Chapter Text
Much to Sua’s dismay, she doesn’t find the girl with pink hair anywhere after class . She can’t help the note of sadness in her chest after finally finding the girl yet she disappears right after.
It’s fine.
Why does it matter to me anyway? She’s just some random girl in my class.
Sua finds herself perched on the highest hill by the large tree, watching all the children and scanning each and everyone of them every-so often. After a while of futile searching, Sua relents and plops herself down on the hill with a frustrated sigh.
She doesn’t even know why she’s so invested in trying to find and talk to this pink-haired girl.
It’s not as if they’re friends or anything.
But Sua… she feels drawn to the girl. Perhaps its because of her colourful hair or bright soulful eyes – or the way she’d looked at Sua in those glass capsules as if–
As if Sua was worth something.
As if she were more than just a doll with a pretty voice to show off. It was the kind of gaze that Sua hadn’t seen anyone show her in almost three years and even then, it was always tinged with a sort of bittersweetness and pity.
But no, her gaze was all warmth and curiosity.
It’s foreign in the way that draws goosebumps on Sua’s arms. Like she’s indulging in something that she shouldn’t – something that surely isn’t meant for somebody like her. The need to pull away and forget this girl forever is strong yet…
A traitorous part of Sua whispers that she likes that gaze.
She shakes her head annoyedly then, bringing both hands to slap slightly against her cheeks before resting her face against them. It’s probably a bad idea to try and make friends with anyone here when she remembers the reason why she’s here.
Sua doesn’t like to think about it.
“Her name is Mizi.”
“What the fuck–!”
Sua jumps right up as if she’d been hit by lightning, stumbling on both feet before falling back onto her ass again. Ivan only stares at her blankly, almost confusedly while sitting a mere inch beside where she was sitting before.
“Fuck?” Ivan says, speaking past his snaggletooth as if trying the word out on his tongue. “What does that mean?”
“None of your – none of your business.” Sua snaps, glaring at him. “What are you doing here?”
How long was he sitting there?
How did I not notice?
“A change of scenery.” Ivan answers honestly, unaware of the solid frown Sua was making at him.
The urge to say go find somewhere else to sit harbors strongly on Sua’s tongue but she decides to hold it.
“What were you talking about?” Sua crosses her arms, still sitting a fair amount of distance from Ivan on the hill.
“Mizi.” Ivan answers, wholeheartedly staring off into the distance like some sort of schizophrenic. “She likes the flower fields.”
Great Anakt – give me strength, this kid is weird.
“Who’s Mizi?”
Ivan looks at her fully then, obsidian eyes shining like dark opals.
“That girl you were ogling during Vocal Training.”
Sua gasps, fully offended. “I was not ogling her!”
On the inside, Sua runs the name over in her head.
Mizi.
It’s a nice name.
“Yeah, you were. Anyone could see it.” Ivan shrugs. “It was so obvious you wanted to be friends with her.”
“I – I never said that! What’s it to you, huh?”
Ivan seems surprised. “Nothing? I just wanted to tell you.”
“Well, maybe next time – keep stuff you want to tell me to yourself.” she grumbles.
“Okay.”
By the Great Anakt, please don’t let this kid hang around me for the next month.
To Sua’s dismay, he does. All the time. He comes around when he feels like it just to annoy Sua and she purposely does not answer some of the things he asks her. Ivan asks her pretty weird things if she’s being honest.
“Did you know that there’s segyein-human crossed offspring?”
“Stop talking to me, please.”
Though, Sua finds herself drawn to Mizi lately for some odd reason. Perhaps it’s because of her bright pink hair, or her expressions?
“Can you pass me a sheet?”
Mizi’s face turns bright pink upon being called, her head of wild pink hair whipping over to look at Sua in surprise. As if she is surprised that Sua is talking to her. It tugs weirdly at Sua’s heart in a way, when she sees that dumb gawking expression on her face.
“S – sure!” Mizi stammers, immediately snatching one of the vocal sheets and handing them over to Sua, staring at her feet with her round glasses affixed out of place.
Sua learns that despite her very outgoing appearance, Mizi is very awkward and anxious around quite literally everyone. But often times whenever Sua talks to her during those classes, even harmless comments, Mizi’s collar is always red.
“It’s a shame she doesn’t want to be your friend, though.” Ivan comments one time. “She looks so uncomfortable around you.”
“Shut the fuck up, Ivan.” Sua snaps sharply.
I don’t need friends. Ivan’s just being dumb.
