Chapter Text
May 4, 1977.
"Moony, have you seen my wand," he asks absently. When he gets down on his knees to look under his bed, he grimaces at all the things underneath.
Oh, so there were his gloves.
Remus lets out a tired sigh, probably sick of James losing his wand almost every day. "It's on your bedside table, Prongs."
Before getting up, he reaches out to grab the gloves, shaking them to dust them off. He had lost them three days ago and Sirius had to lend him a spare pair of his own. After placing them next to his pillow, he grabs the glasses, which were indeed on the nightstand. Maybe next time he should use an accio, or Remus would explode one of these days.
Just then, Peter entered the dormitory, his arms carrying his books that were about to fall. James rushed to his aid carrying three, and Peter gave him a grateful smile.
Remus looked up from his book, but his calm expression slowly changed to a frown. "Where's Padfoot?"
Involuntarily, a nervous cough came out of James and Peter stopped his movements for a second, but then continued walking to his bed. They ignored the inquisitive look from their best friend.
If one of them revealed that Sirius was in the middle of the surprise date plan for Remus, he would murder them in cold blood. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of the boy's wand and fists.
Don't say anything, don't say anything, he pleaded in his mind, trying to communicate it to Peter telepathically, or at least with his panicked look.
Peter shoots him a desperate gaze, until he clears his throat and miraculously puts on a feigned expression of relaxation. “He stayed up chatting with Mary and Marls in the common room, something about a new clothes store opening in London,” he improvises in a relaxed voice and leaves the books scattered on his bed, as if he hadn’t lied at all. James lets out a sigh of relief, and Peter momentarily looks at him nervously. James admires his lying abilities. Then, trying to change the subject, Peter looked at his friends with a smile on his face. “Professor Slughorn has cancelled today’s and tomorrow’s classes.”
"Oh, Merlin," Remus lamented, throwing his head back.
James let out a laugh as soon as Peter finished speaking. "That's awesome!" he shouted as he clapped his hands in delight.
"I know!" Peter abruptly lay down on his bed, not even caring about the books he was now crushing. "Who knew Padfoot's idea would work."
"Don't say that in front of him or he'll give crazier ideas than freezing the potions classroom," James suggested.
Remus let out a sigh of exasperation at the exchange of words between the two marauders.
Of the four of them, Sirius' prank ideas almost never worked perfectly. Sure, they were creative and very flashy, but they often lacked logic and effectiveness, as Remus often reminded them. The first time they tried to pull off an idea Sirius gave them was in second year, when they tried to change the hair color of some fourth year Slytherin. The prank ended with Peter and Sirius bald, and James having his hair down to his heels. Inexplicably, Remus escaped unscathed. Days later James learned that he had used a protection spell.
Needless to say, the result of the failed prank didn't sit well with Sirius, who loved his hair more than anything. The poor boy stopped coming up with ideas for pranks for a whole year. And losing his hair wasn't the only consequence; Regulus, like a good little brother, teased Sirius to no end. Narcissa, who was in her last year of school, also made fun of her younger cousin's misfortune, albeit with a well-trained dissimulation worthy of a pureblood lady.
This time they decided to accept one of Sirius' ideas. James and Peter managed to convince Remus to participate, but, let's be honest: they didn't make much effort; that man was at Sirius' feet.
So that morning, the potions room dawned covered in frost. Anyone who dared to walk through the door would be frozen from head to toe, and any thawing spell would take three hours to take effect. Remus, of course, made sure no one was hurt.
"Remind me why I agreed to this," Remus said in a resigned tone.
Peter stretched out on his bed and let out a long, satisfied sigh. "Because it was an amazing idea to miss school."
"What about the exam topics?" He looked at them sternly. "Remember, it's only a short time until we have to take the EXTASIS."
"Oh, come on, Moony. The exams aren't for another year!"
"But they have to improve on their grades to pass their EXTASIS." He stared at Peter, who swallowed hard. Fear was evident in his eyes, and James held back the urge to laugh at his best friend's expression. "Pete, you didn't get any Outstanding or Exceeds Expectations in Potions, and you must have at least the Exceeds Expectations if you want to be a Herbologist, right?"
"I'll bounce back next year!"
"Good, because a good note is necessary, Wormy," his tone of voice dropped a little, and Peter gave him a coy smile.
Remus always worried about everyone's grades, especially Peter's, who had the lowest grade of the four; although in Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures he humiliated all three of them.
Sirius and James have always gotten good grades, even if they only study the subjects once. Remus has been proud but frustrated at the same time, because he has to study several times to get an Outstanding. Lily is another person who shares the feeling with Remus.
"And you, James." Remus turned his attention to him.
Oh-uh.
"Yes, my dear Moony?" he tried to appease Remus.
And it failed miserably.
"You must also get at least an Exceeds Expectations in Potions. What if you don't know how to recognize a deadly potion when you're an auror? You could die!" He threw his hands up in frustration.
James has always been an expert at knowing how to read people, especially those he cared about, so it wasn't hard for him to see the concern in his best friend's features.
He cared about him. James was filled with love.
He gave him a reassuring smile. He understood Remus's concern perfectly. "I'll get better at Potions, Moony, don't worry. I'll be the best auror the magical world has ever seen, I swear!"
