Chapter Text
Trevor could only hear how Micheal crashed before everything went quiet. Agonizingly still. He looked at the tracker, only for it to ensure that Micheal’s location stopped moving. Everything went in slow motion, Trevor could almost see pixels of the location shining through his phone. The sight stabbed through his eyes. He forgot how to breathe for a long second.
- ..M-mike? - he called out, his voice quivering. There was no sign of the other man, no grunt heard, no yelling, no whisper, nothing . Only pure silence that filled Trevor’s ears like blood clot - MIKEY?! MIKEY , DO YOU HEAR ME!?
His words flew in the cold wind, banished and forgotten. There was no response.
The red dot stopped at the south part of the Lago Zancudo, just in front of the bridge.
- FUCK, FUCK, FUCK , MIKEY!
His mind flew miles, just like his truck down the road. His skin was covered with cold sweat, though at the same time he felt goosebumps on his neck and arms. Trevor couldn't think straight. His breath went shallow, uneven, he was almost hyperventilating - uncontrollable anger mixed with pure anxiety burned his chest. And if he wasn't panicking before, he sure was now. He could barely steer the vehicle, almost crashing a couple of times in other cars.
He prayed in his mind, he prayed to anything , anyone . He swore to give away everything he had just for Micheal to be alive .
He can't be too late, he was right behind him.
It took him a few minutes to get to the location. Though for Trevor it felt like hours, eternity spent in a hurricane that weld up in his mind.
He saw the road barriers taken down by the car.
He drove through the grass to stop on the small, wild beach just underneath the scarp. He could hear other cars speeding on the nearby bridge. It echoed, reminding Trevor how casual of a sight this must be - like it was an everyday thing for someone to crash out of the road. He cursed all of the people for not caring about anyone but their fat asses. Los Santos is truly sick and fucked up.
There he saw it - black Tailgater, sinking in the sea.
He jumped out of the truck and ran, almost tripping down on the sand. He got into the water - despite summer being in its prime, the water was cold, it drew shivers down the man's spine. But Trevor hadn't even noticed it - his body was burning from adrenaline and cortisol flowing in his veins. He only felt like his whole body was poked from inside with millions of needles. His body was a literal hell on his own.
Now only the car's roof was visible. It didn't help that the windows were down, the water quickly flowing inside. If he showed up a minute later, he could've missed the car sinking completely. He could’ve missed it entirely if it weren’t for the tracker which - surprisingly - still worked for Micheals phone, despite it probably already covered with water.
Trevor swam to the car and when he was close enough, he dived.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced. He barely managed to breathe in his own, his lungs begging for his body to stop moving. He held tightly Micheal's body, while trying to get back on the beach.
Trevor was still terrified.
The man he held, the man he cared about more than his own life, the man he loved was limp. He looked dead .
When he got on the surface, he laid Micheal on the sand.
- Micheal? Mikey, wake up! I'm here, I'm finally here! - he shook the man's body, hoping to get a reaction - Please , wake up!
He tried shaking him more.
He noticed Micheal wasn't breathing.
He tried CPR.
He was doing it for 20 minutes.
Micheal didn't even move an inch.
His eyes were still closed, chest only going up and down during Trevor’s breathing into his mouth. His body was pale, almost greyish in its color. There was some blood flowing out of his nose and arms.
- No.. no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO- - Trevor cried out, still not wanting to believe what was happening - You can't be gone, you fucking bastard!! You asshole! YOU MOTHER FUCKING AAAGH - NOT NOW! Not after everything we had, we did! Not you .. - he choked on his tears. He stopped pressing on his chest and kneeled before Micheal’s body. It looked like an angel with ripped off wings. Fragile, pure, destroyed by its own thoughts and unreachable dreams of being a normal human being.
He lost him.
He's gone .
And it's all Trevor's fault .
If he hadn't waited to look at his location. If he pushed Micheal to talk, back in the alley. If he hadn't let go of him that day in the supermarket. If he just tried hard enough to help him, if he insisted on staying with him. None of this would’ve happened if they talked. But just as Micheal was terrified of letting his worries out to the outside world, to his closest friend, Trevor on the other hand couldn’t find the right words to get through to him.
Trevor dug his nails into his skin, wanting to tear it off with his bare hands. He wanted to scream, but only sobs kept escaping his mouth. He felt powerless. He felt destroyed . There was nothing he could do. He couldn't save Micheal, he couldn’t help someone he loved struggling - he was useless. Just as his excuse of a mother told him so.
