Chapter Text
Weeks since the wedding: 8
It was just a regular day when the jeep broke down again, it was. His morning had started with Kelly and him in bed like they had been doing for the past three weeks. But just like stubbing your toe makes you cry, the jeep breaking down unleashed all of the emotions Buck had been bottling up since probably before he even came to Chicago. He recalled Kelly the day after their drunken wedding telling him that the next fix probably wouldn’t be so easy. He accepted it. But now he felt like he was losing that last part of Maddie he had, but even past that; he felt like his escape route was slipping through his fingers.
It wasn’t that he wanted to leave Kelly. Things were going well, they felt more like boyfriends than they did roommates with benefits. But not having a means of leaving if Kelly decided he was done with him made his skin crawl. Made him feel trapped. However he didn’t have time to have a full blown breakdown, he had to get to work. Which meant he had to call Kelly down from the apartment to see if he was able to drive him.
He did just that, not until after he banged his head on the steering wheel a few times though. It didn’t help, but if he wasn’t going to cry he needed to take his frustration out somehow. The phone rang twice before Kelly’s voice came through the line. “Ev? You okay?” He asked, and Buck wanted to laugh, because no he was not okay. But Kelly wasn’t asking because he knew Buck was two seconds from calling out and spending the day crying in bed. He was asking because Buck was supposed to be on his way to work, and they weren’t the kind of couple that just called to chat.
“Yes,” Buck said out of instinct, before correcting himself. “Well yes, and no.”
“What’s wrong?”
“The jeep broke down again. I need a ride to work.”
“I’ll be right there, where are you exactly?”
“Still outside the apartment, she started and then immediately died.” He said, as he heard the jingle of Kelly’s keys, and the closing of the door.
“I’ll take a look at it, but you’ll probably need an actual mechanic this time.” Kelly warned, just like Buck knew he would.
“Thank you. I’ll meet you at the car.” He hung up after that statement because he knew if they stayed on the line any longer he would start telling Kelly all the things he was keeping hidden.
He didn’t feel bad about it most of the time. They got married because they were both grieving something, Kelly didn’t talk about his so Buck kept the silence. Sometimes he wondered if he just started, if Kelly would follow suit. But he figured he wouldn’t ever have that kind of luck.
+++
“Not like you to be late kid, everything okay?” Herrmann asked as Buck walked through the doors with Severide in tow.
“Yeah, sorry. My car broke down, I had to call Kelly to drive me in.” He said, breezing by Herrmann into the back. That also wasn’t like him, normally he’d chat for a few minutes before jumping right into work mode. Maybe it was because he was late, but Herrmann felt like there was more to the situation that he wasn’t seeing. He caught Severide's gaze, the question written on his face.
Severide sighed, looking to the back room before walking over when he saw Buck wasn’t coming out quite yet. “When we met it was because his jeep had broken down, I took a look then and was able to fix the issue, but it’s probably going to need a bigger fix this time.”
“Okay? So take it to a mechanic?” Herrmann asked not seeing the issue.
“I’m going to, but he’s pretty attached to it, I don’t know the full story-”
“Why not? You’ve been married two months and never asked?” Herrmann questioned. He knew they married on a whim, but they had been seeming closer lately. He didn’t realize they were still avoiding the heavy things, he wondered if Sev had told him about Shay yet. Probably not.
“It didn’t feel like my business.” He admitted, and Herrmann frowned.
“He’s got all of us at Molly’s, but he’s supposed to have you the most. You’ve got to have the hard conversations if you’re going to stay together.” He advised, and Kelly nodded. Any response he could have given was lost to Buck coming out of the back room.
“I’m gonna get a tow for the jeep today, I’ll come get you after work.” He said, looking to a despondent Buck.
“Thanks.” He said, eyes a million miles away. “Let me know what they say?” He asked, and Kelly nodded.
“I will, have a good shift Ev.”
“Thanks.”
+++
Weeks since the wedding: 10
“I picked up the jeep today.” Kelly said, walking into the house as Buck was putting breakfast in the oven to stay warm. He had thought he mistimed Kelly’s arrival, but nope. He was just late because of that.
“Thank god,” Buck breathed. “How much do I owe you?” He asked, louder. Kelly just shook his head.
“I took care of it, don’t worry about it.” He said waving Buck off, coming into the kitchen, pulling the food out of the oven to plate it up. “Smells good.”
