Chapter Text
ANNOUNCEMENT TO STAFF, MARCH 12TH
Reports of a suspicious unknown individual have recently come up, so we would like to make everybody aware. As of yet, there was been no signs of aggression or any incidents, but we urge all staff to exercise caution and report anything suspicious to the guards.
They are believed to be male, fairly tall and tend to slouch as they walk. They were spotted wearing a black balaclava and sunglasses, with dark trousers and a dark jacket.
Please report any sightings and press the emergency alarm without hesitation.
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Comments
March 12th
11:45 blooksock: How the hell does a tall man wearing a balaclava enter Laplace with no issues?
11:56 DrClaude: Is it maybe just an escaped artificial somnambulism patient?
13:32 justanengineer: I bet it’s X and an unfortunate victim in a trench coat or something.
23:57 Ulrich2: It was Adler.
March 13th
00:05 Enigma: Considering your lack of a mouth, you really like to keep running it.
00:06 Ulrich2: Keep denying it all you like, Adler, but we both know who the real culprit is.
00:09 Enigma: Do you need to get your glass cleaned? How could you mistake a man in a balaclava with me?
00:10 Ulrich2: Simple- because it *IS* you. And no, I don’t need to get any part of myself cleaned for I already exercise basic hygiene, unlike some people I know.
00:10 Enigma: Excuse me?
00:11 Ulrich2: No, I shan’t.
00:11 Enigma: Maybe that excessive cleaning has wiped away any semblance of common decency and intelligence alongside the dust, for only someone as pedantic as you would be able to ignore all signs and implicate me for no reason.
00:12 Ulrich2: Are we really going to play this game, Adler? Fine, you ignorant human.
00:12 Ulrich2: First of all, ‘common decency’ is not a trait that can be washed away by physical actions. Perhaps intelligence can, for knocking someone out may impede on their neurological functions, but it cannot be scrubbed away like dirt.
00:13 Enigma: Do you know what a metaphor is? Clearly you possess neither common decency nor a field of view wide enough to be able to interpret literary devices.
00:13 Enigma: And I do exercise basic hygiene.
00:15 Ulrich2: Says the man who is so obsessed with ‘logic’. I tell you one slightly ambitious plan and you shoot it down, telling me that it’s an ‘illogical pipe dream.’ I’ll tell you what a real pipe dream is- getting you to cut your damn hair.
00:16 Ulrich2: Yes, *basic* hygiene. The bare minimum. Again showing your fantastically minimalist effort in everything that you do.
00:17 Enigma: Well, forgive me for thinking that the idea of having ‘floors that charge you and your devices as you walk’ is one of the most stupid ideas I have ever heard. I don’t care if you think I’m stubborn for that; it’s ridiculous. It’s not like most people will die if they walk over a voltage covered floor. And you’re a cryptologist, not an engineer!
00:17 Enigma: There is nothing wrong with my hair.
00:17 Ulrich2: It’s too long. And,
00:18 Enigma: Why do you care? You’re bald.
00:18 Ulrich2: -first of all, how dare you say that idea out loud? That was an idea I said to only you in confidentiality and I expected that you'd at least have the consideration to not to blab about it. Secondly, this idea is not ridiculous and it could be a revolutionary development in Laplace. And yes, I said it with the basic understanding that a high voltage is lethal to many living beings. Your shallow-minded, straw-man interpretation of my suggestion shows exactly how ridiculous your logic is- you are
00:19 Enigma: You forgot the rest of your sentence. Are you realising how foolish your idea is?
00:20 Ulrich2: ignoring the idea behind my words in favour of being 'right'. So when I said this, it was under the assumption that we figure out these problems. Focus on the forest, not the trees, as the *literary saying* goes, yes? I'm unsure you, Adler of most profound literary knowledge, know of this phrase since you never practise it. And why are you so against it? Are you jealous of my innovation?
00:21 Enigma: Did you run out of characters?
00:21 Ulrich2: I did not forget, I ran out of characters.
00:21 Ulrich2: Yes.
00:21 Ulrich2: I’m glad you at least have that much deductive skill.
00:22 Enigma: I think you’ll find that it’s ‘not seeing the forest for the trees’.
00:22 Ulrich2: All you did was prove my point.
00:23 Ulrich2: I am not bald. I do not possess hair to begin with. Do you call a reptile ‘bald’? No.
00:23 Enigma: You are humanoid in appearance therefore if we are comparing states of hair, you would classify as bald.