The looks he received from his two best friends were full of joy and confidence, as if they knew it would be so, and James was bursting with complete joy. It was nice to know that they had faith in him.
"I believe it, Prongs," the brown-haired boy smiled at him, and his honey-warm eyes sparkled with affection.
Peter sat on his bed and raised his arms, pointing at James, as if he were one of those presenters at the beginning of an act. "Ladies and gentlemen, James Fleamont Potter, the greatest auror who ever lived in the entire magical world!"
He gave him a smile that reached his eyes before bursting into laughter, with Remus seeing them and smiling genuinely.
He wouldn't trade his best friends for anything.
Because James didn't have his allotted two hours with Slughorn at eleven o'clock noon, and that, conveniently, was the last few hours of his schedule for the day, James set about enjoying his free time. He had already done his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework, with only fifteen centimeters of parchment research left to do for Transfiguration class, nothing that would take up much effort or hours of his day.
However, his idea of "enjoying his free time" was interrupted by a huge silence in the bedroom. It's kind of funny, because he never thought that silence could interrupt anything, but here he is: alone and lying on his bed, feeling that this silence is a very annoying one.
Sirius had taken Remus half an hour ago, and they were probably going to skip lunch. Whatever Sirius had planned for their date, it would definitely include food, or at least chocolates. And leaving the couple aside, Peter was also gone. The boy had been trying to set up some Herbology study meetings, but never had the courage to take the first step. It wasn't until after the Hogsmeade outing that Peter unexpectedly took courage.
Today, completely determined, he went out to talk to some of his year mates who had shown genuine interest in Herbology. Remus commented that it was a good start for the study club, and James congratulated him with warm words and hugs.
Come to think of it, maybe the Rosier siblings had something to do with Peter's sudden bravery and courage. He remembers what Regulus told him: the two blondes were the best in Herbology in their year. Yes, surely the two of them had something to do with it. He should ask Regulus about it.
And, as if it were an everyday occurrence, an image of a boy with ink-black curls and eyes the color of a beautiful snowy landscape immediately pops into him thoughts, and only because he thought of his name.
Regulus, who James hasn't seen in three days.
James definitely didn't feel a pang in his chest.
One day (really! One day) he'll dig more into that chest-pounding, stomach-fluttering stuff, but not now.
Well, it turns out that Regulus hasn't talked to him much after that special, intimate talk they had in the Gryffindor locker room.
Let's recap:
After Monday's game and Gryffindor's defeat, James spent his time consoling his team. Sure, he was dejected, but it was his teammates first. They had put so much effort into this match, and for them to lose in the end only brought the mood throughout the team down. James had to see to it that they were not consumed by defeat, and urged them to keep training.
When they met in the locker room, he received phrases of comfort from his teammates and a few hugs from Gideon and Marlene. Sirius was also a great support. It kept him distracted and laughing to forget this defeat, which, honestly, worked for a moment. This wasn't James' first game, nor was it his first since being captain; however, the feeling of guilt wouldn't go away.
James tried not to feel that way and deflect those thoughts, especially when his seeker, Everhart, approached him with a guilty expression and apologized for not being quick enough. James repeated to him endlessly that it wasn't his fault, and he wished those words he said would have reassured him as well, but they only had an effect on Everhart.
Just after the entire team had left to take a break in the Common Room or in their dorms, James leaned against the locker room door as if he were a dead body. And indeed, he felt that way; as if his limbs had become unresponsive and his mind had gone somewhere else. That was why he didn't hear that someone else had entered the locker room.
It didn't take him long to notice Regulus' presence there, because for James it's impossible not to notice when the Slytherin is in the same space as him. It's as if Regulus was made to be watched, but not for morbid or other creepy reasons, but to admire him. James would watch him for ages, only admiring the moles that paint the boy's pale skin.
If James were an artist, his drawings would be filled with constellations and shining stars, because that's the only thing that would cross his mind when someone told him: make art. His hands would move in familiar, comforting strokes on the canvas, as if creating something star-related would come naturally to him.
Regulus had slowly approached James, as if he had expected a negative reaction from James to his appearance. That, of course, was not going to happen. As soon as James had given him a smile, Regulus had perked up and sat down on the locker room bench, and patted a space inviting him to sit with him. James had immediately obeyed.
The Slytherin had showered, for his curls were damp and his skin looked fresh. His eyes looked up at him sheepishly, and James felt anon. He had a few seconds to process the words in his mind when Regulus spoke.
"Your team was a mess, Potter, did you stop getting them up at five in the morning?" he had said. It was a teasing comment but not meant to hurt, James knew that, which was why he laughed. Regulus quirked a small smile on his lips at his reaction.
"Maybe I got a little soft on them."
Which might not be true, because James felt that he was making too many demands on them. He felt he was giving them more pressure that he shouldn't, that he was putting a heavy burden on their shoulders. Maybe that was why it all went wrong, because James overdemanded his team and himself. They all tried hard enough, but they went over the line of "want to" and fell into a spiral of "need to".
