Chapter Text
Jisung dreams of the stars.
It's a dream that's been recurring ever since the Incident, capital i and italicized and all, because it's that major of an event, a completely life-altering incident.
There they are again in the ship that started as a mere fantasy. Just four dreamers too smart for their own good with all these ideas that built up due to a simple idea of seeing the stars and venturing into the unknown. They wanted to see space in a new, faster way than they had before and doing what has never been done before. They were revolutionizing space travel in a way no one had ever dared to even dream of before. Years of hard work and hypotheticals and research that they’ve spent years on.
The whole idea was an impossible fantasy, simply theoretical, until it wasn't.
Until finally what started as a fantasy was becoming something real. An actual substantial concept. It was now fully in their grasp and they were going to be revolutionaries in their field.
And then, it all got torn away from them.
Changbin's Dad, who was the scientist overseeing their project, shared their breakthrough with their bosses. It was talked about through the grapevine until men higher up in the government food chain wanted to take away what was theirs. To scrub away the work of a bunch of twenty-something year olds with big dreams and use it for whatever nefarious uses the government would end up using it for. Likely something tied to military uses.
"It's absolute bullshit," Changbin said, after the fact when they’re back in their cramped shared apartment.
They were absolutely not moping and drinking their problems away.
Jisung laid on the floor between the TV and coffee table, feeling warm and buzzed. The fan whirring above them and Chan is sitting on the floor with him, foot occasionally knocking into his legs. Chan’s back against the couch as Hyunjin has a hand curled in his hair from where he’s half laying on the couch, long legs intertwined with Changbin's on the other half of the couch.
The room smells like alcohol and the greasy burgers that they ordered from one of the only places nearby that was still open this late. The food is long gone but the smell is still lingering, stale fries are scattered on the table along with the garbage and empty cans of beer.
And Chan, who has never once drank in his life before now, is currently downing the concoction of cheap vodka and Sprite and whatever juice had been in the fridge that Hyunjin had thrown together in a pitcher for them. Really it was far more cheap vodka than anything else, and Chan winced in disgust at the first sip, nearly choking. He’s still making a pinched up expression as he forces himself to drink it.
Once Chan finishes his face scrunched up while shaking his head vigorously. He coughs for a moment, then says, "At least we actually did something. Us testing it ourselves was always a long shot."
Jisung huffed, even though Chan had a point, but still. This was supposed to be theirs to accomplish.
"Do you think they'll even credit us?" Hyunjin asked.
And Jisung stared up at the ceiling, at the cheap glow in the dark stars and planets that they spent an entire afternoon haphazardly sticking up there on a whim because they found them on sale during a grocery run. Some of them have fallen off. His eyes traced the constellations, all accurately formed by Chan when he joined in on helping them decorate.
He keeps following the patterns, until his eyes catch on to the heart that Changbin made using a bunch of stars, then his eye catches the smiley face patterns that Hyunjin added using a crescent moon as the mouths.
"Hey," Jisung had said suddenly, "Do you guys know who built the Apollo spacecraft?"
"What?" Changbin asked, cutting off his rant to say the word. When Jisung tilted his head to look over he’s greeted by frowning faces and furrowed brows.
"Do you?" Jisung urged, leaning up onto his elbows to look at them better.
"Yeah," Hyunjin said, his voice airy as he tried not to laugh, "Your mama."
And he bursted into drunken giggles, slapping his hand on his thigh as he laughed at his own joke. Changbin and Chan join him in laughing as well, practically folding in on themselves as if it’s the funniest thing ever said.
Jisung rolled his eyes, and said, "So, the answer's no. But you do know who Neil Armstrong is."
Chan was the first to calm down his laughter enough to say, "Yeah, of course."
"Buzz Aldrin," Jisung added, watching as his friends looked on in confusion but nodded along.
"The first men to walk on the moon," Changbin says, lifting his head from where it was lodged into Hyunjin's shoulder during their giggle fest.
"Exactly, and those are the names history remembers. The names they teach to kids and who everyone knows," Jisung pushed himself off of the floor, sitting up further as he continued, "The ones hired to conquer dreams that weren't even theirs. You know, dreams that belonged to someone else, some scientists that probably died penniless and alone. Spending their time sitting drunk at bars telling people about how he was the one that sent men to the moon."
Chan let out a shaky breath as he sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "That's gonna be me.”
Jisung laughed, a tad bitter. "That's gonna be me," he said, pointing to himself, his shoulders slumping.
Then, Hyunjin said in a hushed voice, "It's going to be all of us."
