Chapter Text
You would have thought that after fifteen years in a sewer that Donatello would be depressed, sullen, a total recluse afraid to face society.
And you would have been right.
He was.
“Michelangelo this is your stupidest idea yet, master splinter sai-“
“Master splinter says shit all the time” Raph grumbled, dragging Donatello as he weakly protested. Donnie wanted to hit the buffoon over the head with his Bo staff, but refrained from doing so, his eyes lingering on the small chip in his shell and the thin olive-green scar.
“Yes well, that is besides the point, it is dang-“
“Your just anxious D, c’mon” Mikey interrupted Donatello. The genius wanted to get mad about the constant interruptions, but they weren’t anything new. He’d grown use to them. “It’ll be fun, even Leo’s not grumbling”
Leonardo swatted away Mikey’s hand as he tried to squish his cheeks, a slight annoyed flush and scowl crossing his features before he sighed.
His sighs were always so exasperated. Exhausted.
“I’ve agreed to come because I know you two –“ He gave a pointed look to Raph and Mikey, “-Will cause unnecessary trouble and sneak out anyway”
Michelangelo just snickered, and Raphael gave an indignant snort “Yeah right, you just wanna raid the library with Mikey for new comics, like a nerd” Leo hit Raph up the head and Donnie had to hide his small laugh.
He had to admit, even he kind of wanted to look through the library. He lived under such a huge city, filled with so much knowledge and history and he’d never actually seen it. Although, he would have much rather seen it with a drone than risk his shell.
“Leo you cannot be serious, you hate breaking Master Splinters rules” Donatello was surprised to have finally got a sentence out without being interrupted. First time going out, first time not being interrupted.
What an eventful night indeed.
“Well yes, but I’m sure he would have let us go if it hadn’t been for someone-“ His gaze dropped to Michelangelo, but whatever bite it was meant to hold fizzled out quickly, “-Almost set the lair on fire while we were convincing him”
Leo wasn’t wrong.
Earlier when they had spoken to master Splinter, he had seemed hesitant, his voice filled with concern, but he had definitely been about to give in. Donnie remembered, it was the moment when his nervous butterflies began to sink into his stomach and he actually thought about what going outside would mean, about the danger, the looks, the complete and utter disgust and hatre-
“-So really, I’m not breaking his rules. I’m… demonstrating why he can trust us” Leonardo finished, tugging the back of his blue bandanna anxiously. He seemed to be second guessing.
Maybe, just maybe, Donnie could change his mind. They weren’t out the sewers yet. He still had a chance.
“Do you really think he’ll trust anything if we go behind his back like this?” It was a low blow. Donatello knew Leo looked up to and admired splinter, that their fathers trust was everything to him. His world.
But he had to.
He couldn’t just shake the feeling that something was wrong. Michelangelo managing to burn Algae pie was a sign, the flames flickering to warn Donnie that if he went outside there was no turning back, his life would never be the same again.
“Stop sputtering anxious crap Don” Raph muttered, already climbing the ladder out of the sewers. When had they gotten so far from the lair? “Your just gonna make Leo all bitchy and whiny and he’ll try to drag our shells back home”
“I’m not bitchy, I just care what Sensei thin-“
“Leo, chill, don’t let D get in your head” Mikey was following Raphael up. “It’s already hard enough to get him out of his own head”
They were doing this.
They were actually going to the surface.
“Y-your right” Leo was climbing now. They were actually doing it. Donnie couldn’t breathe. “Come on Don, I know ya get anxious but… We need to prove to splinter we can do this. We can grow up”
Leo was right, he knew Leo was right but…
Donatello wasn’t ready.
He took the first tentative step onto the cold ladder rung, his eyes fixating on the rust patterns as he slowly pulled himself up. This was it… No turning back.
He wanted to say he gasped, or whooped like his other brothers did, but it all felt so anti-climactic. His chest constricted and his ribs fought against his lungs for dominance, all because of something so simple. Trivial. And yet he couldn’t think straight.
It was just a dirty alley, nothing special, just some brick walls covered in horribly misspelt graffiti, a few rats and littered bits of rubbish. A large dumpster and some suspicious puddles of red, brown and yellow.
The only thing of interest was the moon.
It was large, pale and bright, like silver water.
“Come on D” Mikey was pulling him up the ladder of a building, his baby blue eyes shining with excitement. His younger brother had more freckles than the moon did craters, or at least, it appeared that way.
Donnie was in a haze. This was all there was, so why was he so anxious?
He could see from the top of the building the flickering lights of the city, each light representing one- maybe even three – normal human lives. He wanted to cry, and throw up, but his brothers were so happy and excited.
So why did it feel so foreboding?
“Come on Donatello” Leonardo jumped from one rooftop to another, gaining speed as he ran, Michelangelo following behind.