It subconsciously forced them past their limits and pushed them harder. James drew a finish line that was no longer seen as an accomplishment to celebrate, but as an obligation. It's like taking a test that was haunting you for weeks, and when you get the grade you wanted to see, you just sigh in relief because you don't have to think about it anymore, and it doesn't even cross your mind to celebrate something you should.
And Regulus had picked up on his thoughts, as if he had read his mind. James had feared that he had.
"You over-demand too much of yourself and your team. Don't you think you should take things a little easier?"
"We give our best effort to win, Reg. It's not about exigency." However, he felt a lump in his throat at the thought that, in fact, it was. "Or is it?"
"It is." He narrowed his eyes and motioned with his left hand. "But you shouldn't feel bad if at the end of the day you gave it your best, isn't that good?"
"Sure I did," he sighed, "but...I feel like I added pressure that wasn't theirs to bear. A weight they shouldn't have carried into the game. I urged them to keep training, and even that's what I told them when we lost."
Saying that was worse than thinking it. Regulus heard it and now knew that the one who made the mistake was James and not any of his team. He felt worse than before.
"Oh, Merlin, I'm a terrible captain," he whispered and covered his face with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. This was a pitiful scene, and he felt ashamed that it was Regulus who would be the one to see this part of him. Would he walk away? Would he think James was too much? That it was wrong? That he was over-demanding?
But Regulus only moved closer, placing a hand on his shoulder rather gently. When James looked into his eyes, he saw sincerity and warmth.
"You're not doing things wrong, James. It's just that you're pushing yourself so hard that you think that's the only way things will work out. When do you enjoy a workout? Will you even enjoy a win when your team wins, or will you feel relief to get the weight off your shoulders?"
Everything James had thought, Regulus had expressed honestly, and it only made the situation heavier and truer. He had closed his eyes with a deep sigh, wishing this day was over already. "I think you're right."
He received a playful nudge from his companion, and James allowed himself to laugh.
"Hey, I'm always right, Potter."
"Sure, Reggie." That time, the blow had been a little harder, and James let out a louder laugh.
The memory of that talk is still fresh in his mind, even though three days have passed. James admits that he felt lighter after talking to Regulus. Perhaps he was missing someone else's perspective, and talking honestly with Regulus had made James dig deeper.
For Godric, he misses Regulus.
Regulus has only shown up at meals, when they cross paths between classes, or when James accompanies him in the halls for his next hour. They haven't had a more extensive or private rapprochement... and by private he means Regulus doesn't let loose in public, so in private James gets a chance to see him be himself. Yes, it is.
Oh. Wait.
I have some free time, he thinks, and immediately gets out of bed.
When he found himself in the middle of a hallway near the Great Hall, he began to consider that this was a bad idea. What if Regulus was in classes? James knew Regulus' schedule, but only the first two or three classes. He didn't know what class he would be in right now. Maybe he could be in a two-hour class and wouldn't be out for quite a while.
Shit, he should have stopped for a moment before leaving to think it over.
Until, like a miracle from heaven, James catches a glimpse of a familiar figure walking through the crowd of students.
Have he ever spoken to Crouch alone? No, but he have to try.
Catching up with the brown-haired boy was difficult, as there were many students in his way. Fortunately he had a reputation, and some would let him pass just by seeing him. James did not swagger at this.
"Crouch!" he shouted at him being only five steps away. The boy in question turned to see him, and a smile spread across the young man's face.
And that smile had nothing of warmth or kindness in it. On the contrary, it was creepy. It was as if Crouch knew the reason he spoke to him, even if James hadn't opened his mouth.
"Potter, fancy seeing you hanging around," he speaks as James arrives at his side. They have moved to the hallway wall, where they were getting the warm sunlight through the windows. "It's a nice day, isn't it?"
James gave him a smile, trying to act normal. "Sure, though I haven't had a chance to enjoy it, you know?" he leaned back against the wall. "It's kind of boring."
He tried to make his comments sound casual, like a normal conversation between two friends, though Crouch and James didn't come to the line of being friends who talked just because. James had spoken to him on a few occasions and might consider him his friend, though Crouch might not think that of him, if his reading of the boy was correct.
"Bored? The great James Potter is bored?" spoke Crouch with a mocking tone in his voice. He was looking at him with curiosity and interest, and James tried not to squirm in place. "My, the stars must have aligned; the golden boy doesn't know what to do on this fine day."
"It's nothing, it's just... I was looking for Regulus, do you know where I can find him?" he asked, getting straight to the point.
Crouch smirked, and his eyebrows curved upward, looking amused at the situation. More firmly than before, James felt that indeed Crouch knew of the reason he had spoken to him.
"You've been very attached to him lately...I'd say a lot," he said, instead of answering the question. He raised his hand and waved a disinterested gesture in the air. "You know, accompanying him to his first period lessons, seeking his gaze in the Great Hall, holding his hand on the way out to Hogsmeade..."
"Wait, what?"
He thought he had thought about it but, as usual, his mouth blurted out and then his mind analyzed.
The Ravenclaw, who previously looked disinterestedly at any student who would pass in front of them, turned to look at him with immense slowness and intensity. It felt as if the boy was drilling into his mind.
"The displays of affection, Potter. Don't tell me you don't adore having physical contact with people. You were practically glued to Regulus, like you hated the idea of being separated from him, and isn't that so cute?"
