Chapter Text
It hurt more than he had expected, freezing to death. The feeling of pins and needles overwhelmed every inch of his body as he froze there on the ice. It had started off feeling like a light buzzing when he had pulled himself from the water, but had soon erupted into a cascade of needles slipping through his skin. His breath hitched every time a new wave of the feeling began, unable to even writhe against it. The vulnerability, the sheer powerlessness he felt in that moment was crushing. The worst, he thought, were the pins he felt in his ears, nose, and especially his hands. It felt as though he was being stabbed each time the feeling started up again. His only reprieve were the few seconds in between, where he felt nothing.
After what felt like hours, but was truthfully probably only about a minute, the pins and needles just persisted, rather than coming and going in waves. He gasped weakly as his body began to itch and burn relentlessly, just barely managing to squirm in the snow, flexing his hands ever so slightly as he tried to fight against the pain. His breaths, already shallow and wretched were now followed by pitiful, ragged whimpers. It felt as though a cold fire had been lit upon him, offering no warmth, no safety. He felt pinpricks of tears at the side of his eyes as he closed them, no choice but to allow them to roll down his face. Lukewarm. The pain stretched on, for hours, for days, weeks, burning all alone in the snow and the wind. His hazy thoughts begged for mercy, for it to stop, it was too much, he couldn’t take it.
And then, it began to fade. The fire lessened back into a buzz. It still hurt, but this was manageable. Despite everything, perhaps like this he could try to focus on something other than his inevitable end. He released a shuddering breath and, cracking his eyes back open, Kim tried to listen.
Somewhere above him the lieutenant could just make out the sound of seabirds on the wind. Their calls echoed mournfully across the ice as they wheeled about overhead. He lazily cast his eyes up towards the sky, the frost on his eyelashes chipping and falling onto his nose as he blinked. The setting sun painted the horizon beautifully; a burst of fiery oranges and yellows giving way to a deep indigo. Through his frosted glasses he could see the seabirds outlined against it, their small forms dancing mesmerizingly in the fading light.
As good an evening to die as ever, I suppose, he thought, resolving to keep his eyes upon the beautiful scene for as long as he could.
Kim exhaled another trembling breath as he willed his eyes to stay open. The exhaustion was heavy— heavier than anything he had ever felt before. The cold seemed to encase him; he could feel his drenched hair freezing to the skin on his forehead, and his clothes were likely already frozen by now, not that he would be able to check that they were. Keeping his gaze fixed upon the watercolor sky, he tried to twitch his fingers just a little bit, testing their mobility. Nothing. He could barely even feel his hands at this point. It had likely only been just past three minutes since he pulled himself from the water; he could only assume frostbite had already begun to set in.
If nothing else, he was grateful that he couldn’t feel them nearly as much, anymore. If he had to die, he'd prefer it to be peaceful, not overcome with agony. While he watched the birds float effortlessly above him, beginning to disperse with the setting sun, his mind began to drift back to Harry.
Oh, Harry… The regret he felt was all encompassing; Harry was going to be the one to find him here, frozen in the dark, long after the sun had gone. Kim wished more than anything he could spare him from that, he knew that the detective would never forgive himself for not being there in his final moments, for not being able to save him. He wished he could tell him that it wasn’t, nor would it ever be his fault. He could imagine the mans face when he found him, wild eyed and desperate, trying to shake his stiff form, and looking in vain for a sign of life. He… didn’t want to imagine that, actually.
Thoughts of his partner filled his mind; their first case together in Martinaise, Kim’s decision to transfer to precinct 41, their following partnership and all the cases that came after. Getting to know Harry on a more personal level, learning who he really was as a person. He had delighted in growing closer to the detective, learning his odd mannerisms and ways of thinking. He was one of a kind, that much was for certain. And while his reputation back in Jamrock had a long way to go before he could truly prove to anyone he really was changing, it was clear to Kim, and had been since their first case together, that he truly was making an effort to be better. And that alone was truly admirable in the lieutenants eyes. He was proud of Harry, and he made a point to tell him often.