Raphael looked back at Donnie one last time, a smirk on his face as he began to run; “Race ya”
There was no turning back.
\\\
He could remember when he was twelve, when Master splinter had first given him his Bo Staff.
He’d felt sick to his stomach.
His brothers had been trusted with much more dangerous weapons, Leo had a katana, Raph a Sai and Mikey had Nunchaku. Yet Donnie was only trusted with a stick, because let’s be honest, it was just a glorified stick.
He’d accepted it gratefully though, because he didn’t want to complain. He was sure why he had been given the stick; his emotions were too… Unpredictable.
Splinter had always said that Raph and Donnie must have been twins because they each had what the other didn’t. Where Raphael could make decisions quickly, Donnie needed to be more calculated. Where Raphael wore his heart on his sleeve, Donatello kept his tucked under his shell.
When Raph got angry; really angry; he ignored you. Shunned you.
And Donnie… He hurt people.
He hadn’t allowed himself to get properly angry since he was five and he’d cracked Raphael’s shell, but he knew that Master Splinter didn’t trust him anymore after that.
How could he?
Raphael had made Donnie lose a few teeth, and may have given Donatello and oversized gap in his teeth, but he’d never hurt him so bad he scarred. He didn’t talk about it, but he’d done so much research he knew- just a little lower and he could have hurt or destroyed one of Raph’s veins.
Cut off the blood to his heart.
And killed his brother.
All because of a stupid, childish, tantrum.
No, he understood why master splinter didn’t trust him. And he knew why humans would never trust him.
He shouldn’t be up here, he shouldn’t, yet he was.
He felt lost in the wind as he ran over each rooftop, laughing with his brothers like they were normal teenagers doing stupid things and not giant mutated turtles. He felt relieved, that constant sick feeling in his stomach subsiding to a background noise.
His brothers were stretching on a rooftop, Mikey and Raph laughing about some guy dropping a box of food and how they were going to eat it while Leo told them not to since it was from the floor.
“Leo, bro, it’s in a box” Mikey argued, his mouth watering as he looked at the pizza (The box had said that, and assumption meant that it was either called pizza or came from a shop called pizza)
“It still fell on the floor, it’s unhygienic” Leonardo eyes the circular, flat, bread that was covered in cheese and circular bits of meat. It did smell amazing.
“We live in a sewer, hygiene is not an issue-“
“What if it’s poisoned, or-“
“We eat Mikey’s cooking, were immune to poison you dolt-“
“But we never know, it could be-“
Donnie was about to interrupt Raphael and Leonardo’s fight when he heard an over the top ‘gulp’ come from Mikey. His eyes were wide and his cheeks squished up in joy, “Soooo good” He groaned, savouring the taste.
So much for caution.
“Mikey did you just eat that, why wou-“
“Gimme some” Raph grabbed a slice off of Mikey, ripping into it with vigour. Leo just watched in horror, slight curiosity playing on his face, his light blue eyes wide with interest.
“I-is it good?” Leo was practically drooling from the smell.
Donatello took a cautious bite, trying to calm down his heart as it palpitated.
This was so good.
He’d never had anything with so much flavour, or with such a texture. Algae was slimy and made him want to throw up when it went down his throat and canned food was cold and wet and he just hated the thought of it.
But this?
It was proof there must have been some higher power in play, some great moustached man in the sky filling pizza boxes around the globe to bring joy to the world’s masses. Donatello ate it quicker, practically inhaling it.
“N-no it’s gross Leo, you wouldn’t want any” He mumbled between mouthfuls, Raph and Mikey nodding in agreement, none of them wanting to share.
Leo huffed, grabbing his own slice.
Donnie had never seen Leonardo lunge for a box so quickly.
\\\
His brothers were morons. It was something he’d figured out years prior, yet Donatello was still amazed by their stupidity. Leo and Mikey had decided to skip the library, instead using a few mouldy dollars they had found to ‘buy’ some comics from a store (And some weird old VHS tape about robots Leo seemed mildly obsessed with) So now Donatello had to hide in shadows and find his way to the library on his own.
Leo had offered to come, but in the end, Donatello knew Raphael and Michelangelo could not be left alone. They’d simultaneously kill each other and burn down the statue of liberty. Also, he didn’t want to listen to Raph calling him an anxious baby who needed mama Leo to protect him.
So now Donnie got to go and pursue a semblance of education and respite from his brothers while they all gawked at people on the street. (Watching people had been fun, but by the time Raph called him creepy for following a pretty redhead and her dad, it had lost its appeal)
Donatello slipped past a few broken streetlights, feeling a mix of sadness and relief that the streets surrounding the library were empty. He climbed up one of the rusty ladders to the roof, stopping part way to climb into a semi-open window.