James cleared his throat, hastily trying to find a way out of this. His nerves were on edge, though he didn't quite understand the reason why. He wasn't embarrassed to have physical contact with anyone, but with Regulus it's different. With him, everything is different. "I don't know what you're talking about."
At his words, Crouch let out a laugh and threw his head back, laughing as if James had just told the funniest joke in the world. "Don't feel embarrassed, man." He lifted his hand and placed it on the brunet's shoulder, squeezing not so gently. Crouch looked him in the eye, and there was still a smirk on his lips. "As disgusting as it is, you should feel lucky. Reg doesn't readily accept physical contact from someone else, but you might be a different case."
He felt his cheeks burn against his will, and Crouch smiled even wider at that. James already knew that Regulus didn't accept hugs or touches from other people, with the exception of Sirius and Crouch. That it was confirmed that he was an exception to this made him feel full of glee.
"Regulus only accepts hugs from Pandora when he is in a good mood, and also kisses on the forehead from Dorcas on occasion. Believe me these days Reg has accepted contact from all of us these past few days." He fixed his gaze on the students again, as he leaned back against the corridor wall.
"That's nice," James replied with a small smile. "I imagine Regulus is comfortable with you guys."
"Yes, I think so." He placed his hands in his trouser pocket, and sighed. James felt curious, but then Crouch looked at him again. "I'm not surprised Regulus is happier these days, there are enough signs that only an idiot could miss."
James grimaced, confused. "What do you mean, there's something that's making Regulus happy? That's a good thing, isn't it?"
The brown-haired man nodded slowly, and then, with a haunting intensity, ran his gaze up and down James. When he fixed his gaze on James again, he spoke. "It is, only it's not a 'something', it's a 'someone'."
His throat passed saliva, and James doesn't know why he felt a spasm throughout his body. "Do you think there's a person who's making Regulus happy?"
"Exactly."
"But... that's good, right? He could be like Sirius. He makes Regulus happy, even if he denies it."
"You're missing the point, Potter. I thought you'd be smarter." James wanted to rebut, but Crouch continued. "I don't mean a person with a brotherly bond or friendship."
"So...?" but he immediately fell silent, understanding what Crouch meant.
The younger boy smirked, catching on that James has finally understood. "I see you already have."
James felt his throat go dry. "You're talking about something... romantic."
"Mm-hm," he hummed in response, seeming very indifferent to this subject, quite unlike James. "Pandora always says that love changes people. It makes them more... idiotic, so to speak. I guess that's happening with Regulus."
And suddenly, his mind felt... out of place. People's voices drifted away, as if James was underwater. All he could think about was Crouch's words in a loop that wouldn't stop.
"Do you think Regulus is in love?" He blurted out unable to contain himself.
The young man's dark eyes looked up at him, and there was no longer any hint of mockery in the smile on his lips, but there was something else. "That's right."
James was silent, not knowing what he could say next.Should he say that he was happy for Regulus? It was something he should say, yet he didn't even feel that feeling. How could he say he was happy when all he felt was something completely different than happiness?
It felt horrible, because Regulus was happy thanks to the person he's in love with. That's something James should feel happy and proud about. Regulus deserves to be happy.
Then why did James...?
"Potter."
"Huh?"
Crouch looked at him neutrally, not caring that James was in the middle of something. Oh, gods, he lost the way he was going.
"I was just telling you that I saw Regulus go into the library a few minutes ago, that's what you wanted to know, right?"
James blinked, trying to pick up the conversation. "Oh, yes, yes, sorry. I got a little distracted," he let out a nervous little laugh, but Crouch didn't seem so amused anymore.
"Sure..." he elongated the last letter, staring at James. Unexpectedly, something in his gaze had changed. "I saw you lost, certainly a strange thing for a Gryffindor to do."
James gave a curious look. "Lost?"
He feels like a complete moron that all he's been doing during this conversation is asking questions at anything Crouch says.
"I just think you get very lost in your mind, that's all. Don't get lost in a maze if you can climb, Potter. Be smarter."
"Uh...is it okay?" He smiled nervously at him. "What's this all about?"
Immediately Crouch's expression changed and he had the same mocking air again, as if nothing had happened. "Ugh, nothing," he rolled his eyes. "Hurry up if you want to catch up with Regulus, lion."
James smiled at him more confidently than before, as the strange air between them had dissipated. This was all very strange, and James was embarrassingly glad that the talk was over.
"Yes, good. Thank you, Crouch, I hope one day to talk to you again."
And that day should preferably be far away.
Crouch nodded to him, nodding with a sideways smile. He didn't stop smiling or following him with his eyes even when James had already walked away from the place.
That was weird.
Finding Regulus in the library wasn't that difficult, because he immediately remembered the place the boy used to study. As he circled around the shelves the moment he reached Regulus' spot, he raised his smile even higher and raised his hand, ready to greet the Slytherin and sit next to him.
The words died in his mouth.
Leaning back in his chair, pen between his lips and a book held delicately in his hand, Regulus read quietly. The window that was nearby managed to pass a few rays of light, which hit him directly on his pale skin. Regulus could easily be compared to a Veela, for with that beauty and loveliness, that boy was the only thing his eyes would see in a room.