00:24 Ulrich2: Would you rather see me with hair on my body?
00:27 Ulrich2: Again, the feeble human body has succumbed to sleep.
00:27 Enigma: No, I was just imagining you with hair.
00:28 Enigma: To answer your question, I suppose not. However, the fact remains that you are bald.
00:29 Ulrich2: It seems that you are unable to store any information in your short term memory. I am not ‘bald’, I simply don’t have hair.
00:29 Enigma: You’re bald.
00:30 Ulrich2: Do you call a hairless cat bald? No.
00:30 Enigma: So you’re naked.
00:30 Ulrich2: What is wrong with you, Adler? No, I’m not naked. If a human shaves, they are not naked provided they are wearing clothes.
00:30 Enigma: Are you wearing clothes or is that just your skin?
00:31 Ulrich2: I’m not answering that.
00:31 Enigma: Then I win.
00:31 Ulrich2: The absence of a loss is not a win. It is like Schrödinger’s Cat, except as a win/loss.
00:32 Enigma: You didn’t win either.
00:32 Ulrich2: No, I did.
00:32 Enigma: What??
00:33 Ulrich2: I am not naked. I am not bald. End of the story.
00:33 Ulrich2: Also your hair still needs cutting. I am bothered by your incessant hair flicking. Just trim it.
00:34 Enigma: You’re bothered? Why? Are you so easily distracted by me that you can’t bare to even see me move my hand in your peripheral vision?
00:34 Ulrich2: I am bothered because it blocks your eyes, causing you to make stupid mistakes and spend more time shoving away strands than writing.
00:35 Enigma: I don’t believe you. Speaking of jealousy, for which I possess none, I do think that maybe you do for my hair.
00:36 Ulrich2: There is nothing to envy. Are you insinuating that I want you to cut your hair because I want to see your face and eyes? I know it is your bedtime, but you need to wake up from your dreaming.
00:36 Enigma: I did not say tyat
00:36 Enigma: I don’t wantto see you anyway
00:36 Enigma: And I would never dream about you unless it was you falling over.
00:37 Ulrich2: My, my. How compassionate of you, wishing my doom! I should have known that your idea of a dream is wishing my demise.
00:37 Ulrich2: You spelt ‘that’ incorrectly and you forgot a space and full-stop.
00:38 Enigma: Excuse me? I said I wanted you to fall over, not die!
00:38 Enigma: Did you just ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗing spell check me?
00:39 Ulrich2: What is that? Is this one of your made-up words that spawned from your awful mind?
00:39 Enigma: I don’t know? And no, that is obviously not a word. How would you even pronounce it?
00:39 Ulrich2: You tell me.
00:40 Enigma: Well if even Mr Ulrich can’t figure it out, how is this useless, washed-up scientist going to?
00:40 Ulrich2: Yes that’s true.
00:41 Enigma: Wow. Okay. That’s it?
00:41 Ulrich2: Yes. I know where to acknowledge my shortcomings, Adler.
00:42 Enigma: I’m going to bed.
00:42 Ulrich2: Dream about me.
00:42 Enigma: WhtA?
00:43 Ulrich2: You must be very tired to type such a simple word wrong. Rest up so you can actually be useful tomorrow.
00:43 Enigma: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ you; I’m going to dream about your printer breaking.
00:43 Ulrich2: Oh, did you figure out what it meant? Also how ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗing dare you?
00:44 Ulrich2: Fine, sleep then, Adler.
08:19 YingX2: Oh my god what did I just read. Is this even allowed?
08:36 G.Miller: Two of the smartest people in Laplace can’t figure out what DMs are.
08:55 Moricles: *and emoticons/censorship
09:13 photonparticle: What intense rivals! They can really argue about anything.
09:48 qiisaa: You mean lovers?
10:51 photonparticle: What? Really? I wasn’t going to mention the tension haha.
11:26 Creeptologist: You must be new here;;
11:27 XtheoneandonlyX: Do you want to know about 2 months ago?
11:32 photonparticle: How can I say no to that?
11:33 Reisaray: Please tell me.
11:37 MedPoc: Don’t make me relive that ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ.
11:40 Anonymous: Good morning, this a notice that this thread will be frozen and archived as it is no longer a productive source of discussion. Thank you for your understanding.
11:40 XtheoneandonlyX: No, this is very productive!
11:40 Ulrich2: Excuse me? I’m going to find you, qiisaa, photonparticle, Reisaray and XtheoneandonlyX.
This thread has been archived and can no longer be commented on.