Chapter Text
Namgyu sat down with his patient who was currently picking his own skin, Namgyu tried not to be visibly conflicted with the way Subong's fingernails crawl deep into himself — he obviously doesn't like it, I mean, who would? — Subong's arms were already fucked enough, it already suffered enough — Subong had already suffered enough. There's no need to cause more pain to himself.
Namgyu cleared his throat "What happened earlier?" He asked Subong who hasn't stopped picking at his skin, he then only paused when Namgyu placed his soft hands over his wrists — Subong looked up to see his Nurses' worried expression. "I was just missing my Nurse." Subong waves off, there's clearly more than what meets the eye in this situation and Namgyu knows it well enough to not believe his patient.
Although he just nodded, if there's something he learned while working here, that is to never push your patients into talking — let them be for a while and they will come to you, without a fail. There's no use in aggravating a depressed patient, that's literally the worst thing you could ever do while being a Nurse so then he pulled his hand back.
"Am I that irresistible? I make you down on your knees and make you cry like a baby?" Just play it normal, Namgyu's all time quote. Subong chuckled at the joke that's clearly making fun of how pathetic he must've looked earlier, but to him, it's not something to be offended by — there's more of a comfort feeling knowing Namgyu is able to make a joke about his state and not take it seriously, then proceed to treat him like a literal new born child.
Subong doesn't enjoy the thought of knowing that everyone around him walks on eggshells whenever he's feeling sad, it's more pathetic than what he's feeling. So, Subong enjoys it whenever Namgyu finds a way to make everything more lighter than it initially is, even if he'll insult the fuck out of Subong.
"Of course you are, baby."
Subong winked playfully as the ridiculous pet name rolled perfectly on his tongue — he was either born to say that or to say it to his Nurse. Namgyu's jaw clenched in surprise as he tucked his hair behind his ear, Subong perked up to the sight of his Nurse's ears that has several holes — indications for piercings — Namgyu can stay interesting for all Subong's stay here and he will surely enjoy it, watching Namgyu is like peeling an onion layer by layer. It might make you cry, but something deep inside you wants to pursue the satisfaction of seeing its core.
Namgyu will surely make you cry with each step you take forward to light his soul, yet the romanticised heart he had barricaded that everyone longs to see is as interesting as a dead fish — that's what he believes in and what Subong will never comprehend.
Namgyu looked away from his patient, trying to play things cool and normal as that stupid familiar burning sensation crept up on his cheeks — leaving his freckles invisible with the way red swallowed his face whole. He's blushing, so hard.
Subong noticed the sudden shift of colour on his Nurse's cheeks, 'slike he caked himself with blush on and that made Barney sheepishly smile. No way that's all it takes, a goddamn pet name? Subong will have a blast with this. He admired his Nurse who kept opening his mouth just to let it close without a sound, he's the nervous wreck now.
"I didn't know you were such a sucker for pet names, it got your snarky mouth shut huh?" Subong teased with a sly smirk, "Red suits your face, you should wear it more often." He continued to taunt his Nurse.
"Don't get shit twisted weirdo, it's just hot today." A blatant lie that Subong can never let slip by, it's far from hot today — it's raining outside and nobody has had the bright idea to maybe turn the AC up so they wouldn't turn Ice Age in here. But, yeah sure, I suppose it is hot wherever Namgyu may be living at right now; his personal hell.
"Yeah?" Subong teased, never letting his stupid smirk down making Namgyu roll his eyes. "Obviou - fucking - ly."
"Okay baby, whatever you sa—" Subong whined as a sudden impact landed on the back of his head, he looked at his Nurse with furrowed brows and a puzzled look in his eyes like he's innocent. "Stop calling me that." Namgyu says, "Why not? It suits you since you're such a bab—" Another smack now paired with glaring eyes. Okay that's scary, Subong is thinking of backing out now. The look he gives is what death should be described as and it's truthfully enough to let you succumbed into its darkness.
Namgyu's awfully dark, yet pretty eyes are putting Subong's ego down to leash his neck.
