Chapter Text
We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick.
The middle of September was unusually cold and Agatha pulled her weather tighter around herself, heading towards the car. Billy was already waiting for her, leaning against the front, two cups of coffee in his hands. She probably should be more responsible and ask if he’s even allowed to drink coffee at his age, but, truly, she didn’t care as long as she had her hot beverage every morning.
“Hi, sorry, I missed my bus again,” she just waved him off and opened the car. They were past excuses at that point. Agatha would never admit it, but having company, even mostly silent one, on her way to work was nice. It was a win-win situation for her and Billy both: she could drink free coffee and pretend that Teen didn’t soothe just the right - the loneliest ones - parts of her, and Billy shouldn’t drag along with his brother and his friends on the car that is bursting with rap music.
“Are you seeing anyone?” but it was moments like this that she thought, that all benefits were not worth it. “Why? Do you volunteer?” Agatha smirked, hoping he would just let it go. But it was Billy she was talking to. “No, thanks, I would literally kill myself. But, there is this new biology teacher…” Not that again, she thought, taking a sip. “Did your mother put you up to that?”
“No, but the fact that she also talked to you about that makes me super proud of my genes,” Billy smiled, leaning forward involuntarily when Agatha took a particularly sharp turn, obviously pissed, “So, why not?”
“Not my type. No interest,” Agatha explained. She left out the fact that she still hasn't talked to Ms. Vidal at all. Their classrooms were far away from each other and that made avoidance really easy. She didn’t want to speak with her, see her or have anything to do with her, really. If she did, she’ll have to start making that stupid project. She asked Billy to do it and it was working out great. He would do it, she would give it to Ms. Vidal and that’s it. She wouldn’t have to communicate with her at all. Also, why did everyone just assume that because Ms. Vidal was attractive, it meant Agatha would like her? She wasn’t her type.
“But-”
“This conversation is over.”
“Fine.” Billy groaned, annoyed, “Have you seen that new show on Netflix?”
Doctor Melfi’s office always felt for Agatha like a waiting room in a hospital: too sterile, made for comfort and somehow at the same time didn’t bring any comfort at all. Her chairs were creaking with her every move so it was better not to move at all. Room also had a weird smell - lavender and previous patients repressed emotions. Dr. Melfi sat in her equally uncomfortable chair, medical pad and pen in her hands, smiling lightly at Agatha, who was trying her best to avoid eye contact. It'd been 10 minutes since the session started and she still hadn’t opened her mouth.
“Why don’t you tell me about your day?” Dr. Melfi suggested, trying to break the silence. Agatha sighed, shifting in her chair, as if there was some right position that would make the conversation easier.
“You know, the usual. School,” Dr. Melfi nodded along, making notes that Agatha couldn’t see from her angle. It was fucking annoying, “I have that dinner to go to today. At my friend's house.”
“Right. Every Thursday. Your friend Wanda and her family, as usual?” Agatha nodded, “Are you happy to go?”
“Yeah. I mean, they are…” not entirely irritating, “nice people. And a few glasses of wine will make everything even better,” it was a weak attempt at a joke, only half-true. It was more than just a few glasses. But the Doctor seemed somehow concerned.
“Are you still taking your medication?” Oh shit, Agatha thought, nodding, “You remember that it is strictly verboten for you to drink, right?”
“Yes, of course,” reassured her Agatha. There weren't five empty wine bottles in her trash just from this week, no. And she certainly didn’t take more than one pill at night with said wine just to pass out and not dream, “I meant that they are even better… Um… Funnier people when they drink,” Dr. Melfi nodded, still unsure, but chose not to push it.
“Alright. So, the Maximoffs. How are they doing?”
“They’re great. Well, I see all of them at work every day. Wanda has a book-club with middle-school kids this year. Vision is talking formulas as always. Nice guy, but I cannot understand half of what he’s saying. Tommy plays football. His parents are always saying how good he is but honestly I couldn't care less about sports. Billy is doing fine.”
“Just fine?” Doctor Melfi asked, curiously.
“He is making a history project with me.” Agatha explained a bit more, “He actually wants to be a historian.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“What?”
