Chapter Text
Yusuke wakes up with a pounding headache and a vague memory of what happened last night. He puts the pillow over his face and groans. If he felt like shit warmed over, it would be far better than how he’s feeling now. What the hell had he been thinking? He curses his drunken past self with all the vitriol he can summon at the moment. He can’t believe he broke into Kuwabara’s house and made him take care of the drunken mess he was. Kuwabara has every right to be pissed with him.
“You’ll have to read it to me some other time.”
Rolling over, he fumbles for the notepad. Flipping it open, he tries to make sense of the scribbles inside. “What the hell was I even trying to say here?”
No wonder Kuwabara couldn’t read it. Yusuke didn’t have the neatest handwriting at the best of times, but it was a million times worse when shitfaced. I need to stop drinking, he laments, rolling onto his front and hiding his face in the darkness there. He seriously needs to apologize now. If he’d made any progress at all by retrieving Kuwabara’s shoes like a loyal dog, it was all swept away by his drunken antics. Tossing the notepad away, he figures it’s time to start from scratch.
°°°
Kazuma pinches his hand, trying to use the minor bite of pain to wake up a little. Thanks to Urameshi, he’d missed out on at least three hours of sleep and he was really feeling it. He can hardly focus on what the teacher is saying, too busy just trying not to fall asleep. Because of his constant fidgeting, he’s been called out in front of the whole class twice already since this morning. He tries to keep a handle on it, but it’s like his leg has a mind of its own and won’t quit bouncing. He blames Urameshi for this tired restlessness. His thoughts keep straying back to last night.
“Yer a good friend. M’sorry I wasn’t.”
Kazuma sighed, doodling mindlessly in his notebook. That’s something, at least. But I want to hear it from him when he’s not drunk as a skunk. He wonders how Urameshi is feeling today and then tries to tell himself he doesn’t care. If he wants to drink himself silly, then that’s his business and he can deal with the consequences. He twirls his pencil between his fingers, something he hasn’t been able to do since before the mission. Looking down at his unblemished palm, he recalls Urameshi’s warm touch as he’d healed it.
Why? He thinks, frustration eating away at him. Why can’t I just stay mad? Why do I have to feel so shitty about it? It’s ridiculous how badly he wants to feel wanted. He thought that he could let those feelings go, knowing that it would never be possible. But still his stupid heart is getting its hopes up. What if they all really mean it? Does that make me the asshole? He shakes his head. No. I have a right to be mad. They were real jerks to me.
Still, his hopeful fantasies of being included won’t let him go. It makes him feel pathetic to be wanting it so bad. His life would be so much easier if he just didn’t care. He wouldn’t have to risk his life, content to be a normal person living a normal life. But it all seems so boring in comparison to the lives of his friends. He wants them to look at him with pride, to invite him along because he’s wanted and useful. To have such strong, talented, cool people actually like him would make him feel like he really was worth something. That it was worth it to try so hard and that wasn’t something to be embarrassed about. That he was fine just the way he is.
It’s embarrassing to want to be liked so badly, he thought gloomily, resting his cheek on his palm. I don’t even need them to look up to me. I just wanted to stand by their side as a friend.
When the school day finally comes to an end, he finds Kurama waiting for him by the gates. He’s not really sure what to say, so they just stare at each other for a moment.
“Uh, hey.” He says awkwardly.
“Hi.” Kurama returns with a small smile, his shoulders relaxing minutely. “Can we talk?”
The two of them find a quiet spot under some trees. He’s afraid he might wind up babbling like a nervous idiot, so he keeps his mouth firmly clamped shut. Kurama doesn’t press, accepting his silence with grace.
“Thank you for standing up for me the other day.” He eventually breaks the quiet.
“S’fine. I know it bothers you when people call you a girl.” Kazuma shrugs, shuffling his feet and feeling hot with self-consciousness. He clears his throat. “Sorry. For running out on you.”
“You don’t need to apologize. For anything.” Kurama assures him. “I was the one making excuses when I should have just been honest with you. It was selfish of me to try and save my own feelings by ignoring yours.”
“It’s fine.” Kazuma dismisses, unsure of how else to respond.
