Chapter Text
Hal was shaken awake in the middle of the night by Barry, blearily blinking up to find Barry's face inches away from his.
"There's a cool stargazing spot about ten minutes away, do you want to come?" Hal doesn't fully understand what he's being asked.
"Are you asking me on a date?" he mumbles, swatting at Barry's head when he laughs.
"Maybe not today hotshot, we met a week ago,"
Hal grumbles, but by the amused look in Barry's eyes, the fond little smile, he thinks he may have somewhat of a chance.
After shrugging on his winter coat and boots, he reluctantly steps into the snow, following Barry into the woods as the two of them trudge up the hill.
"How do I know you're not a serial killer?"
"If I wanted to kill you, I would've done it when you were asleep, less messy, more efficient," Barry also sounds a little bleary, stumbling a little as he walks up the path.
The clearing that Barry leads him to dispels any serial killer related thoughts from his mind. It's a clearing near the edge of the mountain they're on, looking out across the entirety of the Himalayas.
"That mountain's supposed to be haunted," Barry finds a rock to perch on top off, folding his legs up to his chin.
"And your reaction to finding that out was to drag me up here?" despite his grumbling, Hal sits down next to Barry, feet dangling over the edge.
"I thought you'd like to see it," Barry whispers, "There's a temple up there that used to be an old pilgrimage site,"
Hal whistles, "Really?"
"Yeah, really." Barry seems like he's still in some sort of a daze, "If you went up to the peak, walked the entire path it was supposed to allow you to make one singular wish,"
"Why's it haunted then?"
Barry shrugs, "Don't know, people have heard strange noises there, screams and moans, objects moved to different places overnight,"
"Do you think we can make a wish from here?" Hal fishes a rupee out of his pocket, "maybe we could toss a coin into the valley, like a wishing well,"
Barry shakes his head, "No, don't throw it off. I just think it would've been nice to be able to do it,"
"What would you have wished for?" Hal's curious now, Barry seems like he's got his shit together, what more could he possibly want?
Barry's quiet for a long time, and Hal feels as though him trying to break the silence right now would shatter whatever conversation they were building up to.
"I think I would wish that more people stayed," is the answer that Barry settles on.
Hal frowns, it's a strange answer, "What do you mean?" In Hal's opinion, the best way to tackle a problem was to dive into it headfirst. Action first, let fear try and catch you.
"I don't think anyone has ever decided to stay for me," Barry's started to chew on the ends of his nails, teeth clacking as they snip at his nails. "I don't really think it's their fault either, but there's always been someone better for them, someone more important, something worth chasing," he goes quiet for a bit, "I don't blame them, I'd never want to stand in the way of their happiness, but I just wish that sometimes they'd choose me," he sighs, "I know its selfish, sorry its really stupid, I don't know why I'm trauma dumping on someone I met a week ago,"
Hal doesn't think its stupid, he gently places his hand on top of Barry's, squeezing it softly. "It's not stupid, actually I often feel the opposite way, that I'm not good enough to be a stable partner for anyone. I'm the one and done guy, and that reputation seems to have followed me around the circles I tend to run in,"
"Is it by choice?"
The question takes Hal by surprise, "Is what by choice?"
"Do you intend to leave people heartbroken and strung out, to have a reputation as the 'one and done guy' or is it more of a 'If I stay, I will disappoint people,' thing?"
Hal doesn't really know what to say, "I don't know, I guess?"
Barry hums, "Maybe you should stop being so afraid of failure,"
Hal scoffs, "Me? Please I'm not afraid of anything, man without fear over here,"
"Really, because to me it seems like there's a lot of things you're afraid of, rejection, commitment, failure,"
Hal doesn't respond for a long time; he hasn't talked to anyone like this in years, the closest he'd ever gotten was with his father before he died.
"I don't know," is all he manages to say, he's never been asked something like this before. Everyone before him had simply taken his flighty nature as a given.
The two of them sit in a comfortable silence for a little while. "I suppose it's alright not to know things, we're still figuring things out,"
Hal's never been on the other side of the dragging your friend back home after a night out drinking equation, but he's silently apologizing to everyone he terrorized back in college.
He's dragging a sleepy, extremely drunk Barry back to their shared tent after the poor decision to go to another campfire drink-up. Somehow, he managed to get Barry into the tent and onto his sleeping bag, letting him flop onto the ground like a dead fish, ignoring the disgruntled groan.
He stared down at Barry, his jacket, snow pants and boots were absolutely covered in rapidly melting snow. He would definitely fall ill if Hal left him covered in snow, but also, he didn't want to think about the awkward conversation they'd have to have if Barry woke up in the middle of him undressing him.
As he was debating stripping his friend, hands hovering above him, he saw Barry's eyes flick open. "s'you can take them off," he mumbled,
"Pretty boys can take my clothes off aaanytime," he giggled, poking Hal in the chest, "and you're a veeery pretty boy,"
Hal felt a blush slowly creeping up his neck and across his cheeks, "Okay Prince Charming," he muttered, slowly shucking Barry's jacket off of his shoulders and sliding his boots and pants off of his legs. He swallowed when he saw the sweat-slick thermals he'd been left in. Damn, he had more muscle than Hal had initially assumed, the urge to reach out and run his hand across Barry's stomach crossing his mind before he insistently squashed it down.