Nearly a year had passed since their first case together, and in that time Harry had dedicated himself to trying to break down the walls Kim had so carefully built up throughout his life. At first he had found it intrusive, aggravating even, when Harry would insist on being around him even outside of work. It had nothing to do with Harry himself, not really, but growing so close so a person so fast put him way outside of his comfort zone. Perhaps it even frightened him, the idea of getting close to someone. No, it definitely frightened him. Death followed him. It was just safer to keep everyone at arms length. But then Harrier Du Bois came along and he just wouldn’t give up.
If he was being honest, though? Kim loved it. He loved every moment spent with the man, his every strange mannerism— or, well, most of them —his peculiar fashion tastes, his affinity for love… despite everything, the struggles with his temper and despair, everything he’d gone through, everything he was before losing his memory, the man exuded it like the sun. And that sun had warmed the icy walls of Kim’s fortress. Before long Kim was seeing him in his dreams, aching to be close to him, yearning for his touch… And yet, he could never find it within himself to open up in such a way. His presence was grounding, comforting. Warmth in the middle of a frozen ocean. But still Kim was too frightened to tell him, too frightened to be vulnerable even in front of the person he trusted more than any other. He feared solidifying his own feelings; it only made his fear of losing another person he loves one step closer to reality.
And wasn’t that ironic; here, now, with his still body freezing to the sheet of ice beneath him as the temperatures slowly drop with the setting sun. All of that, and for what? To be nothing but a work partner to Harry when he finds his cold corpse, alone in the snow? To have denied himself all forms of pleasure and happiness for the sake of, what, protecting Harry? No… not Harry. For the sake of protecting himself. From hurt, from sadness, from loss. All for nothing.
The sunset was a lot less comforting, now.
He allowed his eyes to slip shut as he languished in his regrets. What a life he had lived, barely allowing himself to love and to be loved in return. He had shut everyone out who tried to get close to him. Had called it a shield. A fortress. He hadn’t even realized he had simply build himself a prison.
…He opened his eyes one more time. His vision was unfocused through half-lidded eyes, but he could still see the dim orange glow reflecting off of the ice in front of him, though he made no attempt to cast his gaze towards the sunset itself. The chatter of seabirds overhead had died down, the creatures likely having gone back to their roosts for the night. It was near silent now, save for the sounds of the wind that continued to buffet him.
Somewhere in the night, however, he could hear a familiar rumbling. He couldn’t quite place it though… strange. It felt so familiar…
While he lay there, slowly slipping into oblivion, a tremble started in the ice. As the rumble in the dark grew closer and closer, so too did the tremors grow stronger. For a moment, the depths of Kim’s distant thoughts feared that he would drown after all; with the tremors cracking the ice and plunging him into the dark waters which wait eagerly beneath. But nothing happened, and in fact he soon saw what was obviously a pair of headlights rounding a corner, and illuminating the ice upon which he lay.
I… I know those lights… His thoughts clawed at the edges of his mind, desperately fighting for consciousness. The… Kineema… But that means…
“H… Ha…rry..?” His voice was soft, frail. It left his blue lips, only to be stolen away by the wind. There was no chance whoever was in the vehicle heard him.
But, as if on cue, it stopped. It faced out into the ice field towards Kim, bathing him in it’s light, but not daring to approach the ice itself, lest it risk breaking through. The Kineema’s door suddenly flung open, and out of it tumbled the silhouette of a sturdy man.
Harry… A sense of awe flooded through Kim at the sight of him. Of course he would just know.
Harry scrambled out of the motor carriage, and began sprinting towards him. His boots landed heavily upon the ice as he ran, and though it was hard to tell, silhouetted against the lights of the Kineema, even Kim could see the desperation plain upon his face.
“Kim! God, fuck, I’m coming!” His voice was desperate, scared. The sound of it sent a chill down Kim’s spine. “You’re gonna be okay, it’s okay!”
Time slowed down, then.