“It’s not. And you don’t have to pretend like it is.” Kurama stood in front of him and held his gaze. “You have every reason to be upset with us, but I can only speak for myself. You were right. I should have stood up for you instead of laughing along. It was unkind and disrespectful, especially when you had worked so hard to help us. I should have looked out for you more, as your friend and as your teammate, on that mission and many others. You always try your hardest and I took that, and your loyalty, for granted. I am truly sorry that I let you down so badly. I won’t ask for your forgiveness, I just ask that you hear me out.”
Kazuma couldn’t do anything but nod dumbly, feeling overwhelmed by the apology.
“There are very few people in this world that I care about wholeheartedly and would do anything for. You are one of them.” Kurama took a breath, his eyes shining with conviction as he stood tall. “I can’t stand the thought of losing any one of the four of us. I don’t want to lose you and if there is anything I can do to earn your forgiveness, I will do it in a heartbeat. I promise that if given a second chance, I will be the friend I should have been in the first place. If you decide to leave for good, I will respect that. But you should know that no one will ever take your place. You are irreplaceable to me and although I feel unworthy to call myself your friend and your teammate, there is nothing I want more than that.”
Kurama bows and Kazuma gapes, completely taken aback and utterly flustered.
“Hey, uh, there’s no need for that.” He fumbles, the tips of his ears burning as he laughs awkwardly. “You’re making me feel really put on the spot here.”
Kurama straightens up, apology clearly written on his lips, but Kazuma interrupts.
“Listen, I really appreciate it. More than I can say, honestly.” Kazuma rubs the back of his neck, dropping his gaze self-consciously. “I can tell you really mean it, and it helps a lot. But... I don’t think I’m really ready for things to just go back to the way they were. I... I think I need some time to think things over.”
“I understand.” Kurama accepts, disappointed, but graceful. He takes Kazuma’s hand and gives it a squeeze, smiling when he looks at him. “Take whatever time you need. Just know that there will always, always be a place for you with us.”
Kazuma nods, finding it hard to speak around the lump in his throat. “Thanks.”
It feels as good as it does awkward to hear it all said out loud.
°°°
When Kazuma gets home, he finds Urameshi sitting on his front step waiting for him, smoking a cigarette. From the pile of butts at his feet, Kazuma figures he must’ve been waiting for a while. Urameshi straightens up when he sees him, a nervous smile flitting across his face.
“Hey! Uh, welcome home.” He says as he drops his cigarette and grinds it out with his shoe. He stands up and dusts himself off. Now that he’s put out his cigarette he doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands. Kazuma watches him fumble for a moment before deciding to stuff them in his pockets.
“How long have you been hanging around here?” Kazuma asks, stopping a few feet short of him. He’d like to put his school bag away, but Urameshi is blocking the door.
“Probably two hours or so.” Urameshi admits with a small laugh that wavered. “I didn’t want to, uh, miss you. In case you left school early or something.”
“Shizuru didn’t let you in?”
“She’s not home. And I didn’t want to, y’know, break in. Like I did last night.” Urameshi grimaced. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine.” Kazuma brushes him off.
“It’s really not.” Urameshi frowns, scuffing his shoe against the pavement and nudging one of the cigarette butts closer to the messy pile. “Thanks for getting me home, even though I was kind of a mess.”
“If I’ll help out someone who tried to kill me, I might as well help out someone who broke into my house, drunk as fuck.” Kazuma muttered and immediately felt like an ass when Urameshi’s expression pinched tight with regret.
“That’s how far I’ve fallen with you, huh.” He says quietly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“We can just forget it.” Kazuma offers, wanting the discomfort of the situation to go away. He brushes past Urameshi, fumbling with his house key. “Listen, if that’s all you came to say—”
“It’s not.” Urameshi cuts in. Kazuma turns to look at him and is met with a determined glare. “I came to challenge you.”
Kazuma’s eyebrows shoot up. He can’t be fucking serious. But from the look in Urameshi’s eyes, he’s dead serious. In all the time they’ve known each other, Urameshi has never once been the one to challenge him to a fight. Kazuma opens his mouth, then hesitates, his heart sticking in his throat. Gritting his teeth, he turns away.
“Pass.” He says, unlocking the door. “What’s the point? You win every time.”