"I will leave you at Hyun-ju's mercy if you don't quit it and I mean that." Namgyu doesn't look very happy now and Subong is surrendering, he feels too guilty. Perhaps he pushed Namgyu too far and now Namgyu will really hate him, and leave him. He should learn to just keep his mouth shut for all eternity so he wouldn't lose more people he finds interesting.
Subong retreats to his shell as he continued butchering his own skin under Namgyu's gaze, "Shit- Sorry, I was just playing around. I'm sorry if I offended you, Gyu." He pitched his skin in order to distract himself from all the negative thoughts flooding his mind and Namgyu is still watching him. He's so exposed at the sight of his Nurse, yet he couldn't be bother to move far away from the other's eyes.
Namgyu controlled his breathing as he calm himself down before doing another thing that he'll surely regret later on. Watching his patient shrink like a feeble little kid is making him anxious, there's something so vulnerable in Subong that it's making him want to turn his back and run away, run far from the naked vulnerability Subong offers. Although he wouldn't do that because he's a Nurse, he chose this despite knowing his own problems. He still committed into being a Psychiatric Nurse.
And yes, he also wouldn't run away from Subong. But we all know he'll never admit to that afterthought — yeah for him, his weird fascination with his patient is only an afterthought.
"I'm not really gonna leave you, Subong. I was playing around too so stop apologising for it, you did nothing wrong." Namgyu softly says as his hands began cupping Subong's, yet his eyes darts down to find their knees resting closely. "I didn't mean it." He calmly answered the question that has been silently eating Subong's brain. "Patients are often happy to be under Hyun-ju's care." He continued, but this time a bit quieter.
Despite hating his job, he surely knows what to say and when.
"Well I like being taken care of by you." Subong swifts Namgyu's hands in order to intertwine them together again. Fuck, he missed this. Namgyu has been close to him physically and mentally, but nothing really beats the feeling of his hands engulfed with Subong's. It's a different kind of euphoria, Subong is starting to believe it is better than morphine.
Subong held tight for comfort or to secure that Namgyu wouldn't actually run away, but there's no need to secure someone who's willing to be kept beside him. Namgyu didn't pull his hands away, not even a sudden tug of hesitation that this could be wrong or he'll later on regret this, nothing, nada. He did nothing to stood beside his own rule, nothing to give himself time to think.
Namgyu hums as silence fell upon them, a comfortable peace between them lingered for more than both expected with fingers still intertwined.
Subong's starting to forget the menacing moment he had earlier, it has been a routine for him — he forgets all his worries until Namgyu decides to leave. Everything will come crawling in to pick his brain the moment his Nurse steps foot outside the pink walls protecting their mundane moment.
Namgyu stares outside for a brief second to find the skies clearing up, the sun's shine finally meddling its way through thick clouds, then back to his patient who seems to be enjoying having his hands pressed against his.
It has been too long that Namgyu is forgetting where he stands between a Nurse and Patient relationship so he cleared his throat to catch Subong's wandering eyes.
"How's a walk in the nearby park?" Subong stared at him with confusion written all over his face, "I'm not sure if I'm allowed to go outside." He truly doesn't know, but if Namgyu suggests it then does it mean that he is allowed?
"Dude. This is not a prison, you're allowed to go outside." Namgyu says voice trailed with amusement and sarcasm, Subong's mouth only made an O shape that made Namgyu furrowed his brows. "Do you know that? It's important to me that you know that." His voice hides the laughter brewing in his throat at how stupid Subong is.
"Duh dude, 'course I knew that. Legit basic knowledge." Namgyu looked away in order to not laugh at his poor patient's face as Subong pouted, "My boy! Of course I knew that! Don't laugh at me, you asshole!" Subong pulled Namgyu's hand while he whined and there was Subong, the Subong who uses English phrases — the Subong everyone knows. Namgyu took a deep breathe before re-facing his stupid patient.
"Yeah, okay, I'm sure the all mighty Subong did knew that." Namgyu says with pure bliss covering his eyes. Both seem to have a weird obsession with oppressing one another, an exotic love language. "Stop being so sarcastic, you're so bitchy." Subong rolled his eyes, "Let go of my hand then if I'm so bitchy." Namgyu challenged that left Subong defeated, he said No a bit too fast and too eager. "That's what I thought."
