Chapter Text
I probably sat there for a while. Crying in the middle of a storm of my making. After a while no tears could come, that didn’t dispel the storm. After who knows how long someone wrapped their arms around me. I looked up, vision blurry.
“Dad?” I asked hoarsely.
Poseidon nodded, smiling grimly. He had known. But I couldn’t make myself feel mad. While he had known what Annabeth’s fate would be, he had warned me, and now he was here comforting me.
Eventually the storm stopped, but I was still shaking in Poseidon’s arms. I felt a faint buzz, almost like seafoam brushing against my arms.
“Are you alright, my son?” Poseidon looked concerned,
My voice didn’t work. I looked away from the god, managing a shake of my head. After a moment I registered that we were not in Montauk anymore. Hell, I could see my cabin from the beach. He’d taken me back to camp.
The weight of emotions crushed me once again. I was alive, I had returned to camp, returned to our home. She was not.
I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling sick. The moment I closed my eyes I saw her again. Voices could be heard all the way out here.
“No one will bother you when you walk to your cabin.” Poseidon promised, “I must go, my brother will have a fit if I stay for too long.”
I wanted to scream that he shouldn’t go. Wanted to yell that I needed him. My words died in my throat. I gave him a numb nod. He ruffled my hair and then disappeared as if he had never been there. I don’t know how long I stood on the beach, feeling more lost than ever.
Shakily I made my way back to the cabin. It looked the same as it had when I left. But everything reminded me of Annabeth. She had been insistent on helping me move in, her own guilt motivating her. A choked sob left my throat and I curled into a ball on my bed.
I didn’t sleep. It felt like I was drowning. Ironic considering I can’t drown.
Light began to leak into the cabin, morning. I didn’t want to move, I didn’t want to eat. The thought made me feel sick. But I knew Annabeth would’ve killed me if I wasn’t taking care of myself.
“What the hell are you doing rotting away in here! Get up, Seaweed Brain”
With immense effort I pulled myself up. Walking to the main pavilion was a nightmare. Almost every camper congratulated me on a successful quest. But it wasn’t successful. I’d lost my questmate, the one person who saw through my faults. And she was gone.
Then came Grover.
I was sitting at the Poseidon table, staring blankly at my food. I heard the clip-clopping of hooves on wood. I glanced up and there he was. Grinning. Unaware of how I was falling apart inside.
“Hey dude!” He grinned.
I didn’t respond, going back to stare at my plate.
“Percy?”
I made a forced noise of acknowledgement, still not looking up.
“Where- where’s Annabeth?”
The main pavilion fell silent. Every camper looking at my table, the same question on each of their expressions. Only Luke managed to piece it together, pressing his lips into a thin line. She was his sister, and I had gotten her killed.
I shook my head, standing, and walking back to my cabin. I hadn’t eaten anything, I didn’t feel it. I was sure at least a few were going to follow me. I didn’t care. Just as I shut the door to my cabin someone knocked. I ignored it.
The knocking persisted for several minutes, but whoever it was seemed to figure out I wasn’t going to open the door.
Then I was crying again. I was so sick of crying. But I couldn’t stop, everything felt painful, even breathing. Knowing that I was still alive and Annabeth wasn’t made everything feel pointless.
This routine continued for days. I forced myself up, going to breakfast and barely eating anything. People asked questions about the quest and I ignored them. Everywhere I went people asked questions.
I hid anywhere I thought no one would find me. The Pegasus stables, the woods, behind the big house, and under the lake were the usual ones.
I didn’t talk to anyone, not even when the Aphrodite cabin dragged me to one of their spa days. They hadn’t asked me anything about the quest. Only talking if they asked fashion preferences.
I appreciated it. Cabin 10 provided a much needed break from the constant questions while still working on my silence. After a few days hanging out with the Aphrodite kids I could manage a few sentences without feeling sick.
“Percy?” Silena called into my cabin.
I walked to the door, a strained smile on my face.
She smiled easily, “Cabin 10 has Pegasus riding next, wanna join?”
I thought for a moment. Riding the pegasi was one of my favorite activities. With a little deliberation I nodded, allowing Silena to drag me to the stables.
Being in the sky for a few hours was heavenly after feeling suffocated within the camp for days. A casual conversation with my Pegasus was kept as we flew. Stopping in the sky briefly to appreciate the view of the Sound from above.
I landed thanking Silena quietly. She’d said it was no problem, that I was welcome to join anytime.
Then… the day of the funeral came. I’d managed to come out of my cabin only to be met with a thousand pitying looks. I wished to be anywhere but at camp, but that wasn’t going to happen.
When the actual ceremony hit I’d walked into the pavilion feeling heavier than ever.
“Hell no!” A kid yelled.
An Athena kid obviously, his blond hair and gray eyes made it easy to tell. His eyes were red behind his glasses, most likely from crying.
“Malcolm, what’s wrong?” Asked a camper I didn’t recognize.
“He shouldn't be allowed to be here!” Malcolm was seething, “He’s the one who got her killed.”
Chiron blanked, “Mr. Pace, Perseus has as much right to be here as you do.”
“It’s fine Chiron.” I muttered, “He’s right, I can go.”
“No,” protested a camper from the Hermes cabin, Chris if I remembered correctly, “Annabeth was his friend, he should be allowed to stay.”
A lump built in my throat. This was about Annabeth, not me, and I hated that it was being made that way.
“It’s fine,” I repeated, “I’ll be by the lake.”
I walked away, a thousand gazes burning into my back. The lake was close enough that I could see the ceremony but far enough away that I couldn’t hear anyone.
“Mind if I sit down?” Luke’s voice asked.
I couldn’t meet his eye, only nodding. I’d been trying to avoid Luke since I got back. The guilt weighing too heavy when I saw him.
“It’s not your fault, you know, Malcolm’s just a bit emotional. It’ll calm down in a bit.” Luke said,
I shook my head, “Doesn't matter, he’s right anyway.”
The older camper looked at me curiously, “I don’t think that’s true, Annabeth wouldn’t either.”
“It’s fucking stupid.” I found myself saying, “She was twelve, she died at twelve. Because of a gods forsaken quest I chose her for.”
“I know how you feel, I got back from my quest and nobody would look me in the eye. I was supposed to be the best demigod in camp and I’d failed.”
I threw a rock in the water, “I wish I’d never been chosen for the quest.” I whispered, “I wish it’d never happened.”
“Then why let it happen to others?”
I looked at Luke, “What do you mean by that?”
“The gods shouldn’t be allowed to treat us like this. I know you feel the same.”
My conversations with Annabeth came to mind, “They shouldn’t.”
“So why let them.”
And betray what you know for the sake of a friend
The Oracle's voice echoed in my mind, “What did you have in mind.”