Chapter Text
“ 1…2…3…Smile !”
_
one
Siuan forced a smile as she took in the line before her. It seemed like all the students from White Tower University gathered today. There were so many people that she did not know and she was without Morgase. It made her feel like a fish out of the water, but Siuan held her head high as she’d finished signing her name in the registration form. She’d tread through more difficult waters before. She could handle a few hours without her best friend.
“ Burn you, Morgase.” She muttered under her breath once she’d found a quiet spot to set up her art materials.
Morgase had invited Siuan to attend an art org social with her. She’d known that Siuan had a difficult time adjusting to being away from home and had suggested that Siuan come so she could meet more people. “ Besides, your ultimate love may be science, but you’re a damn good artist as well, and your drawings deserve to be seen! ” Morgase’s voice echoed in Siuan’s head. Eventually, Siuan had agreed that it would be nice to explore with her best friend.
Except her best friend had bailed out on her last minute because of familial duty and Morgase had none of it when Siuan had insisted on staying in their dorm. She almost had to kick Siuan out of her car as she dropped her off at the university avenue just a few minutes ago.
“Well, at least no silverspike would bother me here.” She whispered to herself as she pulled her used sketchpad—a gift from her father—out of her bag, half-worried about Morgase.
For a moment, tapping her sketchpad with a pencil impatiently, Siuan thought about leaving and marching to the Trakands to help Morgase flee instead, but a voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like her best friend told her not to. She thanks the Light a minute later for her fiercely determined best friend when she caught sight of her as she scanned the crowd for inspiration to draw.
Draped in a blue silk wrap dress might be the most beautiful woman Siuan has ever seen. Her brown hair cascaded down her back, and if Siuan were a fish-brained fool, she would have marched towards her to ask if she could run her fingers through the soft locks. As a self-proclaimed woman of STEM, she did not make proclamations without thorough observations, but by the Light, in this light, Siuan could swear that this woman was the Goddess of Spring. Siuan’s fingers moved to their own accord as she continued to stare at the woman, the other woman not noticing her as she picked up the camera she’d had sitting beside her.
Siuan almost let out a curse as the bulky thing covered the woman’s face. She debated inching closer but decided not to as she heard the click of the shutter accompanied by a delighted giggle from her place. One hand still holding her pencil, Siuan decided to bide her time instead by watching the other woman, glowing as she took photo after photo. It didn’t take too long for her to wait when she suddenly found the woman’s camera directed at her, the startling click of the shutter making her realize that the other woman did, in fact, felt her staring.
Blue eyes met hers after the woman set the camera aside, giving Siuan a hesitant smile, her face turning red as if she had been the one watching Siuan and not the other way around. And for the first time since Siuan arrived in Tar Valon, a real smile formed on her face.
_
two
Siuan smiled at Moiraine, her heart soaring at the excitement radiating off her love. Moiraine jumped like a spawning salmon, as Siuan liked to affectionately tease, as they walked in the rented studio, Lan, Alanna, Taringail and Morgase following after them. She couldn’t be any happier for her partner of 12 years for finally freeing herself from her family and being able to do what she truly wants.
It was not an easy move. Light knows Siuan has worked hard to help Moiraine accept herself, get her to open up. Her love was wounded tightly when they’d met at that art org social. Even when they had become friends, it was still a struggle for Moiraine to open up. Siuan had spent countless hours trying to erase the shame and the guilt the Damodreds instilled in Moiraine by encouraging her, making Moiraine feel loved and accepted through her touch.
“I’m so proud of you, my little pufferfish.” Siuan coos, wrapping an arm around the shorter woman’s shoulders.
Moiraine turns to her, a bright smile on her lips. “Thank you, Siuan.” She says. “I hope you know that I couldn’t have done this without you. You are my strength, my brilliant tide.”
“And you are mine, my brave sun.”
Moiraine’s eye crinkles as she grins at Siuan, making Siuan’s chest swell with fondness, before leaning in. Siuan meets her half-way and their lips meet, chaste but passionate all the same. A quick whisper between lovers.
It’s Taringail’s booming laughter that breaks them apart. “I swear, the two of you cannot be left alone otherwise all you’d end up doing is snog.”
“And how is that a bad thing?” Moiraine asks teasingly, bumping her older brother’s shoulder playfully as he passes them.
“Well, for one, we’re only allowed here for a few hours.” Lan is the one to speak this time as he sets up Moiraine’s camera and equipment in the center of the studio. “ And you actually have to take pictures for the exhibit.”
