Chapter Text
I scroll absentmindedly through the series of photos I took of you in the courtyard. You were sitting on the edge of the fountain, your back facing me. I was sitting nearby on a bench that distinctly had a few rusted nails on the verge of falling off. God, even your back was beautiful. I hit the “NEXT” button repeatedly, scrubbing through the photos and you animated to life in stop-motion.
One photo, your back was completely facing me. The next one, you cheekbone appeared behind your bangs. Then, the tip of your nose. Your right eye. Your eyebrows. Your left eye. Your mouth. You were frowning, how cute. Annoyed, even. Only when I reach at the last photos do I realize that you were looking at me. Your brows were still furrowing. Great, I bet you thought I was some annoying boy who followed you around like a creep. NEXT, NEXT, NEXT… I continued to scrub until it hit me.
“What the…” I silently curse. I don’t remember taking these photos at all! In my hands, on my digicam, through the lights from the low resolution LCD… Your expression slowly morphed into a smile.
You are smiling at me.
Your eyes crinkled into half moons, the corners scrunched up in the telltale sign of a genuine smile. Your teeth were immaculate, shining a bright porcelain in the photo as if the world never mattered when you saw me. Your hair was black, healthy, glistened in the sun. Droplets of water danced in front of your features like stars in broad daylight. The uniform clung to your body in a way that takes my breath away. In the photo, you looked beautiful. “2022.11.13 15:04:32” reads the timestamp. You never looked more beautiful, Taesan. I wish I could show this to you before it was too late.
You smiled at me. You smiled at me! How did you know? Did we ever talk to each other, Taesan? I began to spiral. After all this time, you do know me. What do you mean you do know me!?
“This can’t be true,” I whispered. My voice sounds weird my ears. It is croaky and hoarse. I hate it. I shook my head. Please, Taesan, does this mean we could be? Does this mean I could be loving you without shame? Without acting like a creep? I racked my brain, looking for the slightest clue if we ever met. I remember nothing.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
No! This isn’t real.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice raspy. I was never supposed to be yours anyways.
I traced the contours of my digicam, feeling the weight of the DELETE button on my fingertip. It was almost funny, Taesan, how such precious fragments of yours could be wiped away so easily with just a tiny little bit of force. I swear that a baby can do it. With trembling hands, I pressed the button, watching the screen turns to black and the number reads “0/0”.
Rest in peace, Han Taesan.