Chapter Text
loneliness and self hatred
those were the emotions shadow milk cookie knew most.
the me now...? that statement flutted around his mind like a fly. that's ridiculous, shadow milk rather prefer it to be lie if anything, but he but he knew it was genuine. not like the statement still ment much. He ment no more than a rose that pure vanilla found pretty, even tho it's thorns still pricked him.
you love anything that breathes or is alive. still in pure vanillas embrace qthe more you try to fix me- you're very presents stabs me in the chest. reminding what I've done, reminding me of how much of an awful person everyone knows me as, I'm never enough. I was never enough even back then... before what you would call my fall from grace. and the worse part is, i need you. every moment every smile you make is like a mockery he snarls looking at pure vanilla as he continues in a mocking tone "ohh look at me! pure vanilla cookie, I didn't faltur from the burning truth and all knowledge cuz im sooo pure!"
pure vanilla stops and thinks for a moment. does shadow milk think higher of him then even himself? someone who acts as if he's the best, but tuly envying his other half deep down Inside?
Pure vanilla makes a questioning face as he thinks about how shadow milk might feel. however his face came off seeming more confused from shadow milks end. causing the jester's look to go from annoyed to stern. His eyebrows making a straight line as he huffs.
"you're very existence reminds me I'm a failure." ...
pure vanillas eyes widen but only for a second, until drooping down with only the end of his eyebrows staying up as if pinched by a string. His saddning washed out eyes stairs longingly at his other. No words can come to his mouth.
So Shadow Milk speaks "but with that-" he hesitates breaking contact with pure vanilla as he fiddles with the cuff of his sleeve. "...I dont believe anyone" his face turns a darker shade, sinking it down into the ruffle around his neck. "I don't believe anyone else could comfort me from that pain. someone would-"
"understand?"
"yeah." he lifts his head up a bit looking into vannilas understanding eyes but then quickly darting away back at the floor. he stairs off for a minute thinking. "you can go now" pure vanilla tilts his head in confusion.
"you sent me a letter. to come all the way and meet you at you're domain, alone. only to tell me something I already knew and then throw me out?"
all ready knew-? oh witches he would know! how could I be such an idiot. of course he would know how I feel. After our soul jams merged even it being no more than 5 minutes shadow milk saw a felt so much of pure vannilas life, it's only sensible for it to work the other way round.
"I said can go, you don't have to but you probably will anyway" he jesters his arms. going back into his normal theatrical tone
"I'm staying" pure vanilla gives a warm smile to reassure him
"your wha-" he nocks his head. eyes perplexed.
"I'm staying as long as you want" shadow milks eye's soften. not from reassurance, but from guilt.
"you don't have to. I won't get mad. Don't stay just because you pitty me or feel bad" pure vanilla leans in. instead of just saying it he show's it instead.
do you want to sew? shadow milks shoulders bounce up from his sulking posture. "hm?" did he hear that right. "you're dolls you make. do want to go make some together? or maybe even something else like clothes" pure vanilla takes his hand with a slight pull of pursuit. shadow milk doesn't resist the action. only only lifting an eyebrow up in general confusion.
"really? you want to stay and do silly crafts with me?"
"I think we'll have fun" shining a bright beaming smile as he waits to follow shadow milk cookie.