Chapter Text
Albus heard voices drifting out and around him. His head was fuzzy and his body shivered from shock.
“We need to get him to Miss Abbott.”
“Should we be moving ‘im?”
“We don’t have any other choice. Mobilicorpus!”
The next thing he felt was a stabbing pain in his chest. He heard footsteps all around him, but he could not drag open his heavy lids.
"How did this happen?" The voice was muffled, as if from a distance.
"We found ‘im crushed under a weight. ‘is lips are blue." The words were heavy, laced with a thick Yorkshire accent.
"His lung's collapsed. Bronchio Spiramen! I need to mend the bones." A rush of cool air, the sting of a wand.
"His eyelids are fluttering." A gentle touch on his forehead.
"Albus? Albus, are you awake? You’re going to be okay. We’ve got you." The voice was warm, reassuring.
"Miss Abbott, should we give him some Invigoration Draught to speed up the healing process?" A soft, concerned voice.
"That's a good idea. I've been out, but Emil has been brewing me some more. It should be ready around now." The scent of herbs and potions filled the air.
Albus moaned softly, a low groan that vibrated through his body.
"Hang in there, Albus. Brackium Emendo." The familiar incantation, followed by a jolt of pain.
"How did this happen, Hannah?" Harry's voice was a low rumble, filled with concern.
"Hagrid found him. Albus was lucky he was out on the grounds and saw his sparks. Everyone else was already inside. It was an accident, but I was able to mend the muscle and bones and inflate his lung." Hannah's voice was soft, but there was an underlying tension.
"So he's okay?" Ginny's voice was trembling.
"Harry..." Hannah hesitated, her tone cautious.
"What? What aren't you telling us?" Harry's voice rose, a hint of anger creeping in.
Albus moaned softly and the bed creaked beneath him.
"Honey, I think he's awake. Albus, sweetheart. Mummy's here.” Albus felt his mother’s soft touch on his arm. He wanted to cry out to her but the grip on consciousness kept loosening its hold on him. “I thought he stirred. Could he be in pain, Hannah?" Ginny's voice was filled with worry.
"I can give him something," Hannah soothed.
"What aren't you telling us, Hannah?" Harry's persistence was unwavering.
"Harry, it might best wait till later," Hannah responded firmly.
"Now!" Harry demanded.
She sighed, "When I was mending his ribs, I ran a full diagnostic charm. His bones are very brittle. Like that of someone elderly, not a growing teen." Hannah's voice was heavy with the weight of the news.
"What caused that? Is he sick?" Ginny's voice trembled.
"He's very malnourished." Hannah's voice was barely a whisper.
"How could the school let this happen?" Harry's anger was palpable. Albus knew that tone. He tried to open his eyes, to call out to his parents, but his body wouldn’t respond.
"Minerva wants to talk to you both." Hannah's voice was steady.
"We're not leaving him," Ginny answered defiantly.
"It can wait till tomorrow, but it's best that he doesn't wake tonight. I'm going to give him another dropper of the Sleeping Draught." There was a clink of glass and a cool dropper was placed under Albus’s tongue which he instinctively swallowed.
"Oh, Harry. Our poor baby." Ginny's gentle cries echoed through the room.
The early morning sunlight streaming through the windows warmed the side of Albus’s face. He groaned softly and the hushed voices stopped and he heard a rustle of movement. A soft hand felt his face and forehead.
“Are you awake, Albus?”
He moaned again and opened his eyelids to see Hannah Abbott and Neville Longbottom standing over him. Neville had his hand on her shoulder, but he took it away when he saw Albus was awake.
“You gave us quite a fright there, kiddo,” he remarked softly.
Albus swallowed and grimaced as he shifted in the bed.
Miss Abbott gently inspected his arm which was bound in a sling. “I healed your broken ribs and the tear in your muscle, but your arm is still going to be very tender, I’m afraid, for at least a few days. The tear may be mended but the inflammation still has to go down.”
