Chapter Text
“SHIN!”
Saint woke up screaming, tears streaming down his face. Shin jolted awake, scrambling to turn on the lights.
“What — what happened?!”
Shin blinked, his eyes still adjusting to the brightness. The night insects were loud outside his window. He yawned as he turned to face Saint.
Their bed sheets were damp from sweat. Saint's blanket pooled around them as the younger folded into himself. He covered his face with hands, shudders wrecking his large frame. Worry rose through Shin as he rubbed Saint's back.
“Hey… Hey Saint? Hey, puppy — look at me..”
Saint shook his head, deja vu flooding him as he buried his face deeper in his palms.
“Saint — Baby — look at me.”
The nickname slipped out as Shin held Saint's large body, maneuvering the taller into his arms.
Saint sobbed into Shin’s chest, arms tight around his waist. He clung like the world might end, disappear again under that flash of white. He gripped Shin tighter, trying to convince himself the older was here. Real — not some paper ghost destined to crumple.
Shin's pink shirt turned dark from the tears. Saint sniffed as Shin scratched his head, gently coaxing the younger. His fingers dug into Saint's hair, pulling him closer.
“Hey hey hey — C’mon puppy, what happened?”
Saint didn't loosen his grip. His body still shook hard, his sobs echoing the night.
“You didn't see it, Shin. You didn't see the truck.”
Oh.
Shin realised through the haze of sleep that Saint had a nightmare. Sighing, he scratched Saint's head as the younger trembled against him. He knew exactly what the other was talking about.
They had gone to shop for Chingching's birthday gift earlier that day. Saint had splurged, buying her way too much stuff. Shin, worried about Saint's finances, asked him where he got all that money from. Saint told him about working extra shifts, and Shin realised he had overworked again — skipping meals. They had a fight. Shin walked off, mad at his best friend.
He had seen the truck just in time.
He stepped back, missing the large vehicle barely by an inch. The horn blared — a death knell he’d dodged by seconds.
Saint ran after him, eyes wide with fear, hugging him, asking him if he was ok.
Shin had stood shaken as the taller fussed over him. Saint took the bags from his hand, heart racing at the possibility of the unfortunate. Their anger dissipated instantly as Saint dragged them away, refusing to let go of Shin's hand during the entire walk back home.
Shin blinked back to the present, thumb running relaxing circles on Saint's neck.
“It was just a nightmare, puppy. Shhh… I am not going anywhere, I am right here..”
Saint rubbed his face in Shin's shirt, nodding as he breathed him in. Shin smelled like moisturizer and fabric softener. Home. Breathing. Alive . He could feel Shin's heartbeat, soft but sure. Saint let himself calm down.
"It was just a dream. Shin is here. There’s no truck."
Shin whispered, his voice soft and reassuring in the dead of night. Saint nodded, slowly detaching himself from the older. He looked small, resembling a puppy with drooped ears.
For a moment, Shin was reminded of the time from when they were younger.
Before puberties and growth spurts, when Saint used to be the shorter one and Shin the taller. Shin used to tease him a lot, mostly because it embarrassed Saint. The younger would retaliate by climbing him like a tree, manhandling Shin into submission.
Shin missed those days sometimes.
When Shin was every bit the phi to his puppy faced nong. Saint was still as cute as ever. It was just that he was bigger now, too large to fit into the curve of his elbow. Too big to grab and hold down. But Saint still found a way to climb onto Shin. Like an overgrown puppy who still thought he could be a lap dog. He'd shrink himself so he could be the little spoon. And Shin would be terribly endeared, even if he pretended not to.
And well.. He didn't exactly mind Saint's growth either.
Saint was bigger now, in every aspect. He could cover Shin whole with his body, towering over the older. Saint was always the stronger one, manhandelling Shin. But now — he made the hundred and eighty one cm tall man feel tiny in comparison. And that gave a plethora of feelings to Shin that weren't exactly very innocent or friendly. He was pretty sure Saint knew, stealing not so innocent glances at Shin's lips.
