Chapter Text
For once, Virgil woke up to silence. Eyes still closed, he took stock of his surroundings. His mouth felt like dry cotton and the tag of the pajamas Patton had just gifted him scratched at his neck. Eventually, Virgil found the will to sit up. He stretched his arms while looking around the room.
His eyes rested on the clock reading 7:13 am. With a grumble Virgil laid back down and threw the covers back over his head. That was an awful number. Surely he could just go back to bed until a more reasonably even time. Besides, his alarm would only go off in another hour, and who was Virgil to skip out on some extra sleep?
He lay there for merely a moment before he realized that he didn't actually feel tired. Was this the power of going to sleep at a normal time? Wild.
Besides, he knows how much having a family breakfast means to Patton. Even Logan and Roman seemed to enjoy their little ritual. Besides, it is better when he gets up and going on his own instead of rushing to get ready only after Patton wakes him up.
So Virgil slinked out of his cozy bed and turned off his alarm.
Casting one last longing look to his bed, Virgil started playing his music. Virgil hit shuffle like he always does. All his music was familiar favorites, but that doesn't mean he didn't want a little bit of variety in his morning routine.
Discarding his plaid pajamas, Virgil stepped into the shower, soaking in the comfortable warmth. When he was overly anxious, he sometimes turned the shower ice cold or boiling hot to shake himself from his thoughts.
Yet Virgil had a feeling that this day was going to turn out great in the end.
Virgil hummed along to his music as he got dressed. He thought of throwing on some eyeliner just for the fun of it, but decided against it. The others might think it was weird for him to suddenly change his outfit.
That was why he had an outfit assigned for every day of the week. It was Saturday so his normal hoodie was being washed, but that's why he had a backup that looked almost identical. It lacked his normal hoodie's soft, worn in comfort though.
It was only a day, Virgil reminded himself. He could go without.
Throwing on his typical eyeshadow, Virgil grumbled as he used up the last of the pigment. He only threw something out if it was completely gone, but he had hit pan awhile ago. Today, he finished off the last of it.
I'll have to ask Patton to buy me more, Virgil thought as he threw away the container. Its a good thing that today is a shopping day.
With a shrug, Virgil went to check his calendar for the day. He always felt the need to double check what the plans were for the day. Normally nothing is planned except for chores, but his very nature of being anxiety meant he intrinsically knew that memory was fallible.
His calendar had the typical notes about it being errand day, but that wasn't all. Virgil's mood soured.
There was also a meeting between the sides about how they should move forward with Thomas' relationship with Nico. Virgil knew which side he was on for the debate. What they had going on was good, so why should they change anything?
Virgil let the next two songs finish playing before going downstairs. It was another part of his carefully constructed routine,
As he descended from the stairs, Virgil wondered if maybe he was a bit too reliant on his meaningless rituals, but he brushed off that thought. They brought him comfort, so why should anything change?
Turning to the kitchen, he saw a familiar sight. Patton whistled cheerfully as he stood by the stove, spatula in hand. Roman's voice filled the empty space as he explained the dream he had last night with wild gestures as he and Logan sat at the table. Logan's cup of coffee was already half empty while Roman's was hardly touched. He was probably too distracted telling his wild tale to remember his drink.
He normally ended up chugging the cold cup of coffee after breakfast finished and everyone went their separate ways, but he always insisted at getting a cup when he first came down. Honestly, Virgil doubted that he even liked coffee, but how could Virgil judge? The norm was a difficult thing to go against.
For his part, the logical side looked very serious while sipping his (not so secretly) sugar filled coffee. Virgil knew would probably get a second cup soon.
Virgil couldn't help the half smile creeping onto his lips at the sight. It was familiar; it was home.
Roman and Patton greeted Virgil as he joined them at the table. Not one to talk much before his coffee, Virgil nodded back. He filled his own purple mug with coffee before settling into his typical seat at the table. Content to simply listen, he let Roman's voice washed over him.
Apparently, Roman's dream was about time shenanigans making a hero realize he was on the wrong path or something, but he wasn't listening that closely. Besides, that wasn't how real life worked. When no one asked Roman any questions about his dream, the creative side launched into a story about some of his recent adventures in the imagination.
It was long before Patton interrupted Roman's wild, and certainly embellished, tale by setting a frying pan full of eggs and a plate full of buttery toast on the table. Virgil wanted to wrinkle his nose at the sight, but he quickly soothed his face into a mask of neutrality. At least it smelled nice.