"How about we get you into bed huh?" he asked, trying to be as quiet as possible, "You're going to have a hell of a headache in the morning," he tried not to smile at Barry's annoyed little groan, laughing to himself as Barry flopped onto his back.
"Why'd you let me drink so much," he groaned, "You're responsible if I end up throwing up all over you in the middle of the night,"
Hal rolled his eyes, "I thought you were the more responsible of the two of us," he poked Barry in the side, dodging as Barry tried to swat at him with all the grace of a toddler learning how to walk.
"m'only a year older than you," he huffed, before yawning, "but bed would be nice,"
Hal smiled, even when he was drunk off of his rocker, Barry was still adorable. "You need help getting into the bag,"
He watched in amusement as Barry tried to squirm his way into the bag before finally admitting defeat. "Yes please," he mumbled, holding his hands up for Hal to help him into the sleeping bag.
Hal sighed and picked him up, slinging one hand over his shoulder, before fumbling with the zipper of the bag. He finally managed to unzip it, and helped Barry lie down in it, before zipping it back up.
"You look like you're in one of those burritos," he teased,
"'m not a burrito," he angrily huffed, "stop teasing me,"
Hal finally relented, flopping down onto the bag next to him. He zipped himself into the bag, squirming around until he's comfortable.
"You're so nice," he hears Barry mumble, "Nice and pretty,"
Hal blushes, drunk Barry is a lot flirtier than sober Barry. It would be cute if it didn't drive all the blood in Hal's body straight down to his dick.
"Go to sleep," he says, reaching over to ruffle Barry's hair, laughing when Barry tries to headbutt his hand in protest, "You look like you need it,"
"G'night," Barry yawns, settling back into the bag.
Hal can't help but stare at him for a moment, his long lashes, the dusting of freckles across his cheeks, sandy blond hair falling across his eyes. Just looking at him makes the corners of Hal's mouth quirk up.
He smiles to himself and lays back down, counting sheep as a warm, fluttering feeling flows through his bones.
Hal's never been known for making smart decisions. Even in college, despite graduating summa cum laude, his reputation of drunken bar crawls, frequent hookups and subsequent ditching of hookups seems to have followed him. It didn't just stop there, he'd spend hundreds of dollars on alcohol almost religiously, waking up drunk in a bathtub became a regular occurrence.
He'd just managed to somewhat pull his life together, working towards becoming a Corps member with a single minded determination. Actually putting effort into something for the first time in a long while.
And he loved it, he loved the waking up in the morning to go on long runs, he loved learning about international affairs. His first love would always be space, the stars above him, the rush of being thousands of feet in the air. But the feeling of bringing parts of the world closer together, of meeting so many different kinds of people, of being able to help so many people. That came in at a close second.
Still, there were times that he did things which such impulsivity, that he questioned whether or not he was really fit to be playing such a pivotal role in people's lives.
Standing at the end of that climb, at the peak of the mountain, staring across the hills, he felt such a sense of awe. The sheer majesty of the Himalayas, the mountain range spanning so far in every direction the eye could see, Mount Everest shining in the distance. It made him feel so small, so microscopic in the grand scheme of things.
And when he looked to his side, he saw that same wonder reflected in Barry's eyes as he stared in slack jawed admiration at the view in front of him.
Hal found himself admiring the ruddy blush covering his cheeks and nose, eyes sparkling in the morning sunlight, breath puffing out in little clouds in front of him. He's never found someone as beautiful.
The moment Barry looks at him, opening his mouth to try and say something, Hal finds himself closing the distance. He stops for one brief moment, to let Barry say anything, stop Hal if he wanted to.
When Barry remains silent, staring up at him with a soft smile, Hal shoves his doubts to the side and leans in for a kiss. It's only after he finds his kiss being reciprocated with equal vigour that he realizes what a reckless decision he's made.
He's not going to be here after this trip.
He's going to be leaving for five whole years, probably to the other side of the planet.
His relationships barely ever lasted when he lived in the same building as his partners, never mind on the other side of the world.
It's hard to focus on that when Barry's kissing him so hungrily, hand snaking back to twist in Hal's hair, holding him in place. Hal wraps his arms around Barry's waist, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss.
The entire world fades away for a moment before he hears the wolf whistling coming from behind him. He turns around to see the rest of their hiking group laughing, he's certain he spots at least some money exchanging hands.
He rolls his eyes, it's hard to be mad when he's got Barry so close to him, so unimaginable warm and real.
Egged on by the whistling, he shoves the ringing alarm bells away and dips Barry down into another kiss.
There's few periods in Hal's life where he's felt happier, for the last week he's been living in an absolutely blissful glow.