Albus nodded slowly. “I thought I heard my parents.” His voice sounded hoarse, and it cracked at the end.
“Your parents are here,” assured Miss Abbott. “They were with you all night. They only just left to go talk to Headmistress McGonagall.”
Albus’s breath caught in his throat. “Am I in trouble?”
Hannah and Neville exchanged a glance. Miss Abbott’s face was kind but worry was etched around her eyes. “Not the kind you mean.”
Albus hung his head. He knew that McGonagall wouldn’t have talked to his parents if he wasn’t. All that talk about Scorpius being expelled, and in the end, it was going to be him instead.
“I can take you to them,” she offered.
Albus looked up quizzically.
She nodded. “Yes, you should be fine. You’re going to be sore, and you need to take it easy, but you are fine to walk.”
Neville helped Albus to sit up. He gritted his teeth and tried to look tough as his chest ached from the action. He pressed his left hand to his breastbone and breathed out slowly.
“You’re a bit bruised, but that will go away soon,” added Miss Abbott.
“Should I stay to help, Hannah?”
She looked over at Neville and she opened her mouth and closed it again as though contemplating. “No, Professor. You should get back to your class now.”
“Class?” asked Albus.
Neville nodded. “I have the prefects monitoring the students who are helping with some campus clean-up. It could use it after yesterday’s festivities. The Reflection Garden sustained some minor damages, so they are putting their herbology to good use.” He glanced over at Miss Abbott, and Albus thought he detected some slight disappointment in his eyes. “But, you’re right. I should be getting back.” He looked over at Albus. “Just wanted to check in on you, kiddo.” He offered Albus an arm to help him stand from the bed.
“Thanks, Uncle Neville,” he whispered.
Neville cast one more look to Hannah before he smiled and nodded to Albus. His footsteps echoed in the empty hospital room as he left.
Albus gazed at the door in trepidation. “I suppose everyone knows about my accident,” he mourned.
Miss Abbott shook her head. “Unlikely. The students were all at the dance last night. It’s just some of the professors who know.” Sensing Albus’s worry, she promised, “If we start walking now, the corridors should be empty.”
Albus nodded.
“Would you like to take my arm?”
“I think I can manage.”
As they walked out of the room, Albus looked over at the mirror above the potion cabinet. Curiously, it had been covered by a thick black cloth.
Miss Abbott led the way as they began their journey down the empty halls. Albus walked fairly steadily for a while, but he paused several moments when a sharp pain lanced through his chest or the corridor spun around him. His knees trembled, and a cold sweat broke out along his hairline. In the end, he wordlessly took Miss Abbott’s arm.
When they reached the winding stair leading to the headmistress’s office, Albus’s chest tightened. His breaths became shallower and shallower. He clutched at his chest with his one free arm.
Miss Abbott patted the top of his back. “Breathe, Albus. It’s going to be okay.”
“Are you coming with me?” he gasped after a few moments.
“Yes, I’m going to stay with you the whole way.” She held out her arm again which Albus took without protest. “It’s going to be okay,” she repeated again.
She knocked gently on the inner door of the office, and it swung open for them. Albus spied McGonagall looking very serious at her desk and his parents in chairs in front of her. His mother’s eyes looked red, but his father sat with a grim expression that Albus couldn’t place. It was a look Albus had never seen on his face before.
All three turned as Albus and Hannah entered the room each bearing a look of shock.
Ginny immediately rose and gently took Albus into her arms. “Oh, honey,” she cried. He hugged her awkwardly back with his one good arm. He wished he could take comfort in her embrace, but his gut clenched from fear of what was about to happen. His father wasn’t looking at him which made it all the worse.
McGonagall gave a stern look to Hannah. “Is it wise to take him from his bed, Miss Abbott?”
“He was strong enough to walk, and this is a conversation that Albus needs to be present for,” returned Hannah.
“Very well.” McGonagall wordlessly waved her wand and transfigured a chair in between his parents’ seats.
