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Hello everyone, this is Y1NAHO speaking. There’s no easy way to say this, but after loads of considering (and crying), I decided to abandon this fic.
I understand you guys really love reading this, and I genuinely and honestly appreciate and love y'all so much for that, but unlike you very awesome people, I hate this fic so so much.
I hate every word, every fibre of its existence. Hearing the name of this fanfiction makes me cringe and every cell in my body goes against every emotion and dialogue in this work. I hate this work so so much.
I think it started around chapter 7. It was the time when I started leaving my BSD phase, and the fandom as a whole. It’s a very toxic place and despite all of the wonderful people, I really didn't want to stay. And the reason I carried on is because I genuinely am super thankful for 12k hits and every single supportive comment I receive. Sometimes, I look back at chapter 1 and see how much I grew, and that not only fills me with a half-nostalgic feeling, but also… disgust? Everything went wrong in this fic after chapter 1. I hate my writing and I don't think I can fix it. I hate scenes where I tried to give DID representations but failed so so terribly. I don't want to continue these mistakes.
And as I mentioned, BSD is no longer something I hold dear to me. It is no more than an interest, and as much as I want to go back to the good times when me and my friends I met through BSD would voice call and chat, and all the happy Wednesdays I would spend in my room waiting for new episodes to drop, I cannot. A chapter a month is frankly, not appealing to someone like me who requires excitement.
I think I also need to mention that I am not doing well mentally. I'm currently struggling with problems in my family and stress and relationships and loads of self-loathing. And besides all that, I'm finding it super hard to find a balance in writing and self-care, along with school. So basically, I decided I cannot fucking take this burden anymore.
I just wanna say I'm so fucking sorry for giving you these false promises that I will continue this fanfiction. All the promises I gave you were lies. Unsubscribe to the fic, unsubscribe to me, I understand. I just feel so so sorry. To all the wonderful people that attached yourself to my writing, I'm sorry.
I'm not going to make any promises, but I hope I can continue to write you pieces of writing, but for now, I wish to deal with my issues first. I love you all.