"I know its not much, but I got up late today," Patton admitted sheepishly.
Despite not acting on his disgust for the food, Virgil still felt guilty. Patton always felt so disappointed when someone didn't like his cooking. Besides, Logan was always getting on his case about eating healthy.
As Patton served the food onto everyone's plates, Virgil thought about how he used to slip his eggs to Remus when Janus wasn't looking. Even when they were caught, Janus would never mention it. He would look a bit proud every single time though.
Actually, Virgil decidedly didn't think about that in favor of focusing on the food in front of him. He did add more ketchup to his eggs though. Roman rolled his eyes at the sight, but it was the only way to make the eggs bearable.
Picking up his fork, Virgil reminded himself that it was only one day. He could handle this much. Despite the taste being enough to make him want to gag, Logan's proud smile made it worth it.
After everyone finished eating, Virgil helped Logan wash the dishes. They always worked in silence, so Virgil played music through his headphones guilt free.
"Thank you for the help, Virgil," Logan said with a curt nod as he rinsed off his hands.
Virgil dried his own and pulled his headphones to his neck. "No problem, Lo," Virgil said with a lopsided grin. "Are you going to go study up for the debate later?"
Logan lit up. "Indeed I am! I have all my sources picked out, but it can never hurt to review. Would you like to join me?"
Virgil shoved his hands into his pocket and looked to the floor. "I dunno. Isn't it a bit weird for me to prepare with you if we don't know if we want the same thing or not?"
"We all want the best for Thomas," Logan reminded, straightening his glasses. "Besides, I believe that facts never hurt anyone."
Virgil looked up into Logan's earnest blue eyes through his bangs. "Thanks for the offer and all, but I think I'm going to relax in my room for a bit."
Logan nodded, slightly put out. Virgil couldn't imagine why. He wasn't known for being a beacon of sunshine.
Virgil opened his mouth to say more, but he never got the words out.
"I'm off to the imagination!" Roman proclaimed as he strut through the question and to the front door. "Any who wishes to go on a daring quest with a handsome prince is free to join," Roman added in a singsong.
"Handsome prince? Are you bringing a construct with you?" Virgil snarked.
Roman gasped indignantly at the jab. "You wish you could be as handsome as me," Roman shot back before practically skipping off, his good mood seemingly untarnished.
Logan rolled his eyes at the exchange and turned to retreat to his study.
Virgil shrugged at set himself up on the couch to binge watch conspiracy videos.
Virgil was broken from his trance by the rumble of his stomach.
For lunch, Virgil was on his own. Normally, he would simply skip lunch in favor of a granola bar. Yet looking in the cabinet, his go to food was out. With a groan, Virgil went to scan the contents of the fridge.
With a sigh, he ended up deciding to eat some left over salad. He didn't want Logan to disappointed if it were to go bad. Or worse, it would go bad and one of the others would still eat it, especially because Patton hated throwing out food and Roman thought he was above getting food poisoning. And if he wasted food then it might throw off Logan's food budget or something.
He tried to pretend to be fine with his wilty salad, but he must not have been doing a good job because Patton immediately promised to grab more of his granola bars when he did the shopping later.
Virgil thanked him of course, and Patton's face lit up. He walked off humming while Virgil decided to dump the rest of his salad and just wait for dinner. He'd probably regret not eating more of something, but in his mind if he didn't take any extra food, then he didn't waste any food.
Patton would have his head if he could read Virgil's thoughts, but Virgil simply shrugged and sulked off to the couch to hunker down with his phone and his music.
Several sides passed him, but they let him be. Virgil preferred to be as relaxed as possible before a debate because of the latent anxious hum that raced beneath his skin more and more powerfully the closer the time for the discussion came.
For all his stressing, (or because of it..?) the discussion went nowhere.
Thomas told the sides about the text from Nico he received last night about a potential next. After Virgil worked himself into a frenzy of nerves that wasn't helped by the sleep deprivation, they collectively agreed to wait until the next day to reply.
Sure, their first date went well. So did the second and the third. But that didn't mean this next one would. What they chose was sure to have ramifications on how Nico saw Thomas. But it was more than that too.
Nico wanted to invite Thomas to his cousin's graduation, and he had already talked to his family about inviting Thomas. It should be a no brainer to agree, but…
"Might I remind you that you already have something in the calendar for that Friday," Logan said, his half lidded gaze bleeding contempt for the situation before him as he straightened his tie.