“Speaking of, where will the exhibit be again?” Alanna asks as she takes the other corner, her overwhelmingly large collection of makeup brushes almost making Siuan laugh.
“Well, there is this place in Cairhien that I’ve been eyeing. It’s indoors but the area is open and it’s by the river.” Moiraine says, her face hopeful. “I just don’t know if I’ll get it considering the fallout with Uncle Laman.”
Siuan squeezes her hand briefly, giving Moiraine a reassuring smile. “You’ll get it.”
“You will.” Taringail agreed. “I’ll make sure of it. As long as you also make sure to be there at the wedding.”
“And why would I miss my only brother’s wedding?” Moiraine asked teasingly, chuckling as Taringail stares pointedly at her and Siuan’s intertwined hands. “I will be there. Alanna, Lan and I have everything covered. All that’s left to do is finish this shoot.”
“Which.” Morgase interjected, pulling Siuan away from Moiraine after the two shared another kiss. “Will only happen if you let go of your muse.”
“Never happening.” Moiraine promises, chasing after Siuan with a kiss on the cheek, before letting Morgase take her to Alanna.
A month later, Siuan finds herself in Cairhien, watching as people come in and out of Moiraine’s exhibit. From her place afar, she can see Moiraine wandering alone, following the stories of each photograph Siuan watched her take over the years. She watches Moiraine stop in the center of the hall, in front of the largest photograph yet, her love’s fingers tracing over it—Siuan’s smile stares back at her, and it takes everything in her not to walk in and beg her to come home. To tell her that she’d been a fool. To take away the pain clearly reflected in Moiraine’s eyes when she’d caught a glimpse of them briefly, watching as Moiraine glanced at the hall, looking for her strength.
Instead, Siuan allows herself a proud smile before driving away.
_
three
“ Siuan Sanche, this better not be what I think it is .”
Siuan suppresses a chuckle as she watches Moiraine glare at her. If she noticed the slight upturn on the corner of Moiraine’s lips, she didn’t say anything. She gives Moiraine a mischievous smile instead, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re welcome.”
“It’s Elayne’s birthday, not mine.” Moiraine argued, though her voice did not carry any heat, as she inspected the new camera Siuan got her.
The chatter and music can be heard from outside Siuan’s room—technically theirs again, finally—as they both sit on the bed. Siuan had taken the opportunity to whisk her love away when Alanna and Lan had arrived to help with last minute party preparation and to entertain the birthday girl so her moms could have a minute to themselves.
“It’s also the fifth month anniversary since you stopped resisting my charm.”
A smile takes over Moiraine, any trace of faux anger gone, her face soft as she cups Siuan’s face, the camera forgotten on her lap. “It’s been twenty-three years since you won me over with your charm.”
Siuan turns her head, leaving light kisses on Moiraine’s palm. “You know what I mean.”
“Yes.” Moiraine breathes, pulling Siuan to her. “I love you.”
Siuan grins as she nuzzles the other woman’s nose, making Moiraine giggle—the same giggle that caught Siuan’s attention over twenty years ago, the one she wants to hear for the rest of her life and in the next. “I love you.” She says, bridging the gap between them. As the kiss deepens, she blindly reaches for the camera, shoving it off Moiraine’s lap carefully, and tugs at her. Moiraine allows Siuan to maneuver her into the taller woman’s lap, their bodies flushed together, smiling as she feels Siuan squeeze her hips playfully.
She feels Moiraine’s hand settling on the nape of her neck, pulling her impossibly closer, her touch leaving goosebumps as it glides down from Siuan’s cheek. The moment stretches on, the sounds of their lips meeting again and again and their heavy breathing the only sound in the room. And then, chuckling, as Siuan chases after her lips when she pulls away, Moiraine presses a finger to Siuan’s lips. They share a smile when Siuan hears the familiar steps near their bedroom too.
“ Mommy! Nanay!” Elayne bellows from the hallway. The door bursts open then, their little girl running straight to them, jumping onto Siuan’s lap excitedly. “We have to go downstairs now.”
“And why should we, firefly?” Siuan asks teasingly. Elayne scrunches her nose at her mom before resuming to jump in her arms, her little arms reaching over to tug at Moiraine.
“Nandito na si Lolo!” (“ Grandpa is here! ”) Elayne exclaims, slipping into Tairen language in her excitement.