Ginny gently led Albus to it and sat next to him. She took his hand, but Albus was far from soothed. He couldn’t understand why her eyes were so red. It was just a little accident, and Miss Abbott had already healed him. He looked over to his right, but Harry still had his face turned away from him. Albus looked down at his feet instead, taking a shaky breath.
“Am I going to be expelled?” he asked barely above a whisper.
McGonagall pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. “Why would you think that, Mr. Potter?”
Albus shrugged. “Because I went to the weight room alone and got hurt, I guess.”
McGonagall nodded. “A very foolish idea. You are very lucky that Hagrid was around to find you. But a student would not be expelled for an accident, even one carelessly brought upon himself.”
Albus swallowed. “For my marks, then. I’m failing my classes.”
“Why do you suppose that is?”
Albus shrugged. “I don’t know. I…I can’t focus. I can’t seem to concentrate. Nothing makes sense to me. You can ask Uncle…I mean, Professor Longbottom. He knows I have trouble paying attention.”
McGonagall’s lips twitched slightly as she acknowledged. “Yes, he’s shared that with all of us.”
Albus’s eyes grew wide. “What?”
“What is it you think teachers talk about if not their students? It is our job to make sure you are all successful. Naturally, he’d share that with the rest of your professors. So they can help you.”
Albus slumped in his seat. So they all think I’m stupid , he thought to himself.
“But what’s been happening lately goes beyond your usual struggles with focus, doesn’t it?”
Albus shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Al, answer her directly,” instructed Harry softly.
Albus looked up at his father, but his eyes still had that look that Albus couldn’t place. Harry broke eye contact immediately causing Albus to fear the worst. He sighed, “That’s just it. I really don’t know.”
Hannah, exchanged a knowing look with McGonagall, chimed in, “We’re not here to accuse you, Albus. We are trying to help you.”
McGonagall cleared her throat. “Your professors have noticed a definite change. You seem anxious in your classrooms with your mind elsewhere. It’s unlike you to not even attempt your assignments or to skip classes.”
“You skipped class?” asked Harry, looking at Albus again briefly before tearing his eyes away.
“Only the once,” defended Albus, his voice growing smaller. When his father didn’t look back at him, he looked down at his feet as he lied, “I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Yet you were spied out running that very day,” countered McGonagall.
Albus bit his lip and Harry shook his head. “What is going on with you, Al?”
Albus sank lower in his chair, dropping his head below his shoulders. He offered a helpless shrug, his silence speaking volumes. Ginny shot Harry a sharp glance and squeezed Albus’s hand. “Miss Abbott thinks she knows, sweetie. You should listen to her.”
With his head still drooped, Albus lifted his eyes to look at the nurse. He fought against the urge to break down. He knew he was in trouble, but he wasn't ready to admit it. He was terrified of what it meant. He was a boy, for crying out loud. He was supposed to be strong and athletic, not weak and sickly.
She nodded. “Albus, while you were being treated for your injuries, I ran an entire diagnostic charm on you. Your bone density is at -2.”
“Is that bad?” Albus squeaked.
She sighed. “It’s…much lower than it should be for a healthy teenage boy. It may be why your ribs broke so easily. But a heavy weight could also break strong bones, too.”
“But mine aren’t strong?” I knew it. I’m weak , Albus accused himself.
Hannah shook her head. “There was also some cause for concern with your heart and kidneys. Your…organs are starting to fail you, Albus.”
Albus felt a cold dread creeping into his gut. He knew she was right, but he couldn't admit it. It would mean admitting his failure, his weakness. “Why?” he asked. “Am I sick again?”
Ginny squeezed his hand again. “Professor McGonagall says you haven’t been eating properly, honey. And you’ve been working your body far too hard.”
Albus pulled his hand away, a defensive look crossing his face. Shaking his head violently, he stood. “That’s not true,” he insisted, his voice rising.
“We’ve been monitoring you the last two weeks,” said McGonagall. “In that time, you’ve only shown up for three mealtimes.”