"Let's go take that walk since this place is not a Prison."
☆
"I feel mad stupid in wheels. Is this really necessary or you're just a goddamn sadist." Subong huffed, bloating his pink cheeks with discomfort. Namgyu's pushing him, who's currently booked on a wheelchair towards the nearby park. This is a total embarrassment on his name, top 5 most embarrassing shit he has ever done. If the man with long hair, who rocks a dress does exist up there, Subong's praying nobody he recognises sees him being wheeled around.
No hate to those who own a wheelchair — mad respect for them — but, this vehicle is not for Subong. This for him feels gay as fuck, gayer than him daydreaming about his Nurse while they ran happily along the beach with the most beautiful sunset playing on the background- okay, what?
"Can you stop complaining so much? Pushing you around isn't a fucking pleasure, you're too heavy!" Namgyu grunts as his flimsy arms works overtime to push his patient. He isn't exactly super thin to the point you'll question if he was loved as a kid or is suffering from E.D — although both ends meet.— but he doesn't have meat on him either to notice his muscle.
In short, Namgyu is built like an average korean guy not like Subong who, on the other hand looks like he lifts weights when he isn't surfing past the clouds.
"Are you calling me fat?!" Subong turned his head to his side in disbelief, "Yes I am, lard face! Now stop squirming so much, I swear, my arms are about to fall off." Namgyu eagerly pushed his hardest trying to close the gap between them and the park, why did he even suggested this knowing Subong is twice as big as he is and wheelchairs are fucking mandatory. Wishing he could go back in time right now, fuck his tragic life.
"Just say you're a weak little bitch, you're a total twink man. You know what? I'm gonna start calling your little ass Twinkie, it fits you so much more." Namgyu stopped for a brief moment to calm himself because if he doesn't he will surely push Subong onto the busy road. "Why'd you stop, Twinkie? Had enough? Twinkie needs a little break?" Okay.
Namgyu with every strength he has left on his body pushed and pulled Subong's wheelchair enough to make him loudly yelp, resulting in some bystanders to stop and look at both of them. He snickered in victory as Subong completely turned his body to stare directly at his eyes, although his eyes are only laced with satisfaction with no remorse for the older man.
"I'm gonna get you back for that, watch your back." Subong says with utmost sincerity as he turned his body back around while Namgyu only mocked him before continuing to push his big fatass.
The park isn't as overcrowded with running kids with snots all over their face as Subong was expecting and he'll make sure to pray for that to thank whoever's up there.
His eyes scanned the area with run down play structures and he feels a bit of satisfaction, yeah the slides are rusty enough to slice your ass in half, the swings are squeaky as hell that looks like they'll fall off any minute, the sandbox is most probably contaminated with kids bodily liquids. Yet Subong still finds it on himself to enjoy this shitty scenery.
Being enclosed in a Psychiatric Hospital for more than a Month can really make you appreciate the stupid things you used to not care about, like a goddamn Ice cream truck on the corner of Subong's eyes that has been playing the same song for years now. He feels so nostalgic over this and he'll make sure to have Namgyu buy him a Spongebob popsicle later.
There are a few children being young and cheerful, and a group of teenagers trying to sneak cough drops behind their backs. But, this is far better than having a whole town of kids rallying around for sweets and attention from everyone.
Kids aren't really on his Top 10, it's not even on his 20. They're loud, messy, and will get in his way of ruining his life. Don't get him wrong, they are somewhat tolerable and the thought of having a mini-me isn't all that bad, at least for someone who's stable enough to support having them.
Subong's only well aware enough that he could never bear a kid, he knows It's something he could never have so he stopped wanting and completely gave up acknowledging children. The idea of having kids had never been something natural for him to talk casually about with his peers, all assumes that Subong will spend his pathetic life alone — dying with toxicity flowing in his veins.
His teenage years and adulthood had always been just about Partying, Molly, and one night stands. Nothing is ever serious to him, he learned it the hard way. He had never let anything serious again after his first and only serious girlfriend. Ever since they broke up for some stupid reason, Subong has never taken anyone seriously — not because he can't get over her, but because of how fucked up he can be in a relationship.