Trevor grabbed his head by the hair, wanting deeply to tear it off. He was called a psycho many times - but only now he felt as if he was going truly insane.
- YOU FUCKER! - he roared, though there was no hint of anger in his tone - You coward of a fucking pig, why’d you give up!? Why did you leave me ?
He knew if he hadn't calmed down, he may genuinely start to hyperventilate. But how could he now? After everything that ever had any meaning to him was gone ?
‘How could I let my.. how could I let Micheal kill hims-’
He heard rough coughing. Micheal was choking on the water that welcomed itself in his lungs.
- MIKEY- oh Jesus, Mikey! - with a flash he was again right next to him. He helped him turn over, so the man could easily throw up water and bile.
He kept throwing up until he hadn't nothing left in him. The whole process made Micheal tear up again, his face red and sweaty.
He couldn't see or hear very clearly. The ringing noise wouldn't leave his mind. He felt much worse than during his hangovers. He wished he could pass out again, so the pain would ease just a little. His lungs burned, crying from the lack of oxygen. His body ached like it was smashed against the road and beaten down til every bone was broken. His head felt heavy.
It was after a few more minutes passed until he could recognize his surroundings. He noticed someone sternly holding him, so he wouldn't fall face first on his own vomit. And when his head turned to the side, he saw Trevor - he saw his red, glassy eyes and petrified look on his face. His shivering mouth, shivering not from cold, but rather from what happened. From witnessing his best friend almost dying again.
Michael sobbed. And Trevor wrapped his arms around the shivering man without another word.
Trevor was looking at Michael's back - his gaze focused on the bones of the spine poking out of his wet clothes. He noticed he was in clothes he wore in North Yankton - he wished he could beat up Micheal for even having this stupid idea. He wanted to punch his face till there was nothing but dark red on his knuckles. But at the same time he craved to hold the man so close it hurt, hold long enough so that they're both healed, repaired.
He wished he knew about all this sooner. That he could somehow prevent this. That he could stay with Micheal, be with him, help him, love him. Show him that there's much more to live for. That there’s someone he has to live for.
That he needed Micheal to live.
Micheal kept apologizing through his sobbing. He wished that he was never found. That no one would witness him trying to end this all. That Trevor wouldn't need to save him, even though he was the one that Micheal needed the most.
He wished all this pain vanished. That he could shove it off, leave it deep down in the ocean. Everything ached, mostly his head and lungs that were begging for air. He never felt anything this physically agonizing. Micheal felt like his body was still dying on its own.
- I.. I thought.. - Michael choked on his tears, barely speaking just loud enough for Trevor to hear - I thought that dying felt like my mother carrying me to bed once I had fallen asleep. Everything hurts. - he dug his nails into his palms, as his tears falled on Trevor's wet shirt - I want this to end, Trevor.. I just want to die.
- ..you know you don't. - Trevor whispered back. He put a hand on the other's head and rested his forehead on the crook of Micheal’s neck. His warm breath tingled Michael's skin as he spoke - You fought with yourself for so long that you've forgotten about it. You were holding on anything just to survive , Mikey. You just.. couldn't keep doing this on your own. - he felt how Michael’s body tensed with the words. He hoped he didn’t say anything bad, something that will only make things worse. But again, he needed to be honest. He needed Micheal to see this from the other perspective - You don't wanna die. You just want the pain to end. And this was the only way out you saw.
Michael crashed with the last words, all the emotions and stress escaping him, racing against each other to be let out first. Trevor only held him, made him sure that he wasn't leaving this time. He himself was barely holding up, everything too much for him to handle - his emotions that weld up in his chest a few minutes prior still stormed inside - if you focused just a little, you could still see his hands shaking, his eyes still wet from tears that were threatening to fall again. But he needed to be there for him. He wanted to be there for him.
They were both broken. They were scared. Unsure for what will come next.
But at least they were together again. Squeezed close enough to be defined as one being. With everything that had come into the light, they could finally be whole.
- ..Trev?
- Hm?
- Answer me honestly.. I'm fucked up all over, but I need to know this at least. D-do you.. hate me? - Micheal asked quietly. His hand was taken by Trevor's and gently squeezed with reassurance.
He pushed himself away and looked at him. Trevor had a bittersweet smile, though his corners of the lips were shaking. The moon shone beautifully in them.
- Mikey.. I have never stopped loving you, you idiot.
And with those words he brought him into his arms again.
It wasn't over. It was far from over. They both knew that.
But at least it was a good start.