Chapter Text
David was forced to take a few days off. His boss did not think he could bear it anymore. Not in his actual state at least. They needed health care professional in good health.
Not paramedics that looked on the verge of collapsing. They assured him it was for the best if he took a day or two to rest and come back when he would feel better. And maybe for once with an actual smile on his face.
‘We need you to make an actual effort David, the whole team thinks you would gain from being more… open’ his boss assured, looking at him like David was the most pathetic thing in this room.
Bullshit.
David was furious. At the hospital management team -how these pretentious bureaucrats could think they had the right to leave him on the bench was beyond his grasp- and mostly at himself. Maybe he shouldn’t have closed like an oyster during this meeting. Maybe he should have avoided slamming the door so hard the hinges blew off. And maybe he should have just fucking held it together after that one incident.
He didn’t dare to think about it. It’s not like images of what happened came back in relentless waves, crashing into his brain anyway. Like a tide bringing back sensations he would rather forget.
It was all so banal, yet David couldn’t cope with it this time. It involved a young woman -probably the age of David’s sister the last time he saw her in Marseille, years ago- and a train collision. Collision was a euphemism; the girl had jumped under that train willingly.
What really shocked the paramedic was how she was perfectly cut in half, and how he and Mael had to bag her body in two different receptacles. How he had to bury his hands in everything left behind. He couldn’t remember her face, or rather what remained of it after 4000 tones of metal launched at full speed passed over her. But he could remember her hair, long and brown and well kept. For some reason he felt like throwing up.
Since then, the man has been restless. On edge. Even more than usual. He would flinch at every abrupt move or sound. He couldn’t find sleep. Each time he closed his eyes, panic seized him, unpleasant memories invading his restless mind. The smell of blood. The yellow tint from the inside of her limp body. How disturbingly clean the cut was. How she was still warm under his gloves and how carefully he handled her, fearing her innards might fall off.
David tried every trick he knew to sleep. Exhausting himself at the gym until his muscles felt sore and used, taking twice his prescribed dose of meds, hell, even counting sheep and meditation like his psychiatrist advised him when he still attended the appointments. Nothing worked. He would pull at his dark hair, as if tugging hard enough would remove the memories. He even thought about bashing his head really hard against his bathroom mirror once. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it, it was a stretch he was not willing to take yet. He still had some dignity left in him.
Still, he managed to come to work for weeks after that. Mael was waiting for him near the ambulance like always, taller than ever, with dark circles under his warm eyes.
‘You look like shit David.’ He took a sip of his thermos, watching David from head to toe. ‘Like shit, and concerning.’
David scratched his beard, refusing to meet the man’s expression, focusing on his polished boots instead.
‘I mean it, mate. Did you at least shower before clocking in?’ Mael smirked, trying to tease David.
No reaction. ‘I need you in top form Dave. You’re my brother in arms; I can’t risk you getting injured on my watch.’ He reached to pat his shoulder, but this only made David recoil. The man’s brows knitted. ‘Forget it. If anything happens, don’t say I didn’t warn you.’