Regardless of his adolescent background, even if he wanted to start a family, even if the thought of having a Family who is far from his immediate one: a family that's complete, a family that's comfortable, a family that will never let you question an idiom if blood is truly thicker than water. Even if there's so much possibility, Subong knows he shouldn't let his Father's blood create more vicious victims like him, he'd let his pathetic excuse of a Father's bloodline end with him. Even if it means sacrificing the bliss of a peaceful home with children of his own and a partner.
The dirty blood he carries and the past who creeps in to haunt him in his sleep is enough to keep his decision straight.
He couldn't even save his little sister from those who wronged them, what makes him good or brave enough to care for any more children. What he let happen to his dear sister is just another reminder for him to never procreate and that he is his Father's son.
"I thought you'd enjoy the smell of drying pavement after a rain." Subong snapped his head back to reality where Namgyu is taking off the seatbelt securing him to not fall or to not run away and jump on a busy road. "Don't you just love that funky smell? Ah, It just gives you the feels." Namgyu said sarcastically with a small smile that Subong appreciates, it reminded him of where he is right now. Where he is right now is in front of his Nurse, clothed in Psychiatric PJ's, and a Park. Letting himself be eaten by his thoughts is not an option when Namgyu is near.
He stood up to stretch after giving Namgyu a quick grin, "Fuck that felt good." He says, dragging the U and the O like there's no tomorrow. "Now go play or something, I don't care, just don't go too far or whatever." Namgyu nonchalantly tossed Subong aside as he began reaching for his Phone somewhere inside his pockets, Subong furrowed his brows before a lightbulb lit up on top of his head.
He quickly yanked Namgyu by the wrist and headed straight for the seesaw that's clearly not made for kids looking at how high up it can get you, "The hell— Subong let go of me!" His grin grew larger after hearing his Nurse whine and bitch, he kept going forward remembering back when no kids wanted to play seesaw with him — not because he's a weird kid who smells bad, playing fair was just never his cup of tea.
He would always leave the other kids high up in the sky while he laughs at their misery. Little Subong is a menace on his little Hometown and he plans on making Namgyu experience the same horror those little kids felt as a payback for the stunt he pulled earlier — but he won't tell him that of course. —
"I swear to fuck if you don't let go of me right now I'm gonna scream!" Subong laughed, "You're already screaming, smartass!" Namgyu groaned in response, he finally gave up and made Subong lead the way.
"That looks nowhere safe." Namgyu eyed the ride with disgust then looked at Subong who was only grinning from eye to eye, he sighed deeply before completely giving in into Subong's glistering eyes. "Fine, but if you get hurt I'm gonna kill you." His patient only nodded as he readily sat on one end, waiting for Namgyu to do the same.
Subong can see the hesitation from Namgyu's eyes as he gayfully touches the rusty seat. "It's not gonna bite you my boy! Just get on!" With a grunt he wearily sat down. "This is so.." He started, "Gonna be so hella fun!" Subong finished.
This isn't so bad, Namgyu decides as his feet once again started lifting from the grass leaving him vulnerable up in the sky as Subong is still smiling like he just won the lottery. This is fun, as long as Subong doesn't start something stupid.
He swallowed his words back as his seat didn't back down when it was time, he gripped the handle tight as he strangely looked at Subong who's now smiling like a fox — a sly fox. A sexy sly fox? No, a sly fox full of rabies.
"What the fuck are you doing, Subong." He bit his lips down, "Nothing?" Subong innocently shrugged as if he doesn't have his Nurse hostage on the air we speak.
Namgyu knew from the start that his patient was about to pull something like this, but still, he trusted the fox and got checkmated. "Get me down from here, Subong you motherfucker." Subong can see the visible smoke coming out of Namgyu's ears and that made him more happier, he kept his grin while his poor Nurse gripped tighter at the handle. "Nah, I think you deserve this for being such a bitch earlier."
"Subong, I swear! I'm gonna fucking shove this whole shit so far up your ass you'll be throwing up tetanus once I get down!" Namgyu warned, Subong waves him off. "Was that supposed to make me want to get you down?" He questioned and acted dumbfounded like Curious fucking George, Namgyu is not amused and he surely doesn't find this shit funny like Subong.