“I’ve been busy,” argued Albus. “But I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with me. I eat. I promise.”
“Albus,” began Hannah, “it’s okay. We aren’t blaming you. But you are not eating enough. And this obsession with exercise–”
“I’m not obsessed! No one would ever say that if I was a Quidditch player! I’m just trying to be healthy. To get strong.” I can stop whenever I want.
“I understand. But it’s gone too far,” Hannah gently stated. “It’s more than you can handle. Maybe I used the wrong word. I should have said compulsion. It’s as though you feel like you can’t stop it, right?”
Albus furrowed his brow. She doesn’t get it .
“Tell me honestly,” she continued, “is that what distracts you in your classes? Is that what your mind is focused on?”
Albus started toward the door. “You wouldn’t understand! I’m tired of being short little Albus with the squishy middle. I’m doing something good for myself. No one wants me to be good at anything.” They're all wrong, Albus thought. I'm just trying to be better.
Both his parents stood. Harry remained dumb with a frozen expression as though he didn’t know what to say. Ginny raised her hands to begin to protest with Albus, but it was Hannah who spoke first. “Albus, no one thinks that here, but I understand that it feels like a reality for you. There probably isn’t anything we can say that you’d believe, but I must tell you the truth. You aren’t doing good for yourself. You are hurting yourself. There is no ‘squishy middle.’ In fact, you are so underweight, your organs can’t compensate, and I have no potions that can fix the damage. I know you meant to do good, but it’s gotten out of control.” She stepped toward him and attempted to gently guide him away from the door.
“No,” cried Albus. He wrenched his shoulder away. “I just have to do a little more, and then I can stop. I can control it!”
“No, you can’t, Albus,” she returned calmly, yet firmly. Hannah positioned herself in front of the pathway to the office’s exit.
“I can control it!” he repeated. His face was red, and he felt the ultimate fear that they were all going to pin him down and force him to eat. No! Not after how hard I worked for this! He had to get to the door.
McGonagall now stood, too. “Mr. Potter,” her voice was stern yet it betrayed her hidden compassion, “I know you aren’t yourself. I know that the person before me isn’t the same Albus Potter from the beginning of the year. Now ask me how I know.”
Albus turned from facing the door to gaze steely back at her. He wanted just to run away, but she was such a force to be reckoned with that he could not refuse to obey. Ginny stood gripping Harry’s arm. His father placed his hand over hers but said nothing. They looked at Albus in utter shock, as though they didn’t recognize him–or rather Ginny did. His father still averted his eyes.
“How?” asked Albus at last.
She gestured for him to approach her desk, holding out a folded piece of parchment. Albus slowly shuffled over to her. “What is that?”
“I know you aren’t yourself because I know how much you care about your friend, Mr. Malfoy. So much so that you asked to take his punishment for hitting another student. Yet, he contacted me to say he hasn’t heard from you in weeks. You haven’t once asked or thought about how he is. Your mind cannot focus on anything else. Not even your best friend.”
Albus’s breath caught in his throat. He knew she was right. He reached out for the letter, and she handed it over. He scanned it quickly then set it back on her desk. “I didn’t mean to…I…I lost track…” Scorpius , he thought. I forgot all about him. Yesterday was his birthday. He had promised he'd write. Promised he'd make sure this birthday was different. Not one more lonely day in that freezing manor.
Hannah jumped back in. “Albus, that’s what this sickness does. It takes over everything. It isn’t your fault.”
“No, I’m a terrible friend. I’m selfish.” He gasped. “His mum–”
“Is fine…for now,” returned McGonagall.
But he needed me, and I wasn’t there. I broke my promise to his dad. Scorpius shouldn’t have had any more worries added to his plate , thought Albus. And I did that. I made it worse. As the weight of his actions and the severity of his condition crashed down on him, Albus couldn't hold back any longer. His body shook uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face. As embarrassed as he was, and as much as he knew his father would admonish him, he began to cry. “I don’t know how this happened. I can’t stop. I need help.” He held his face in his hands and began to shake. I’m so lost. I’m so miserable. His hands trembled as he covered his face, trying to hold himself together—but it was no use. The dam had burst. His shoulders heaved with each ragged breath. His voice cracked and he desperately repeated, “I need help.”