Perhaps Regulus was a Veela. He should investigate whether anyone with that trait existed in his family tree.
"Potter, stop looking at me, you look like an idiot."
James let out a laugh, as he sat down in the empty seat next to the boy, who hasn't taken his eyes off his book.
"I'm sorry, I was simply dazzled by so much beauty."
The Slytherin made a noise of annoyance and lowered the hand holding his quill away from his lips. Finally, he looked up from his book and looked James in the eye. "Don't talk garbage and shut your mouth."
And James was definitely going to say another comment, because Regulus deserved to get every compliment possible until James' throat burned from talking so much, but his mouth opened and no words came out of it. It was only a sigh that left his lips, as his eyes grew wide and his eyebrows rose in surprise and fascination.
Regulus raised an eyebrow in intrigue, completely oblivious to what James had just seen that made his day better. "Wow, I never thought you'd listen to me."
James couldn't speak, completely dumbfounded by the sight.
During these days that they had been away or talked only in groups, Regulus had been using the glamour spell on him, and James had missed seeing those two-tone eyes that were the definition in physique of beauty.
What stunned him, was that Regulus was not using the spell to hide the color of his eyes, and let them show in a public place, where Regulus always made sure to hide them.
"You didn't use the spell," James said, but his words sounded more like a whisper.
"What are you talking about?" Regulus looked at him with confusion, but then his eyes grew wide and fear crossed them. "Oh, shit."
James was still staring in fascination at Regulus, as the boy reached for his wand with a slight tremor in his hands that might go unnoticed by anyone, but not to James.
He grabbed his hand gently, catching Regulus' attention. "Hey, what's wrong?"
The boy swallowed saliva slyly and his head tilted down, averting his gaze from James, who felt immensely sad to lose sight of Regulus' eyes. Without taking his hand off the boy, he used his other hand to gently cup the other's chin, and lifted his head to look back up at James.
Regulus was reluctant to look him in the eye, and was now staring at the table intently.
He moved his thumb to stroke the boy's skin, an action he had never done but it felt so natural. "Don't hide, Reg. You look so beautiful without the spell." And finally, Regulus looked up at him.
"For a moment there I really thought you were going to keep quiet," he replied curtly but with a tinge of mockery, without sounding offensive.
He let out a snort, but didn't stop wagging his thumb on his chin. "Too bad, you'll have to put up with me, amor."
For a split second, James thought something passed Regulus' eyes, but it immediately went away.
"You know I don't understand Spanish, you big idiot."
James twisted his lips into a barely contained smile. "Lo sé, solamente me parece divertido." Regulus rolled his eyes and backed away from James slightly.
Oh, he had no idea they had gotten so close.
"I'll bang your head against the table if you keep talking."
"You're not capable," he said, but the look Regulus gave him immediately changed his mind. "All right, all right," he let out a small laugh, and he could tell Regulus was holding back a smile.
The happy feeling he had was gone as soon as he watched Regulus take his wand and whisper a spell towards himself. It didn't take a smart ass or Regulus turning to look at him to figure out what happened.
He put his spell back on to hide the color in his eyes, and James felt downcast.
I wanted to see you a little more.
Regulus took up his quill again to make notations on a piece of parchment that lay on the table. He was left-handed, so there was no need for him to remove the right hand that James' was holding. Regulus didn't seem to mind that James had his hand in his.
"Had you forgotten to place the spell?" he asked before he thought about it, and regretted it as soon as Regulus flinched and removed his hand from James'. James had never moved as quickly as he did now to grab Regulus' hand. "Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."
"Yes, I had forgotten," he replied a little curtly. His lips formed a straight line as he stared at the parchment. "It should have been broken long ago..." but he suddenly interrupted himself, leaving the sentence incomplete.
"Broken? Has it been failing?"
He looked like he was going to answer the question immediately, but then closed his mouth, as if he regretted the words he was about to say. "No, I just forgot to put it on," he answered after a few seconds.
It was very obvious to James that it was a lie. Regulus was a good liar, but James began to pick up signs when the boy was lying. One of them, and the first one he discovered, was the small wrinkle at the corners of his eyes. It seemed invisible, but James was able to notice it some time ago and learned to identify it.
The most recent sign he discovered is even more invisible, and it happens rarely. At the moment when Regulus told the lie, the index finger of his hands would bend slightly, as if he were pressing it on a flat surface. Identifying this sign was difficult if Regulus was standing still, but when he was resting his hand on a table, as he was now, it was obvious. It was surprising to James that he had noticed such a small signal.
And, well, those two signs had shown Regulus at this point.
James settled back in his seat to get a better look at Regulus, as his neck was starting to ache. Their knees collided under the table, but neither had any intention of moving.
"If you want to improve the spell, you can always count on my help, Reg."
Regulus stopped writing on his parchment, but didn't turn to look at him. "I can improve my spells on my own, you don't have to help me."
"But I want to," he replied sincerely. "I want to help you, and even though I wouldn't want you to hide those pretty eyes of yours, I'll help you improve your spell to hide them. Just tell me and I'll get to work."
