyunjin said before shutting their phone off and sitting up to look at their sibling properly.
“You mean, about the whole non-binary thing?” he asked. Hyunjin nodded.
“And before you say anything, I already know he’s gonna be completely fine with it. It’s just…scary.”
“Oh, no, he’s definitely gonna be so chill about it all, you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. But, I do understand how it can be a scary thing to do. Honestly, I could never imagine how hard it must have been for you to tell me, let alone telling Appa.” Hyunjin smiled slightly. They were glad to have a sibling as understanding as Minho was. It was like he was born to be an older brother.
Minho then beckoned Hyunjin over to his bed, where the other sat cross-legged facing their brother. The two of them then formulated a plan of how they were going to tell Appa everything. Hyunjin definitely didn’t want to have to give a massive speech or anything and wanted even less to have to do it on their own, so Minho suggested he come with them as they told Appa. Hyunjin was honestly glad that Minho had been the one to suggest he accompany them as they had been too scared to ask themselves.
Once they had their plan formulated, down to what Hyunjin was planning on saying, the two fell into a comfortable silence, each going on their phones and just sitting in the other’s presence.
“Can…” Hyunjin began after a long while, “Can we tell him now?” Minho looked up from his phone.
“You sure?” Hyunjin thought for a moment before nodding.
“I’m sure.”
“Let’s go then.”
The two of them got up from Minho’s bed, Hyunjin putting their hands in the pocket of their hoodie to hide the fact that they were shaking slightly.
Walking down the stairs to where Appa was still sitting on the couch, Hyunjin felt the same feeling in their stomach, heard the same little voice in their ear, telling them to just do it. Just get it over with.
“Appa?” came Minho’s voice from beside them, cutting through the haze of their thoughts like a knife. Appa looked up from his phone and raised his eyebrows in slight surprise at seeing the two kids standing in front of him.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Can we talk to you for a sec?” Confusion and concern spread across Appa’s face as he shut off his phone, adjusting how he was sitting in order to make it easier to face Minho and Hyunjin, the latter of which was somewhat hiding behind their brother.
“Yeah, ‘course. What’s up?”
Minho and Hyunjin took seats on the couch in front of Appa, Hyunjin’s hands still firmly clasping each other in the pocket of their hoodie, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
“Before you start, no one’s pregnant, right?” Appa asked, a familiar joking tone in his voice. Hyunjin couldn’t help but chuckle quietly.
“No one’s pregnant,” Minho confirmed.
“Oh, thank god,” Appa sighed with relief. “I was not ready to be a grandfather in my 40s.”
A few moments of silence later, Hyunjin finally managed to push out the words that felt as if they were caught in his throat.
“What…what I wanted to, um, say was…was just…” They swallowed thickly as they felt Appa’s questioning eyes lay on them, staring determinately at their knees.
As their breath grew more and more laboured, Hyunjin felt a hand on theirs.
Looking up, they saw Minho looking at them with encouraging eyes, accompanied by a squeeze of their hand. Hyunjin gave him a small smile back before clearing their throat and trying again.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m…I’m non-binary.”
The seconds seemed to stretch on for hours, the sound of their pumping blood deafening Hyunjin despite the fact they still had their hearing aids in. But before they could take another breath, comforting arms were wrapped tightly around their shoulders.
That was when they broke, tears that had been threatening to fall since they sat down finally streaming down their face as they sobbed into Appa’s shoulder.
“I love you,” Appa whispered, rubbing a comforting hand up and down Hyunjin’s back. “I love you so much and nothing will ever change that.” Hearing those words only made Hyunjin cry harder, burying their face into Appa’s shirt just as they had done as a little kid.
“If you’re non-binary or not, I still love you just the same and I always will. You’re my kid and how you identify isn’t going to change that. We’ve even got the piece of paper over there to prove it. I’m so so glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me, I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been.”
It took a long while for Hyunjin to stop crying, all the pent-up stress they had been feeling recently rising to the surface. But the whole time, Appa was there, just holding and comforting them.
When they finally did calm down, wiping their eyes and still hiccuping slightly, Appa loosened his grip and tucked the longer strands of Hyunjin’s hair behind their ears before cupping their cheeks gently.
“I love you, kay?” Hyunjin nodded, sniffling.
“Love you too,” they mumbled. Appa smiled, finally sitting back.
“Right, name, pronouns, and who knows so I don’t out you to anyone.” This really was the best reaction they could have asked for. Appa was covering all the bases, here.
“My name is the same,” Hyunjin began. “Pronouns are they/them, and only Minho and my friends at school know, but I do really want to tell the others. I just…don’t really know how.”
“That’s okay, that’s something we can figure out together. But for right now, based off those bags under your eyes, I think you’re extremely tired so it’s time for you to go to bed.” Hyunjin did have to admit that now they had stopped crying, they could feel fatigue trickling through their body and settling deep within their muscles. All they could do was nod sleepily as a yawn escaped them.
Hyunjin and Minho both got off the couch and began heading towards the stairs.
