Chapter Text
around the three week mark of will being back home he finally turns his phone back on and starts to receive messages from some of the boys.
*haven’t heard from you since you cancelled the video? are you alright? - stephen x*
he doesn’t reply to most of them, but he shot back *all good i’ve just gone home for a bit x sorry for messing you about with the vid to stephen.* it’s the least his friend deserves, stephen’s always been there for will- a few years back they filmed together constantly, life since then got in the way but will respects the man wholeheartedly.
*you’ve gone awol?? i came to your flat last week and it’s all dark, are you alive?*
will chuckles at the message from harry, ironic, yes he is alive (wether that’s a good thing he doesn’t know yet).
a few more messages and voice mails pop up from orla and the crew about how they’re confused, hope he’s okay and have still been receiving there pay on time.
will ignores them, as long as he’s still paying them surely it will be okay-
there’s no messages from james, so he ignores the way his heart drops and puts it down to mikey probably telling him that wills gone away.
he can’t blame the man, he can’t blame any of his friends- they don’t know the real reason wills gone away (and he hopes they never do).
—
“do you think it’s ever going to stop storming?” he’s broken out of his slump by his little sister nudging him with her foot. they’re both curled up on either side of the sofa at his nans house, some old film playing quietly on the tv that neither of them have actually bothered to watch fully.
“i like it, it’s cozy, reminds me of being a kid” will replies, looking up from his phone to see poppy trying to take photos out of the window behind them without getting up- stretching her arm up and holding the phone against the condensated glass.
“you would say that- you’re depressed” she looks at him before rolling her eyes and looking back at her phone.
“i’m not depressed” he knocks the phone out of her hand with his foot, which she grabs at out of retaliation and pulls his leg so he loses balance and nearly falls of the sofa.
“oh no you’re not depressed, you just tried to kill yourself out of happiness” she sarcastically replies and will finds himself laughing, his little sister some how being the only person he’s ever met who can get away with saying what she likes.
“if they hear you both joking about that you will be in so much trouble” jacks voice trails over from the arm chair in the corner, will had forgotten his brother was even in the room.
“we’re adults they can’t do anything” poppy sits up slightly and looks over at jack- a frown on her face.
“watch them” will laughs again but this time it’s laced in a bitter taste. he feels like a child, more than he ever has- and right now as he sits in the same living room he spent many christmas’ in with his siblings he can only wonder if they feel it too.
“fuck em” jack gets up from the arm chair and walks towards both of them.
“jack! what’s happened? have you grown some balls?” poppy laughs shocked and lets herself be pulled up of the sofa by jack. will grabs his brothers other arm and gets up too.
jack always took his role as the eldest very seriously, will can remember being told off more by his brother than his mother most days- he was protective and mean, mostly cold, but sometimes he would open up- that was wills favourite version of jack. but one thing he never did was talk badly about there parents, never once had will heard him talk back, he followed there dads orders perfectly and always looked after there mam.
so whatever this was, it was new.
“get your coats, meet me out the back” jack lets go of there arms and disappears into the kitchen. poppy shoots will a strange look to which he just shrugs, he’s just as clueless to what’s happening as she is.
—
they meet jack out the back in there grandmothers garden, he’s standing under a tree in the rain, hands in his pockets, trying to shelter from the harsh winds and sleet.
poppy grips wills hand, her cheeks are red with cold, she’s holding a sparkly ladybug umbrella above them (it’s too small to cover them both but will appreciates her trying) and right now she looks nothing like a young adult studying a degree, right now she looks like the spit of her six year old self- following her brothers blindly.
they follow jack down the garden path, he’s always loved his nans garden- it felt as though it went on for ages, overgrown plants and tall trees, an old shed creaking in the wind, and fallen fence posts. it was bittersweet, the upkeep of the garden haven fallen when his grandfather died so many years ago- but it still felt like home, a safe sanctuary.
they reach the end of the garden, completely covered by bushes and trees, you wouldn’t be able to spot them from the house back here- will knows that because he would sneak out here when he was younger to smoke during family gatherings.
and sat against the furthest fence was an
old greenhouse, a few of the windows smashed (no doubt form the ballgames they played as kids) and ivy growing through them. it was still standing, still hanging on, it didn’t look as though anyone had stepped foot in it for years- nature having taken over the space.
jack pulled open the door, ignoring its creek and beckoned them to follow him inside.
it was a small space, but surprisingly it sheltered them from the wind and rain, jack pushed an old rag into a gap in the glass to stop a draft and turned a bucket upside down before sitting on it. poppy pulled the umbrella down before hanging it on the door and stepping inside and taking a seat on a wooden crate. will followed them, pulling his hood down and finding his own seat on another crate.
“jack said he knows a spot” poppy laughs, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head.
“used to hide in here back in the day” jack rubs his face and poppy stops laughing.
there’s always been an unspoken agreement between them, not to talk about the family, not to mention the past, not to mention the present even. jacks made a safe space, and for the first time ever will realises he wasn’t the only one hurt in the past, all his siblings had to deal with it-
“i was a coward will” he chokes out, will snaps his head up and looks at his brother. so this is it, they’re finally talking about it.
“no” he breathes out before continuing “you were never a coward, it wasn’t your job to stop it, you didn’t know”
jack looks like he’s at breaking point, only now does will notice the circles under his eyes , he’s aged. “i thought i didn’t know, all these years i told myself i was only a kid, but i must have known will, why else would i hide in here?”
this isn’t something will wants to think about, it’s something he’s pushed back for years, something he knows is the root of everything.
“it was mam and dads job jack, not yours- they were meant to protect us” poppy speaks up, her stare intense, unbroken.
“you were a baby pops, you don’t even know!” jack snaps and poppy almost flinches back, and there older brothers face breaks in regret.