He goes to open the door, but Urameshi yanks it shut. Kazuma turns around and Urameshi shoves him up against the door, glaring at him.
“What’s your deal?” Kazuma snaps, his temper simmering and threatening to boil.
“I wasn’t challenging you to a fight.” Urameshi bars him from escaping by planting his hands on either side of him. “I’m challenging you to a contest.”
Kazuma narrows his eyes. “What kind of contest?”
“If I fire my Rei Gun before you draw the Dawn, you have to forgive me.” Urameshi eyes burn into him, as determined as they were pleading. “But if you draw first, I tell you the truth.”
“What’s the truth?”
Urameshi smirks. “Win and find out.”
Kazuma glares at him, irritation swelling hotly in his chest. “Are you kidding me? Because I won’t pick up that damn sword, this is what you’ve resorted to? A stupid ruse? Forget it.”
He shoves him off and opens the door.
“Kazuma, wait!” Urameshi snatches his wrist to stop him, his voice high with panic. His determined mask has slipped, revealing the desperation hiding behind it. “Please.”
Kazuma stares at him for long moment, searching his expression. He recalls what Kurama said to him before they parted ways earlier.
“When you see Yusuke, give him a chance, if you can. He’s really broken up over what happened.”
Kazuma sighed through his nose. “Fine.”
Urameshi melts with relief, his smile anxious with gratitude. “Good.”
He waits patiently while Kazuma puts his school things away and write a quick note to tell Shizuru where he’s gone. As he does, thoughts pop in his head like balloons. What is the ‘truth’ he was talking about? He wonders, chewing on his bottom lip. Is it the things he was trying to write down in that notebook? As much as he dislikes the idea of being forced into forgiveness, his curiosity gets the better of him. He opens a portal to Makai and Urameshi follows him through. They step out into the open air just outside of the cave. He could’ve brought them directly to the Dawn, but he wants to give himself a little time to hype up to the challenge. He doesn’t want to lose this because he doesn’t think he’s ready to forgive Urameshi. If he loses, would Urameshi ever truly apologize?
Walking down the long passages deep into the earth, the path is marked by footprints of dried blood. The reminder of how hard he struggled on that mission is bitter on his tongue. It helps somewhat that it seemed to be bothering Urameshi as well. His lips were chiseled into a frown, his eyes cast low and traveling along the bloody footprints as they walked in silence. The air is heavy and cold, the darkness creeping around the edges of the lamp weed suffocating. He hates this cave. He really does.
When the pathway finally opens up into the large cavern, it should feel like a relief. Instead, Kazuma’s stomach only twists further. The Dawn was staked into the ground like a crooked crucifix, just as he left it. It’s almost accusatory in its brilliant white gleam, taunting him with his failure. You fought so hard only to abandon your charge? Some warrior you are. His footsteps are loud and echoing in the quiet ache of the cave as he approaches. He stops short, staring down the sword that had brought him so much trouble. Once I pull it free, his heart mourns. I really have quit and they won’t have a reason to stick around.
“So,” Urameshi breaks the silence, his voice bouncing off the stiff rock walls. “Are you ready to do this?”
Kazuma takes a deep breath and lets it out. His voice is rough and quiet as the stone surrounding them. “Yeah. Let’s finish this.”
He doesn’t turn around to face Urameshi. He doesn’t need to in order to know he’s preparing to fire. The once-still air whips around them like a storm as his Yō Gun concentrates in a harsh beam of light. Kazuma has seen him fire it off more times than he can count. It’s wicked fast, able to take you by surprise if he uses it right. Faster than a bullet, more damaging than a cannonball. Kazuma reaches out and the sword slides from the stone like water.
Just like that, it’s over.
The Silver Dawn doesn’t speak to him this time. Its silence is a cold judgement. He may be its wielder, but he’s not its friend. He lost that chance when he abandoned it. Left behind in a cold dark cave. He looks at it sadly, regret weighing on his heart. I’m sorry. He apologizes. That’s all I can really say.
“Huh. I thought there would’ve been more fire.” Urameshi powers down his gun and the hot wind of energy settles back into chilly underground air.
“No.” Kazuma says softly. Sometimes things end quietly. “Not this time.”
