Chapter Text
Author's note: if you've read Chapter 5 of It's Never Been an Option , you've already read this work. This series includes a chronological version of that work.
October 2023 – between Lincoln and Kansas City, Missouri
“You keep going for family,” Joel said.
“I’m not family.” Ellie assented.
“No, you’re cargo,” said Joel. Precious cargo, he thought.
Wait, what?
It must be her immunity that popped that into his head. The cure. Tess's last request.
In all fairness, she was a competent kid. They'd kinda gotten off on the wrong foot. One ridiculously small person charging with a knife and their much bigger target tossing them at a wall will do that. But she'd shaken that off and followed him and Tess home, keeping her head down. Except for that first outburst of wonder at being "actually outside," she'd been careful and quick. Till that whole thing where he killed a FEDRA officer with his bare hands, and that wasn’t really on her, given everything. Her impulsive choice to charge Officer Lee could have backfired big time, but the three of them walked away alive. And she’d kept her head in the museum, even though those were her first clickers, real up close and personal. She paid attention and took direction.
And she was a decent kid. He’d noticed that her snark and sass seemed reserved for superficial shit, or her insecurities (which he wasn’t going to pay attention to), but at go time Ellie got down to business. Joel hadn’t heard a word of (sincere) complaint about all the walking, the sleeping outside, or the difficult stuff at Bill and Frank’s compound. Which she’d insisted on helping with. The girl had quite fairly called him out for being a real asshole right after losing Tess, but her forgiveness had been instantaneous with no hard feelings.
The kid had good instincts for getting along with people, or at least him. When she asked him about Before and the Outbreak, she didn’t seem particularly mindful of how it might have affected him personally (which was fine with him), but she’d kept it high level, not intrusive, respectful. She was learning to read him – when to instantly obey, when it was OK to needle him, when to back off. He was glad she automatically ignored his knee-jerk instructions to leave the truck's tape deck off.
Joel mentally delegated the task of fighting the boredom of the road. Secretly, he had a favorite pun already. Of fucking COURSE a mermaid wears an algae bra to math class.
The kid's made some mistakes. And, fuck knows, so have I. At least she’ll get better with practice. But I could have it a whole lot worse when it comes to cargo.
Sometimes Joel felt a painful twinge of memory when Ellie said some 14-year-old girl thing, or when he caught himself helping her with something. Followed by a spark of resentment at the kid, which he immediately suppressed. It wasn’t fair to her. Ellie didn't know what her mere presence was bringing up.
She didn't ask for this any more than I did. Way less if I'm bein' fair. Waitin' days to turn? I know hard men who'd probably lose their shit. Maybe she did -- Not my problem. Point is, she was just fuckin' around like teenagers do. And Christ, did she pay.
It would only take a few days to drive to Wyoming. It was natural to be settling into this mode. He was just looking after someone else’s kid for awhile, using the buried habits of the father he’d once been. He could do that, for a few days. For a week at most.
~*~
October 2023 – Kansas City
“Must be nice to have someone closer to your own age around,” Joel suggested to Ellie. He’d noticed a lightness about her that he hadn’t seen before. Seemed to be pickin’ up sign language from Sam quick enough. Her being a smart kid wasn't exactly news at this point.
“You too,” she answered. And then, “Of course Henry’s not real close to your age. He has the ability to get out of a chair silently. But he is an adult.”
Ellie waited for Joel to give here a side-eye or fake asshole grumble, but none came.
“Listen, Ellie.” Nope, this was what she was starting to recognize as Joel’s you probably picked up on this but I’m gonna say it tone.
Noticing Joel had angled his face away from Sam’s lip-reading sight line, Ellie turned an ear toward him, but discreetly so that it wouldn’t look like a big deal if Henry or Sam saw.
“Henry’s a smart guy,” said Joel. “But when it comes to fightin’ and infected, he’s green. I want you to be real careful about listenin’ to him if I’m not around. If it’s about who’s who around here, or where the sewers and roads lead, listen to him. If it’s about fightin’, trust your instincts if I’m not there.”
“Got it,” Ellie said. “He woke us up with his safety on.”
“Might’ve known you’d pick up on that,” said Joel. “Adult or not, I’ll stick with the sidekick I’ve got.”
“If that was trying to be poetry, it was tragic,” snarked Ellie. “But thanks.”
~*~
October 2023 – Not Far West of Kansas City
“For what it’s worth, you handled things pretty damned great back there,” said Joel. Seriously, this kid. Makin’ her way through a cloud of infected with nothin’ but her Mama’s switchblade.
“I knew you had me,” said Ellie. Joel nodded. At this point he couldn’t imagine not having her back. For as long as – well, up to some vague future when they found the Fireflies, or Tommy.
“You gotta teach me to use that rifle.” Joel did not nod this time, grumbling something about “too heavy, find a cut-down shotgun."
“Back at the motel, not so much,” said Ellie. Joel would be fucking pissed that I knew Sam was infected and didn’t say anything. I should’ve thought how dangerous it was to Joel and Henry. Not that it mattered for Henry.
“You’re still here. That’s what matters,” said Joel. “I let Henry hold me off with that gun he barely knew how to shoot instead of getting’ to you. I’m sorry.” I’m sorry for all of it. I know you know that.
When it was just them in the hotel, with the two bleeding bodies of their friends, Joel had muttered “Oh God” and finally rushed to Ellie’s side, kneeling in spite of his knees. She’d been sitting on the floor, frozen in the position where she’d just watched Henry pull the trigger on himself. Frozen except for the tears streaming down her face. Desperate to comfort Ellie and see for himself that she was uninjured, he’d hesitated before touching her. So far, their physical contact was limited to helping each other with tasks and the occasional high five. So Joel had put his arms around her as if to help her up. But on pure instinct he’d briefly squeezed her in what was halfway between a side hug and one from behind, letting his chin rest briefly on the top of her head. Ellie had leaned into the gesture and he’d badly wanted to wipe her tears away, but had held off. Instead, he’d fished a cloth out of his pocket and handed it to her. The spell broken, Ellie’d pivoted toward him, and wiped her tears with an “I’m fine.” Then had accepted his hand to help her up.
“Thanks for agreeing to bury them,” said Ellie. “It was a big effort just for cargo.”
“Don’t call yourself that anymore,” Joel quietly insisted. Ellie nodded, with a swallow. “Was I unclear about promotin’ you to sidekick?”
Perking up a bit, Ellie ventured, “Wellll in that case, let’s talk about the upgrade to my rights and privileges…”
Joel spent a few minutes enjoying what was probably a temporary lift in Ellie’s spirits. Then he made a token attempt to convince himself that the fear, the terror he felt at any danger to Ellie was about his memories, or just his responsibility as her caretaker. Of course his heart was gonna hit the floor of Bill’s truck when he crashed it with a 14-year-old girl in the back seat. Tellin' himself these things was futile, he knew. Up in that window with the rifle, and in that motel room with Sam and Henry, he hadn’t been thinking of redemption, or protecting the cure, or some bullshit like that. He’d been thinking of Ellie. Herself.
It would now take weeks to get to Wyoming. Months if they had to walk the whole way. Just looking after someone else’s kid for a little while, and then packing away this dad mode again? Talk about futile. Not with Ellie. All he could do was to be there for her, but try to keep some distance, some boundary deep inside, so it didn’t end him. And do it without hurting her, hopefully. But if he had to hurt her, it would be for her own good.
Maybe they’d find another vehicle. Speed things up. But in the meantime, he needed something to occupy them.
"They teach languages in that FEDRA school? Spanish?"