To Albus’s shock and surprise, it was his father who pulled him into a fierce hug. Albus surrendered and buried his head into his chest and wept. Albus clung to him, his sobs echoing through the room. He felt his father tremble. “Please, Al. I can’t lose you, ” he murmured, his voice quivering.
Albus looked up and saw the tears brimming in Harry’s eyes that he had tried so desperately to hide. He had never, not once, ever seen his father cry. Now the son understood that strange look in his father’s eyes. It had been fear. Albus didn’t think that the brave Harry Potter was even capable of fear.
“Lose me?” Why would he say that? Am I dying? Albus whispered the thought out loud. At those words, Harry pulled him in tighter.
Hannah interjected, “We’re going to get you help, Albus. That won’t happen.”
“Please, please let us help you,” Harry pleaded as he ruffled Albus’s hair.
Albus could feel the rapid thudding of his father’s heart, and it struck fear in his own. If his dad was this scared, it must have been really bad. “Am I just weak?” he asked out loud. How did I let it get out of control? This is my fault.
“No, honey,” said Ginny who had been standing beside father and son, gently rubbing his back.
“No,” affirmed Hannah. “It’s an illness like anything else. It’s not your fault. But you can’t get better all on your own.”
“What can you do for him, Hannah?” asked Harry hoarsely.
She set her mouth in a firm line. “I’m afraid there isn’t any potion or charm that I can do. This is beyond what I am prepared to manage.”
“Then we’ll take him to St. Mungo’s–”
“I don’t think they’ll be much help, either,” interjected McGonagall. “There just hasn’t been much study done on mental health in our community. A shame really. The Muggles have far surpassed us there.”
“What do you mean, Minerva?”
She sighed. “I mean the best people to help Albus are going to be Muggle doctors. They are better equipped. Miss Abbott has done some research and found two really nice facilities in your area. She’s contacted them and both are willing to take Albus in. You can look for yourself and choose the one–”
Albus pulled out of his father’s arms. “You mean you’re going to send me away? Lock me up? Am I crazy?”
“No, Albus, no,” soothed Hannah, but Albus’s chest heaved wildly and he clutched at it gasping for air. His mind raced, a whirlwind of thoughts and fears. What if he was sent to a place where they forced him to eat? What if he never saw his family again? What if he was never the same again?
“Breathe, honey,” cried Ginny.
“Al, stop this,” commanded Harry, his voice tinged with worry. He looked over at Hannah and cried out wildly, “What’s happening?”
Hannah raced out of the room. Albus’s breaths became shallower, and his eyes widened in fear and panic. Oh no! It’s happening again! The world seemed to be closing in on him, and he felt a surge of adrenaline coursing through his veins. It was as if his body was betraying him, fighting against his will.
Ginny guided him to the chair. She sat and held him in her lap like she had done when he was a small child, rocking him and whispering in his ear. “It’s okay, baby. Breathe. Just breathe.”
Albus shook violently as his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. Sweat poured from his brows as he took gulping breaths. Or at least tried to. His vision blurred, and his ears rang. He felt a knot in his stomach, a sickening sensation that threatened to overwhelm him.
Harry knelt on the ground and took his hand. “We’re here, Al. We’re here.”
Even McGonagall left her spot behind her desk and came to put her hand on Albus’s shoulder. “Focus on your breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth.”
As quickly as she left, Hannah returned with a phial of Calming Draught. At first Albus balked, fearing it would bring on another barrage of uncontrollable tears, but he finally relented and took the offered dose. Within moments, his panicked breathing slowed and the shaking subsided. The world seemed to come back into focus, and the knot in his stomach began to loosen.
Albus took the seat between his parents. Ginny held his hand yet again, and his father had his arm on his shoulder. McGonagall praised Hannah’s quick reaction and took her spot back behind the desk.
