Chapter Text
That night still scrapes at the back of his mind, like a bad song you can't get out of your head. Leaving the monastery and seeing strange things, the asshole who was shooting pigeons having animalistic features that definitely weren't there before, Shiro coming to rescue him. Him telling Shiro he wasn't a father to him.
He regrets that the most. Lying in a fit of anger and being the reason Satan was able to possess Shiro. He remembers everything: the sound of flesh ripping as Shiro’s fingers were used to open that gate, Shiro’s features contorting into demonic sneers, the fear of leaving or staying. He had no choice. He had to draw the damn sword, he couldn't just let Shiro die, he was his father .
But the elongated canines that now crowd his mouth make him want to vomit; the tail that curls between his legs makes his skin feel foreign; his pointed ears catch too much sound; he can’t even hide in the dark anymore because his eyes adjust too easily, confirming that what little humanity Rin possessed, is now gone.
Shiro lived, though his body is deteriorating rapidly and he’s in so much pain Rin can sense it; another curse bestowed to him by his supposed biological father. He felt sick. He’s been hiding in his and Yukio’s shared room for days now, only leaving to piss (and shit), preferably in the pitch black of night to avoid the prying eyes of the priests. Yukio hasn't been back and Rin can’t say he's too upset about it. How many years did Yukio know that his brother was a demon, a freak of nature? Was he scared of Rin? Did he hate him? Rin curls into himself, willing the floor to swallow him whole. His ears are ringing and his throat is dry and he wants to die.
It’s well past midnight when Rin hears footsteps and his door creaking open. Shiro is standing in the doorway, hunched over and grimacing. “Rin?” he asks, wrinkled eyes searching for Rin’s figure in the dark. His voice is but a whisper, but Rin can hear him as if he’s speaking right into his ear. Ever since Shiro was rushed to get treatment for his injuries, Rin was all but forgotten, left to his own devices. He straightens his back and clears his throat, startling the priest.
“Why the hell are you on the floor?” Shiro asks teasingly, louder knowing that Rin is awake. “Nothin’,” Rin manages, but his voice is hoarse and it grates in his ears like nails on a chalkboard. He flips on the lamp that's on the desk behind him, hissing at the way it burns his too sharp eyes. His tail slithers around his waist as if it's trying its best to hide Rin from the priest; an innate sense of danger makes his hair stand on end. It’s revolting .
“How are you holdin’ up?” Shiro asks from the now dimly lit door. He shifts, wanting to sit, but waiting for Rin to calm down. Rin sucks in a breath and exhales wobbly before responding. “‘M okay,” but they both know it’s a lie. Shiro sighs and slowly makes his way over to Rin’s bed. He sits with his body turned towards the opposite wall instead of Rin, trying to give him space while still being close enough to comfort his obviously terrified son.
They sit in silence before Rin asks in a hushed tone, “why did you save us?” Shiro is startled by his tone, somewhere between self-loathing and disbelieving. He’s never seen his son so…subdued. It’s unnerving.
“You were–are–children. It isn’t your fault your biological dad ended up being a deadbeat,” Shiro states bluntly, trying to make Rin laugh a bit. But Rin only folds into himself more. Shiro reaches his hand out to rest on his son’s shoulder. Rin flinches at the touch and turns shining eyes at his father.
“Do you–do you hate me?” The words are raw and full of apprehension. If he wasn’t hurting all over, Shiro would have tackled his son into his arms; instead he carefully slid to the floor beside Rin, slowly draping an arm across his shaking shoulders, mimicking their past dynamic.
“It’s not your fault,” Shiro says, still looking at the wall opposite to them. “What?” Rin’s head snaps to the man beside him. “It’s not your fault I got possessed, kid,” Shiro glances at Rin but keeps his body pointing towards the wall. “I had a moment of weakness that Satan was more than ready to exploit. And no, I don’t hate you. You’re my son, and nothing that happened changes that,” this time he turns his head to look at Rin, wide-eyed and on the verge of tears.
“I–” Rin’s voice cracks with almost a week's worth of repressed emotions, “–I’m sorry.” He’s crying now, the heels of his palms pressed into his eyes as he tries to compose himself. “Didn’t I just say it ain’t your fault, hah?!” This gets a sad chuckle out of Rin, “sorry!” Shiro grins at Rin, leaning into his side as his son smiles sheepishly at him with red-rimmed eyes.
“I should have died, so really I should be thanking you, even though you disobeyed my orders,” Shiro raises an eyebrow at the halfling who looks down in shame, shoulders sagging from the weight of his actions. He’ll never be normal again; not that he ever was. Shiro sighs, “I have a friend that can help you out since you unsheathed Kurikara. And an old student that might be able to teach you a few things,” he smiles fondly at the memory of said student, “I’ll need some bargaining chips for her though. You should try and rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow about everything, alright?” Rin nods in understanding.
Shiro sighs heavily as he rearranges himself. Who told him it was a good idea to be sitting on the floor? He’s too damn old for this. He grumbles about his bad knees and his joints pop as he stands. He turns around to look at his son one more time, “Don’t be too hard on yourself, eh?” He grins and shuffles out of the room.
Rin wishes Shiro would have stayed, but says nothing as he closes the door on his way out. The guilt of the situation still weighs heavy on his mind. Slowly he gathers himself up and sits on the edge of his bed. He turns off the light and is left with himself again. His nails are long and unkempt and he digs them into his arms because he can feel the demonic blood running through him. He rocks himself to sleep in the too empty bedroom. Maybe he does wish Yukio were here.