Roman rolled his eyes. "What can be more important than Nico!" Roman proclaimed, gesturing animatedly.
Patton opened his mouth and closed it again. He gulped nervously.
Logan stared dead pan at Roman, "Our planned self care day. As you know, Thomas schedule has been absolutely packed lately with social events and work responsibilities."
"So?" Roman asked indignantly.
Patton fidgeted with his hands, his voice wavering but determined, "Thomas needs a break."
Virgil couldn't help but cross his arms and scoff. "And risk disappointing everyone? Nico already mentioned us going! Besides, we haven't been able to go on a date with Nico in ages either!"
Roman nodded in agreement vehemently. "Our relationship with Nico is worth sacrificing a thousand self care days!" he proclaimed.
Logan sighed and adjusted his glasses. "While it is true that social events are imperative for proper self care, it is also important to strike a balance. We all know that if Thomas doesn't take time for himself, he will be burnt out. The situation may be different if Nico wanted to meet up one one one, but that is not the case in this situation."
Logan paused and got out a note card. "Virgil, you have been feeling more 'high key' lately, correct?"
Virgil grumbled. "I don't care. What Thomas has with Nico is good. If we break the status quo and refuse, he is going to wonder why."
The sides continued arguing back and forth. Logan wanted to stick with their original plan, and Patton leaned towards his side. However, both Virgil and Roman wanted Thomas to go on the date with Nico.
After awhile, it was clear that no one was going to concede. Patton smiled shakily, "Why don't we wait a little longer to make a decision?"
In the end, the text was left on read.
Despite it all, everyone gathered for a family dinner. It was quite, the tension still palatable in the air. Each side was licking their metaphorical wounds over Logan's meatloaf and rehearsing their arguments in their heads with each sip of water.
Virgil retreated to his room. He was disappointed in how childish his arguments sounded. But if he told the others how terrifying being honest with Nico or communicating anything to him truly was? It would be worse.
After that day, Virgil was eager for tomorrow to come. The anxious side put on his coziest and most worn pjs, which were a far cry from the ones he wore the night before. He fell asleep to his music drowning out his thoughts.
…………
Virgil awoke to queasiness in his gut. And his morning only got weirder from there.
He looked around the room, trying to see if there was something amiss that was causing the feeling. His eyes rested on the clock blinking out 7:13 am on its screen.
Wasn't that the time he woke up yesterday too? Weird. He stretched his arm out and turned off his alarm. He wouldn't be able to go back to bed when he felt like this.
His mouth felt like dry cotton and a tag was scratching the back of his neck. He swung his legs out of bed and shambled into the bathroom. He rinsed his face in the cold water hoping it would make him feel less queasy.
Looking in the mirror, he had on the pajamas that Patton gifted him the other day. But didn't he wear his cozy set of pjs last night?
Virgil shook his head to clear his thoughts. He must have put on his favorite pj in his dream or something and got confused for a moment.
Thats all it was.
Sighing, Virgil retreated back to his bed to grab his phone. He hit shuffle on his playlist, and he was hit with the strongest sense of deja vu. Didn't this song play first last time he hit shuffle? What a strange coincidence, Virgil told himself.
Except how many coincidences must there be before there is some actual correlation?
Virgil set his shower icy cold to try and wake himself up, and it did help ease the ball of dread settled in his stomach.
That is, until he went to get dressed. His favorite hoodie was missing. He wanted its familiar weight to settle around his shoulders, but it was missing. Yet his Saturday hoodie was sitting right there on the chair, ready to be worn.
Hesitantly, Virgil slipped it on and went to the mirror to finish getting ready. He could ask Patton about it later.
As he opened his makeup drawer, he remembered that he finished off his eyeshadow the day before. Crap, Virgil thought, I forgot to ask Patton to buy me more. However, when he looked in the drawer he found the familiar round container of his eyeshadow sitting there. Opening it up, there was barely any left.
He finished it off and tossed it in the trash. He missed.
Somehow, he must of had a little bit left. Which is strange. Since he distinctly remembered throwing it away the day prior.
I'll have to ask Patton to buy me more, Virgil thought as he walked over to throw away the now cracked container. Its too bad that yesterday was the shopping day.
With a shrug, Virgil went to check his calendar for the day. There was no use dwelling on the growing feeling of deja vu. Besides, it was always a good idea to double check the calendar.
His very nature as anxiety meant he intrinsically knew that memory was fallible.