“I can pay for it, I have a savings.” Buck assured, he knew he didn’t make as much as his husband, but that didn’t mean Kelly needed to swoop in and pay for everything. Especially something that was Buck’s responsibility.
“I don’t doubt that, but babe, you’ve been upset ever since she went into the shop. I just wanted to do something nice for you.” The sentiment was sweet, made Buck feel almost loved in a way he hadn’t since he left Maddie behind. Since she stopped responding. Which was probably why his next statement fell out of his mouth without permission.
“I felt trapped.” A flash of hurt spread across Kelly’s face. “Not by you, but by the situation,” he clarified. “Ever since my sister, Maddie, gave me the jeep I’ve been running. I’ve never not been able to just leave.”
“Do you want to leave?” Kelly asked, abandoning the food to fully look at Buck.
“No!” He took a breath. “No, but I just. I’ve never wanted to not leave some place after I got there. Nothing has ever felt like it fit.”
“But Chicago does?” Kelly paused, before continuing. “We fit?”
Buck released a slow breath. “I think we do,” he shrugged. “I know we haven’t really talked about why we were in Vegas, why we both didn’t care about marrying a stranger. But I think we should.” He said, laying his cards on the table.
“We should.” Kelly croaked out, like agreeing pained him slightly.
“I can go first.” Buck offered, and Kelly nodded gratefully. “I left home at 18.” He started, willing himself to get through the story without breaking down. “My parents, well lets just say my parents weren’t cut out for the job. They’re not bad people-”
“Just not good parents?” Kelly filled in, and Buck nodded.
“I went to my sister,” he swallowed heavily. “She was covered in bruises, her husband-” He steeled himself for this next part. “Her husband wasn’t a good guy. I begged her to leave with me, she agreed.”
“But-”
“But then she wrote me a letter telling me she couldn’t leave him, and gave me the keys to the jeep. Her jeep.” Kelly had a look of horror written across his face. “I took it and left. Drove as far away from Pennsylvania as I was comfortable for a day and got a job where I landed.”
“Is your sister…” Kelly trailed off, clearly not sure how to ask if Maddie was still alive.
“I think she’s still alive, still with him. I check the obituaries every week. I send her postcards all the time, I don’t even know if she gets them, but if she does I want her to know I haven’t forgotten.”
“Why didn’t your parents do something?” He asked, and Buck laughed, it was almost cold sounding.
“They didn’t even go to the wedding. They didn’t agree with her marriage to Doug, said they weren’t going to support her.” That horrified look got more intense.
“Your parents aren’t just bad parents, Ev. They’re just bad people.”
“Yeah, probably.” He agreed, not able to defend them. “I went to Vegas to get a postcard to send Maddie, she always promised we’d go for my 21st birthday. I wanted her to know I still wanted to go with her. I wasn’t even going to spend the night, but then-”
“Then the jeep died, and I told you I would fix it.” Kelly finished.
“Yeah. So that’s my story.” He paused, waiting for Kelly to start his.
“My best friend died, Shay.” He said, Buck knew this from the first day he met the team. Casey had made sure to tell him as a dig about their marriage, but he didn’t bother bringing that up. “It was a call gone wrong. She went into that building, and she just. She didn’t come out.” His voice cracked at the end. “She was my roommate, and the best friend I had. I felt like I couldn’t deal with all the feelings I had with everyone around me also grieving her loss, so I went to Vegas to drink, to get my mind off of it.”
“And you met me.” Buck said, voice so soft he wasn’t sure if Kelly even heard.
“I met you. And I thought it would be an easy night with someone, help get my mind off of it. But at some point between all the drinks and the falling into bed, I remembered how nice it felt to have someone want you, and well. You know what happened next.”
“I don’t regret it.” Buck offered, and Kelly looked relieved. Like he was glad he didn’t trap Buck.
“I don’t either.” He assured, and Buck smiled.
“I know we’re husbands already,” he started, and Kelly laughed. “But if you want, I think we could be a pretty great couple.”
“Yeah, I think we could.” Kelly agreed, a smile spreading across his face for the first time since the conversation started. It eased something in Buck. The urge to run nowhere to be found, instead it was replaced with the urge to stay. To see how things were going to play out. To try and make it work with his husband, so he smiled back.