An awkward silence falls between them; jagged and ill-fitting. Urameshi clears his throat when Kazuma doesn’t say anything. “Well, uh, I guess you won. Congratulations.”
“Mm.” Kazuma grunts in acknowledgement. It sure doesn’t feel like a victory. He turns around, resting the Dawn on his shoulder and sticking his free hand in his pocket. “Alright. Tell me whatever the truth is and then we’ll leave.”
“Right, uh, right.” Urameshi takes out the notebook from his pocket and fumbles with the pages. “Sorry, I needed to write it down so I didn’t forget any of it. This is important and I... I wanted to get it right.”
Urameshi takes a deep breath, looking as he’d been called upon in class to answer an impossible question, then began. “Out of our closest friends, I talk to you the least.”
“We used to talk all the time.” Kazuma inwardly cursed himself for interrupting so soon. He wanted to hear what Urameshi had to say, but the words just slipped out.
“I mean, like, actually talk. About real stuff.” Urameshi scratches his nose and clears his throat. “I talk about my mom and home stuff with Keiko. Kurama gets to hear me complain about things that are honestly kind of dark. I tell Hiei about the really dark shit because I know he’d get it. But you…”
Urameshi glanced up at him and then back down to his notebook. “It’s like I can’t talk to you about anything.”
“Oh.” Kazuma’s heart sank, gloom curdling in his stomach. Even though I asked him to talk to me multiple times in the past, he still didn’t feel like he could. Was I so untrustworthy as a friend?
“I went to your house.” Urameshi fiddles with the edges of his notebook. “The night before I left for Makai. I wanted to talk with you. Only you, really. There were so many things I wanted to say. When I got there, I looked up and could see you studying.”
Urameshi is quiet for a moment, a troubled kind of sorrow sitting faintly on his brow. “I don’t know what it was about seeing you like that, but I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to get your attention, but all I could do was stand there, wondering if you’d look down and see me.”
“Why didn’t you just knock?” Kazuma asks, lowering the Dawn so the tip rests on the ground. I never even knew he was there.
“I don’t know.” Urameshi mutters, then shakes his head slightly and shrugs. “I guess… something about it felt fragile. Like if I got too close, the peace that was there... it would shatter. So I just walked away.”
Silence falls between them and Kazuma’s heart yearns to cross the distance, but isn’t brave enough. Urameshi shuffles his feet and flips through his notes.
“So, anyway, what I was saying,” he continues after an awkward second. “I couldn’t talk to you then or even the night I left. There were so many things I wanted to tell you and I couldn’t say.”
“Why?” Kazuma demands, needing to know why he was shut out by his friends that night. Urameshi runs a hand through his hair, his jaw set as he gripped his notebook tight and made an exasperated gesture.
“I don’t know!” He exclaimed, frustration coloring his tone, glaring at his notebook. “I just… couldn’t. Even now I need this stupid notebook just to figure out what to say to you and it still doesn’t feel like enough. Nothing sounds right and I can’t get across what I really mean. But I’m going to keep trying because as scared as I am of looking like an idiot, my biggest fear is losing you.”
Kazuma stares at him in stunned shock. Urameshi can’t meet his gaze, more uncomfortable and out of his depth than Kazuma had ever witnessed. Color crept around the curves of his ears and touched his cheeks. It only spreads further the more Urameshi talks.
“That’s really it, I guess. Why I can’t talk to you like I used to.” Urameshi clutches the notebook tighter, bruising the paper. “You’re different. The way I feel about you is different. You always looked at me like I was something better than what I am. The closer we got, the less I wanted you to see real me, because if you did…”
Urameshi rubs the back of his neck, shifting his weight like he was containing the urge to pace. “So I stopped talking to you about the bad stuff. And then it became a habit and I didn’t realize when I’d stopped talking to you about the good stuff too.”
Kazuma can’t find words, his tongue knotted in his throat as he held his breath, wanting to hear everything Urameshi has been holding back.
“I didn’t tell you how proud I was that you decided to continue your education instead of throwing your lot in with me, because you deserve better than that.” Urameshi’s face was steadily changing color, his shoulders climbing towards his ears as he kept talking. “I didn’t tell you how much I missed you while I was away, and that I thought about you all the time. I started the Makai tournament because of you, because you inspire me. I know I tease you all the time, calling you weak and stupid, and… and ugly.”