They sat there in silence for many minutes. It was Albus, surprisingly, who spoke first. “I’m sorry.” He crossed his arms in his lap and dropped his head upon them.
“You don’t need to be sorry, Albus,” answered Hannah. “We didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“I…I’m not scared,” he lied. “It’s just…you think I should go away?” He turned his tearstained face to look imploringly at his mother. He wanted to please his parents after he had done so much to disappoint them. Please still love me , his eyes pleaded.
“It’s just for a little while.” Ginny looked over at Miss Abbott. “Right, Hannah?”
“Yes, they’ll probably just want to keep you there for a little while until you can start to manage on your own, Albus. It’s just to help you. I promise.”
McGonagall fished around on her desk under several pieces of parchment until she pulled out two printed pamphlets and held them out. “These are the two places you can decide on.” Harry stood and took them from her hands.
Albus peered curiously at the pile of parchment on the headmistress’s desk. “Are those all letters from Scorpius?”
“No, not all of them. I’ve had letters from no less than seven people concerned about you.”
“Seven?” echoed Albus. Who?
“Yes. A lot of people care about you. I’ve had letters from students and teachers alike. Even one here from Scorpius’s father.”
Ginny’s mouth dropped in surprise, but not Harry’s. “He had tried to tell me something at Christmastime,” he admitted. “But I thought he was just being a condescending prat.”
“Harry!” she cried.
“I’m sorry, Gin. I…I didn’t really understand what he was talking about. He was being cryptic and pompous. You know how Draco is.”
Ginny looked far from pleased. “I wish you would have told me.”
“I would if I had thought…”
McGonagall cleared her throat and nodded toward Albus. “This isn’t going to help things right now.” She was right. Albus now felt growing guilt that he was to be the cause of a row between his parents.
It was silent again except for the sniffs from Albus. Again he broke the awkwardness by saying, “So when school is done…”
“No,” interrupted McGonagall. “You can’t wait that long.” She looked at his parents. “He needs to go now.”
Harry and Ginny both nodded.
“Now?” cried Albus. It was odd because he despised Hogwarts so much, but the thought of not finishing the term upset him. “What about the exams? Will I repeat second year?” It was a horrifying thought. He was already a year older than most of his classmates. And he would be separated from Scorpius.
McGonagall softly smiled. “I didn’t take you for one to care much about exams, Mr. Potter.”
Albus bit his lip. He didn’t really. He just didn’t want to be left behind.
“Mr. Malfoy is taking his exams next year in the fall. I’m sure he will be grateful to have you join him. You can study together.”
Albus nodded. That didn’t sound so bad. “Okay,” he said softly. He had hope that they wanted him to come back. They believed he could come back.
“Do you want me to come help you pack your things?” Ginny asked.
“No!” cried Albus. Yes, Mum! I need you! Albus cried in his heart. But he couldn’t bear the idea of his parents going into the Slytherin common room with him. Oh he’d never live down the rumors. It was bad enough that he’d be leaving over a month before school let out.
“I’ll go help you, Albus,” offered Hannah. “Would that be all right?”
Albus nodded slowly. “Yes, Miss Abbott.”
She walked over to his chair and waited patiently for him to stand. When he did, she walked beside him to the door.
“Hannah,” called Harry.
She turned.
“Thank you.”
“Of course, Harry. You’re welcome.”
She gently guided Albus down the winding stair. “I’m sorry, Miss Abbott.”
“What for, Albus?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve caused trouble for everyone.”
“You aren’t any trouble, Albus. I promise. Everyone cares about you.”
He shook his head. “Not everyone.”
She looked at him with saddened eyes. “I know a way that we won’t run into any students.” She directed him in a back way toward the dungeons. When they entered the common room, there were only two or three students hanging around but they were engrossed in their studies and hardly noticed Albus entering with the school nurse. He led her down the stairs to his dorm.