As Harry ran towards Kim, his foot landed on what seemed to be a weak spot of ice. Suddenly Kim felt more awake than he had since his whole ordeal had begun as a dense crack sounded from where Harry had stepped. The man stopped running immediately, but seemed unable to stop his momentum entirely. He slid a few more feet, panic evident on his face, and the crack beneath him spread. Kim felt adrenaline flood through his numb body, and for a moment he thought he may be able to stand again, but had no such luck. He managed to pull his arms slowly towards his body to try and push himself up, but he couldn’t even get them all the way beneath him, let alone even lift his head. His body was stiff and unmoving, but his eyes were wide as he watched the scene in front of him.
Harry had stopped, putting his arms out to his sides in an attempt to steady himself. He looked terrified. Kim had not seen such fear in him since he warned you during the tribunal. His eyes flicked between him and the crack in the ice.
“Okay. I’m… I’m just gonna…” His voice trailed off as he slowly started to try and sidestep the weak spot, his eyes still flashing back up to the lieutenant every couple of seconds.
It seemed to be going well. He had inched carefully around the spot, and was very, very carefully making his way over to Kim. But just as he passed the halfway point, the ice shattered like glass.
With a startled yell, Harry’s leg broke through the ice. Cold fear, colder than even the ice and snow and ocean beneath him, filled every inch of Kim then. He tried despairingly to get up, to even reach his hand out towards Harry, but his joints felt frozen solid. There was nothing he could do but watch as Harry struggled to free himself, and nothing still as he watched the crack in the ice spread from where his leg had fallen through, all the way to the spot where he lay.
No… Not in front of him, please…
He had no choice. And neither did Harry, who had also noticed the splitting ice going straight towards Kim. He had just barely managed to get his leg free, and was now sprawled out over the ice in an attempt to try and distribute his weight more evenly. But it was too late. His eyes widened in abject horror as he watched the ice crack beneath Kim.
“No, no NO! KIM!” His distraught voice echoed across the ice as it broke, and once more Kim was plunged into the water. He couldn’t struggle this time. There was no fight left, no warmth left to cling to. Even the adrenaline that had filled his body just moments earlier couldn’t save him now. Not even the thought of Harry having to live with this. The thought of him having to die like this…
Kim tried. He tried to get his body to listen. But it rebelled against him, and he sank further and further away from any kind of hope, away from his best friend and last love. Away from Harry.
As oblivion finally claimed him, his last thoughts were of Harry, and the life he may have had if only he had let him in sooner.
ICE FIELD - Where Kim once lay, there is now a large hole in the ice. A large crack runs from the hole your foot made in the ice to the hole in which he fell through. A few feet behind it, you can see a second opening, which you can only assume was from the first time he had fallen in. Somewhere you can hear screaming.
PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - The screaming is coming from you.
COMPOSURE [Impossible: Failure] - OH MY GOD FUCK WE KILLED HIM.
VOLITION [Godly: Success] - DON’T JUST STAND THERE, FUCKING *MOVE*
YOU - What do I even do?! If I stand up I’ll fall through too and then I’ll never save him in time!
VISUAL CALCULUS - If you can get to your hands and knees and quickly shuffle over, you should be able to make it without falling. Be wary, when you get to the edge of the ice it will be weak and may break while you are resting upon it.
YOU - You scramble to your hands and knees and start shuffling your way to where Kim had fallen through.
ENDURANCE [Heroic: Success] - You use the ice to your advantage, letting yourself slide over the smooth surface to get there faster. It only takes you about 10 seconds to reach the spot where Kim fell through.
KIM KITSURAGI - In the water you can just barely make out the orange of his jacket— he is sinking, very likely unconscious.
PERCEPTION - You can see one of his hands, just barely within reach.
YOU -
1. [REACTION SPEED - Medium ] Grab his hand.