Urameshi’s expression pinches, unable to look Kazuma in the eye. “But none of it is true. You’re one of the strongest guys I know and definitely the toughest. And you’re smarter than me, too, which isn’t fair. You shouldn’t be allowed to get good grades and have killer biceps too. And…”
Urameshi’s complexion darkens a shade as he admits quietly. “And you’re a good looking guy, to boot.”
Kazuma can’t pick his jaw up from the floor, gaping in disbelief. No way. Urameshi walking back on a couple insults is believable, but actually finding him handsome? Hell no. Not possible.
“But the thing I want to say most… well one of them, but I can’t say the other one.” Urameshi fumbles, fiddling with the notebook. He takes a deep breath, finally looking Kazuma in the eyes. “I want to say I’m sorry. For a lot of things. Especially everything that happened on the last mission. I really messed things up and I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Because you… You’re…”
Urameshi’s breath catches and he drops his gaze. “You’re Kuwabara. You’re everything your name means to me when I say it. You’re very important to me. The most important. And all I want is to be your friend again. Because you’re Kuwabara.”
The way he says his name has a warm thing curling in Kazuma’s chest, making his heart stutter. He clutches his hand over it, the poor bruised thing. It’s braver than he is because it’s trying to leap out of his chest and go to Urameshi. It manages to push Kazuma to take a step closer, urging him to make the distance between them vanish. Urameshi looks as though he’s waiting for judgement to fall and not in his favor.
“Do you mean it?” Kazuma blurts and Urameshi’s eyes lock with his. He swallows and nods; his jaw set and his cheeks pink.
“It wouldn’t be so hard to say if I didn’t.”
Metal rings in a loud bright sound as the Dawn meets stone again, having been dropped in Kazuma’s haste to throw his arms around Urameshi. He can count on one hand the number of hugs they’d shared. When Urameshi’s arms wind around his back and hold him tight, Kazuma thinks this one tops them all. He can’t speak, pressing his face to Urameshi’s shoulder to hide his smile and the tears beading in the corners of his eyes. They stay like that for a long moment and Urameshi doesn’t even try to pull away, like he was happy to bury himself in Kazuma’s embrace until the end of time.
“I forgive you.” Kazuma says meaningfully, tightening his arms around Urameshi. “But only if you promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Talk to me.” Kazuma pleads. “About anything. About everything. Whatever it is, I want to know.”
“Even if it’s bad?” Urameshi hedges, his fingers curling into the back of Kazuma’s shirt.
“Especially if it’s bad.” Kazuma promises. “Even if I know the worst of you, I’ll never stop seeing the best in you. I just want to be with you.”
“Okay.” Urameshi tucks his face into Kazuma’s shoulder. “Promise.”
°°°
I didn’t appreciate being dropped on the ground like some old stick. The Dawn said snippishly to Kazuma. Or being left in that cave for any longer than I’d already been there.
“Listen, I’m sorry.” Kazuma frowned at it, his expression warped in the silver gleam frowning back at him. “I had a lot going on at the time.”
I’m very particular about who I allow to wield me. The Dawn echoed in his head, then sighed. But I suppose you’ll do.
“I appreciate the confidence.” Kazuma rolled his eyes as he set the Dawn down on the stand that would now be housed deep in the vaults of Reikai. “Will you be alright like this? Magic swords don’t get bored or anything, right?”
I will dream again. The Dawn admits. As is the nature of an object not in use.
“Well, sweet dreams, I guess.” Kazuma bids, sticking his hands in his pockets and starting to walk out of the vault.
Kazuma.
He looks back at The Silver Dawn, it’s ethereal gleam illuminating the dark room. His reflection’s eyes appear darker than they should be, like they were staring back at him with true vision.
Should you have need of me, I will be there.
“Thanks. I’ll try not to disturb your rest, though.” Kazuma grins and his reflection’s lips tilt into a softer smile than the one on his face.
“Were you talking to the sword?” Urameshi asks Kazuma as he walks over to meet him. “Nutcase.”
“You’re still hanging around?” Kazuma shakes his head.