Hannah didn’t comment on the disheveled state of the room. She said nothing about the dirty laundry in the corner or the pile of books by the bed. She simply helped him gather his things. Occasionally she used her wand to help tidy things up, but mostly she used her own hands to help him pack his trunk. She even found his long lost boots among the clutter.
As she was closing the trunk, Albus was struck with a pang of guilt. “Miss Abbott,” he started quietly.
“Yes, Albus?”
“I, er, I have to confess something. To you.”
She raised her brows in surprise. “To me?”
Albus nodded slowly. He walked carefully over to his bed and dropped down to the floor. Reaching his hand underneath, he hunted around for the jar of Invigoration Draught and pulled it out. He held it before himself and hung his head in humiliation.
“Did you take that from the hospital?”
Albus nodded slowly. He extended it out to her.
Miss Abbott gently took it from his hands and sat on the bed. She patted the seat next to her. Albus sat tentatively. “You understand that it is very serious to take something from the hospital. It might have been needed to help other students.”
He dropped his head lower. “I know,” he mumbled.
“I use this to help speed along a healing potion. It can double the strength. In some cases, it can be a lifesaver.”
Albus sniffed but held back any more tears. He was almost too ashamed to cry.
“I know there are some that use it to help during their studies or to get through work, but it’s not really recommended for those purposes. It’s a very temporary boost, and it can lessen the effects when it might be really needed later.” She inspected the jar which was a quarter empty. “You used this?”
Albus nodded.
“Hmm. I see. Not to help with your studies?”
Albus shook his head. “I felt so tired all the time. And some days I couldn’t get out of bed, so I used it to help.”
Hannah inclined her head to the side. “Yes. I see. Well, we know your lack of energy came from you overworking yourself with no nourishment.” She spun the jar a little in her hand. “I suppose this helped a little at first.”
Albus nodded.
“But not for long?”
He nodded again.
“Yes, it’s not going to be a substitute for rest or a good meal. I’m going to guess that you had trouble sleeping.”
Albus agreed. “I only used a little bit. I hated the way it made me feel. Like my skin was raw and every little thing got on my nerves.”
“Mmm, that’s from too high a dose. Probably felt like you drank ten cups of tea,” she said gently, but her eyes narrowed in that way healers do when mentally running down a list. “Did you ever feel like your heart was racing? Trouble focusing? Cold sweats?”
“Sometimes.” Albus gasped thinking of his attack upstairs. “Did I make myself sick, Miss Abbott? Did I cause this?”
She shook her head and placed a reassuring hand over his. “No, Albus. You didn’t make yourself sick. The draught just didn’t make you any better.”
“Did…did I…cause damage?”
She chuckled. “No. It just may take awhile for insomnia to wear off. Your sleep will also improve when your body isn’t fighting for survival, too. You can’t hurt yourself with this, but it’s best to only use it when it’s prescribed to you, okay?”
“I suppose I’m in pretty big trouble for stealing. Now I will be kicked out of Hogwarts.”
Hannah considered for a few moments. “I think we should just keep this between us. You have enough on your plate to deal with right now. And you won’t be stealing anything from the hospital ever again, right?” She eyed him carefully.
“No, ma’am,” he promised.
She patted him gently. “Good. Now, I’ll help with the trunk. Let’s get back to your parents.” She waved her wand to put a mobility charm on the heavy case.
“I can see why my Uncle Neville likes you so much,” Albus piped up.
Her cheeks instantly colored. “What?” she said in alarm.
Albus’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry. Was that supposed to be a secret? It’s just, whenever your name comes up, his eyes get all…”
Hannah tried in vain to suppress a smile. “He does?”
Albus nodded.
“Well, Albus. You are very observant. I’ve always known you were very attune to others. Yes, I like your Uncle Neville, too. But we aren’t quite ready to let everyone know that. It isn’t against the rules for staff members to see each other, but we’d like to keep it private. So you’ll understand if I ask you not to talk to anyone about that. At least, not just yet.”
“I won’t. I promise!”