Moiraine raises an eyebrow. “I thought Tatay said he couldn’t come.”
“Alam mo naman si Tatay.” (“ You know how Papa is .”) Siuan replies, standing up with Elayne in her arms. She helps Moiraine up, grinning as she holds her two loves. “Well, the party has begun.”
They let Elayne drag them downstairs and Siuan and Moiraine are immediately captured in an embrace by Berden. “You’ve done well. I’m so proud to be your father.” He says, pressing a soft kiss to Siuan’s cheek then to Moiraine’s.
“Thank you, Tatay.” Moiraine whispers, her voice shaky. Siuan presses a steadying hand on her back as Berden lets them go. She knows that it’s still hard for Moiraine to accept affection from her father sometimes, still scarred from the coldness she grew up with no matter how long it has been.
“Lolo, let’s go!” Elayne interjects, grabbing Berden’s hand and pulling him into the backyard.
They watch as Berden bends down to lift Elayne in his arms, making the girl giggle happily, and for a moment Siuan is brought back to that first summer she and Morgase shared as girls in Tear. Her smile wobbles as she remembers how Morgase, the daughter-heir of wealth Siuan could have only dreamt of, became her first best friend and treated her and her family like equals, had chosen her over the other kids her parents would have wanted her to be friends with instead—those who treated Siuan like an inferior. She loves the life she’s building with Moiraine and Elayne, loves being with them, but she still grieves for Morgase. She grieves for the life they’ve shared, the one they could have had. She grieves for Elayne, who will never get to know her mother the way Siuan did, who still misses her parents everyday.
“She’ll never forget them.” Moiraine promises, giving Siuan a knowing smile. “We’ll never let her.”
Siuan only nods, and Moiraine understands, holds out her hand to Siuan. Moiraine leads her deeper into their home, Alanna and Lan following them, checking on the decorations and the food again before the guests arrive.
Their house looks like a fusion of Andor, Cairhien and Tear. The Trakands would have thrown a fit if they'd been invited. Morgase and Taringail would have loved it. Inside, they’ve turned the living room into a little tea parlour for Elayne and her friends. The ambiance is reminiscent of Taringail and Morgase’s elegance and favorites. Outside, their backyard looks like a Tairen fiesta had thrown up all over it. Vibrant banderitas hung from everywhere Siuan and Moiraine could reach. They’ve put out a long table in the shade, the food sitting on top of a banana leaf, ready for everyone to eat. They also set up two corners for children to play piko and tumbang preso —as per Elayne’s request after finding out that her Mama loved playing those games as a child—though Siuan suspects that she’ll probably get roped into playing a round of both when she catches the competitive glances Moiraine and Lan shoot each other.
It was going to be a great day. Their friends and family will arrive soon enough. They will share laughter and stories as they eat together under the shade. Siuan and Moiraine will watch as Elayne and her friends enjoy an afternoon free to be children, will watch their little girl’s eyes shine brightly as she listens to the singing of “ happy birthday ” by the people who love her. Berden will give her and her love a proud smile before he leaves with a promise to visit again soon. Lan and Alanna will help them clean, the four of them laughing when Moiraine accidentally gets herself wrapped up in the banderitas. Later, when it’s just their little family in their home, Siuan will pull out the photo album Moiraine compiled, and they will spend the night telling Elayne stories about the parents she won’t grow up with but will never forget.
And when Moiraine brings out the camera Siuan got her, insisting that the first photo that she will take with it should be of the two people she loves the most, Siuan and Elayne will give her the biggest smiles, their love for her reflected in them.
_
“ Smile!”
Moiraine does, cradling her bump softly. Draped in a blue silk wrap dress, Siuan is reminded of the first time she saw her, and thinks that twenty years later, she still believes that her wife is the most beautiful woman to ever exist. She tells Moiraine just that after she takes another photo.
“You don’t have to flatter me, Siuan. I’m already carrying your child.” Moiraine teases, ignoring Siuan’s protests when she moves from her perch on their porch swing to sit on Siuan’s lap. “You know you don’t have to do this.”
“I know, but I want to. My perfect beautiful wife deserves to be memorialized.” Siuan says, her fingers softly caressing the swell where their child rests. She smirks at Moiraine after giving her a soft kiss. “Though I don’t know if I want to have your pictures in galleries for people to see or keep them for my eyes only.”
Moiraine laughs, the sound a balm to Siuan’s heart. “Who would have thought it would take you twenty years to let me teach you photography?”