“You’re my ride home.” Urameshi shrugs, throwing an arm around his shoulders and ruffling his hair. “C’mon, let’s get out of here. This place is drafty.”
He keeps his arm hooked around Kazuma as they make their way back to the entrance of the vault, a comfortable weight around his shoulders. Kazuma figures that since they’re alone, now is a good time to ask.
“What was the other thing you wanted to say?”
“What do you mean?” Urameshi sniffed, rubbing his nose.
“Earlier you said you had something you really wanted to say, but couldn’t say it.” Kazuma reminds him, bright curiosity blooming in him as Urameshi’s cheeks flush. “What is it?”
“... I can’t tell you.” Urameshi frowns, looking away.
“Hey, you promised.” Kazuma pinches his cheek, tugging on it until Urameshi swatted him away. “C’mon, no more secrets.”
“This one is too secret.” Urameshi insists, avoiding looking Kazuma directly in the eyes.
“Does anyone else know?” Kazuma prompts, his chest tightening up at the thought of being left out of yet another group secret.
“I really hope not.” Urameshi mutters.
“Tell me.” Kazuma demands.
“No.”
He tries again. “Please tell me.”
“Hell no.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” Urameshi scowled, the tips of his ears red. “I don’t want to tell anyone, especially you.”
Kazuma stiffens, his heart clenching in his chest. He drops the subject, unable to find the right words to say. Urameshi is silent beside him, his jaw working like he was trying to bite words back. He grumbles an annoyed sound, then sighs.
“I can show you, if you want.” Urameshi relents, refusing to meet Kazuma’s gaze. “But only you. And you can’t tell anyone. And you have to forget about it.”
“It can’t be that bad.” Kazuma tries to reassure, dying to know what the big secret is. Urameshi just gives him a look, then huffs.
“C’mere.” He grabs Kazuma’s hand and drags him into a dimly lit corner of the vault. Kazuma’s heart thuds with excitement. Urameshi was actually going to open up to him! Twice in one day was a miracle he never thought he would see. Urameshi pushes him up against the wall, darkness masking his features as he faced away from the light streaming in through the open vault door.
“You can’t tell anyone, okay?” Urameshi whispers. “Promise me.”
“I promise.” Kazuma agrees without hesitation, his voice hushed as Urameshi leaned closer.
“Close your eyes.” Urameshi blurts suddenly, his hands gripping Kazuma’s shoulders tighter. “It’s too much pressure if you’re looking at me.”
“Are you really that shy?” Kazuma smiles as a light bubble of laughter slips out. Urameshi shoves him hard against the wall, knocking the breath from his mirth.
“Shut up, asshole.” He hisses in Kazuma’s face. “Close your damn eyes.”
Kazuma shuts his eyes, hardly able to contain his curiosity and anticipation. Urameshi’s breath brushes warmly against his face, the heat of his body radiating through his clothes and pressing against him. Urameshi doesn’t say anything, the tense energy between them tight with hesitation.
“Urameshi...?” Kazuma whispers, keeping his eyes closed. For some reason his heart is going crazy, pumping loudly in his ears.
“Shut up.” Urameshi snaps quietly, then softer. “Just... shut up, Kuwabara.”
Kazuma is very tempted to take a peek. Just crack one eye open the slightest bit to get a glimpse at the look on Urameshi’s face. The picture his voice paints is an interesting one that Kazuma has never seen before. He wants to know if the image he has in his mind is right. He takes a peek just as Urameshi closes the distance between their faces. Kazuma’s eyes fly open as warm lips are pressed to his. He stares at Urameshi’s eyes, shut tight in anticipation of rejection, even as he presses himself closer to Kazuma, kissing him. Kazuma is stunned, his heart beating wildly in his chest, so loud Urameshi must hear it. The warm press of his lips moving against his has Kazuma’s spine melting. His eyelids slip shut and everything else falls away. There’s just the heat of Urameshi’s body, the nervous caress of his breath puffing on his face, and the uniquely tender kiss coaxing his lips to move. Kazuma relaxes, tension draining from his body as he kisses Urameshi back, sliding his hands to wrap around the small of his back, holding him closer. Urameshi’s breathing stutters and he pushes Kazuma harder against the wall, pinning him there with his body as his kisses sharpen with an edge. Teeth nick Kazuma’s lips, the small bite of pain making him gasp in surprise at the intimacy of it. He shivers and his lips part in an open invitation. Urameshi hesitates, his breath hitching as he slips his tongue between Kazuma’s lips, seeking the wet heat of his mouth.
