Chapter Text
I stood in front of the house… That beautiful house, reminiscing on the memories of being with Dina and JJ. I miss them. I walked towards the house, slow at first, but gently picking up speed, as if I was just in time to stop them. I wasn’t. I opened the door. The table was dusty, the cabinet was cleared. I entered the room where I played guitar to my love and my child. Empty, the closet open in a way that told me that Dina was pissed when she was clearing out this room. Holding back tears, I made my way upstairs, to the our bedroom, but that was empty too. I almost broke down right there, but I didn’t. I had one last room to check, the room with my art supplies.
I slowly opened the door to find it filled with my stuff. Could she not take it with her? She took the pictures of JJ though. That’s good, she liked those pictures, so did I. My eyes filtered over to my guitar with Dina’s favourite records on top. I opened the case and picked up the guitar.
I sat on the stool, and played to the best of my abilities. Fuck Abby. She fucked up my fingers.
As I played I could feel my hands cramping up. The song I played was the song at that winter dance. The one where Dina and I had our first kiss.
I watched as Dina danced with Alex, her smile lifting my spirits.
”I hate these things.”, Jesse said as he leaned against the bar counter.
”Tell me about it”, I replied, scoffing.
”Your old man really laid into me today,” Jesse shared.
I leaned forward uncomfortably, resting the urge to correct Jesse HE ISN'T MY DAD, to tell him that we still arent on good terms.
”What happened?”, I questioned, taking a sip of my whiskey to mask my discomfort.
“Another big lecture about my patrols. ‘Don’t go here, don’t go there’.”, Jesse mocked, “Funny how involved he gets whenever you’re scheduled to go out.”
”Yeah…” I murmured, discomfort evident in my tone. I closed my eyes and put my head down.
We both paused for a moment, until Jesse spoke up again, “She’s, uh… putting on quite the show.”
We both looked at Dina as she finished dancing with Alex, a smile creeping onto my face.
”I give you guys… two weeks until you’re back together.” I said, looking over to Jesse, a smug look on my face.
”Not gonna happen.” Jesse said, his confidence faltering as he asked, “She, uh… say somethin’ to you?”
”Make it one week-”, I said as Dina came over.
“Ellie! Hey!” Dina exclaimed as she took my whiskey glass from me and drank the rest, “What took you so long?”
“Well, I’m here aren’t I?” I deadpanned.
”Dina” “Jesse” They said simultaneously, the tension between them evident.
”C’mon.” Dina led me to the dance floor after putting the glass down.
”Hey, don’t forget we’re headin’ out early, so get some rest!” Jesse hollered over the banjo music.
”Yessir!” Dina said mockingly as she saluted.
”You’re such a dick…” I said softly.
”Come on~. Don’t you start with me.” Dina retorted as she placed my hands on her waist and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, “Okay, I have a very serious question for you.” She said as we swayed to the music. “How bad do I smell.”
I smelt her, her natural smell filling my sinuses, “Like… a hot pile of garbage.” I teased.
”Oh! Okay.” Dina said before rubbing her face on mine.
”Ugh!” I fake groaned.
”How ‘bout that?” Dina breathed.
”Gross.” I said through slight chuckles.
“You love it.” Dina teased.
I bit my lip as butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
I looked around the room, prying eyes staring at Dina, “Every guy in this room is staring at you right now.” I said nervously, never having that many eyes looking in my general direction before.
”Maybe they’re staring at you.” Dina whispered, probably attempting to reassure me.
I shook my head, “They’re not…”
”Maybe they’re jealous of you.” Dina breathed down my neck, sending goosebumps down my spine.
”I’m… just a girl. Not a threat.” I said my eyes staring straight ahead, not daring to look at Dina, afraid I’ll do something wrong.
Dina tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, “Oh, Ellie…” She whispered, “I think they should be terrified of you.”
Then she leaned in, her soft lips pressing against mine. I didn’t dare close my eyes, I couldn’t.
As we stopped at looked into each other’s eyes, Seth, in his drunken state said, “Hey! This is a family event.”
”Sorry.” Dina awkwardly chuckled as she pulled me away from Seth, “Sorry!”
”Remember next time there’s kids around!” Seth shouted as we walked away.
”Yeah, like you’re setting such a great example.” Dina rolled her eyes, her words laced with sarcasm.
”Oh, just what this town needs,” Seth started, “Another loud-mouthed dyke.”
We both turned to face Seth, “The fuck did you just say?!” I got up in Seth’s face, Dina trying to stop me, but before anything else could be said, Joel pushed Seth away
”Hey! Get the hell outta here…” Joel said, his thick country accent strong.
”Get your hand off me.” Seth retorted.
Maria stepped in, “Hey! Enough.” She looked up at Joel and pushed him away from Seth. She grabbed Seth’s shoulders and guided him outside, “Come on, you. Let’s go for a walk.” Seth tried to protest, but gave up as Maria walked him away, “You worry about yourself.”
”You alright, kiddo—?” Joel asked, his accent soothing, but ultimately angered me.
”What is wrong with you?” I stated.
”He had no right--”
“And you do?” I cut him off, “I don’t need your fucking help, Joel.”
“Right…” He said. I could see remorse in his eyes, regret… tears, I think. He walked away.
Tears threatened to spill as I put the guitar down.
”Fuck…” I said under my breath, my voice shaking.
O N E M O N T H L A T E R
As I walked home, dead rabbit in hand, my hand throbbed.
Fuck… I thought, Is it getting infected? I might have to go back to Jackson sooner than I thought…
When I reached the house I put the rabbit in the kitchen and then went upstairs to the studio.
I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a letter
‘Dina,
I’m sorry.
After Tommy visited I couldn’t sleep that night. I needed to find Abby
The night morning day I left I was restless. It took me two months to get to Santa Barbara. Abby took bit my ring and pinkie finger off (hence my shitty handwriting)
But I couldn’t kill her. I would’ve been no better than her. She had a boy with her, names Lev. He reminded me of me and she reminded me of Joel. I honestly think the boy was one of those scars.
I’m sorry, but my fingers are getting infected. I’m back in Jackson. I need to get treated.
I miss you and JJ
I’m gonna visit you both as soon as I’m cleared from Maria’s care center
Ellie
I love you, I’m sorry’
As soon as I’d finished writing, I started packing. If I start packing today and set off tomorrow morning, I could make it to Jackson by tomorrow night. I thought. I packed everything I could into my backpack, leaving behind my traps, smoke bombs, Molotovs and my Shotgun. I put my bag filled with clothes, guns (& bow), water and some food next to the front door. Before I went to sleep, I put my guitar next to the bags too.
Tomorrow, I go back to Jackson… Tomorrow, I fix things… Tomorrow… I make things right.