“Thanks, Albus.” She helped him from the bed and they together went up the dungeon stairs. “You know, in McGonagall’s office you said that you were selfish. I hope you know that isn’t true.”
Albus hung his head. How could I be anything but selfish? he thought. I’m a liar and a thief. I hurt everyone I love. “It must be true,” he said aloud.
Hannah shook her head. “Your illness has been a controlling force for you this year, but who you are is far from selfish. I’ve not seen as much empathy from other thirteen year old boys. You show a great concern for others. But you put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. You’re going to make mistakes, Albus. You need to forgive yourself for those.”
They had reached the top of the stairs. Hannah was walking on, but Albus stayed clutching the banister. Her words brought more tears to his eyes, but he willed them back, refusing to cry any more today. “I can’t, Miss Abbott.”
She looked over her shoulder curiously. “Can’t what? You need help?” She offered her arm to help him walk.
“No, I mean, I can’t forgive myself. I caused everyone so much pain. I made Scorpius worried. I made my dad cry. He never cries. He’s never scared. I ruined everything. I’m a bad person.” His breath was getting dangerously short as though he may have another panic attack.
Hannah rushed to his side and encouraged him to breathe. After several minutes when his breathing steadied and deepened, she took his arm and helped him through the common room. As she did, she encouraged, “You didn’t ruin anything. There are so many people that care about you. Remember what McGonagall said. Seven people wrote letters. And that’s just those brave enough to write. No one does that for bad people.”
Albus shook his head. But I'm still a bad person. He thought about his father's face, the look of fear and worry that had filled his eyes. He felt a pang of guilt. I've caused him so much pain. And Mum, now she’s angry at Dad. And it’s all my fault.
“That’s the illness lying to you, Albus. You’ll see. I can promise you that nothing is ruined, okay.” She smiled at him and they walked the rest of the way without saying another word about it. Hannah filled the silence by talking about some of her school girl stories from Hogwarts including telling a story about one time his father got into trouble. It wasn’t one that Harry had ever told to Albus. He wasn’t entirely sure he believed it, but he was glad that his Uncle Neville liked Hannah Abbott. He secretly hoped it would become something serious.
When they entered McGonagall’s office the second time, everything felt more relaxed and calm. Harry and Ginny were holding hands, so Albus felt some relief that he hadn’t caused his parents to hate each other.
“You have everything, Mr. Potter?” asked McGonagall.
Albus nodded. “Yes, Professor.”
“Good.” She smiled slightly and the wrinkles around her eyes were more pronounced. “I know you’re going to be all right, and I look forward to seeing you back in the fall.”
“I can still come back?” he asked. Albus was still surprised that he’d even be welcome.
“Of course. Professor Bulstrode would be heartbroken to lose her star Runes student. She’s been fighting so hard to keep that course in the program, and you are her number one excuse for keeping it.”
Albus grinned. “Really?” So the Slytherin Squib can do something right , he thought to himself.
Harry beamed at him with pride. “You never told me that, Al.”
Albus shook his head. “I think Scorpius is really the top of the class.”
McGonagall disagreed. “Professor Bulstrode said you were the one to watch.”
Harry smiled. “Well, it looks like you made a wise decision to take that instead of flying, Al. You were right.”
Albus’s heart swelled. His father had never admitted that he was right about something before. Harry put his hand on his shoulder. “Are you ready to go, Son?”
Albus nodded, but his heart was still scared.
“It’s okay, honey,” his mother said. “You’ll be okay.”
After their polite goodbyes, the Potters made their way to the fireplace to use the Floo Network. Albus’s heart trembled, but when his father put his arm around him, he felt a sense of comfort. As he took one last look at Hogwarts, he felt a sense of peace wash over him. He knew in his heart that he would return, and everything was going to be all right.
End of Year Two
Year Three Coming Soon
Remember, you are not alone. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help. These resources can provide support, guidance, and hope.
Many of these sources are US based.
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
Crisis Hotlines:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741