“Truly an oversight on my part.” Siuan hummed, running her fingers through Moiraine’s hair. “I should have realized the merits of photography sooner.”
It all started one morning in the Tairen section of the market, Siuan leading them through, and now-five-year-old Elayne dutifully holding Moiraine’s hand, her stance adorably protective of her mother, as they pursued stall after stall. They all got up quite early because Moiraine woke up at the crack of dawn insisting that they should have bibingka and kalamay for breakfast today. Elayne had grumped until Siuan had told her that it was for her Mommy and little sibling. Even Siuan had been perturbed during the drive, bleary eyed from her late night at the lab, but now, as she watched Moiraine stopping by a stall of mangoes, Siuan could not bring herself to even be a little miffed.
The morning light bathed Moiraine in a soft glow, her excitement over such a mundane thing rolling off her in waves making Siuan’s heart swell in affection. It seems everything Moiraine does these days makes Siuan love her even more. Whether Moiraine was dressed severely to accompany Siuan to research conferences or in pajamas as she lounged around with Elayne, Siuan could not get enough of her—she knows she never will.
“ Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” Moiraine had teased when she noticed Siuan staring.
Siuan only smiled. “ Maybe I will.”
After that, Siuan found herself practicing photography everytime she could. She snaps photos of the scenery outside her office window when students weren’t bombarding her or when she wasn’t busy writing papers, the fallen leaves on the university catwalk when autumn came, shots of Alanna and Lan when they amuse her, of Elayne to save for the new photo album Moiraine had crafted herself. But still, Siuan’s favorite subject is her wife —loves taking pictures of her wife as much as the camera seems to love her. She loves taking pictures of Moiraine in the early morning, her face flushed and free of makeup, glowing brighter than the sun. Loves it when Moiraine stands by the stove, hand cradling the bump as she happily sniffs the aroma of Siuan’s sinigang . Loves it when she has Elayne in her arms, every bit of the great mother Siuan knew she would be. Loves it when Moiraine stands in white at the makeshift altar in their backyard, her eyes full of love as she looks at the person behind the camera.
It confused Moiraine at first, how Siuan constantly wanted to capture every moment with a photograph —her wife had always preferred to draw rather than hold a camera—but eventually, she had learned to appreciate her wife’s newfound enjoyment in photography, took it upon herself to teach Siuan everything she’s learned over the years. Siuan had sit through all of Moiraine’s lessons with a smile, and on her free days, she’d even sit in with Moiraine’s photography students, absorbing every bit of information dutifully, enjoying as she watches Moiraine in her element. And if she locks her magnificent wife’s office afterwards for hours, who could blame her?
“What do you think?” Siuan asks, handing Moiraine her camera once her wife is comfortably seated on the sofa.
They asked Lan to babysit Elayne for the afternoon, and have turned their home into a makeshift studio because Siuan wanted to practice her new skill and give Moiraine a maternity shoot.
“I think you could give me a run for my money.” Moiraine says, smiling at the photos Siuan had taken.
Siuan shoots Moiraine a disbelieving look. “Really?”
“Yes.” Moiraine answers, pressing a kiss to Siuan’s lips as she sits next to her. She passes the camera into Siuan’s hands. “My brilliant wife. You continue to amaze me with how quickly you learn.”
“It helps when you have a great teacher.” Siuan says, dimples coming out as she grins. She wraps an arm around Moiraine’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to her ear, then whispers playfully. “A gorgeous one too.”
Moiraine laughs, turning to Siuan. “You’re spoiling me.”
“I’m merely telling you the truth.” Siuan says softly, cupping Moiraine’s cheek. “You know, I’ve read that you can tell when a photographer loves their subject.”
“You must love me, then.” Moiraine breathes, eyes going down to Siuan’s lips then back again.
“So much.” Siuan agrees, thumb caressing the contours of Moiraine’s lips. “What they didn’t say is that you can easily tell when the subject loves the person behind the camera, too.”
The two of them share a look. One that spoke a thousand words. One that they’ve shared over the years many times already. First when they were barely women, terrified of the world, but fought to conquer it. And then again and again as they continued to love each other. It was a look of love—quiet, but steady. Sure. A love that has endured and survived. A love that will last a lifetime and more. Never ending.
And when Moiraine smiles again, that lovely smile that has her eyes crinkling in the corner, the one that has her wife wanting to build monuments for her, who could blame Siuan for wanting to keep it in a photograph?