She gets up and finds herself another hill, while Ivan just stares at her retreating back listlessly.
“Fuck.” he mumbles to himself like an idiot before giggling like a psychotic freak. “Fuck.”
Thank the Great Anakt that Ivan does leave her alone after this time. Or perhaps its because she’s found a spot so obscure that he can’t find her if he tried. Hopefully. Please. The quietness and lack of Ivan brings peace when Sua sits on this other hill, staring out into the distance by herself.
She thinks its only been perhaps one or two weeks since the beginning of the intermission stage. On the boards, they’re scheduled to have vocal, dance, genetic, memory and potential-based assessments in the next couple of weeks.
Sua… has been going pretty okay with the stuff they teach in ANAKT Garden. It’s easy enough to memorize and understand while she’s naturally skilled at her vocals and memory. She’s never quite learned to dance and she doesn’t know what the hell genetics mean.
But when she asked, the dance segyein instructor took one look at her with his massive eye and said that she’d be fine in terms of genetics with the sort of creepy smile that make her shiver.
In terms of everything else… like getting along with the others…
Not so much.
After she left Ivan at that hill, she’d realized that she really doesn’t have anyone to talk to. It doesn’t bother her that much because she’s been so used to it. Seeing even the loneliest of children at the beginning having made friends now brings a sort of tight feeling to her chest that she doesn’t want to admit.
She does not need to be friends with other humans. She survived a couple of years without Syla by her side and without talking to any of the girls Mother kept, she will be fine here.
In the dormitories they’re assigned to, it’s separated by pet human gender and each contain bunk beds. Often it’s supposed to be one pet human per bed but sometimes Sua spies two girls cuddling each other in one singular bed, giggling things into each other’s ears.
She is not jealous, it just reminds her of Syla.
That’s all.
Sua sleeps on the bottom bed of a bunk where two girls share the one above her. Throughout the night, they constantly talk and whisper things to each other’s ears. It’s hard for Sua to fall asleep but it’s not just that.
Sua misses her stars. She misses being able to get out of her pod whenever she liked and pressing up to that one window and watch the stars.
Even now as she sits on the different hill from Ivan, staring into the distance where faint haphazard forms of supposedly-faraway mountains appear to be, she knows that the chance of her seeing them again is faint.
It didn’t take her long to figure it out after her first day.
The sky is fake. The sun is fake. This entire place is fake.
But it’s okay. As long as Sua is away from Mother, she finds herself not caring much.
But staring up into that fake sun for as long as she can, her eyes beginning to hurt, it disgusts her. That even after taking away humanity’s life source in the sun and destroying it, they tried to recreate a mockery of what the great star had been.
Sua wouldn’t be surprised if she climbed up there one day and unscrewed it only to find a very brightly-lit light source.
It could never compare to the real thing.
The only thing that ever came close to comparing to the real sun was…
Sua closes her eyes.
If she imagines it, she can see stars behind her eyes. She can count them out one by one – from the tiniest one to the Great Anakt. She can pretend if she tries. She pretends she’s not sitting on this fake hill alone with herself while looking into the fake sky.
She pretends she’s back in Mother’s estate when she was five and when Syla was alive, even with her crooked eyes and scars. Syla is stroking her hair and singing to her – humming that pretty melody.
Unconsciously, Sua begins to follow along with the melody. She hums to start off, before parting her mouth to vocalize softly with the set of notes. She hasn’t sung with it in so long yet it never fails to bring her comfort, perhaps a little bit of bittersweetness.
“You have a pretty voice, little star.”
“But don’t ever let Mother catch you singing in front of her, okay?”
As she sings softly to herself, Sua pauses to laugh just a little bit under her breath at the prospect of it. After all those warnings, after Syla’s every careful precaution to keep her safe with instructions even after her death, look where Sua ended up.
“Worried that our immature little Sua could die in that hellish place.”
Perhaps this was what Syla was talking about all along, even during her delirious state. While it doesn’t seem hellish, the events that take place after all of them graduate surely will be. Sua faintly recalls the sound of gunshots that used to make her violently shake and vomit every night and the sight of pooling blood.
It still bothers her somewhat.
Sua continues the melody before ending off on a gentle note, humming the rest to herself before fading it out. She lets her fingers intertangle in the fake grass, letting it brush along her sensitive skin.
She does wonder about that–
Shhhff.
Sua pauses.
The bushes behind her rustle again, and again. It isn’t particularly windy either. Then it stops rustling.