His tone is melancholic and the room falls silent as they all look at each other. The mood shifted once again, falling further into a sad sight. The soft sound of the low music that Chan has playing over his phone speakers and the low rumble of the fan suddenly sound deafening as they sit there in silence.
It's as if they can all already envision the future, hell, they're already halfway there. Sad and drunk.
At least, they have each other.
"Unless we do it first," Chan had said suddenly, after the silence had gone on for long enough to seem suffocating.
And Jisung was unsure if he heard that right, he turned to see that there was a sharp look in Chan's eyes through the drunken haze. He was looking at the key card that one of them dropped on the table, sitting up straighter than he had all night.
"What?"
"I mean, it works, and we have the access. We know what to do," Chan said, speaking slightly faster as the idea becomes clearer, as his conviction becomes stronger. "We can just go, we can even bring a flag and everything. Let's be the first to go."
"You're insane," Changbin had said, shaking his head. "My dad will kill us if he finds out. Hell, our careers would be ruined. Or worse. They'll lock us in prison somewhere, never to be seen again!"
"C'mon, we'll be there and back long before anyone even finds out about this," Chan said, soothing tone in response to Changbin's panic that edged into yelling.
"I don't know, I'd rather not be an enemy of the state," Hyunjin replies, wringing hands as he stares down at the table and the lone security badge.
The thought of it causes a pang of worry to build in Jisung's gut, curling awfully around his organs. As tempted as he is in going and taking the trip, he'd rather avoid making serious enemies.
Chan stands up, scooping up the badge, "You don't have to go, but I am. This is our work, our chance and I won't waste it. Okay? You guys can pretend you had no idea what I was doing," he says, nodding as if the new plans are forming in his head. "You guys don't have to get your hands dirty, say you were trying to stop me if anything. It was all me, yeah?"
And maybe it's the alcohol in their system, or maybe it's just because it's Chan.
Chan who Jisung had spent his entire life following. He knows without a doubt that he'd continue to follow him anywhere, no questions asked. And following Chan's lead has never led him wrong before so he's not going to change that now after all they've been through. If he's honest, that's why he had put so much work into this project because while he was invested in the science behind it, he believed in Chan and his vision far more. And it seems that even though Changbin and Hyunjin haven't known him for nearly as long, they feel the same way. Because Chan is the kind of guy worth taking the risk with.
"Fuck off. You're insane if you think you're going alone, hyung," Jisung says, feeling the worry ease away as he makes the choice. And he realizes it's the easiest decision he's ever made. The only outcome that was going to happen if he's honest. "I'm in."
It doesn't take much convincing until they're breaking into the facility ("only entering," Chan insists) and starting everything up, stepping out of their spacecraft onto the uncharted land. This new and unexplored planet that they've spent the last few years working towards.
The sky surrounding them filled to the brim with stars. Glimmering back at them as if a welcoming committee, coloring the sky brilliantly and leaving a silver hue over everything. The land surrounding them is sandy, almost like a desert; in the distance he can see mountains and an array of colors. It goes on for as far as the eye can see.
It's breathtaking and magnificent and they're here with each other. Their small little family, and Jisung looks to see each of them with bright grins as they take in the sight around them.
Suddenly, Chan looked at him, reaching for him. He looks so excited, his grin so wide as he throws his arm around Jisung pulling him in tightly.
"We did it!" Chan said, voice tinney and staticky over the headsets. And Changbin lets out a loud whoop as he bounds closer to them, wrapping his arms around them. "We actually did it!"
And Hyunjin is laughing as he joins their group hug. Jisung laughs because they really did it, he looks up at the sky. Excitement thrumming against his ribcage as he hears the others excitedly chatter as they disperse to look around and explore for as much as they can.
That's when it all goes to hell.
In his dreams, he sees the twist of worry Hyunjin's face because he was the first to notice that something was wrong. He saw the cosmic storm first. That's how the memory plays out in his dreams, just like a repeat of the real life event, and they scramble back to the ship.
As they attempt to get to safety, they're never fast enough to outrun the storm not even in his dreams. He watches Changbin fall under the weight of boulders and sees Hyunjin literally disappear and reappear, then Chan is reaching out from him but looks like he's being pulled away by unseen forces simultaneously. And suddenly, suddenly, everything is engulfed in flames. Hot and stinging and bright until he can't see anything, can only hear the pained screams of his best friends.
All of them are out of reach and Jisung can't save any of them.
In his dreams, he loses all of them and they never make it back to Earth. In his dreams, he tries to reach for them but his hands are on fire and he only hurts them.
In his dreams, everything burns.