He realized that he forgot to cross of Saturday the day before. And he forgot to add his note about continuing the debate today. Virgil's sharpie squeaked against the paper as he fixed it.
Virgil was going to linger in his room for the next two songs like he normally did, but when the first one seemed oddly familiar he turned off the music and went through a breathing exercise.
Its totally fine. He was probably just imagining things.
As he descended from the stairs, Virgil wondered if maybe he was a bit too reliant on his meaningless rituals, and this time he couldn't brush off that thought. It might be time to shake things up if he was this unsettled by the day feeling slightly too familiar. However, normally the norm brought him comfort, so why should anything change?
Turning to the kitchen, he saw a familiar sight. An eerily familiar sight, Patton whistled cheerfully by the stove, spatula in hand. Roman was explaining the dream he had the night before to anyone who would listen.
The logical side looked very serious while sipping his coffee. Based on his almost empty cup, Virgil knew he would probably get a second cup soon.
Virgil couldn't help feel a bit queasy at the sight. It was strangely familiar, so much so that it was foreign. Like a mockery of home.
Virgil collapsed into a seat and laid his head on his arms.
"Are you alright?" Patton asked with concern.
Virgil sighed, loath to talk before his morning coffee. "Just a weird dream," Virgil replied, voice gravelly.
Roman nodded in sympathy and brought Virgil's purple mug filled with steaming coffee. Virgil grunted his thanks and tuned out as Roman finished his tale.
Virgil snapped back to reality as Patton sat a frying pan of eggs and a plate of toast onto the table.
Virgil's nose twitched in disgust. He could handle one day of eggs, but two?
"I know its not much, but I got up late today," Patton admitted sheepishly.
Virgil smoothed out his face and held in his sigh. Patton worked so hard to make breakfast for the family. How could he be so ungrateful?
Logan gave Virgil a pointed look that made the anxious side gulp. To avoid yet another lecture on the importance of healthy food, Virgil handed his plate over for Patton laden with eggs and toast.
He was somewhat glad Patton didn't decide to mix it up and make poppable eggs. At least scrambled eggs were somewhat bearable if he added ketchup. Even if Roman rolled his eyes as he did it.
Picking up his fork, Virgil reminded himself that he did it yesterday and it wasn't too bad then.
He took a bite. He chewed. And chewed. And chewed. He didn't want to swallow the eggs. He didn't want this in his body. He hated the taste permenating through the tang of ketchup. He hated the way the eggs sat heavy on his tongue as if he would choke if he attempted to swallow, no matter how soft they actually were.
Virgil swallowed the bite of eggs. He could do this. It was just eggs. They were good for him.
His mind cast about for anything to think about other than the eggs in front of him. For a fraction of a second, his old life flashed before him. He shoved that down into the neglected box it was meant to be in.
"Hey Pat?" Virgil asked hesitantly.
Patton paused mid chew, his cheeks full of food. "Hmm?"
Virgil silently cursed himself for not timing his question better. He paused, waiting for Patton to swallow. Keeping his voice light and unaccusatory, Virgil continued, "What did you do with my jacket?"
Patton blinked slowly at him twice. "I'm washing it…? Its Saturday, bud."
Virgil ducked his head. "Oh. I must've gotten mixed up about what day it was."
Patton smiled sympathetically and went back to eating his food with gusto.
Virgil was forced to turn back to his own food. The next bite, Virgil was smart. One, two, three chews and swallow. All washed down with a sip of coffee. His brain screamed at him to stop, but he didn't. He couldn't.
Logan cast several glances his way that Virgil pointedly ignored. He was eating the stupid eggs for the second day in a row. What more could Logan want? When he finished his last bite, Logan smiled at him proudly, but it was tinged with something else Virgil didn't bother discerning.
After everyone finished eating, Virgil moved to help Logan wash the dishes. Before he could put on his headphones, Logan cleared his throat as he snapped on his yellow dish gloves.
"Are you feeling alright?" Concern laced Logan's voice. Virgil wished it didn't.
Virgil sighed, thinking about his morning. "Yeah, teach. I've just had the weirdest sense of deja vu all day and its kinda throwing me for a loop."
Logan chucked lightly as he scrubbed a dish. "Ah. Perhaps it is dream reality confusion. Thomas has come across that term recently and I find it fascinating."
"Dream reality confusion…?" Virgil parroted, testing how the words felt in his mouth.