Sua stands up, closing her eyes with an annoyed huff. She’d known he would find her eventually, she couldn’t hide from those annoying eyes that seemed to dissect her apart everywhere she went.
“I swear to Great Anakt, Ivan…” she grumbles under her breath.
But when Sua turns around, nobody’s there. She frowns. The bushes have stopped rustling completely. She takes a few tentative steps towards the bushes, cautious. It’s not like she hasn’t been approached by the artificial creatures inspired by the ones from the human world but she feels like it’s not that.
When she looks inside the bushes, nothing’s there.
There’s only a singular flower petal out of place within the lush greenery, the colour of blood.
How odd, she thinks strangely.
When they have dinner, Mizi sits by herself, head lowered as she picks at her food.
“Why don’t you go sit with her?”
Sua thought she’d gotten used to Ivan’s silent feet but apparently not because she starts so bad that she nearly knocks the tray from his hands as he stands behind her.
“By the Great Anakt, Ivan – will you stop doing that?!” Sua shoots him an annoyed look as he shrugs, sitting down in the seat in front of her uninvited.
“I thought you’d gotten used to it.”
Sua thought she did as well.
“Shush.” Sua huffs, staring down at her food.
It’s definitely better quality than the gruel and even the honeyed porridge Mother used to feed them at her estate but there’s something about it that’s weird. It’s some kind of food derived from the humans’ home planet but Sua doesn’t know who in their right mind would eat this.
The main stuff is a bunch of beige slimy things that grosses Sua out with the texture, covered with this weird-tasting red sauce. Sua’s only ever had meat once when she was younger, from some lower lifeform in the alien planet that was distantly related to the segyein.
The only thing she can digest in this meal is the meat, as chewy and surprisingly-filling it is.
“It’s called spaghetti.” Ivan adds at her look of distaste.
“Ew. What do you have? Why does yours look different?”
While Sua and all of the other children get this weird spaghetti, Ivan’s bowl looks completely different. But it definitely looks more appetizing. White grain – Sua thinks – with a pale creamy sauce and chunks of red meat?
Is that egg? The real ones from the chicken creatures from the human world?
Sua scrutinizes it. No, it couldn’t be. It must be from the livestock in the alien world, though it is a delicacy that only few segyein can afford. So why does Ivan have it?
“They call it rice bowl.” Ivan answers, pointing at the bowl. “Because it’s rice in a bowl, get it?”
“Obviously but why do you have that?” Sua frowns, making a face at the spaghetti in her bowl. “And I get this disgusting concoction of wormy things and blood? Along with everyone else?”
Ivan just smiles.
“I guess the segyein just like me then.”
Sua has to resist to roll her eyes. She decides to ignore his presence completely which is when her gaze drifts naturally back over to Mizi.
Her pink hair falls around her face like a curtain, hiding her bright golden eyes underneath her glasses as she works at the spaghetti distastefully. She clearly doesn’t like it either. She starts using her fork to swirl the worm-like strings around its edges curiously, brows furrowing as–
“Sit with her.”
Sua glares at him. “No.”
“Why not?”
“You told me she gets uncomfortable around me.” Sua huffs, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms. “Do you think that telling me that would encourage me to go sit with her?”
“Well, no. I thought it wouldn’t bother you at all.” Ivan frowns. “If you want to sit next to her which you clearly do, go sit next to her.”
Sua frowns. Why does Ivan think she wants to sit next to Mizi? She’s merely been observing the girl, that is all! Her goal here isn’t to make friends at all, which is absurd of him to think. No wonder he talks to no one here, well – besides her against her own will.
“I make her uncomfortable.”
“So?”
Sua stares at him incredulously.
“What do you mean so?”
“So what if you make her uncomfortable?” Ivan looks genuinely confused, damn him. “You want to sit next to her and you can, so do it.”
“Ivan, you dingbat, I don’t want her to be uncomfortable so I’m not going to sit next to her!”
Now it’s Ivan’s turn to look astounded. “Why?”
Sua just stares at him.
“I’m not having this conversation with a stupid person.” Sua casts her gaze down at her spaghetti glumly.
“I’m not stupid.” he says as a matter-of-factly, thick brows furrowing. “I do better than you in Music Interpretation and Appreciation.”
“And you know rat’s ass about Religion so I guess we’re both even.” Sua huffs.
Ivan thankfully decides to shut up then, letting her dissect her spaghetti in peace. She only gets to twist and turn the spaghetti strings around her fork for a few minutes before Ivan speaks up again.