“stop” will whispers.
they do, they fall silent- and he knows they’re waiting for him to speak, that’s what this is all about right? this trip down memory lane- they want him to admit that the reason he’s so fucked up is because of uncle jason.
so he does.
“it’s no one’s fault but his, i don’t blame you jack- fuck i tried to hide too, but he already knew i’d be- he knew, knew that i’d be easier” will chokes and poppy garbs his hand tightly. he doesn’t break eye contact with jack, “i’m sorry about what i did, i promise i won’t do it again- but please don’t blame yourselves. blame me, or blame him, don’t blame mam and dad”
they still don’t speak after that, the only sound is the rattling the wind causes against the glass of the green house, the harsh droplets of rain, and poppy’s near silent sobs.
“i think we need to talk to mam and dad” jack rubs his face again, a nervous habit.
“no”
poppy sighs “he’s rights will, you need to make them understand! how can being back here help you? this is where it all happened!”
“you don’t think i don’t know that? of course it’s not helping but they’re never going to understand so why hurt them more” will snaps.
“this is so fucked” his brother pulls out a packet of cigs and will quickly helps himself after batting away poppy’s hand.
the return to the silence, smoke fills the small space and it’s oddly comforting.
“i told amy i’d quit before she has the baby” jack stumps out his fag in a flower pot.
“the baby?” poppy questions surprised and will snaps his head up to look at his brother.
“surprise?” jack smiles lightly and the greenhouse erupts into chaos. will leaps up and pulls his brother in for a hug, poppy excitedly joining, asking a million questions at once.
will laughs and sits back, a warm feeling filling his chest as he watches his siblings hug and celebrate.
“fuck me, you’re going to be such a good dad jack” will smiles wide.
“you really think so?” jack beams
“well you did an alright job with us didn’t you?” poppy giggles, the atmosphere having completely changed in seconds to a happy warmth between them all.
“well i’ll know what not to do” jack jokes and sits back down.
poppy makes a strange excited screech again “you have to tell me everything! what are your name options!!!?”
will leans back against the glass and closes his eyes.
maybe things will be okay.
—————
will unpacked his bags that night, unloaded his clothes into his childhood drawers and gave in. it was time to admit to himself that he’s staying here and he’s going to get better.
he won’t try to resist anymore, he won’t fight with his parents. he needs to get better so he can be there for his brother and sister.
he’s going to be an uncle.
the thought alone suddenly causes his to retch- he rushes out of his room and straight into the bathroom, doors slamming open and no doubt causing his mother to come running from the celebrations downstairs.
jack told there parents when they got back into the house that his partner amy was expecting there first baby. will thinks it was the first time
he’s seen his father smile properly in years.
straight away poppy and his mam started baking cookies and cupcakes, amy was called round and jack was beaming with pride. will had only slipped away to grab a cig when he had realised he was actually happy. just as he was leaning out of his window so his mam wouldn’t smell the smoke on him he had the sudden revelation that things weren’t as shit as he thought.
well that was five minutes ago and now he’s throwing up in the toilet crying.
so it’s still a work in progress.
he eventually works himself back up and manages to crawl into the shower, frantically scolding himself in hot water while also brushing his teeth to rid the taste.
he’s so distracted he barely hears the knock on the bathroom door.
“will it’s mam, there’s someone here to see you” she calls through and will sighs, fuck sake- he was really hoping he would be able to just throw himself into bed and black out for the rest of night.
“coming mam” he replies as he jumps out the shower and dries off, wrapping the towel round his hips and making his way into his bedroom for some fresh clothes.
he doesn’t switch the light on just starts rifling through his drawer when a voice behind him makes him jump and bang his head on the shelf above him.
“keep going don’t mind me”
will turns around and comes face to face with the last person he ever expected to be visiting him in his home town, let alone his childhood bedroom.
“james what the fuck” he screeches, pulling his towel tighter and rubbing his head at the same time- fuck he’s definitely going to have a bruise.
“don’t james what the fuck me! why the fuck didn’t you tell me you where here! i thought you were dead in your apartment you twat” james looks furious, and also like he hadn’t slept in days.
will blushes confused at the whole situation, and instead of replying he turns around quickly pulls on his clothes. fuck james for turning up here and invading his privacy.
“jesus just get your knob out yeah that’s fine mate, good to see you too!” james isn’t done it seems, and will feels himself get more and more angry.
“don’t come in here and start having a go at me james! you haven’t spoke to me in months, i don’t see why i would need your permission to come home and see my family” he doesn’t know where his confidence has come from, perhaps it’s the weeks spent crying over the other man that’s finally changed him- who does james think he is.
“my permission? what are you talking about? i went to your house multiple times, i rang stephen, george. orla and the team said you up and left! it took calling a fucking wellness check to the police to find out where you are!” james has tears in his eyes and will freezes, he thought james wouldn’t have even noticed, let alone cared- wait-
“why didn’t you just call me?” will shook his head and sat beside james on his bed.
the other man looks furious “you blocked my number”
“what?” will leans back confused, he blocked james number? when would he have blocked james- why- oh.
oh.
“you didn’t realise you had me blocked?” james’ face changes, morphing into one of pity rather than anger.
will sighs “i- i wasn’t very well, i don’t remember anything before i-”
“before you what? what do you mean you weren’t well?”
shit, what could he possibly tell the other man.
“i had a seizure or something, my sister found me- that’s why i’m here now being babysat by my parents” it’s not a lie, sure, it’s not the whole truth but that is what happened- he’s just leaving out the part where it was definitely deliberate and his fault.
“fuck will, i was so scared, are you alright now?” james unexpectedly pulls him into a hug and will goes stiff. he feels terrible.
“yeah, yeah im alright jim- i just found out i’m going to be an uncle”