This time, Regulus did turn to look at him.
Between the gray eyes like a cloudy day, there was surprise that Regulus couldn't hide. James gave him the best of his smiles to try and convince him, and it was working. Regulus' defensive expression slowly went away, softening his features.
"You're a complete idiot, you know that?" he said suddenly.
James laughed in surprise. "I was expecting a "sure, James. I really appreciate it." But to answer your question: yes. At any opportunity you tell me I am." Regulus rolled his eyes and tapped him with the quill on the back of his hand, the one holding the other pale hand. James looked down at their interlocked hands to admire the sight, but caught something his mouth blurted out before he thought twice. "What happened to your hand?"
All amused expression on the Slytherin's face immediately vanished.
Regulus removed his hand as if James' was on fire. "It's nothing," he stammered.
But James couldn't so easily believe him that it was "nothing". Looking a little better, he noticed that he had a superficially healed burn on the back of his hand. It didn't look serious, but it also didn't look like it was made by a common accident, like a kitchen burn. It's as if...
"Did someone hurt you?" he asked without holding back. He got a vague negative answer, but James couldn't let it go. "Unless you tried to cook something or got burned while making potions, it looks like someone cast a fire spell on you."
"It was a little accident, James. A common accident."
"Did you get burned in potions class?"
Regulus shrugged his shoulders indifferently. "I was distracted."
"Well..." James frowned, not believing him in the slightest. He sighed, giving him the satisfaction of letting the subject go and took Regulus' hand, who was reluctant to touch. "Let me see, I'll tend to your wound." He tried to give him a menacing look, like the ones Regulus gave him, hoping the boy wouldn't object.
Miraculously, it worked. Regulus let James take his hand and formed a pout on his lips. James tried to concentrate on the wound.
Gently holding Regulus' hand, he raised his free hand and, with his index and middle finger, carefully rubbed the burn. It wasn't a serious burn, and it didn't cover much of the back either, so the healing would be quick. He concentrated the necessary magic on his fingers and muttered a spell, watching in triumph as Regulus' reddish wound faded to a small spot that would be removed the next day.
He held the pale hand for a few seconds longer, and Regulus made no attempt to remove it. His skin was soft against his, just as it had been when he had held it on the trip to Hogsmeade. His fingers bore the rings he always wore, though every day he changed one or two. The one he wore the most was a silver one, almost black, with a small, shiny yellow stone and orange accents. He wore it a lot on the ring finger of his right hand.
If James were ignorant, he would see this as unimportant or meaningless. However, he is not ignorant. James is not an expert on the subject, but he knows about some stones. The yellow stone in Regulus' ring is topaz, the stone of November, the month in which Sirius was born.
James smiles unconsciously at this cute fact. Everyone might think that the Black brothers don't tolerate each other and don't show affection, but James intimately knows how they each have their own way of showing their love for each other.
"The thought that you like my hands and, strangely, my rings, is being reinforced - is it a fetish?"
He almost choked on his saliva.
He immediately let go of the pale hand as if it were on fire, although right now the only thing that felt hot was his face.
Regulus looked at him with a smirk and his eyes glinting mischievously. Complete bastard.
"What are you talking about? You're crazy." He tried to joke, but Regulus kept looking at him like that.
"These are facts, James. Should I save this information for later?"
"Excuse me?"
"Apology accepted."
James looked at him dumbfounded, unblinking, as Regulus went back to his reading without removing the smirk from his lips. James shook his head slightly, in a futile attempt to put this conversation out of his mind and remove the blush from his cheeks.
It was very rare for Regulus to blurt out that kind of comment lately. James had found out from Sirius that Regulus blurted out comments of that tone for jokes, even though he only did it with his friends. Sirius was disgusted when he found that out.
James hadn't believed him until Regulus started dropping those comments every now and then after the younger boy's fourth year, and directed at him no less. However, as mentioned before, it was very strange that he did it lately, since he had stopped doing it since the start of his fifth year.
Although, to this day, James has heard that Barty did receive such comments from Regulus.
Pff, nothing important, right?
"You're rambling again, Potter."
He startled slightly before recomposing himself in place. "I'm sorry, I..."
"You don't owe me an explanation. If you want to be quiet, fine." Regulus turned to look at him briefly before focusing back on his parchment. "You don't have to explain yourself to people all the time."
And then there were those kinds of comments from Regulus....
Oh, fuck. He's fucked up. Maybe for a long time.
"You're very kind when you put your mind to it, Reggie."
"One more time you call me that and I'll find a way to enchant your bed to burn for a month."
"Roger that, Reggie." He immediately received a pulsating spell that made him hiss. "All right, all right!" he said with a small chuckle that softened when he noticed Black's subtle little smile.
When the two were completely silent, except for the noise of the other students murmuring and footsteps moving away from them, James leaned back on the table using his arm as a pillow, and looked unabashedly at Regulus, not caring if he was discovered.
After all, what would Regulus do - hex him? Probably. insult him? Sure. But none of that would make him stop.
If only he hadn't been such an idiot all this time, he...
Maybe.
"You're looking at me again."
"Yes, I do."
"Potter."
"Black."
Regulus let out a tired sigh, but said nothing more. James took this as a victory.