"I will give you away to Hyun-ju! I swear to fuck I will if you don't get me down fucker!" Namgyu hisses making Subong roar with laughter, it's hard to take his scary face seriously when he's slipping down like a kid with diaper. "I'm sure you will, hm.. How 'bout a please, baby?" Subong teasingly spoke.
That was Namgyu's last straw. Subong yelped off the seesaw as Namgyu suddenly jumped down like a fucking cat doing the world's most deadliest parkour. Okay, that was mad impressive and the circulation gossip going around the patients about Nurse Namgyu being a cat at night must be really true, and that is also fucking scary because now Namgyu's down: glaring at him like a venomous snake.
Subong clearly didn't thought about this outcome and he should probably start running as Namgyu is now charging towards him without a care for his license, professionalism out the fucking window as he started bolting after Subong.
"What the fuck dude?! Are you a fucking cat?!" Subong ran whining, yet still having the biggest grin. "I'm gonna bury you alive! Get back here you little bitch!" Namgyu bolted after Subong, smiling a tad bit despite wearing such deadly glare like he really means what he said. "Get your ass back there, bitch boy!"
Subong laughed as they Merry-go-round the swing, "You can't even catch me, what makes you think you can bury me alive?" He teased and without a warning Namgyu threw himself at Subong, pass the swings that was separating them, to tackle him.
Now flustered Subong is lying down on the grass as Namgyu's on top of him with a victory smirk, completely unaware of how strange they must be looking right now.
Subong watched his Nurse breathe heavily on top of him as his sweat furiously ran down his forehead, that'll surely annoy him later and Subong will hear endless complaints, but he never once had a problem with the way Namgyu bitched about life — he never had a problem with Namgyu in general — But now he's on top of him and still unaware.
Subong can't help but look at him intensely as his heart started skipping beats, fuck. If God is truly real and he did create us all then he sure as hell took his time perfecting Namgyu's face. Everything makes sense to his sharp cat eyes and pointy jawline, his small nose and rosey lips. Subong can admire his face all day long and he would never get bored of it, that's how beautiful Namgyu is.
He pulled his hand out to tuck a strand of hair that was blocking Namgyu's face behind his ear, "Can't see your pretty face." his hand started moving on it's own before he can think a coherent thought while his mouth should be washed with soap. He should regret it — he should be regretting it, but he only sheepishly smiled when Namgyu finally noticed their position and blushed like a tomato.
Without a word Namgyu got off and sat down to catch his breath while also looking around to see those who were watching them before had went back to each their own businesses. Thank God. Subong sat down and before he could say something stupid, Namgyu already took the initiative to cover his patient's mouth with his hand.
"Not a fucking word.." He warned as Subong's eyes winden, he felt pieces of grass colonizing the fuck of out his mouth like they're fresh mints. Namgyu smiled because not a minute before he harshly plucked a handful of grass to shove Subong's throat and it worked wonders.
Subong started coughing out the grass after Namgyu finally took his hands off, "You're so evil!" He cried mid-choking on some grass left on his throat, the pathetic sight of Subong obviously made Namgyu happy and snicker like an evil witch who clearly needs to burn at a stake. "I know, I don't even know how I still have my license." He grinned at Subong who smiled back despite surviving Namgyu's murder attempt. He just can't help it when Namgyu's laughing and smiling in front of him, he's totally whipped that he isn't even thinking of pressing charges.
"You're getting me Ice cream for that by the way." Namgyu furrowed his brows — about to fight back when Subong beat him to it, "I'll tell Nurse Hyun-ju you tried to kill your helplessly poor patient, me, if you don't." He stuck his tongue out like an entitled brat as Namgyu groaned, yet accepted his fate.
This day turned out a lot better than how it started and Subong clearly knows that it's only because of his Nurse, and he clearly knows that this will fuck him up sooner or later. Yet he still can't be bothered to give a fuck about the consequences waiting to bite his ass as he follows Namgyu to get his SpongeBob popsicle while smiling like a fool.