Chapter Text
Bloxxer grumbled, hunching over the desk as he rushed to wrap the gift. His shift felt interminable, the clock ticking toward 2 AM, each second stretching on longer than the last. He yawned, struggling to keep his eyes open, fumbling with the tape as he carefully boxed up the purple lava lamp he had picked out for his boss. It wasn’t particularly extravagant, but he figured the literal demigod who ran the department might appreciate—no, should appreciate—its lovely charm. Or at least, he hoped so.
The room was dimly lit, the overhead lights buzzing softly as Bloxxer worked, the faint sound of chaos from outside the room echoing in the background—a constant reminder of the wild world he was a part of. Just then, a loud slam reverberated through the office as a hammer struck the floor, reverberating through the walls. Bloxxer jolted upright, nearly knocking the gift off the desk in his panic. “Boss!” he yelped, spinning his chair around to face Banhammer, who stood in the doorway, his usual imposing presence magnified by the late hour's shadows.
“Bloxxer,” Banhammer drawled, his rich southern accent rolling off his tongue like honey poured over fried chicken. His massive figure loomed in the doorway, but a faint smirk tugged at his lips as he eyed his subordinates—one of whom was now clutching a gift with all the finesse of a helpless turtle.
“I—I got you something!” Bloxxer stammered, thrusting the hastily wrapped gift into Banhammer’s hands, his own trembling slightly under the weight of his nervousness.
Banhammer chuckled, the sound low and rumbling, like distant thunder. “Eager, aren’t ya?” he remarked, raising an eyebrow as he effortlessly tore into the wrapping paper, shards of brightly colored paper flying like confetti into the air. “Now, what’d ya get me this year?” He slipped off his blindfold—typical of him, even in a workplace setting—and revealed all four of his piercing eyes, their sharp intensity focused on the gift as he inspected its contents.
The lava lamp gleamed under the harsh fluorescent lights, its colors swirling with the promise of calm amidst the chaos. Bloxxer shifted nervously, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. “Uh, there’s a receipt if—if you don’t like it, Boss,” he mumbled, the words spilling out almost incoherently as he felt anxiety churn in his stomach.
“Nonsense,” Banhammer declared, voice steady and decisive. “I like it. Suits me just fine.” He placed the lamp gently on the cluttered table, his touch surprisingly careful for someone of his size. Then he leaned in closer, his towering frame bending over Bloxxer like a shadow falling across a ray of sunlight. His voice softened, almost playful. “But I reckon there’s a better gift right here in front of me.”
Before Bloxxer could process the implication of those words, Banhammer pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. The contact sent shockwaves through Bloxxer, who froze, his entire being momentarily paralyzed by a rush of emotions surging forth. His face instantly flushed a deep, glowing blue, as if the lava lamp itself had ignited within him. “You—You can’t just—!” Bloxxer spluttered, utterly flustered. “Boss!”
Banhammer leaned back, arms crossed, his grin widening with the playful satisfaction of a cat catching a startled mouse. “Yer too easy to rile up, Bloxxer,” he teased, the warmth of his expression contrasting sharply with his giant stature. “And cute, too. Now quit fussin’ and open yer gift.”
Still breathless from the unexpected kiss, Bloxxer blinked at him, flustered yet curious. Did he really want to open the gift? Did he dare? A surge of adrenaline pulsed through him, overwhelming his senses and leaving him both exhilarated and unnerved. “A gift for me?” he repeated, voice barely above a whisper, as anticipation mixed with trepidation. Banhammer smirked, enjoying Bloxxer's fumbling confusion as he gestured toward a neatly wrapped package on the corner of the desk.
“Go on,” Banhammer said with a casual shrug, “open it.”
Bloxxer hesitated, his fingers hovering over the ribbon. Did he dare? His nerves buzzed, adrenaline surging through him as curiosity won out. He tugged at the bow, letting the paper fall away in a cascade of colorful shreds.
What he uncovered made his jaw drop.
Nestled inside the box was an oversized Pusheen plushie, dressed up in an adorable police uniform, complete with a tiny badge and cap. The plush’s round body was soft and squishy, its whiskered face wearing the signature Pusheen expression—content and slightly smug, as if it knew just how cute it was. Bloxxer stared at it for a moment, his breath hitching in his throat.
“You—you got me a Pusheen plushie!?” he finally shrieked, his voice cracking as pure, unfiltered joy erupted from him. Without another thought, he toppled to the ground, clutching the plush to his chest as though it were the most precious treasure in the world.
Tears sprang to his eyes as he wrapped his arms and legs around the ridiculously large plush, its soft material cradling him like a warm hug. He sobbed, not out of sadness but from sheer happiness, his muffled cries lost in the plush’s velvety surface. “B-Boss, you don’t understand!” he wailed, kicking his feet in a flurry of emotion. “This is so perfect!”