Kazuma flushes with desire as Urameshi’s tongue explores his mouth, caressing his tongue and tracing his teeth. He feels like he can’t get enough and desperately doesn’t want to part for a second, even to breathe. He wants Urameshi to keep kissing him like this until he swoons in his arms. Heat rises under his collar as Urameshi’s tongue scalds his mouth. It seems to go on forever; Kazuma wanting this moment to never end and Urameshi trying to get as much out of it before it does. But end it does.
Kazuma can’t breathe, too focused on kissing to pay attention to lack of oxygen. His knees weaken and he has to lean heavily on Urameshi. Their lips part with a slick sound, panting into each other’s mouths. Urameshi’s eyes burn in the darkness, pinning Kazuma with a hungry stare.
“Now do you get it?” He whispers, tracing Kazuma’s lips with his thumb, swiping away the droplet of blood from where he bit him. “It’s the most dangerous secret I have.”
Kazuma nods, breathless and dizzy, far too hot in his own skin right now. Urameshi starts to pull away and Kazuma hangs on.
“Wait!” He hurries to find his words, keeping him close. “Please wait.”
“Kazuma...” Urameshi roughly sighs, leaning back into his warmth, allowing Kazuma to pull him closer.
“Say it again.” Kazuma pleads, wanting to hear his name on his lips. “Kiss me again.”
Urameshi kisses him; searing hot and far too short. It leaves Kazuma panting and desperate for more, just like the end of every fight they’ve had. He thinks he could get addicted to this too.
“Again.” He begs, holding onto Urameshi’s shoulders tightly.
“Kazuma.” Urameshi says it like it means so many things to him. He stays close to Kazuma, but doesn’t move to kiss him again. “You don’t get it. How dangerous this is.”
“It’s not dangerous.” Kazuma’s hands explore, eager to touch Urameshi in ways he’d never been brave enough to before. His fingers curl in his hair and find the warmth of his skin. “C’mon. We both know I’ve never had a problem with you being too rough with me before.”
Urameshi rumbles a sound akin to a growl that sends pleasant shivers down Kazuma’s spine. He shoves him harder against the wall, Kazuma’s heart fluttering with excitement. “Shut up. Don’t make me think about you like that.”
Kazuma cheeks heat up. “Like...?”
“The problem isn’t me being too rough with you. I know you can take it.” Urameshi’s grip tightens on him, his eyes dropping to Kazuma’s lips again. His voice is restrained with barely contained desire. “God do I know you can take it, everything I want to give to you. But I can’t.”
“But—”
“It’s too dangerous.” Urameshi repeats. “I have a lot more enemies now than I did when we first met. People already know I care about you, that... that you really matter to me. And if they knew that I... That I really...”
Urameshi breaks off, unable to speak the words. He shakes his head. “They’d come after you, I know it. It’s happened before and I wasn’t strong enough to stop it either time. I can’t lose you.”
“Yusuke,” The name rises from his lips like the soft glow of dawn. Urameshi looks up into his eyes and Kazuma takes his hand, holding it to his heart. “I don’t care if you want to keep this a secret. I’ll be happy to sneak kisses in dark corners of heaven like this whenever. I’ll even take us to the moon to make out, if you want. Just... please.”
Kazuma squeezes his hand and holds his gaze. “Don’t shut me out and leave me alone because you’re scared of what might happen. All I’ve ever wanted was to be with you, no matter what.”
Urameshi is quiet for a long moment, just staring at Kazuma with a look he couldn't quite read. Whatever it is Urameshi sees in his eyes, it's enough to make him crack a smile and laugh. It was a small laugh, uncertain with nerves, defeat, amusement, and celebration. A fuck it kind of laugh.
"Okay." He chuckles, shaking his head and stepping closer. "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn ya."
He kisses him again and Kazuma swoons with the emotion in it. Wrapping his arms around Urameshi's warm body, he thinks to himself that he doesn't mind if this has to be a secret. Just as long as it's their secret to share.