Chapter Text
“So, I started decorating my room a few weeks ago because my grandparents want to come around and see where I live. They’re worried that I’m focusing too much on my studies and not enough on living life. They love showing people photos, so I thought, ‘Hey, what if I display photos of friends on my walls so it’s, like, evidence of me living life’? That would make them happy! So that’s what I did.” He swept his arms around, showing off his walls just like he did when he first led Maki into the room.
Maki raised an eyebrow. She wouldn’t give in to his whimsy until he finished his explanation.
“Anyway, I went to the library to print out all the photos I have on my phone. You’ve seen my camera roll. It’s mostly pics of friends, so I just selected every photo I had taken since the start of the year and deleted unrelated stuff. And boom! Out came a bunch of pictures from the library printer!” He winced. “Cost me a lot. The librarian wasn’t too happy with me hogging it, but it was worth it!”
He went on, his gestures becoming increasingly more manic and exaggerated, “I took all the photos home. It wasn’t until I got here and started sorting through ‘em that I noticed…that, uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck, adamantly not looking at Maki. “Well, I had a lot of pictures of you. Like, a lot. A weirdly high amount. I tried to put them all up but it started looking like a stalker’s room before long, and I hadn’t even gone through half of them yet! So, what was I meant to do?”
Probably rhetorical, but, “Choose just a couple of pictures of us, then get rid of the rest?”
“Yeah…that’s what I thought too. But here’s the thing, Maki Roll…I-” A jolt of electricity seemed to run through him as he suddenly placed his hands on Maki’s frigid shoulders. The automatic protest died on her tongue as she looked into his eyes.
She had never seen him look so afraid.
“I…I felt…weird, looking at photos of you. I have a lot of them, but whenever I’d try to look at them, I’d feel…I dunno, guilty? Like I wasn’t allowed to?”
Maki blinked. She responded with a faint scowl, not knowing how else to respond to such a strange statement. “Why would you feel guilty?”
“You’re just…really…” Finally, he looked her directly in the eyes and tightened his grip on her shoulders. “…pretty, you know? There, I said it. You’re pretty, okay? And I know I shouldn’t think like that, since you’re my sidekick and all, but!! Hear me out, okay? I reckon that if we…keep those photos of you hidden away or somethin’ and I don’t look at you for too long, then everything’ll work out! You’ll see! Nothing has to change!!”
His voice got more and more panicked as he continued to ramble. Through it all, his hands never left Maki’s shoulders. The warm weight grounded her through this bizarre dream where Kaito said she was pretty(!?).
Kaito searched the assassin’s eyes for any response. Any emotion. Anything. Maki knew that she was supposed to react – that this was the moment to either slap him in the face or smush his stupid face onto hers – but…
“Uh,” Maki said.
Fuck. What was that?? Could I really not think of anything better to say!?
But in her defence, what was there to say? To summarise Kaito’s rambling, what he said was essentially:
- He didn’t realise how many photos of Maki he had on his phone until he printed them
- Putting them on his walls made him feel like a stalker
- He didn’t throw them away because…reasons???
- He thought Maki was pretty and felt guilty looking at those photos for that reason
Wait. That last one…
“Why would you feel guilty about thinking I’m pretty?” Maki’s simple question cut through Kaito’s obvious panic, snapping his eyes to hers. She continued, “You have pictures of you with Kaede and even girls from other classes like Nevermind and Asahina. And I’m sure you find them pretty.”
She felt a little bitter saying that, to be honest. But it was true. Maki could tell when Kaito liked a girl’s looks, even if he wasn’t that obvious to others; he’d smooth back his hair, add an extra sparkle to his grin—little things, but noticeable to Maki.
Plus, there was the fact that Kaito tended to like a particular type of girl: open, friendly, outgoing, and, let’s be honest, gorgeous. They usually gave out their smiles freely and lived their lives in the sunlight, unashamed to be themselves.
In other words, Kaito’s type didn’t match Maki at all. And she had known that for a while. Even if he did find her to be passably pretty, that didn’t mean that he liked her or anything, right?
Right?
“Uh, right. Yeah. They are pretty and all, I guess. But it’s fine for me to find them pretty! Everybody does!”
“Does that mean nobody else should find me pretty other than you?”
“Wh-What?? No no no! You’re pretty! You’re gorgeous, actually! More people should think that way about you, really!”
“Um. Okay?”
“God dammit, why is this so hard? I just…I don’t want anything to change, y’know? Because once a guy admits that a girl is pretty, then they gotta date, right?”
That hit a nerve.
“And you don’t want to date me.”
“Yeah—I mean, no—wait, hold on…I gotta think this through…”
Maki watched the astronaut as he sat – more like collapsed – onto his bed. He held his head in his hands, hung down in shame like a dead man walking. Maki could practically see a dark cloud smothering him with despair.
Did this reaction fill her with any particular emotion? Sure. If she were to be specific, she’d say that she felt confused. Shocked. Anxious.
Worried.
“Kaito.” She sat down next to him, the mattress sagging under their shared weight. Kaito stiffened and didn’t reply. Maki sighed and continued, “You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.”
What did she mean by ‘it’ exactly? Well, it could be any number of things, she reasoned. But whatever it is, it’s probably not pleasant, and it looks like he needs more time to figure out…whatever is going on here.
Contrary to popular belief, Maki wasn’t cruel. She wasn’t just in love with him – she cared about him, and admittedly, she was willing to let go of her vicious curiosity about what the hell was going on here. But only if it meant he would give her an answer eventually.
Just not now.
Kaito heaved, his hands starting to tremble as he took them away from his face, looking at Maki with eyes of relief.
“Y-Yeah? You really mean that?”
Time to return to the usual routine if we’re going to salvage this evening. Maki eye-rolled – mostly an act – and said, “Yes. We don’t have to go into why you think calling me p-pretty is the end of the world.” Ugh, she was so hoping that she could say that without stuffing up. So what if she couldn’t stay completely calm at the fact that her long-time crush found her pretty? Sue her for being human!
To seal the deal, she gave him a well-meaning pat on the back. Judging by his ‘oof!’, it was juuust a bit stronger than she meant. A few seconds of contemplative silence followed.
Then, Kaito nodded to himself. “It’s not cowardly to…wait for the right time for something. And I think that whatever it is I’m feeling…” He looked straight at her, his gaze cutting into her widened eyes, “…deserves to be said when I know exactly what to say. You know? And I can’t give ya that right now. I’m sorry.”
Before Maki could reply – state that she was willing to wait, murmur she probably felt his feelings too, or even beg to just please please please let her know how he felt about her because she was going to explode if he didn’t – Kaito leapt off the bed and back onto the beanbag.
“Now, then!” He grinningly got the remote control and turned on the TV screen that had fallen asleep. “We gotta finish this, right, Maki Roll?”
It was only because she loved him that she found the strength to take a deep breath, sit on the beanbag next to him, and say, “Whatever. Just play it before I fall asleep.”
He whined and argued that Interstellar was one of the greatest movies ever. But she didn’t hear him. All she could think was:
So, wait…what is he going to do with all those pictures of me?
A few days later, he gave his answer by presenting her with a large scrapbook. It was apparently for her birthday – “A whole 4 months before it because I’m just that cool of a hero, sidekick!” – and she accepted it silently.
If he wanted to justify it as a super-early birthday present, then fine. She’d be gracious enough to give him that.
Because as she flipped through the pages, she realised through the sheer amount of photos and how carefully they were presented that the feelings Kaito had trouble articulating? The answer Maki was so curious about?
“It’s all here, clear as day,” she murmured with a smile.