He wakes up gasping for air, memories of stars turning into flames and blinding explosions that throw them around. He sits up, heart pounding in his chest as he shuts his eyes and falls against his headboard.
It's so stupid that he's still getting these nightmares after all this time. Years later and they presist, every once in a while they stop, he thinks they've let go of the hold in his mind only to return with a venegence.
When he finally opens his eyes, after his heart is no longer racing, he sees scorch marks across his blanket. His large room suddenly feels all too small and too hot and he isn't sure what to do because he doesn't know how to control the AC system in a way that won’t bother everyone else. Besides, he doubts it’d help much.
He swallows hard as he tosses the covers off himself and feels the stinging of tears on his face. He breathes in slowly, watching sparks flicker off his fingers uncontrollably, he wills them to stop. They flicker and spark but don't die down right away causing his heart rate to quicken. He shuts his eyes and clenches his fists in a last ditch attempt to get rid of the flames.
But the flame refuses to settle, flickering brightly in the dark of his room, he curses as he stares down at his hands. He slowly breathes until they're back to merely sparks and makes his way to his closet slipping into the first shoes he finds. He doesn't care if anyone see him in his flannel pajama pants and plain t shirt, too focused on just getting out of here as fast as possible, before making his way over to his balcony in record time just as the flame starts to build up again.
He leans against the railing for a moment before taking the leap.
The thing about flying is that Jisung isn't sure he'll ever get used to it. He was never quite afraid of heights before, only uneasy when confronted with extreme heights, especially now that he spends a majority of his time soaring through the sky forced to reckon with just how high up he is. Although, right now, it does help distract him enough to clear his head especially after nightmares.
He breathes in heavily as he glances down at the city below him. From this high up, all the towering buildings look smaller, less imposing. Somehow despite that, it still makes the city feel impossibly large. It makes his problems seem unimportant. The steady beat of his heart racketing behind his ribs, echoing out into his ears as he focuses on flying.
After what seems like an eternity, he finally touches down on a ledge of a building he doesn't recognize, all the way on the other side of the city from where home is. But his home is always in view no matter where he is in the city, the Levanter Building stands imposingly tall and glittering in the distance. Lights coming from several floors, the residential floor is dark at this time though. He lets out a heavy sigh, looking out below instead, in the distance he hears sirens and a few cars driving past. The smells from a 24 hour burger place makes its way to his nostrils.
There's something about the city late at night, an eerie calmness, it's a far cry from the loudness and bustling life during the day. In a way, he thinks that he and the city have that in common.
He sits there for a while just taking in the slowness of the night. He doesn't know how long it's been when he catches sight of a familiar figure swinging his way. Normally he'd be annoyed by the intrusion because he wants to be alone but he's too tired and as the red and blue blur becomes clearer he realizes he actually wouldn’t mind the company. At least, it’d be a good distraction.
"Well, fancy meeting you here, Torchie," Spider-Man says, pulling himself up by climbing up the side of the building. He's graceful as always in the way he swiftly settles into the spot next to him, leaning back slightly so he's not directly at the ledge.
Jisung raises a brow. "How'd you find me?"
Spider-Man turns to look at him. It's hard to know his exact expression with the mask, the whites of where his eyes are look eerie in the dark of the night, almost glowing from the streetlights. Despite the mask, he always seems to manage to convey his judgement without so much as a word.
"You're not exactly subtle," he replies, after a long pause.
Jisung huffs at that, turning away as he looks down below. "Okay, but why are you here?"
"I was in the neighborhood, helping the Devil with something," he replies, shrugging, "Saw fire across the sky and figured I'd swing by to say hi."
Jisung hums, his nose scrunches up when he catches onto the joke he'd made. His reaction makes Spider-Man laugh, a cackling sound that has his body shaking. He's clearly pleased with himself. And Jisung can't help but smile in return watching Spider-Man throw his head back as he laughs.
"Thought you were the Devil?" Jisung jokes.
Spider-Man laughs titters into a sharp huff as he stares at Jisung. "What did you say to me?" he asks, sitting up in a defensive way, his voice rising slightly when he continues, "I'm an absolute angel."
Jisung laughs, shaking his head. "Alright, calm down."
Spider-Man snorts and deflates, leaning back again. After a pause, he says, "Daredevil needed a hand with tracking down a lead about this gang of ninjas that's been terrorizing his part of town."
"That doesn't sound real," Jisung says.
"Says the boy on fire," Spider-Man retorts, tone flat.
Jisung meets his gaze, as best as he could, which is just staring at the whites of his mask. They stare at each other for a long moment.