2. Let him go.
[REACTION SPEED - SUCCESS]
YOU - You throw your arms forward, the breath leaving your body as the cold water sends shivers up your arms into your spine, and grab desperately at Kim’s wrist. You pull with all your might, dragging him out of the water. The ice cracks beneath you, and you back up as you pull him out, attempting to keep the weight distributed.
HALF LIGHT [Challenging: Failure] - Both of you will be too heavy to carry across the ice. Leave him. He is nearly gone anyway.
YOU - What? No, fuck you!
You cling to his wrist, wincing at the pop it makes as you tug harder to pull him out.
ICE FIELD - As he is pulled from the water, you feel the blood freeze in your veins as the ice crumbles beneath his weight, threatening to send the both of you into the icy depths.
REACTION SPEED [Legendary: Success] - You barely manage to pull him and yourself away from the crumbling ice before it shatters beneath you. You keep your distance as much as you can, staying precariously balanced on your hands and knees as you ever so delicately sidle both Kim and yourself as far away from the weak spot as possible.
YOU - Your eyes flicker to his chest.
PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - He isn’t breathing.
YOU - Oh god oh fuck no no no no what do I do?!
LOGIC - You need to perform CPR! *Now!*
YOU - CPR— do I know how to do that?!
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Formidable: Success] - As a matter of fact, you do. You can feel it all returning to you, even through your panic. First, kneel beside the person, placing them on their back on a firm, flat surface.
ICE FIELD - This is the furthest thing from a firm surface you could possibly imagine, but theres literally no time to get to safety first.
LOGIC - You have no choice, you’re just going to have to risk it.
ENCYCLOPEDIA - Officials recommend 100 to 120 chest compressions per minute, 30 at a time.
Two hands centered on the chest, shoulders directly over hands; elbows locked, compress at least 2 inches, and be sure to allow the chest to return to normal position after each compression.
YOU - You steel yourself, beginning chest compressions on the lieutenant, your hands shaking from the desperation and tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “C’mon Kim, open your eyes, stay with me!”
ENCYCLOPEDIA - Next, give the person 2 breaths. Open the airway to a past-neutral position using the head-tilt/chin-lift technique, pinch the nose shut, take a normal breath, and make a complete seal over the person’s mouth with your mouth. Ensure each breath lasts about 1 second and makes the chest rise; allow air to exit before giving the next breath.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - OOOOOOOH~ mouth to mouth!!!! We’ve been waiting for this, huh Harry babe?
VOLITION - UM????? KIM IS LITERALLY DYING???? NOW IS NOT THE TIME?
YOU - You continue compressions, cold sweat beading down your neck as you listen to the ice strain underneath of you, and lean in, pinching his nose closed as you cover his mouth with your own.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - THAT’S THE STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOLITION - NOT! NOW!
INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - You always imagined this scenario playing out far differently in your head. Perhaps something delicate, gentle and precious. Built up to after *eons* of patience, affection and hope. A sweet meeting of the lips, fleeting, and yet so, so perfect. Or perhaps something passionate; hunger and fire burning in both of your eyes, desire driving you like animals into the grasps of one another. A beautiful, desperate sort of want.
You never imagined it like this— cold. Terrified. A last resort. Never could you have predicted this.
YOU - You focus all of your energy into breathing life into the man, watching as his chest expands with each foreign breath forced into his lungs. Breath, compressions. Breath, compressions. You quickly go back and forth between the two, despair slowly squeezing your heart, and frost slowly curling around your soaked leg.
“Please, please…” Your hope is starting to fade with each compression, and the tears have finally begun to fall, landing on the frozen jacket of your partner.
KIM KITSURAGI - His chest rises and falls as you breathe for him, his eyes shut, his body stiff. He is so cold, it’s as if he’s been dead for days. His body jerks stiffly with each compression, but no more signs of life appear.
YOU - “No… Please…” You lean forward to do mouth to mouth one more time, watching as his chest rises artificially.
PERCEPTION - Wait, look…!
KIM KITSURAGI - With this final breath, he begins to cough, water surging forth from his mouth as his chest finally starts to shudder.
