Chapter Text
You were never the one to believe in fate. It seemed too unstable for you to depend on, when you were a child, adults would say that everyone in this world had a soulmate, a lover destined for them, to match their desires - tailor made.
Every time they mentioned it, you would scoff, never being the one to believe them.
Adults would call you cynical and you would agree - being cynical was better than believing in theatrics that would never come true- you learned that the hard way.
But the truth is, you desperately wanted to believe in it, but you’ve been let down way too many times by your imagination to count on it.
How many times have you imagined a better world, a world where you would feel loved and cared for and how many times have you woken up sad and angry that you had to live another day in this world.
Younger you Loved Imagining.
You loved coming home from a torrid day at school and laying down on the bed and dreaming of the perfect day at school, a day where everyone seemed to like you and you did not fail miserably at your tests, A day where you would feel important and not like a tissue left in the trash can after it’s use.
And when you would have a crush on a boy, you would come home and sit on your bed with your diary open and a pencil in hand, imagining how it would feel to be loved.
But you would be disappointed the next day, when you walked down the hallway and he did nothing to acknowledge your presence.
You would still go home and cry, after words imagining a better day where he might’ve interacted with you.
You filled book after book with your imagination, writing about the perfect life and the perfect you - with no flaws for the eye to see.
Your parents grew worried about you, worried about you neglecting your life, worried you were throwing your future away with every test you had brought home.
So you did what you did best, you imagined a world where they were proud of you, where you never disappointed them.
You kept imagining, creating worlds in your head.
Until one day,
It started as a normal day, you came home from school and quickly abandoned your bag in the corner of your room, excited to finish your daily routine so you could fall into your bed and imagine. You walked into the kitchen wanting a snack but stopped quickly hearing loud shouts from your parents,
It was muffled due to them talking in hushed whispers.
But you heard it, of course you did,
‘Problem child’, ‘useless’, ‘a waste of money’ were some of the words you heard, and without you knowing, tears were already trickling down your cheeks, you never waited to hear the remaining- sure that your heart could not handle it.
You faintly remember running to your room, closing your room door with utmost care before planting onto your bed, your room being filled with muffled sobs.
You never knew how long you cried for, only remembering how younger you walked onto your table where your diaries were stored out, you remember holding them close to your chest and crying again before hastily opening them and ripping each and every single page with fury and hatred for yourself.
The words that you spend years of your life writing were torn, resting on the floor with the faint marks of tears evident in it.
And ever since that day, you threw yourself into school work, joined various clubs to make sure your brain never got the chance to be alone.
Years passed as you became a shell of yourself- but it was better right? You had friends- well sort of and your parents didn’t have a disappointed look on their faces every time they saw you, some would say you were thriving, your relatives complimented you and asked how you turned your life around - you never told them the truth, instead coming up with a lie about wanting to get into your dream collage and so.
Soon you were in college, a fresh start and a place where no one knew of your existence, all the hard work you’ve put into molding yourself to be the ideal person was wasted, the molded version of you no longer fit in here, too stuck up.
So you changed, attended parties while trying to maintain your grades up. Starved yourself to fit in with the girls who seemed like they walked out of a runway- looking perfect in every waking moment.
So in college, you became a person whom you couldn’t even recognize anymore.
Until you met someone who bought you back, made you pick up a pen to write- to daydream.
Caleb Xia
The captain of the basketball team, a friend of a friend, to this day you thank MC for introducing you to him, making you feel yourself even for a short moment- even if it left you broken hearted at the end.
The day started as a normal day, you woke up, forced small bites of food to power through the day before running to catch the bus.
Walking down the hallway, you were never the one to pay attention to your surroundings, you preferred to keep your mind busy with music and that was what you were doing until you bumped into a man- very cliche, even to this day, you laugh at the meeting.
He collected himself before you and helped you to pick up your fallen books from the floor with a small smile on his face- one that you couldn’t help but to mirror.
‘’My name’s Caleb, If you don’t mind, can I get your name?’’ he said while handing your books back to you, you took it without hesitation, your hands grazing together.
“(Name),” you whispered, shy under the stares.
He paused—just a minute—but you were counting.
“Nice to meet you, (Name). How come we’ve never met before?” he asked, still holding your hand.
‘’Um, I don’t usually hang out near the basketball court’’ you threw words together from your brain as you hoped that he would not realize that you were nervous.
He chuckles again ‘’Well, that’s a shame, I would’ve loved to meet you sooner’’ -you were sure your heart skipped a beat at his words.
You could not recall how the rest of the interaction went, it was probably your brain blocking out all memories of him.
But that day, when you were on your way home, you stopped near a corner shop and bought a book, feeling a sudden spark of happiness- something that you haven’t felt in a long time.
You spent the whole night analyzing the interaction, replaying it scene by scene, writing down what you could’ve said and what would’ve happened then.
That night, sleep came to you very late, since for the first time in forever, you felt like you again.
Surprisingly you were very excited to wake up the next morning, hopeful to get a glance at him and maybe if you're lucky enough, a conversation?
You were not disappointed to say the least when Caleb walked into the library when you had your nose in a book, getting lost in the endless words of the pages sprawled out before you,- He had cleared his throat to announce his presence, something that took you way long to notice, he eventually gave up and pulled a chair with intention to sit next to and only then did you look up at him with a puzzled expression.
‘’What are you doing here Caleb?’’ you had asked when he placed his bag on the desk before sliding down to the chair and making himself comfortable.
‘’Looking for you’’ He had answered, his voice certain.
‘’How ominous’’ you had replied and made him chuckle.
You remember bits and pieces of that day, how he used studying as an excuse when all you both did was laugh until your stomachs hurt.
You could not help but to get a smile on your face, recalling the events in your life.