Chapter Text
The ceremony was beautiful. The entire ZPD was there, looking sharp in dress uniforms, to celebrate a union that had been far too long in coming. The happy couple read their vows together, pledging eternal love and support. When they exchanged rings, and kissed for the first time as one, even Bogo started to openly sob. And while it was the first time a pair like this had been married in this church, those who would judge or criticize were far away, not to even be considered on this blissful day.
Judy felt her phone vibrate against her hip.
Nick: this is taking forever
Me: nick we ate in church stamp
Nick: wow your typing sucks
Me: duck u im not looking ay my phone
Me: thus is a wonderful cemetery
Nick: reading this is unbearable im just gonna whisper to you
Me: nooooppppooooopp
“You know these things don’t last, right?” Nick whispered out the side of his mouth. He was great at hiding it, which made Judy even more annoyed. “More than half of all marriages fall apart.”
“No, I do not know that!” Judy hissed. Delgato peeked over the back of his elephant-sized pew to glare at her. “Francine and Sheila have been dating for years, they’ll be very happy together. And plenty of other marriages work. My parents are happy!”
Nick shrugged. “Don’t they themselves talk about how much they’ve settled?”
“This is not about them!”
McHorn tapped Judy on the shoulder. “Shhhh.”
Judy was incandescent with rage. Nick gave her a smile. “Judith, please try not to ruin Francine’s special day. Did I mention that weddings being emphasized as ‘the special day’ sets up unrealistic expectations and completely ignores the fact that marriages are tough, slogging work?”
Judy snarled and socked him.
“Hopps!” Bogo growled at her. “What are you doing? This is Francine’s special day, stop being disruptive!”
She turned to him as the elephant-sized limousine drove them to the reception. “You are a piece of work.”
Nick laid back against the huge leather seat, unbuttoning the shirt of his uniform and stretching. “I’m a realist. Mammals aren’t meant to be lifelong monogamists. Are you the same person you were twenty years ago? Do you want the same things?”
“Yes, I do!” Judy puffed out her chest and shined her badge with her sleeve.
“Alright, fair point, you are a freak,” Nick said affectionately, flicking her ear. “Most people, they change, Carrots. Making a commitment that’s supposed to last your whole life? When you’re what, in your thirties? That’s ridiculous. We’d have abandoned the whole thing years ago if magazines didn’t make women think they needed huge weddings.”
“Oh well thank God we have a smart man like you, Nick, to save us silly women from our romantic delusions.” Judy rolled her eyes. “Have you never been in love? Never been so close to someone that you think, even for a second, ‘this could last the rest of my life’?”
Nick avoided her eyes. “I hope I’ve never been that sentimental.”
Judy got right in his face. “Well I’ll bet one day, you meet someone who changes your mind. And on that day, I’ll expect a personal apology, you grouchy jerk.” She poked him in the belly.
He huffed. “Fine. I’ll look you right in the eyes and say, ‘Carrots, you were right. I’m sorry.’”
“Can’t wait.” She flopped and laid out, putting her feet on his lap.
“Carrots, you have this entire huge seat to put your feet.”
“Yeah, but I’m mad at you, so you’re my footrest til we get there.”
“...Whatever.” Nick turned to hide his smile.
The reception was huge, even considering that half the crowd were elephants. Francine welcomed her guests in with wide arms.
“I’m so glad to share tonight with all of you. Please, enjoy yourselves! And help yourself to the bar, Sheila’s family is covering it!” Francine’s new wife elbowed her and she snickered. “OK, maybe my folks should keep it to well drinks. We don’t want to have to cancel the honeymoon!”
Judy’s foot was tapping impatiently. She nearly sprinted to the small mammal bar when the door opened, and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea.
Nick sauntered over, raising his eyebrows. “You ok, Carrots?” He put in for a rum and coke, “with your finest rum, please, barkeep.” The marten behind the bar rolled his eyes and reached for the Batcardi.
“FINE,” she replied, glaring and knocking the glass back. “I’m not going to be in a bad mood, not today. I’m gonna get tipsy and dance my tail off, and you’d better join me!”
Nick grimaced. “Whoa now. I’m not really much of a dancer.”
“Doesn’t matter, nobody here is any good. You’ll fit right in!” She gulped down more.
“I’d really rather not.”
She threw a paw in the air. “You’re gonna poo-poo the wedding, and not even dance at the reception? Why did you even come, if you’re not gonna have a good time?”
“Hey, you don’t need to dance to have a good time! And... and I didn’t...” He bit his lip.
Judy rolled her eyes and hopped out onto the floor, leaving him looking at his feet. She finished her drink and slammed it down onto a tray, loosening her tie. If he was going to be a stick in the mud again, let him! This was a happy day, and she was going to be happy.
Nick found a table near the floor, and nursed a series of drinks. He tried to focus on his phone, or the happy couple, or his coworkers, or a patch of space just to the left of Judy, where he could see her in his peripheral vision. Not her though. He definitely wasn’t looking at her.
He passed time by rating the music choices, his sensibilities frequently offended.
“Oasis? Ruined by college douchebags with guitars.”
“'Kiss Me'? I think we just hit maximum barfy cliche levels.”
“Zoo2’s ‘One’? Have they actually heard the lyrics? This song isn’t romantic at all!”
“You’re right.” Sheila sat down in the seat next to him with a heavy thump. “In fact, it’s about the writer’s painful relationship with his father. And it’s my way of giving the middle finger to my father, who said I’d never be happy without a man.” She flashed him a pleasant smile.
Nick blinked. “Oh... that’s... a good reason then.” He sipped his rum and coke. “Um, congratulations, Sheila.”