“Love you,” Appa called.
“Love you too,” Hyunjin replied.
As they reached the bottom of the stairs, just as Hyunjin was about to go into their room, they felt a hand on their shoulder.
“Proud of you, stupid,” Minho muttered, giving his hand a comforting squeeze before turning their back and disappearing up the stairs.
Hyunjin fell asleep that night with a small smile resting on their lips.
——
A couple of days passed and Hyunjin had a few more chats with Appa and eventually, the two of them decided it would be easier to tell the rest of his brothers all at once. So, a family meeting was called.
Appa went around each of the upstairs bedrooms and dragged Hyunjin’s brothers out of their nests, telling them to wait at the kitchen table because he had something he needed to say to them. And, one by one, each of their brothers joined them around the table, Minho taking the seat right next to Hyunjin, despite it not being his usual seat at meal times. This earned him a glare and a half from Seungmin, but Minho seemed to pay no mind to it, only holding Hyunjin’s hand tightly under the table.
“Is this gonna take long? I was in the middle of something,” Jisung asked as Appa finally reappeared downstairs.
“That depends whether you shut up and listen or continue complaining the whole time,” Minho snarked, earning a huff from Jisung, but the latter boy didn’t verbalise any further complaints.
“Okay,” Appa announced before anyone else could ask any questions. “We’ve got you all down here because Hyunjin has something to tell you all.” Hyunjin could feel their face burn as all eyes immediately turned to them.
“Jin, do you wanna say it or do you want me to?” Minho asked under his breath. Hyunjin shook their head ever so slightly.
“No, I’ll say it.” They cleared their throat but still kept their gaze on the wood in front of them. “Um, basically, I’m, uh, I’m non-binary.” Minho squeezed their hand tightly as they said this, but before anything else could be said, Jeongin piped up.
“Wait, how does that work?” Hyunjin’s heart began beating faster and faster in their chest. No one else was saying anything, that meant they were angry, they didn’t like it, they found them disgusting, their own brothers.
Before they could burst into tears in front of the entire family, Hyunjin scrambled to their feet and rushed towards their bedroom door, immediately slamming the door behind them and falling to the floor.
They were trying to breathe but they couldn’t the air was getting stuck, why wasn’t it working, their lungs were empty, their skin was prickling, tears were burning their cheeks. All that came from them were muffled sobs as they tried desperately to just breathe.
No one had said anything, it was a sign, why hadn’t they said anything? It should have stayed a secret, they never should have brought it up in the first place. It was all a mistake, a mistake, a mistake. They were a mistake. Something inside them was broken, that’s why they were feeling this way.
Clasping their hands together, Hyunjin curled in on themselves on the carpeted floor, still gasping for air.
“I’m sorry, God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
It was only hours later that the door to Hyunjin’s room cracked open.
Looking up from where they were lying on their bed, arms wrapped around themselves and eyes puffy and red, they saw Jeongin. Their youngest brother was standing timidly in the doorway, not meeting Hyunjin’s eyes.
“Can I come in?” he asked in a small voice, so quiet that Hyunjin barely heard him. They just hummed in response, but Jeongin still came over the threshold and closed the door behind him.
The boy walked over to the edge of Hyunjin’s bed but didn’t sit down, only stood there as he fidgeted nervously with his fingers.
“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for what I said earlier at the dinner table,” he admitted. “I didn’t mean to sound rude, I promise, I just didn’t know what non-binary meant. But now I know what it means, and I wanted to tell you that…I don’t care if you’re not a boy. You’re still my older sibling and I don’t want to have hurt you, so I came to say sorry.” Jeongin looked absolutely terrified as he finally made eye contact with Hyunjin, almost shrinking in fear as Hyunjin sat up.
“Everyone else is completely okay with it too! Obviously, Minho is okay with it, I swear he almost slapped me when you left the table. But Felix explained to me what it meant right after you left and now I completely understand, and Appa also told us some stuff about how you’re keeping your name and all that. So you don’t have to worry, we all still love you and care about you and everything…I still love you.” Hyunjin gave the boy a small smile, which seemed to ease some of the tension in Jeongin’s shoulders.
“Thanks, Innie,” they said finally. “Love you too.” Jeongin smiled.
“Can I give you a hug?” he asked tentatively.
“Get over here.”
Jeongin clambered onto Hyunjin’s bed and practically tackled them onto the pillows. The younger had never been one for lots of physical affection, especially from his older siblings, but now he hugged Hyunjin so tight that they weren’t sure he would ever let go.
“I love you, hyung—Hyunjin. I mean, Hyunjin…ssi?” Jeongin mumbled into Hyunjin’s shoulder. Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh.
“That’s noona to you,” Hyunjin joked as they ruffled his hair.
“Alright, Noona,” Jeongin said teasingly, for once not trying to escape Hyunjin's affection.
“Okay, stop, that’s weird. Just call me my name,” Hyunjin told him, causing Jeongin to giggle slightly.
“Alright, Hyunjin.”
The End.