"Alright, touché," he says finally, cracking a smile, because yeah, ninjas aren't nearly as absurd considering the things they deal with in their line of work. Hell, last week Chan accidentally summoned actual dinosaurs somehow. In fact, considering most of the missions they end up going on, ninjas seem relatively normal and mundane in comparison. "So, you hunted down the ninjas?"
Spidey looks away, makes a humming noise. "Well... Not exactly."
"Maybe the Daily Miroh is onto something," Jisung remarks, smirking slightly, "The Spider-Menace does a poor job at protecting the city."
Spidey scoffs, while punching his shoulder. "How dare you say that to my face."
"Technically, it's to a mask," he replies, reaching up to rub the area Spidey punched him. "Also, ouch, dude."
"I have to wear a mask, I'm doing a public service. The people wouldn't be able to handle it," Spidey remarks matter of factly.
"Oh? Is it because you're hideous under there?" Jisung asks, "Don't worry, not everyone is blessed with good looks like I am."
He watches Spidey turn towards him sharply, he imagines there might be an angry expression under the mask. He isn't sure. But Spidey makes a weird noise in his throat and reaches over pinching his side.
"Ow!" he startles, and wobbles slightly, he feels the hand grabbing his arm to steady him.
"I should let you fall for that one," he grumbles, then adds, "Also, my face is perfect."
Jisung snorts. "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it."
"You wouldn't be able to handle it, Han Jisung," he says, a teasing tone in his voice.
It makes Jisung laugh, which causes Spidey to jab his side again. He really doesn't control his strength as much as he should because it makes Jisung wince.
"Stop hitting me!" he whines.
"Stop hitting me," Spidey mimics him.
"I'm going to shove you off this building," he counters, glaring at his masked face.
Spidey snorts. "Yeah? Are you even capable of doing that?" he asks, sounding amused, like he's smiling at the mere thought of Jisung attempting it.
They fall into silence for a moment, the two of them sitting side by side on the roof. It's become a tradition of sorts ever since they first started becoming friends. Just rooftop hang outs when they each have the time, occasionally after they deal with an emergency or a villain of the week. As the silence lingers, Jisung looks up at the sky, sees the moon glowing brightly in its quarter phase. There's no stars visible in the sky, which is no surprise, the city is no place for stargazing but if he really squints he can spot a few scattered across the night sky.
He thinks about when Chan and him were kids, and the time Dad had taken them camping far from the city where the light pollution didn't have any effects. The sky was filled with stars and Chan had excitedly pointed out all the constellations that he learned from the books that filled his shelf.
It was the start of Jisung thinking that maybe Chan was onto something about his dream of traveling to space.
"Earth to Hannie," Spidey says suddenly, Jisung turns towards him, startled out of his thoughts. "Oh, good. I thought you were about to go off to space for a second there."
It's a joke.
He knows it's a joke, but it makes him freeze and stiffen. His brain providing the memory of their spacecraft, thousands of stars, the cosmic storm quickly converging on them, and—
He looks away and shuts his eyes, which makes it worse, he sees everything burst into flames. His nightmare right at the forefront of his mind. And it makes his chest hurt, everything feels like it's burning.
There's a firm touch pressing against his shoulder blades, it's cool even through the layers. It pulls him out of his thoughts. He opens his eyes to see Spidey leaning closer to him, head tilted to the side.
"Jisung, what's wrong?"
He takes a deep breath. And he doesn't want to burden Spidey with his problems, he doesn't want to burden anyone with them. But he feels the firm pressure of Spidey's hand, it's comforting.
And he thinks about this strange friendship they've formed. He thinks about the things Spidey has told him over the course of their friendship. How they operated by trading secrets and saying things they wouldn't tell others. At least, Jisung assumes as much, considering how Spidey acts around others.
Spidey has mentioned that he doesn't have many friends. And only one that knows who he is behind the mask, nobody else. He had mentioned that it wasn't really a choice either that they'd figured it out on their own.
All in all, he is a man of secrecy and somehow he trusts Jisung with some of them.
And Jisung accepts every one, no matter how small, or inconsequential the secrets may seem. He's collecting scraps and he doesn't mind as long as he gets to keep being friends with Spidey.
He figures the least he can do is exchange some in return. He knows anything he says to him is safe.
"I... I keep having these nightmares sometimes," Jisung whispers, handing it over for only Spidey and the darkness to hear. "About that trip to space. The one that gave us our powers, it was years ago but I still get them. And in the dreams, all my friends..."
He trails off because he can't bear to say the words, only swallows down the word and the grief that the dreams cause him.