Waking up every morning in the same tent as Barry, falling asleep with lecherous whispers and muffled groans. Leaning up against him as the bus trundled along, talking idly as Barry braided his hair.
"It'd be a shame to cut this," Barry comments, snapping Hal out of his reverie. He tries to tilt his head to the side, Barry's pleading whine stopping him. Half his hair is covered in braids, little plastic beads embedded along every strand.
"What do you mean?" he finally manages to ask, after being completely blindsided by the shock of realizing his entire head was covered in children's hair accessories. "Where did you even get these?"
Barry smiles impishly, "I got them from that stall on our last stop, been tying the ends with some of those glittery little silly bands as well," he lets Hal groan in displeasure before continuing, "I meant when you go to the Peace Corps, it'll be a shame to cut this again,"
Hal freezes up, "You know about that?"
Barry looks back down at him, seemingly puzzled. "Of course I do, you've got it plastered all over your clothes, besides, you said this was your last hoorah before you went somewhere, I just put the pieces together,"
Hal swallowed the lump in his throat, "You wouldn't mind?"
"Just don't leave me behind," Barry jokes, finishing up the braid he was working on, "I'm never going to stop you from chasing your dreams," he smiles at Hal with such an adoring look.
Hal just wants to cave in on himself.
Is it so selfish of him to want this to last a little longer? To have this idyllic romance for just a while more, to have this for himself.
He stays quiet, reaching his hand up to squeeze Barry's hand, pulling it down to press a gentle kiss to his knuckle.
"There's only two weeks left of the trip," he reminds Barry, who simply shrugs in response.
"Then we make the best of those two weeks, any time spent with you isn't time wasted,"
So Hal tries his best to enjoy all of it, the next two few days passing by in an idyllic haze, the guilt pushed aside, left to fester in the back of his mind. Another version of Hal Jordan could deal with that.
Apparently, the version of Hal Jordan that has to deal with the situation he's found himself in is the current version. The one watching Mumbai slowly approach on the horizon, the train trundling back towards the city.
Barry's still asleep, even though breakfast had been served over an hour ago. Normally, Hal would've woken him up, teased him a little bit and urged him to eat.
Today however, it gave him time to think. He leaned onto the barred windows, watching the world pass by, scratchy underbrush turning into villages, turning into cityscapes.
Finally, when he couldn't put it off any longer, he shook Barry awake.
"Hey sleepyhead, we've got an hour before the station, so unless you want to leave the train in your pyjamas, you better start getting ready," He pokes Barry in the stomach, getting swatted on the hand in response.
"You said you'd wake me up at seven," Barry blearily mumbles, sitting up and yawning, stretching his hands above his head. Hal swallows as his shirt rides up a little, the planes of his stomach coming into view.
Hal snapped himself out of it, this really wasn't the time to be fantasizing about the man he was going to break up with. There really was no other option in his mind, either he ended it quickly now, a clean break. Or, he strung Barry along even further, into a relationship that Hal knew, in his heart, that he couldn't keep up.
There was still that small, traitorous part of his heart that begged him not to do this, that screamed at him. 'You're happy,' it shrieked, 'why not give it a chance?' it wailed.
He shoved that part of himself deep down, turning to Barry, who, in the time Hal had taken to ponder over his decisions, had already gotten dressed.
"Are you alright?"
Hal hums, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, why?"
Barry shrugs, "You just seem upset, kind of lost in thought," he leaves the end of the sentence open, waiting for Hal to continue.
Hal didn't indulge him, turning back towards the window and stubbornly staring outside, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
"Oh, okay," he hears Barry whisper from behind him, "but just in case you change your mind..." Barry trails off, "Never mind,"
The two of them sit in a loaded silence until their train pulls up into the stations, stopping with a screeching halt. The train shudders to a stop, the car rocking beneath them as the two of them shuck their backpacks onto their shoulders.
Hal's still quiet until they get onto the platform, Barry's quiet attempts at small talk and the tour guide's farewell speech washing over him like a silent tsunami.
He turns towards Barry, and before he can say anything, Barry's shoving a piece of paper towards him.
"I don't mind the cost of international calls," Barry blurts out, "I-I really like you Hal, and if that means a slightly higher cell phone bill, then I'll make do with that," He sounds so hopeful, looking down at his shoes and fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
"No," Hal needs to make this as quick as possible, he hands the piece of paper back towards Barry. "This," he points between two of them, "Was a summer fling during a break, this was never going to be something permanent," he feels something twist inside of him as he looks at Barry's devastated expression.
"Then why didn't you say that!" Barry's also starting to get agitated now, an angry red flush starting to take over his face. "You let me ramble on about what we were going to do after this trip, and not once did you think to say, 'Oh, I'm just using you as a summer fling'!"
The anger is warranted in Hal's eyes. That doesn't stop him from turning around and walking away, trying desperately not to look back at Barry as he runs into the crowd leaving the station, hearing Barry calling after him.
The moment he gets in the taxi, he breaks down sobbing.