“What are you going to do for the vocal assessment?” Ivan asks. “I heard they give extra points for those who sing their own lyrical lines.”
“That sounds like a lot of effort.” Sua mumbles under her breath.
“But I’ll think about it.”
Sua already has a line in her head.
During their next scheduled playtime, Sua sits on her hill again and Ivan doesn’t come to bother her. She hums Syla’s melody again and again, trying to think of some words to put into the song.
Thinking of things about Syla to put in the song makes Sua’s chest feel tight so she doesn’t want to go with that?
What does Sua want to put in her song?
She sits there for majority of the break, vocalizing and humming the melody but finding no words to her frustration. When playtime is almost over, Sua hears a rustle in the bushes behind her again.
But instead of going to investigate again, Sua just sits there and remembers the flower petal that had appeared in those bushes.
Sua remembers Syla bringing home a flower one time from Mother’s studio as part of her accessory for all the girls to ooh and aah over. It wasn’t artificial like the ones Mother kept as decoration but real.
The petals were blood red.
“It’s called a clematis flower.” Syla grinned as she let Sua touch the petals.
The next morning, it had wilted. It was a real flower, after all. It had no nourishment or water.
Sua turns back to the horizon thoughtfully.
“Oh my clematis.” she sings softly alongside Syla’s melody.
There was her first line complete.
❋❋❋
“Hey.”
Sua pointedly ignores the group of girls, scribbling down her notes diligently. She’s done the same thing over and over since the beginning of the intermission stage. There’s no need to talk to anyone when she knows that these other humans are her competition.
These other children are only obstacles in her way into getting admitted into ANAKT Garden.
“Can she speak?” one of the girls ask the other annoyedly.
Sua ignores them.
“Hey, Sua.” one of the older-looking girls stand in front of Sua’s table.
Sua ignores them.
“Hey, stupid – we’re talking to you!”
Her tone of voice strikes a memory of the girls at home deep in Sua, when they used to kick her around after Syla’s death. Her shoulders instinctively curl inwards and Sua looks up.
Her hair is dark and silky, like Syla’s. But unlike Syla, the girl’s face is all hard edges and brute.
“Give us the answers.” the girl huffs.
Sua does not answer them. She never answered the girls back at home whenever they came to provoke her. They take her sheet of answers for themselves. It doesn’t happen often but Sua tries to ignore them.
The intermission stage flies by quite slower than Sua anticipated it would. Sua completes her practice tests after memorizing what they tell her in class and based off of her own knowledge and skill. At night time, Sua curls up in the hard mattresses given to them alone – missing the compactness of the tight pods she used to sleep in.
During playtime, Ivan leaves her alone. When Ivan leaves her alone, Sua gets a chance to sing. For the vocal assessment, it is left until all others are complete. For Syla’s melody, Sua finishes writing what she thinks is called a verse.
She isn’t sure if that’s enough for the vocal assessment but it’s something.
But lately, Sua’s been finding it hard to remember the lyrics to her own song. She finds it quite odd, for something she pours so much of her heart and soul into – she can’t remember its words.
For countless breaks, Sua finds herself sitting on top of her hill doing nothing after this block in her memory. It’s hard to do anything at all when its nagging her at the back of her mind – how could she forget this one lyric of the song?
She had spent so much of her playtime figuring out that lyric, singing it again and again and again until it sounded okay. Then, the next playtime break, she had forgotten it. How could she forget something so important?
Sua even gets herself to ask Ivan, of all people, on how she can remember the lyrics to her song.
“How am I supposed to know?” Ivan says with that annoying snaggletooth poking out as he tilts his head cartoonishly. “I didn’t write your song.”
Sua remembers again why she stopped sitting next to him on that hill that she originally picked first. But then, he tells her something of actual use. For the first time. Sort of.
“Maybe go back to what made you think of it.” he says vaguely before disappearing.
Sua never knows what he gets up to anymore because sometimes he will or he won’t inhabit the hill he stole from her. It’s a pity because she likes the view on that hill more than the one she sits on now.
Now that Sua’s sitting on the same exact hill she’d written the lyrics, she feels stupid. Why did she listen to Ivan? She had already done this in all her breaks. She doesn’t know what made her think of that lyric because she forgot it.
She shouldn’t try and listen to Ivan’s advice again.
Annoyed, she simply closes her eyes and stands up. Although she had already run over the first few lines she’d written to try and remember it countless times, it never hurts to try again. The vocal assessment isn’t too far away.
Despite how many times she sings it, the lyrics never come back to her. She frowns.