YOU - You turn the lieutenant to the side so that the water can more easily escape his mouth, your tears flowing freely now as signs of muted life begin to arise in him.
KIM KITSURAGI - His eyelids flutter ever so slightly as the last of the water seems to leave his lungs. “H- h-…” He’s gone again, but this time he is still breathing.
LOGIC - He is no longer drowning, but he is still actively freezing. He needs to warm up, and FAST. He will not last much longer out here, especially in those frozen clothes of his.
ICE FIELD - The ice is still and silent, seeming to grant mercy upon you as you half carry, half drag Kim back towards solid ground. A few points it cracks and echoes, a clear threat upon the wind, but it allows you passage and soon you are back on the ground, lifting Kim clumsily into your arms and rushing back to the Kineema.
YOU - You throw the door to the, thankfully still warm, Kineema open, crank the heat to max, and bundle Kim into the back, climbing in next to him.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Easy: Success] - When a person is experiencing severe symptoms of hypothermia, it is crucial to remove any wet clothes they may be wearing. Cut clothing away if necessary to avoid too much movement.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - …
VOLITION - …
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - …
VOLITION - …
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Look all I’m saying is-
VOLITION - You should be saying nothing, this is literally life or death.
YOU - Your breath hitches as you lean forward to take off his jacket; you know he would be devastated were you to have to cut that off of him.
KIM KITSURAGI - The jacket gives to your touch with a crunch as the frozen moisture is crushed. The zipper sticks at first, but after a few tries you are able to undo it, removing the jacket easily enough and laying it on the floor. His gloves, boots, and socks all come off quite easily as well, leaving him in a soggy white t-shirt and his tan pants.
PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - The tips of his extremities— fingers, toes, ears and nose, have all become red and inflamed, looking painfully swollen.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Formidable: Success] - Second-degree frostbite. The swelling is a sign that damage to your skin tissue is beginning to occur. The tissues below your skin are still intact, but prompt medical treatment is required to prevent further damage.
KIM KITSURAGI - He still wears his shirt and pants, the cold of the fabric continuing to seep into him.
EMPATHY - It’s okay, he may be embarrassed when he wakes up, but he will be grateful.
YOU - You reach out nervous, shaking hands as you go to lift his shirt over his head.
KIM KITSURAGI - A quiet, near-imperceptible sound escapes him as you move his arms.
PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Success] - You’re hurting him.
YOU - Abandoning that, you quickly shuffle around in the Kineemas toolbox, pulling out a pocket knife and using it to slice open the slowly thawing fabric, carefully easing it from his arms.
KIM KITSURAGI - The cut shirt slips from his form with ease, exposing the lieutenants bare chest. He is well muscled despite his slim stature, with trails of hair across his upper chest, and beneath his naval. You can’t help but look for a few seconds; he is incredibly handsome.
His skin is also slightly blue in color, so ya know, there’s that too.
YOU - You remove your jacket to lay it over his chest, and pull the emergency blanket out from under the seat of the Kineema. You lay that across the rest of his body before you go to remove his pants, in an effort to preserve his modesty.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Aww man…
KIM KITSURAGI - His pants come off far easier than his shirt, sliding down his legs and disturbing the blanket from beneath. Now that he has been properly undressed, he can begin to warm up properly.
YOU - You take an extra moment to wrap him the blanket completely around his unconscious form, tucking the sides in beneath him to keep out any drafts. For just a moment you hesitate, watching his chest rise and fall to reassure yourself.
LOGIC [Easy: Success] - He is in a far better position now that those clothes have been removed, but it would still be wise to hurry back to the Whirling-in-Rags, it will be easier to warm him up there.
COMPOSURE [Impossible: Failure] - You swing yourself back into the drivers basket, peeking at Kim in the rear view. You try to fight off the rising desperation clawing in your chest, but as you begin to pull away from the ice field, swinging back onto the road, you hear Kim make a pathetic sound; so soft that it forces tears from your eyes as you push the Kineema as fast as you possibly can, hopefully towards your partners salvation.