Chapter Text
Pela froze in her tracks as she looked at the tremendous line that had formed in front of her regular bookstore. Today was supposed to be the latest release in the Tales of the Winterlands series, but that was never a huge event. Peeking around for any sign of a clue, her eyes landed on a billboard that screamed at all passersby to get in line. Literally. The billboard had eyes and was moving, and where the hell it had come from, Pela didn’t know. Belobog didn’t have those, just some strange trash can creatures that didn’t exist until the Astral Express had shown up. Nonetheless, the billboard was promoting something about a special signed edition by the authors themselves—
“OH MY GOD!” Pela screeched, drawing annoyed looks from those around her. “I need this.”
Swiftly, the Intelligence Officer sprinted to find the end of the line, eagerly bouncing on her toes with joy. To its credit, the line was rapidly shrinking, but she could see the stack of books getting ever smaller. The sales clerk was chatting animatedly with his assistant as the line shrank, and when Pela finally reached the front…
“Oh! So sorry ma’am, but we’ve just run out — Miss Pela?”
“Sampo motherfucking Koski?” Pela asked, more out of habit than anything. There was no mistaking that dark blue hair anywhere, those eyes that had already calculated your entire net worth, that devious smirk that promised to rob you blind and make you thank him for doing so. “What are you doing here?”
“Is this some title you people have given me?” Sampo grumbled, flipping the store’s sign to ‘Closed’. “And if you really must know, I am running a sale! I’ve gone legit.”
“Right, and Belobog has beaches. Show me your license to sell.”
“It’s right here,” Sampo said confidently, producing a sheet of paper. “Signed and sealed by the Supreme Guardian herself.”
Pela snatched the sheet away from the conman, quickly scanning it over. Everything seemed to be in place, and sure enough, Bronya’s seal was firmly pressed next to her signature. Either Sampo had truly gone legit, or he had some incredible blackmail on Bronya to get her to do this.
“Alright, fine,” Pela admitted, handing back the license. “You’re legit. But what do you mean you’re out of books?”
“I mean what I say, and I say what I mean,” Sampo explained, offering a small bow in apology. “We’re out. Turns out, authors' signatures are worth a fortune to some people! I’ll have to wait a day or two for the next shipment to arrive, but I promise you Miss Pela, you will be the first to receive a copy!”
“That’s… great! Thank you so—”
“For a price.”
“Shit.”
As the conversation was going on, the crowd behind them had grown, and Sampo was forced to repurpose the billboard from ‘sales mode’ to ‘harassment mode’. Within seconds, the billboard screeched and hissed at all the bystanders and chased them off, leaving Pela alone with the new businessman. He clasped his hands together and smiled broadly, masking the menacing aura emitting off his form.
“It’s very simple,” Sampo began to explain. “You help me tomorrow with my side hustles, and I’ll get you a free copy from the next shipment!
“Of course there’s a side hustle,” Pela groaned. “What is it?”
“You won’t have to put yourself out. We just have to go to Everwinter Hill and grab a few Fragmentum monsters… fragments. Think you’re up for it?”
“I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”
“Youngsters, always so distrustful.”
“How old are you?”
Pela wrapped her arms around her torso as she shivered, trekking up Everwinter Hill; skipping a few paces in front of her was Sampo, clad in his usual skimpy attire (really, what kind of outfit needed hip windows?). Refusing to be outdone, she picked up her pace and willed her body to stop shivering, although she did relent and pull out a scarf.
“Doing alright, madam?” Sampo asked, walking backwards and snapping off pieces of monsters as he went. “We can always turn back!”
“I am not a ‘madam’, I am a respectable young lady!” Pela protested, wrapping her scarf tighter. “That said, why do we need monsters from here? There are legions of them just below!”
“The ones here sell for more. Something about having special properties that let them brave the extreme cold for longer. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
And the intelligence officer of the Silvermane Guards was well inclined to agree; with each piece snapped off a monster, the chilly feeling of being watched grew stronger. The bag they’d brought along was almost full, but the businessman seemed to be looking for something specific, oftentimes inspecting a creature and walking away immediately.
To Pela’s horror, however, Sampo kept walking further and further up the hill, where the greatest horrors were said to rest (or so Bronya had reported). If he were to disturb those sculptures… would they make it out of there alive? Risking nothing, Pela fired off a quick text to Lynx, begging her to remember her fondly. And also to send Gepard, if possible.
“We’re here!” Sampo announced happily, turning around and gesturing grandly. “Behold, Miss Pela, the peak of Everwinter Hill, where the late Supreme Guardian dispelled the Eternal Winter!”
Pela’s jaw dropped as she took in the sight around her. The scenery was serenely quiet, undisturbed by human footsteps as snow collected around various statues. The sun's light shined harshly, peeking through a rare gap in the clouds that constantly hovered over Belobog.
“Alright, now for the legal business,” Sampo declared, pulling out a camera from his pouch. “Miss Pela, if you would, please, take a few photos of me!”
“Huh?”
“The truth is, the authors didn’t allow me to sell their books just on the basis of money,” Sampo explained. “They wanted me to star in a few adverts, where I’m the main focus. Apparently, I am strikingly similar in appearances to the character named Adrian, so a few promotional images would help. And I need a hardcore fan to guide the photos, so you are the only one I can turn to!”
“Oh. I mean… sure. A lot of Adrian’s popular scenes involve another character, though, and I can’t say I fit the bill—”
“Pela!”
The pair turned around, peering down the slope of Everwinter Hill. Marching up, shield in hand, was Gepard, looking awfully concerned. He came to a stop just beside the intelligence officer, giving the merchant standing around a glance of thinly veiled disgust.
“I got Lynx’s text. Is everything alright?” the captain of the Silvermane Guards asked. “She said Sampo had stolen you away.”
Sampo and Pela turned to each other, and she was almost certain he was trying to find some way to lie his way out of this dilemma. But as she turned back to Gepard, and took in the fact that yes, he was fairly attractive, an idea popped into her head.
“Gepard… it’s true, I do need your help,” Pela said sweetly, flashing Gepard a dangerous smile. “How good are you with photos?”
“Ooh, you finally got that book you’ve been talking about!” Lynx said excitedly, walking arm in arm with Pela. “How long did you have to wait?”
“I was the first in line, actually!” Pela replied, eagerly flipping through the book. “And it’s a signed copy! To think Sampo motherfucking Koski was useful for once…”
“You bought this off Sampo? I’m surprised it’s legit… hey, there’s art on the back!”
“Ah, Lynx, wait—!
There was no stopping the intrepid explorer as she turned the book around and froze in shock, for plastered on the back of the cover in clear full color art, was her brother and Sampo Koski posing together as lovers. Gepard had scooped Sampo into his arms, gazing longingly into the thief’s eyes, while Sampo was visibly swooning at their contact. And written in small print at the bottom right corner was the credit to the photographer: Pela of the Silvermane Guards, Intelligence Officer.
“Wh— is that Geppie?! And Sampo motherfucking Koski?!”
“It’s… not as bad as it looks?”
“They’re about to kiss!”
“Ok, it’s pretty bad.”