They lasted another while in silence, probably more than five minutes, or more than half an hour, or maybe more than an hour. James doesn't know. He doesn't care about the time, he's only focused on Regulus and only Regulus.
Regulus and his chapped lips. Regulus and his pale skin. Regulus and the two moles near his left ear. Regulus and his straight, small nose. Regulus and his pronounced cheekbones. Regulus and his curly black hair. Regulus and his beautiful eyes hidden behind gray curtains. Regulus and his dilated pupils. Regulus and his shortness of breath. Regulus and his flushed cheeks. Regulus and...
High.
He blinked three times before thinking more.
It's okay, it's not his imagination.
Regulus looks... nervous?
"Why are you nervous?" he asks innocently, although he is well aware that his intense stare had something to do with it.
In response he receives a withering glare. "What the fuck are you talking about, a hippogriff hit your head?" he spat, as his nose wrinkled slightly and his ears turned red.
Oh, he's nervous.
And what a magnificent sight of a flushed and nervous Regulus.
"Easy, no need to bristle," he said in a soft voice, as if he were talking to a small animal, or a cat. Regulus looked like a cat. Very cute. "You look like a cute little bristly kitten, Reg."
"Fucking bastard..."
Whatever insults and spells James was about to receive were averted with a throat clearing that came from behind him. Turning around, it wasn't that hard to identify the intense red hair.
"Lily! How nice to see you." James gave her a polite smile from his spot, not breaking away from Regulus.
Speaking of him, he straightened up in his seat and any trace of blush on his skin disappeared.
Lily smiled at him and gave a brief nod to Regulus, who returned it politely. "I wanted to know if I could talk to you for a moment. Just a few minutes," her gaze drifted to Black before looking back at him, "but if you're too busy..."
"Oh, no, don't worry," he told her, and Lily widened her smile and murmured a thank you, followed by a brief farewell to Regulus before retreating. James glanced at the younger boy beside him. "I'll be back in a few moments, Reg."
Regulus didn't look at him. "Don't worry, stay as long as you want. Evans needs you."
He felt a strange twisting in his stomach. "I'll be back." Regulus didn't say anything else nor did he give him a look as James left.
When he saw Lily's distressed look, he immediately hid his frown.
"What's wrong?" he asked with obvious concern. Lily bit her lip before sighing.
"I think I know who my soul mate is, and I may be reciprocated."
That was definitely not expected.
"Oh, Merlin, Lily, that's great!" He cried out unable to contain himself, though he lowered his enthusiasm after getting a scolding from the librarian and seeing the look on his best friend's face. "Wait, what's wrong, is something wrong?"
The redhead crossed her arms across her stomach and looked down at the floor. "James, what if she's not… what if she's not my soul mate?"
"What? Oh, no," he whispered sadly. He immediately went to hug the girl and ran his hand through the long red hair. "Why do you think that?" He carefully led her to a table that was near them and sat her down in the chair. Lily looked sad, very sad.
"We've had a few conversations together, and she's very nice to me. I could tell she even has an interest in me." James rubbed the back of her hand gently, and then she looked him in the eye. "But what do I do if she's not my soul mate, James?"
James took both of her hands in both of his and gave her a small smile. "Why don't you try asking her about her mark, Lils? You've always said it's better to say things up front and not be afraid."
"I know, but every time I try to ask her, it's like my tongue gets all tangled up and I can't speak. Besides, if I find out she's not my soul mate I don't know how I'll feel."
James smiled softly at her. "I see you've fallen in love with her."
She smiled back at him, though it was a completely sad smile. "Yes, I think so," she said with a sigh, then leaned back in her chair looking up at the ceiling. "She hasn't shown me her mark, but she told me once that it was something about flowers. Flowers, James!" she whispered with a lot of emotion seeping into the last. "I sound very delusional, but I can feel it. If only I could see her mark, I could be sure..."
"Can you feel it? How?"
As if Lily had been waiting for that question for a long time, she spoke with an excited voice and lit-up eyes. "Every time I'm with her, I can feel a tingling in my hands, as if I long to touch her. That confirmed my feelings for her, but then I started to feel a warmth on my mark. I had never felt that before, James. My heart was erratic when I first felt that warmth, and I kept thinking about her all day."
James watched Lily catch her breath after blurting out all those words full of affection and romantic love for someone. It was a side of her that James had never seen before.
"Lils, I'm sure she's your soul mate," he told her warmly and she smiled sideways. "Take your time with her. Find out if she's your soul mate, and if she is, make her fall in love with your charm. Trust me, you'll have her in your arms in no time." He finished with a wink that made her laugh.
"I'll be sure to use you as an example of what not to do in a courtship," she joked with a chuckle and James let out a laugh that he quickly stilled when he saw Madame Pince looking at them in irritation.
When Lily stilled her laughter, with her hands she clasped James' and smiled at him. "Thank you for listening to me, James. I was going crazy with this."
"I will be there for you always, Lils. Don't hesitate. You can talk to me about anything." He squeezed her hands even tighter. "And if you need help discovering your crush's mark, you can tell me."
