Chapter Text
Buck is no stranger people leaving him.
His parents, his sister, Eddie.
They all left and sure, his parents were there but not for him. They lost the child they actually wanted. They never wanted him. Not really.
His sister he can understand. She got stuck with basically raising him. She didn't want or need that responsibility. She had her own life with Doug. Although he wishes he could go back and tell her not to go with him. But, it doesn't work like that, he knows.
And Eddie... He also understands why he left. Hell, if he didn't Buck would have himself. He needed to be with his son. He can understand that. But that doesn't mean him leaving doesn't hurt.
He knows he can't control when people leave him. Although he wishes Bobby would have said something sooner. Hinted that he was about to die... Because the one person who he thought would never leave him... left.
And, as much as he wants to, he doesn't blame Bobby. Never have and never will. Because all he can ask himself is, 'why not me?'
He asks himself this for hours- days even.
He never got his answer.
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It was a day like any other, the 118 was on shift although it didn't feel the same. It never would, and they all knew that.
They got a new captain, Captain Nune was her name. Eddie is also in the process of coming back to the team. He and Chris came back two weeks ago, Christopher saying he wanted to come home. That surprised Eddie as much as Buck but they weren't complaining.
Hen was recovered, as well as Chimney and were both back at the station. Buck and Ravi weren't hurt that bad so they went back a few weeks after the funeral.
It was a Tuesday the 20th of May and everyone was just lounging around in tense silence, then the bell rang.
There was a reported jumper on the side of a 30 story building. The caller said she looked to be 24 years old, with blonde hair and a striped shirt with jeans. They also reported she looked like she could be crying, but they can't tell properly since they are on the 26th floor on their balcony.
When they arrived on the scene, they looked up and saw who the caller was talking about.
“Buck, go up and try to talk them down. Chimney, go to the 28th floor and do a rope maneuver in case she jumps, Hen stay down here in case there are any injuries.” Captain Nune says.
“Got it cap.” Buck says and starts running inside and up the steps.
Once he gets to the 29th floor, Buck radios and asks, “Chim, you're in position right?” Once he gets the affirmative, he goes up the last flight of steps, opens the door to the roof, and steps out.
Once out on the roof he scans the surrounding areas and finds the woman the caller as talking about. She was crying, looking up into the sky and on the edge of the roof mumbling to herself. So he carefully walks closer to her, trying his best not to alarm her.
“Hey ma'am,” He says softly. “What's your name?”
The woman doesn't give any indication that she heard him, so he goes to ask again, but before he can she says softly, almost imperceptible. “Aurora.”
He nods, even thought she can't see him and says, “Hi Aurora, I'm Buck.” He pauses for a moment then says, “Can you maybe take a step away from the edge for me please?”
She shakes her head. “No,” she pauses and looks away from the skyline to instead look in his general direction. He can tell she is grieving something or someone by the far away look she has on her face. That same look you had when he died. His mind supplies.
Shaking his head, he focuses back on the girl and, instead of asking her to step down again, Buck instead asks, “Okay... can you tell me why you're up here then?”
She doesn't answer for a minute, he gets worried she won't, but then she says, “My friend died recently,” she says sadly. “He was older and more like a dad to me than anything else... and he left me,” Small tears are slipping down her face now, she tries to wipe them away be they keep coming so she stops trying. “I tried to do it without him at first, you know,? But I don't think I can anymore.” The tears are now streaming down her face and he notices shes clutching a necklace that Buck didn't notice earlier. “I want to, but-” she stops, her throat closing up.
Taking a step closer to her he says, “I know how you feel.”
She shakes her head again. “You don't. You're just saying that.”
Taking another small step closer, he is now about 5 feet from her, he says “I do. I do because my captain, Bobby, died by a virus at a research facility almost a month ago,” He pauses, his eyes welling up with tears. “So yeah, I know how you feel right now, because- because it happened to me too.” He finishes, a few tears rolling down his cheeks.
The girl actually looks over at him, the look in her eyes still pained, grieving, but more clear than before. “How do you do it?” she asks.
He give her a bittersweet smile, “It's what he would have wanted.” he says. “It hurts now but-” he pauses trying to choose his words carefully. “-but in a few months- maybe years- the pain will lessen. It will lessen and lessen and- it will still be there but, it wont be as powerful as it is now because- because you know that they would want you to keep going.” he looks into the skyline then back to Aurora. “He will want you to keep going, and to me, that's enough.” he finishes.
Aurora looks behind her then back at Buck. “I think I want to go down now.” she says quietly, stepping away from the ledge.
Buck nods and guides her to the stairs and down to the ambulance. Before the ambulance doors shut thought, the girl asks, “If you could save him... would you?”
Buck, although caught off guard from the question, immediately answers, “Of course. In a heartbeat.” Aurora looks into his eyes, like she is seeing if he means it, and nods.
“Okay.” she says quietly.
Watching the ambulance drive away, Buck thought he might have saw a small smile on her face, but he shook his head and chalked it up to his heightened emotions and the stress of the day.
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Back at the station, Buck goes and showers. Hr hopes it will make him feel better, maybe less depressed, but things never work out the way he wanted them to.
So he sits in the shower, thinking. Thinking if he could have saved Bobby. If he could have been the one to die and not him, then everyone would be better off.
He gets cut off by the water turning cold.
Sad and kind of mad that he couldn't spiral anymore, he gets out and into his spare uniform. He then goes and throws his other on in the washer and goes to the kitchen to complete the rest of the dishes.
While in the kitchen, he gets a call from Eddie. Propping the phone onto the counter, he answers.
“Hey, Ed's” he says.
Eddie smiles and replies, “Hey Buck, how is shift going?”
Buck is quiet for a moment, making Eddie worry, but eventually says, “It's going okay I guess,” he shrugs. “There was a jumper today, hit a little close to home,” he explains. “But I'll be okay.” he washes the last dish in the sink before turning his full attention to Eddie. “So how about you?”
Eddie then talks about his day, just cleaning and lounging around the house. They end the call a few minutes later so Buck can at least get some sleep before the alarm goes off again.
He walks down to the bunk room and finds his designated bed and collapses into it. He maneuvers himself so he is more comfortable and is asleep in minutes.
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When Buck wakes up, it's to the alarm blaring. He gets up and rushes to the locker rooms to get changed.
Once done he gets into the truck and they drive off.
He's looking down at his hands when he notices he wasn't listening when the call was announced so he asks, “What's happened?”
And, okay- he cannot be crazy right? Because he swears he just heard a dead mans voice saying, “A large number of people at a local church have somehow started to faint. We don't know why so be cautious.”
There is ringing in his ears because no, that can't be right. He's dead.
Buck slowly looks up and sees him. Sitting in the captains chair like he wasn't just dead for a month was-
Bobby Nash.
tbc.