"Waah…” he sobbed, unable to form real words anymore. All coherent thought slipped from his mind as he rolled around on the floor, the immense joy overwhelming him. With the Pusheen plushie clutched to his chest, he felt like a child who had just received their most treasured toy. Flailing a little, he let out a series of high-pitched wails, raw and unfiltered, as he basked in the moment. It was as if he had forgotten he was an adult; nothing mattered but the overwhelming happiness this gift had brought.
In a fit of unrestrained glee, he crawled over to Banhammer and latched onto his leg, burying his face against the sturdy fabric of his boss's armor. “You’re—THE BEST!” he declared between breathless sobs, his voice muffled but bursting with sincerity. Bloxxer’s grip tightened around Banhammer’s leg, his emotions rising up like a tidal wave, and he felt giddy, completely caught up in the bliss of the moment.
Every single year, Banhammer had surprised him with a different Pusheen plushie—each one a delightful manifestation of Bloxxer’s love for the adorable feline character. The first year had been surprise Pusheen with a cupcake on her head, followed by the cozy winter Pusheen bundled up in a scarf. Last year, he'd received a superhero Pusheen, complete with a tiny cape. But this year was the best of them all.
The oversized police Pusheen, complete with a little badge, a hat perched jauntily atop its head, and its soft, round body begging to be hugged, was perfection. Bloxxer couldn’t contain himself. Tears streamed freely down his cheeks, his tail wagging uncontrollably behind him as he clutched the plush to his chest. “Boss…! You…WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” he wailed, his sobs full of joy, his voice cracking as he rocked back and forth on the floor.
Banhammer, towering above him, sighed deeply but fondly. “Yer too dramatic, y’know that?” he muttered, crouching down beside Bloxxer. With surprising gentleness for a man of his size and strength, he reached out and wiped away a tear streaking down Bloxxer’s cheek. “C’mon now, quit cryin’. Ain’t like I got you the moon or nothin’.”
“But it feels like the moon!” Bloxxer sniffled, his voice muffled as he buried his face in the plush. “It’s so soft and squishy, and it’s a police Pusheen! It’s me! Boss, you’re the best!” He glanced up, his wide, watery eyes filled with gratitude and adoration.
Banhammer’s lips twitched into a rare, warm smile. “You’re somethin’ else, Bloxxer,” he said softly, brushing a stray strand of hair out of Bloxxer’s face. “You deserve it, though. You’ve been workin’ hard all year, and… well, I reckon I like seein’ ya happy like this.”
Bloxxer hiccupped, his heart swelling at the unexpected kindness. “Boss…” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. He reached out and impulsively hugged Banhammer, his arms barely wrapping halfway around the larger man.
Banhammer froze for a moment, caught off guard by the sudden embrace, but then he relaxed, his massive hand coming to rest on Bloxxer’s back. The smaller officer’s grip was firm but endearing, like a child clutching a safety blanket. Banhammer gave a gentle pat, his chuckle rumbling deep in his chest. “All right, all right,” he said, feigning gruffness to mask the warmth in his tone. “`on’t get too carried away now.”
Bloxxer reached for Banhammer’s hand, but before he could take it, Banhammer shook his head with a smirk. “Nah, you’re gonna trip over somethin’ with that thing glued to yer chest.” Without warning, the massive man scooped Bloxxer up effortlessly, one arm under his knees and the other supporting his back.
“Boss!” Bloxxer squawked, his tail fluffing up in surprise. He instinctively hugged the Pusheen closer, his cheeks darkening in embarrassment. “You didn’t have to—!”
“Quiet,” Banhammer said, his tone teasing but firm. “`s'faster this way. Besides, yer light as a feather. Now hold on tight.”
Before Bloxxer could protest further, the world around them warped and shimmered. A rush of wind swept past them, and the precinct faded into a swirling haze of deep reds and blacks, teleporting to Banlands, he walked to their house away from the prison that was made, just for them. <3
Banhammer set Bloxxer down gently at their doorstep, his blindfold slipping slightly as he gave the smaller officer a lopsided grin. “There. Safe and sound.”
Bloxxer wobbled for a moment, still clutching the plush, before steadying himself. “You could’ve warned me!” he huffed, though his pout was undermined by the way his tail wagged happily behind him.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Banhammer retorted, his smirk widening as he opened the door and gestured for Bloxxer to go inside.
The interior of their home was surprisingly cozy, a stark contrast to the imposing landscape outside. Warm, dim lighting illuminated the space, highlighting the collection of Pusheen plushies arranged neatly on shelves and furniture. Each one seemed to greet Bloxxer as he stepped in, their soft, smiling faces welcoming him home.
“Go ahead,” Banhammer said, giving Bloxxer a gentle nudge toward the living room. “Add that one to the collection. You’ve got a whole army now.”
Bloxxer’s eyes sparkled as he skipped toward the shelf, carefully placing the police Pusheen in the center of the display. He stepped back, hands on his hips, and admired his handiwork. “Perfect,” he whispered, his voice full of awe.