Logan smiled, happy for a chance to explain. "Yes! It is a scenario where a person mistakes dreams for reality. Its more often to occur when a dream is about an everyday occurrence, if a person is prone to fantasy, and/or is feeling particularly stressed or anxious! Dream recall ability also plays a part. Although, typically the feeling only remains when the person first wakes up, some people can feel a sense of deja vu from experiences during their dream throughout the day or even week. Do you remember having a dream similar to the events you feel confused about?"
Virgil cocked his head to the side. "Maybe…? I don't know. It really feels like I'm in some sort of time loop or something." Virgil chuckled nervously as he set the dish he rinsed on a towel to air dry.
Logan chortled. "You know that time loops aren't possible. Even if we are metaphysical beings, Thomas can't be reset so it is reasonable to believe that one of us couldn't fall into a time loop either. The ramifications could potentially be catastrophic."
Virgil nodded and the conversation lapsed into a peaceful silence. Logan was right, a time loop was impossible. He might as well just do what he normally would. Even if something kept tugging on his insides insisting that something was wrong.
He was the embodiment of anxiety. It wasn't that strange of an occurrence.
It was strange how the feeling of dread in his chest gripped tighter when Roman walked into the kitchen proclaiming how he was going to the imagination.
Virgil looked in the cupboard for the granola bars Patton had just bought him, but he couldn't find them. He kept frantically searching. They had to be in there somewhere.
Eventually, Patton walked in with a bounce to his step.
Virgil paused his searching and turned to him. "Hey, Pat. Where did you put the granola bars you bought yesterday?"
Patton's brow squished down. "I didn't go to the store yesterday, Virgil."
"Huh," Virgil said to himself, "I could've sworn that you said you would…" Virgil shook his head. He must have misremembered.
Patton's face fell. "Sorry, kiddo. I must have forgotten."
Virgil winced. He didn't mean to upset him! He tried to placate him, but Patton only brushed him off. "No, no. I can go to the store to get some now so I won't forget this time!" Patton promised before rushing off.
The whole interaction felt strange. He must be confusing dream for reality again. It wasn't like he'd actually find a salad in the fridge.
He opened the fridge door, scanning the contents for an alternative lunch. And there was the wilty salad. Hesitantly, he pulled it out. As he picked at it, his brain replayed what had just happened.
Not being able to eat with the way his intestines felt like writhing snakes, Virgil dumped the salad in the trash, opting for a tactical retreat.
Virgil returned to his room and promptly became a blanket burrito. If he took a nap, maybe the day would stop feeling so weird. So wrong.
Maybe the whole day would end.
When Roman knocked on his door to get him for the discussion with Thomas, Virgil still felt very confused.
Then Thomas mentioned the text from last night, and his brain automatically wanted to correct it to two nights ago. He stayed silent.
When the sides discussed what to do, Virgil couldn't help but feel frustrated at having to repeat all his same arguments. He was surprised that Logan didn't come up with anything new.
In the end, the text was left on read once again.
Despite it all, everyone gathered for a family dinner. It was quite, the tension still palatable in the air. Each side was licking their metaphorical wounds over Logan's meatloaf. Even though they had the same thing last night, Virgil knew better than to complain.
Virgil retreated to his room, feeling unsettled. Very purposefully, he made sure there was an large red X over Saturday. It took some searching to find something other than his normal black sharpie, but it would be worth it for the peace of mind. With a sigh, he decided to go straight to bed instead of scrolling tumblr. He didn't even set an alarm.
What he needed was a good nights sleep. The anxious side put on his coziest and most worn pjs, which were a far cry better than the ones he woke up in. He fell asleep to his music drowning out his thoughts.
…………
When Virgil woke up, his stomach was already twisted into knots like when he felt motion sick. With a groan, he curled into himself tighter. A tag scratched at his neck.
Eyes shooting open, his gaze locked on the glowing red 7:13 am on the clock.
He dragged himself out of bed and into a cold shower, hoping to shock his system awake.
When he went to put his eyeshadow on, he finished off the last of it. As he walked over to the trash can to throw the container away, his alarm clock started blaring from the other room.
Virgil fumbled the container and it smashed on the ground, a piece breaking off. Vowing to clean it up later, the anxious side rushed to turn off his alarm. Nervously, Virgil slinked over to his calendar.
As he approached, he laughed at how ridiculous he was being. Glancing over the calendar, he noted the typical black markings marring the white page. His laugh froze in his throat.
The X was missing.