“The fact that the kid, who you knew since his first day on this earth, wants to go after you.” Doctor Melfi explained, staring at Agatha.
“I don’t really care.”
“You don’t?”
“I don’t.” Agatha insisted.
“Momma, when I am gonna be a historian, the first story I am going to tell is yours!”
“Oh, yeah? And what exactly would you tell about me, huh?”
“That my momma was a real breathing superhero!”
He didn’t. Now she must tell his story. Why is she always the one who tells someone's stories? It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair. Why—
“Where did you go just now?”
“I’m sorry?” the room suddenly felt surreal. Agatha’s breath fastened and she shivered in her chair, speaking back through her teeths.
“You zoned out,” Dr. Melfi clarified, “What did you think about?”
“I forgot to turn the oven off.” Agatha felt like she choked on her own words. The conversation stopped and no matter what Dr. Melfi did, Agatha was silent till the end of the session.
Dinner with the Maximoffs was a nice tradition that they’ve had for years now. Ever since college, Wanda and Agatha were sitting in their small dorm room, eating take out on Thursday night, giving each other mid-week reports. Then Vision became a part of their little group. Then Britney. And finally tweens and Nicky.
And then there were seven of them.
No matter what, they spend every Thursday night and every single holiday, laughing and eating, having a good time together.
Now, there are five.
Agatha always made sure to bring something - usually reheated casserole from the diner next to school, but it was still better than nothing. No one even touched it, but it was there, a reminder to Agatha that she tried. Made an afford.
At 7 p.m. sharp the doorbell at Maximoffs house rang as usual and Agatha stepped inside, soft smile on her face, greeting the family. Tommy rushed past her on her way to the kitchen, grabbing something from the counter on the way. He was too fast for his own good, Agatha thought, watching as Wanda grabbed his hand, telling him not to run in the house in what Agatha could only assume was not the first time this evening.
The Maximoffs household was too messy and chaotic for Agatha’s liking, but also really warm. Their kids were not always well behaved (three mugs that Tommy once broke during one day with her were proof), but kind and thoughtful. It the end of the day, the Maximoff family were what it seems the only people Agatha could tolerate and the only people who could get along with Agatha (See, Britney, you fucking c–).
“So, how are you doing?” Wanda, in apron, pouring two glasses of wine, asked her. Agatha took one of the glasses, taking a sip, “Nothing changed since we saw each other three hours ago.”
“You sure? I mean, you’ve had your thear–”
“I’m fine,” Agatha cut her off, “You?”
“Great. Tommy had his practice today and played as good as always and Billy—”
“I didn’t ask about boys. I asked about you.” Wanda stood, frozen for a minute, before speaking again. “I’m fine,” Agatha nodded and didn’t push, “Did you see that new show on Netflix?”
“Oh my God!” Agatha laughed, almost spitting some wine on the floor, “You and your son are literally the same person.”
“Billy asked you the same question today?”
“He did and the answer is no, I didn’t” Wanda hummed, now looking curiously at Agatha. “You and Billy are spending a lot of time together, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess we are,” she said, “He’s a good kid. You did a wonderful job,” she smiled, but it was weak and she felt like all the little energy that was left suddenly left her. “Thanks,” Wanda smiled at her, but it didn’t feel quite as warm as it should’ve been, “You did too. I mean, you’ve been a real help with boys. And even after…” your son's tragic death, “you didn’t abandon me and I am really grateful. I cannot imagine how it must’ve been for you.” No, you cannot, Agatha finished her glass, “And, I just want to say, it’s okay for you to feel like he’s yours. Because in some way he is.” All air left Agatha’s lungs.
“Where does this come from?”
“I am just saying, it’s okay.”
“No, you’re saying “Poor Agatha. She’s been through so much. I’ll share my toys with her so we can play house together.” I don’t need you pity, Wanda.”
“Aggie, it’s not like that.”
“I think I’ll have a rain check.” She put her glass on the counter, took her coat and left without saying goodbye to other members of Maximoffs family.
The next morning Billy drove to school in the company of rap music.