“Oh my clematis.” Sua sings quietly, hearing the slight rustle of bushes behind her. “Hope that bloomed from the depths.”
The rustle of bushes grow louder, as if giving way to footsteps in the grass as Sua realizes that there’s someone behind her. Just as she realizes it, someone joins her next to her – their voice joining in with hers.
“Oh my clematis.”
Sua tilts her head to the side, amethyst eyes wide.
“Always stay by my side.”
Blossom-coloured locks cascade freely in the gentle wind beside her. Golden irises peek beneath rimmed glasses nervously at her, resembling suns kissing the horizon as it watches over the sea. The wind brushes a cherry-like scent over Sua’s nose.
A strange sensation washes over Sua then, her amethyst eyes meeting those golden suns with a wide-eyed look.
What is it? Sua ponders briefly.
It feels… warm.
“You know my song.” is the first thing that comes out of Sua’s mouth.
Mizi averts her gaze, her lips curling bashfully at the ends as she presses them together into an embarrassed smile. It’s much unlike the polite smiles Mizi gives the segyein instructors when they complete the lesson.
It’s a different sort of smile.
“Yeah.” Mizi mumbles, turning her head to stare into the distance.
The wind causes her pink tresses to displace, several strands cruising with the breeze as they stand side-by-side on the grass.
“How?” Sua asks, brows furrowed.
Why?
How does Mizi know her song? When she, herself, managed to forget it somehow? Her own song? And some complete stranger knows her song?
“I’ve… I listen to you sing.” Mizi says, eyes downcast as if ashamed.
Sua’s eyes flit over to the bush behind her, the one that’s always rustling in which Sua has assumed by the wind or the artificial worldly creatures. She connects the dots and her gaze veers back to Mizi.
She asks the question sitting on the tip of her tongue. “Why?”
Mizi’s cheeks bloom with a fierce blush as her golden pupils shoot up to meet Sua’s own, as if surprised she asked that question. “W – well…”
It hits Sua then that she doesn’t see Mizi interact often with the students in class, same as Sua. She doesn’t see Mizi during playtime at all. So why does Mizi approach Sua like this out of the blue, despite her collar still being red?
“I think you have a very pretty voice!” Mizi blurts, words spilling out.
She clamps her mouth shut then. Sua’s eyes widen, brows furrowing inquisitively.
I think you have a very pretty voice.
You’ve got a pretty voice, little star.
Except Mizi’s words weren’t a warning to the curse in which Sua beheld. The curse of the ability to sing well. The curse of potentially being captured to perform in Alien Stage, in which Sua has.
There’s no shallow fear or foreboding tone beneath Mizi’s words like the ones of Syla’s, or the cruel venomous words of Mother to use Sua’s voice with a darker intent in order to gain herself money and fame.
There’s none of that.
It’s just pure innocence – a simple compliment, Sua can see. Full of genuine admiration and without… other intent.
“I’m sorry for listening to you without asking!” Mizi bursts out, voice quivering and breaking Sua from her trance.
Sua realizes that in her moment of thought, Mizi probably took it as her taking offense or silently judging Mizi. Ivan tells her that she looks the part quite often. Mizi falls silent then, eyes glued to the ground resolutely as if she were a child about to get scolded.
Her bottom lip wobbles, rose-hued curtains of hair falling around and hiding her expression.
Sua doesn’t quite like this look on her. The joyful and bright look Mizi adopts while they are practising singing suits her much more. In fact, the sight of her like this – upset and ashamed – brings a tight sensation to Sua’s chest that she finds she dislikes.
“Mizi.” Sua says quietly, leaning over slightly to get a better look of her expression beneath her hair.
It’s almost endearing how Mizi’s head snaps up instantly to attention at her name, perked up like that of a puppy. There’s that wide-eyed look in her expression again that Sua saw last time, as if surprised that Sua knows her name.
“Yes?” Mizi murmurs, fiddling with her hands as her golden eyes lock with Sua’s.
“Thank you.” Sua smiles gently.
A genuine one, not the one that Mother has taught her to wear in front of audiences or potential segyein investors because there are none here. There is no audience to impress or enemies nearby, only Mizi and her on this little hill far away from Mother.
Mizi tilts her head, as if a question mark was popping from her confused eyes.
“I forgot that part of my song and you helped me remember.” Sua explains.
Mizi’s eyes light up and she nods in understanding, her enthusiasm strangely clear. “You’re welcome, Sua!”
Sua.
She knows my name.
Why?