"Oh, no. You'll let her know what's going on instantly," she laughed. "But I'll tell you when I find out something, I promise." She stood up with a smile at the same time James did, then gave him a hug that was promptly reciprocated. "Thanks again, you idiot."
James rolled his eyes unconsciously. "You're welcome, Lils." He took a step back to say goodbye, but she beat him to speaking.
"I'll leave you to go to your sweetheart, don't keep him waiting too long."
He almost choked on his saliva.
He let out a nervous laugh as Lily raised an eyebrow. "My... sweetheart?"
"Yes, the baby Black. Weren't you two dating?"
"What? No! No, of course not, why would you say that?" he throat cleared trying to control his blushing, but it was unavoidable.
Lily seemed to pick up on what was going on immediately. "Oh, don't tell me you haven't confessed to him, Potter," she whispered in a teasing but intimidating tone.
"I..." He ran his hands over his face then lowered them. His gaze avoided Lily's. "I may not have realized my feelings for him..."
"What?" she asked puzzled. "James, you are literally the most sentimental and romantic person I've ever met, how could you possibly not have noticed the puppy dog eyes you give Black?"
"Puppy dog eyes? What the...? Agh, okay, look, I had no idea I liked him. It wasn't until a few days ago that I started to realize it, but I think you just confirmed it for me today..."
Lily was quiet for a few seconds, processing everything James had said. He doesn't blame her, after all even he himself can't believe how he could have been such an idiot as to not have realized his feelings for Regulus.
"Ugh, okay. Would you like to talk about it after school? Regulus is waiting for you and Madame Pince is about to kick us out if we keep making noise." Before James could say anything, she interrupted him. "If you're not ready to talk, I understand, but believe me sometimes it takes a listening ear, James. And I'm not just doing this because you listened to me earlier, but also because you're my best friend. I'd like to listen to you and help you, okay?"
James was quiet for a few seconds until he finally smiled at Lily. "Okay, yeah. After school," the redhead smiled back with much more affection than she's shown. "Thanks, Lils."
"You don't have to thank me," she said, then resumed her usual attitude, full of energy and strength. "Now you go with him. I'll see you later."
"Sure, I'll see you later," he said goodbye as he walked away. When he could no longer see her, he leaned against some shelves and let out a long sigh.
He didn't think he would talk about his feelings so soon, let alone that it would be Lily who would make him realize that he wasn't going crazy, he was simply in love with Regulus.
Oh.
In love with Regulus.
"I'm screwed."
"Why?"
He startled comically as he saw Regulus smirk mockingly at him. "Reg! Merlin, you scared me."
"It's not my fault you're not attentive to your surroundings. Someone could easily attack you, you know that?"
He stood up in his place after recovering from the scare. Regulus carried his backpack on his shoulder, a sign that he had finished his work.
"Why would they want to attack me?"
Regulus raised an eyebrow, looking at him like he was stupid. "Because you commonly play pranks on all of Hogwarts. I wouldn't be surprised if one wanted revenge."
James let out a small laugh. "I can take care of myself, Reg. I'm not always distracted." Regulus only hummed in response and walked past him, walking straight to the library exit. "Hey, wait for me." It didn't take long for him to match his pace.
The two continued to walk in silence, even as they left the library and the sound of other students' chatter flooded their surroundings. Regulus walked with complete serenity, but any student in his path took off. James smiled discreetly.
It wouldn't be long before lunchtime, and although James thought they would be heading to the Great Hall, Regulus was walking towards the dungeons.
He noticed James' confusion, to his amazement. "I'll leave my backpack in the dormitory. I don't want to keep it in the Great Hall; and after all, I won't have class until an hour and a half later. Why carry it?"
James smiled at him and pressed himself closer. On impulse, he directed his hand to Regulus' shoulder, where his backpack hung. "May I?" he asked. Regulus looked like he was going to protest, but impressively he let James take the backpack from him. He didn't say anything for fear that Regulus would regret it.
They walked on in comforting silence. The hallway was a bit crowded for the hour, so James had to stick closer to Regulus, who didn't protest the closeness.
Regulus was the only person James could be quiet with, without the need to strike up a conversation to avoid awkward silence. However, there were times when Regulus was the one to initiate a conversation.
"I didn't have any accidents in potions, by the way," he said quietly. James managed to hear him quite clearly, though he didn't interrupt. "A spell bounced off my hand in the morning, causing me to get a burn. I don't know where it came from, but Dorcas suspects it was from Avery."
"Avery?" James felt the anger grow as he recognized that name. Avery was a boy from Snape's group. "Was it intentional, then?"
Regulus shrugged his shoulders and was quiet for a while before answering. "I guess so, I don't know. It doesn't matter, anyway, Avery's too much of a coward to do anything."
He was silent after that, staring straight ahead as James watched him beside him. The anger grew more and more.
"If he does anything to you, or anyone else...will you tell me?"
With that he got Regulus' full attention, who looked a little surprised, but managed to hide the emotion instantly. James tried to look as confident as possible, but felt he was giving him a pleading look.
He thought his stare wouldn't work, but then Regulus averted his eyes from him concentrating on the way again, and whispered, "Okay." If James hadn't been looking at him the whole time, he would have missed the boy's small smile.
All the way James kept smiling.