Their friendship had stopped being innocent long ago.
But well — they never did anything about it.
Saint fell on the bed, eyes closed — before jolting back up. The dream flashed like a broken record. He looked at Shin with red rimmed eyes, and Shin felt his heart crush. He was making that stupid dog face again — the one that had Shin clutching his chest every time. Saint just stared, biting his lips, too embarrassed to speak. Shin passed him a glass of water, watching him gulp half of it down.
“..Do you want to cuddle, ai’Saint?”
Shin asked — eyes intent, affection filled to the brim.
Saint slowly nodded, handing back the glass. Shin drank the remaining water before putting it away. He lay down first, straightening the sheets before beckoning Saint into his arms.
Saint paused, unsure if he was still dreaming. Shin tugged at his sleeve and he went in like a puppy, burying himself into Shin's shoulder. He nuzzled Shin's neck. The slight stubble tickled Shin's skin, causing the older to giggle out loud.
Saint breathed Shin in, hugging him close. Shin interlocked their fingers, one hand scratching Saint's scalp. Saint put one hand on Shin's neck, pressing his carotid artery, counting his pulse.
Saint trembled against Shin, a hollow chill cutting through his bones. Shin checked the other's temperature by instinct.
“You're a bit warm, ai’Saint…”
Shin frowned, pressing his palm all over Saint's face and neck. The puppy faced boy ignored him, knowing exactly where the conversation was going. He cuddled closer, already drowsy from Shin's scent, the soft citrus enveloping him like a cloud. Shin sighed, exasperated and Saint smiled, already reciting his lecture word for word.
“You — Ai’Saint! You can't just ignore your health like this! See — what if you get sick! You should be glad we don't have school tomorrow. And no — I am not letting you go to work either. You need to stop working so hard. No more overtime. I am serious. Jeez, are you even listening to me you asshole —”
Saint’s palm crept from Saint's neck to his cheek, before wrapping it around his lips. Slowly lifting his face, he pressed a kiss on the other side of his knuckles.
Shin lied there, dumbfounded.
Huh.
Saint smiled, feeling a bit feverish. He definitely shouldn’t have kissed his best friend — even if it was just over his own palm. But that was an issue for future Saint. Or maybe not, considering how warm Shin's face felt against his palm.
However, with the dream playing in his mind like a broken record — in his sickly sleep induced haze, Saint could only think about one thing.
Shin deserved to be loved right in this lifetime.
Saint knew about Shin's feelings, he had known for a long time. Yet throughout the years, he still couldn't find it in himself to take the risk. To stop being a coward.
He was still a coward. A coward that was choosing to be brave.
Shin pulled Saint’s hand away. The lamps outside illuminated Saint’s features — gorgeous and ghostly in the dark night.
Arching his neck, Shin kissed him properly — whispering years of weighted silence. Saint’s breath hitched, emotions spilling into the space between their mouths. Sighing, Saint tilted his head, slotting their lips deeper.
Saint pressed Shin into the mattress, kissing him softly. Soft lips stroked Shin mouth in devotion. Shin moaned as Saint licked inside him — tasting, memorizing all he had only imagined all these years.
Shin's lips were softer than in the dream. Felt more warm, more real. His mouth tasted of peppermint from their shared toothpaste. His lips tasted of his strawberry flavoured lip balm. Saint lingered, then pulled back — eyes tracing the kiss-swollen curve of Shin’s lips like a man memorizing proof of life.
He felt his gut flutter with adoration as he rubbed their noses together.
“Tomorrow — let's go on a date.”
Shin dug his nails into his plan, wondering if he was still asleep. Was this idiot really asking him out in the middle of the night?
“Like … a date–date?”
Saint nodded, looking serious now.
“Um. Like a boyfriend – girlfriend date.”
Shin raised his eyebrow.
“But we're two men?”
Saint smiled at that, his dimple popping out.
“A boyfriend – boyfriend one then. Or… do you prefer husband?”