She mussed his headfur with her huge hand. “It’s ok. I almost wish we were still speaking, so I could give the middle finger in person, but this is close enough.” She gestured with her trunk to the crowd. “Enough talking about him, why are you sitting around here? I just danced eight songs in a row, what’s your excuse?”
Nick watched Judy dancing, hopping around energetically as the song changed to something faster-paced. “My bones are a little too creaky, I think. It’s for the younger crowd.”
She raised an eyebrow. “I’m 40. What are you, 35?”
“33...fine. I just can’t dance well. No rhythm at all. You should have seen me at Gazelle’s concert.”
“And that’s stopping any of these other people? This is my wedding, pal,” she said, giving him a playful expression. “I get to boss people around. Plus, you’re not exactly being subtle about the way you’re staring.”
He started, standing up straight in his seat and swigging his glass. “I don’t know what you’re implying, ma’am.”
She shook her head ponderously. “I think denial is a tiny mammal thing. You know she’s looked your way too, right? Go dance with her, have a good time. Finish your drink first, hopefully you’ll be more tolerable.”
He downed it and hopped down off the chair, stalking towards the floor. “Fine.”
“And don’t get stepped on!” Sheila called, sipping her beer with a smile. “Good luck, you little prick,” she muttered. She hummed along with the song, flipping the bird in the air to nowhere in particular.
Judy bounced up and down as Nick reached her. They were in a cordoned-off corner of the dance floor reserved for smaller animals; Clawhauser was dancing with her as best he could on the large animals side. They both waved Nick over, Clawhauser lifting the rope for him to pass under.
“Nicky! Glad you made it here!”
“Look who it is, Mr. Too Cool for School!” Judy poked him in the side, giggling. “You know, I don’t think there was much iced tea at all in that drink! That bartender needs to learn to mix more evenly.”
Nick pursed his lips. “How many of those have you had, Carrots? I’m not used to being the most coordinated one on the floor.” He gave a little sashay, wiggling his tail.
“Psssssssssh!” Judy practically spat in his face giving a raspberry. “I’ll have you know I did both ballet and taek--taykw--martial arts as a kid. Dance-off, right now. I’ll kick your tail!”
Neither of them had much natural rhythm, and they both were drunk. But sometimes exuberance is key, and Judy was unrestrained and enjoying herself. She set the pace for the crowd, hopping and spinning, and Nick couldn’t keep up. He was getting dizzy even at half her pace.
“Alright Carrots, you win. I can’t do this, I’m getting nauseous.” He slowed and bent over, catching his breath.
Judy gave a celebratory hop. “Ha! Ballet, you’ve served me well again!” She tried to stand on tiptoe, but fell over. Nick grinned and gave her his hand to help her up.
The music slowed down, shifting to a romantic wedding standard. The guests paired up, starting a slow dance; Clawhauser grinned and vanished, looking for someone. Judy stood up and gave Nick a sly look. “No backing out of this one, Slick.”
He sighed. “I guess, if we’re already holding hands.” He stepped close to her, and put his hands on her shoulders; she put hers on his hips. They started rocking along with the song, circling slowly with Judy in the lead. Their eyes met as the music swelled.
“I feel wonderful, because I see the light shining in your eyes...”
Nick felt something snap inside. He took a deep breath, and smiled. “Carrots...you were right. I’m sorry.”
Judy smirked. “About dancing? Of course I was, you grouchy goof.”
He couldn’t decide if he was crushed or relieved. He shook his head. “You’re really out of it, huh?”
She giggled. “Mayyyyybe a little. Hey, I’m not driving! A bunny can have a good time, once in a while. Maybe a fox should learn to loosen up more.” She gave him a wink. “You’re cuter this way.”
“Cute-ER, huh? Are you admitting you find me attractive?”
She stepped on his foot. “Less when you talk.”
“I guess I’ll shut up then.”
They kept rocking side to side. Nick looked around the swaying dance floor and spotted Sheila and Francine, sitting together and sharing a kiss. He gave a disarmed smile, and let out a little sigh.
“What? What is it?” Judy craned her head to look; even among the small mammals she was short.
“Nothing. Just thinking, maybe keeping yourself on a ball and chain isn’t so bad.”
She stepped on his foot again, glaring at him. “Ball and chain? Is that really what you’re going with?”
“Ow! Look, you can’t bully me into thinking marriage is natural or inherently healthy--” he dodged a stomp--”just that I can maybe see the positive side...” He trailed off, seeing how angry she was getting.
“Seriously? Nick, we’re having a good time. I’m not messing around, shut up if you can’t be positive about this.”
“OK, Judy, you’re drunk--”
Judy’s eyes ignited with fury, and Nick realized he’d screwed up badly.
“Oh, I’m drunk, huh? So this isn’t really my anger?”
“I didn’t mean--”
“And before, in the limo, I was irrational, lovesick, bamboozled by the media. How come you’re the only rational one, Nick?”
“Judy, I--”
“You know what, save it! I’m sick of hearing about what you think. Tonight, I’m sick of you! And your endless cynicism and refusal to just LET ME BE HAPPY. I get it, you’re smarter than everyone else, smarter than me, you’ve got it all figured out. Well you can go be smart by yourself, because I’m done for tonight.” She shoved him back, and turned and stomped away.
Nick rocked back on his heels, stunned. Eventually, he slunk away from the dance floor. He slumped into his chair next to a wide-eyed Sheila, who passed him her beer, not saying a word. He chugged it down, listening to the music end.
“I say my darling, you were wonderful tonight.”