"Died," Spidey says bluntly yet not unkindly.
Jisung swallows around the lump forming in his throat and nods, not quite trusting his voice just yet. Spidey hums quietly but only watches Jisung in silence as if he's waiting for him to continue at his own pace. It's something that he had taken a while to get used to.
He turns away, glancing down at his hands, thinking of the way they look when the fire covers them. He licks his lips slightly, his mouth feeling dry as he thinks of everything going up in flames.
"I try to save them," he says, voice stuttering as he speaks, "But I just... All I do is end up burning them. Making everything worse."
He doesn't say that he worries that his powers are too destructive for this hero schtick. He can control fire and absorb the flames and redirect the energy, but that doesn't matter much when you need to physically catch someone from falling, he's practicing it: isolating the fire away from his arms and hands, but he still hasn't quite mastered it without causing minor burns.
All in all, it's hard to make people feel safe when everyone's instincts are to run from flames.
And no matter how friendly he tries to be, no matter how many jokes he cracks to ease tension, he can still see the flinch when he gets too close, when they see the fire.
His hands burn the things he touches.
(He knows Changbin would knock him on the back of the head for pitying himself for his powers.
In the lottery of superpowers the two of them really got the worst draws.)
And he doesn't mention how he fears that he'll be unable to control his powers again. He remembers the first months after the incident, a constant fire burning; it took awhile to get the hang of it. To gain back control of his own body.
"What if," he starts to say, wringing his hands together nervously, "what if I just end up hurting people?"
Neither of them say anything for a while, he looks over to see Spidey facing him still. He wonders what goes on in his head at times like these.
"You would never hurt them on purpose, right?" he asks suddenly, turning away, looking at the building across from them.
Jisung doesn't hesitate to answer, "No."
"Then, don't worry so much," he says, turning back to him, "You can't control what powers you have, but you can control what you use them for. Those nightmares don't matter. You can't blame yourself for something that didn't even happen."
Jisung swallows around the lump in his throat, but stays silent as he continues to look at his hands.
"And you shouldn't blame yourself for things that are out of your control. Sometimes things happen, we shouldn't let that fear hold you back," he continues, "Hannie, you shouldn't worry so much. I've got your back and so does the rest of the Four."
At that, Jisung looks up, meeting the masked face. He wishes he could see Spidey's face at times like this, so he could know... Well, he's not sure what he would know, but it would be easier to read than relying on his tone.
He nods slowly, blinking slightly. "Okay."
He watches as Spidey nods along, seeming satisfied with what’s essentially an agreement. Jisung smiles weakly as he nods again.
"Hey," Spider-Man says suddenly, voice soft, gentle. "Are you hungry?"
"What?"
Spider-Man shifts, his shoulders slump ever so slightly as the whites of his mask stare back at Jisung. "Have you gone deaf? I asked if you were hungry," he says, and despite the rudeness, his tone remains gentle. He doesn't even wait for Jisung to reply before he's standing up, nodding, "There's a sushi place that's open right now. Let's go."
Jisung shakes his head, about to deny the request when his stomach betrays him and grumbles slightly. He's pretty sure Spidey is narrowing his eyes behind the mask as if daring him to deny it now.
He sighs, standing up, and says, "Alright. Lead the way, Bug Boy."
Spidey turns to him, hands on his hips as he stares at him, everything about his posture is pointed, as well as his tone when he says, "Spiders aren't bugs."
Jisung rolls his eyes. "Fine, fine. Let's go, Webhead."
Spidey laughs, already stepping towards the ledge of the building. He doesn't look down; instead keeps his gaze towards the tops of the buildings, he seems to square his shoulders; if he was anybody else Jisung would assume he's bracing himself for the fall. Before he can let that thought linger, Spidey is flinging himself over the edge without another word.
Jisung's breathe catches lightly as he leans over the edge watching as Spidey tumbles down through the sky, falling so fast. Just as the worry begins to burrow its way into his gut, Spidey shoots out a web, it pulls taut, catching him before he gets too low and he swings forward.
It's a beautiful sight, watching him swing down the street. Like he was born to do this, to be a human pendulum gracefully gliding through their city.
"Keep up, Flamebrain!" he calls out, laughter ringing out. Someone in the dark shouts at him to shut up and that only makes his laughter echo louder through the night.
That's all it takes for Jisung to laugh along before taking a deep breath and leaping forward. He bursts into flames as soon as he feels the rush of air while he falls. Then, he flies after Spider-Man like a streaking comet; as if he's the moth following the flame instead of the other way around, or well, not a moth. But the point remains the same.