Shin smacked Saint's head, now flushed. Saint giggled, curling deeper into Shin. Shin stared for a minute, stroking where he had smacked, soothing the wound. Yeah, this didn't feel real at all. He pressed a palm against Saint's head, still a bit warm.
“What if you're sick?”
“Then we google how to have a memorable date at home.”
God, this was really happening. Was Shin dreaming? Shin giggled, pinching Saint's cheeks — round and swollen from sleep, making the younger frown.
“Alright alright.. Let's see if you still remember this when you wake up.”
Saint stirred up at that, leaning on his elbows. He looked at Shin with fierce eyes, the black depths carrying a hint of tsunami.
“Ai'Shin — I like you so much, I think I'd remember it into my next life.”
Shin stared at Saint, a beat passing before he burst out laughing. He couldn't help it, for god's sake — it was three in the morning.
“Jeez… What exactly was in that dream, you sap?!”
Saint pouted, making Shin laugh harder.
“Don't talk about it ai’Shin! It was a terrible dream!”
“Ohooo.. did my poor baby have a big bad nightmare?”
Shin laughed through his embarrassment. “Shin, stop talking about it!”
Saint whined, causing the older to laugh harder.
Saint huffed out in disbelief, before pinching the Shin's sides — causing him to yelp. Shin cried out Saint's name, fingers curling around Saint's wrists as he shook his hair rapidly. Saint barely put up a struggle as Shin flipped him on his back. Mischief gleamed in his eyes as he pinned Saint down, tickling him.
Laughter echoed in the room, reverberating off the walls.
Shin finally stopped, resting his hands on either side of Saint's head. Saint gazed, outlining the face with his finger, the room dark. He gulped, finding his voice under his thudding heartbeat.
“I… I mean it, ai’Shin. I like you. Like like. I am sorry I ignored it before. I was just… Scared. I like you. A lot. ”
Shin melted at those words, like a shy flower curling into himself. The apology tucked in the valve of his heart, he hid his face in Saint's neck, ears burning hot. Saint found himself smiling — wrapping an arm around Shin's waist, pressing him closer.
“It's fine, I get it. I was scared too. I.. Like you too, ai’Saint. A lot. I just — I imagined our confession to be.. Well, different..”
Saint let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Shin, flustered but glowing, slid down, placing the covers over them. Sleep prickled Shin's conscious as he rested his head on Saint's shoulder. Saint fixed Shin's hair, voice soft as he spoke.
“This isn't the official confession. I will confess to you tomorrow. On the date. With flowers and shit.”
Saint said it like a promise and Shin failed to bite back a smile.
“Oh yeah? You're going to wine and dine me?”
“Sure”, Saint laughed, closing his eyes as his heart soared.
The night insects echoed loud outside the window. The nightmare was almost completely forgotten by now. Saint turned his head to peek at Shin, who was watching him with soft love struck eyes.
“Ai Shin.”
“Hmm?”
“A kiss?”
Saint asked, puckering his lips slightly. Shin chuckled, his laugh sleepy.
“Are we dating you asshole?”
But the complaint was futile, as Shin complied to the puppy’s whims. His heart stuttered as he leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Saint's lips. Saint pressed back, smiling against his lips.
The kiss wasn't deep, it was just a press of the lips — yet their yearning spilled over like boiling milk.
Shin pulled back, rubbing his head into Saint’s shoulder the way he he did whenever he felt shy. Saint chuckled letting his head fall back.
He stared at the rotating ceiling fan, the blades shining as moon rays caught it's metal. Soft breeze caressed Saint’s cheek as he let himself get comfortable. The bed felt soft under him, his world a warm fluff. Shin cuddled closer, interlocking their feet, arm curled around Saint's head. Saint could feel his breaths on his skin, soft, steady and alive.
Moonlight glazed the night in silver, looking over the drowsy earth. Sleep caught the two in a dreamless slumber, wrapped in each other's embrace.
There might not be a forever, but they always had a tomorrow.
And that was perhaps, just enough.
...