Technically, he wasn’t trespassing, since the library was still open. He was just… Entering in a more stylized fashion. He walked among the shelves, most of the library pitch black beyond to large spots of light. One at the reception desk where a woman slept at her desk, drooling on a weathered copy of something called ‘sensual desires’.
The other spot of light was hovered over a large group of desks, occupied by one boy. He seemed to be around Donnie’s age, maybe a little older, his messy mullet of raven black hair attempting to be held back by a bandanna (Which failed, the strands wispily falling in his eyes and making him puff air obnoxiously to blow them away) He kept fidgeting with an earring in his right ear, twisting it left, then right, then left again-
Donatello found it amusing, watching him. He looked like he was struggling to read some math equation, his lips moving slowly with each vowel as he whispered under his breath, revealing the rows of crooked and chipped teeth (He resembled a barracuda who was in need of some serious dental work) It was funny. And if it weren’t for the fact that Donatello would have caused the boy to scream (Because… Mutant) he would have offered to help him.
Assuming he had the patience.
Which he probably didn’t.
Donatello began to browse the expanses of the science section, hovering over bibliographies and college grade textbooks. There was no point in watching the guy (Plus, if he was going to creepily watch people he might as well have just stayed with his brothers and watched the girl) and he had come to get some books anyway.
He didn’t need to be distracted by something as stupid as a weird tutoring fantasy. He was pretty sure that most people didn’t actually fantasise about actual tutoring when they said that, and he had to supress a laugh at the thought. It wasn’t as if he could actually compare himself to most people anyway.
He wasn’t a person.
He was a giant mutant turtle, who could barley walk through an aisle in a library without his shell knocking into-
He heard the thud as it rung out, a large book he’d just knocked over with his shell falling to the ground, the dust puffing up. He didn’t even have time to enjoy the irony before another louder sound filled his ear slits.
“Oi what’cha doin…”
Donnie was met with crooked teeth, wide hazel eyes, paling tan skin and a dusting of freckles over a slightly crooked nose.
“Now, look we can just be calm-“
“GIANT TORTOISE!”
So much for calm. The boy charged at him, screaming ‘Goongala’ (Donnie did not know what it meant, but it felt offensive.) Donatello went to dodge, but the small space made it difficult. Thankfully the boys fist collided with his plastron, only causing a dull ache for Donatello.
He shook his hand, swearing “The fuck- is your shell made of steal or some shit?”
“No, that wouldn’t be possible… not a bad Armor concept- “ The boy swung again, this time aiming for Donnie’s face. He felt the fist collide with his cheek, a loud squak of indignation leaving him. It hurt, almost as bad as one of Raphaels punches, but it was mostly just insulting that this kid had hit him.
Donatello kneed the boy in the crotch, a string of laughter leaving him as the guy crumpled to the floor, clutching the injured area.
“Low blow man” He wheezed, glaring up at Donatello’s laughter “Ya don’t go for someone’s boys like that”
“You attacked me first!”
“You’re a giant fucking lizard man!” The guy flailed his arms, attempting to stand back up.
“Turtle” Donatello corrected, rolling his eyes.
“Either way! Big dude with a big stick on his back— Shell? Whatever! Big and scary!” Donnie had to admit he had a point (He alliterated the point like he was five, but he had a point) and the turtle had forgotten he had his bo staff on him.
He could see how that could be intimidating.
It still kind of stung being called scary though.
“Fine, fine… fair enough” He really wanted to break a few more of this guy’s teeth as he smiled in triumph at being right. “But you still attacked first”
“Wouldn’t you have?”
Donatello looked up at the fluorescent lights, his hand curling around his tool sash. It was a good question, but Donnie couldn’t answer it. He’d never been human and if he saw another mutant (Outside of his family) he probably would have tried to talk first.
He hoped he would have.
“Maybe? I don’t know, but I definitely wouldn’t have kept going if they tried to tell me to calm down”
The guy shook him off, and it was really taking everything in Donatello not to punch him.
“I have stopped”
“After attacking me” Donatello let out a frustrated sigh. Were all humans this irritating? Or just this one?
“Systematics”
“You mean semantics?”
He scratched his neck, shrugging, “Tomato, Tomato”
“More like tomato, potato”
The guy grinned at this, holding his hand out “Whatever smartass, I stopped, didn’t I?”
Donatello swatted the guy’s hand away, his eyes narrowing and looking into the deep Hazel irises. Yeah, irritating. He grabbed some of the experimental smoke bombs and threw them to the ground (Praying none of the books would be burned and his calculations were right) before slipping out of the library.
He waited outside to guarantee there were no fires before heading back to the lair.
It had been a long and anti-climatic night and Donatello was just done.