Chapter Text
Dr. Bellows had just left his office Monday morning to make his way to General Praxton’s for their weekly meeting when he ran into Roger. His friend looked slightly tired, the same as the man in the mirror looked that morning as he blinked away sleep. However, both of them looked well rested compared to Tony, but that man radiated contentment this morning as he rode into work with Dr. Bellows. The fact Tahmineh had changed her plans and would be living with the Nelsons for at least two more weeks relieved Tony’s anxiety about leaving Jeannie considerably.
“Oh, Alfred, I was just coming to talk to you,” Roger said, turning to walk beside Dr. Bellows.
The use of his given name signaled that this was a personal matter, so he stopped walking and turned to look at the army major. He was making a few tapping motions with his right hand but otherwise did not appear stressed. “Johnson and I were hoping you could come to dinner Friday night.”
Dr. Bellows waited for that instinctive refusal to boil up inside him. He had not set foot in his former home since he’d left it. But he instead found just calm acceptance flowing through him. “That sounds lovely.”
Roger’s eyes widened a bit and then he grinned, but then the grin faded, and he began to fidget just a bit more. “Greg’s girlfriend Cindy will be there. He’d like for you two to meet.”
Dr. Bellows frowned, surprised by the idea. While he had gotten to know the man slightly better since he’d become Roger’s roommate, he was still an acquaintance. “He wants me to meet his girlfriend?”
“He’s in love,” Roger said, as if that explained everything. Off of Dr. Bellows expression, he protested, “Oh, no. Not like me. Like Tony. They’re not officially engaged, but they’re already making plans. She has a huge family, and the best time for them to have the wedding will be next summer, just after her baby sister graduates from college.”
Roger started to tap his foot, and Dr. Bellows suddenly realized what dinner was about. “They want to buy the house.”
Looking down, Roger nodded. Then he looked back up and said, “The wedding will around the same time we’re heading out to Houston, I’m sure. They said they’d be fine with me staying a few months after they get married if I need to. But I know you—”
Again he expected to feel that overwhelming rejection of the idea but instead found calm acceptance. It was almost as if the universe was pushing him forward in spite of himself. Not into forgetting her. No, he would never forget her. Never stop missing her. But it was pushing him to start taking steps into the future.
“You’ve said Major Johnson has done a wonderful job taking care of the house.”
Roger nodded eagerly. “He really has, Alfred. He grew up in apartments; it’s the first house he’s ever lived in. I think he’s really grown attached to it. And he didn’t ask me to talk to you about it. That’s what dinner is for on Friday. I just didn’t want you blindsided.”
Dr. Bellows smiled and patted his friend on the shoulder. “I promise I will think about it, Roger.”
Roger smiled.
---
His meeting with General Praxton was filled with official business until the end. In fact, Dr. Bellows was standing to make his exit when General Praxton asked him to sit back down. It was then he noticed the tightness of his friend’s shoulders, and the tension in the fingers that were clasped together lying on the desk in front of the general.
“I hear Major Nelson had his daughter on his birthday. On Thursday night.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You talked to me Friday morning sounding exhausted and worried. You obviously knew about the baby but didn’t tell me. I didn’t ask any questions during that phone call because you’re my friend. But you did promise me an explanation of why you called the head of this facility instead of Nelson and Healey calling in to their own supervisors.”
“I did.”
“Well.”
Exhaustion had driven the memory of that promise away, and he wasn’t the quick thinker that Tony was. He had no planned explanation. “I’m not sure I can give you explanation that will satisfy you.”
“Alfred—”
“David, even I could tell you everything that happened Thursday night, you wouldn’t believe me.” And he wouldn’t. Much like Tony and himself, he wasn’t the type of man to believe in genies.
“Alfred, why would you hide the birth from me when you called Friday morning? Why didn’t anyone let the base know? I haven’t heard a single person say they visited the Nelsons in the hospital, and Mrs. Nelson is a very well-liked woman. And I’m willing to bet that if I got a hold of the birth certificate, your signature would be on it.”
Dr. Bellows shifted in his seat and then met his friend’s eyes. “David, I told you on the day I decided to stay with the project that people here have secrets.”
General Praxton stood and walked over to the window. “I know that, Alfred. But I also know that everyone, and I do mean everyone, believes Tony Nelson is one straight shooter.”
“And he is.”
“And, yet, for some reason, the birth of his child was being treated like a state secret?”
“David, I promise you that the reason they chose to give birth at home is not a threat to this program, this base, the Air Force or this country,” Dr. Bellows said, hoping that his word would be enough. Tony and Jeannie did not need an Air Force general snooping in their lives—he was sure an Air Force colonel had been stressful enough back when he was the snooper.
General Praxton walked over and leaned on the back of his office chair. “I remember you telling me that Major Nelson and his wife dated for years, and yet everyone says how surprised they were when he got married. That they didn’t even know he was dating anyone. I keep thinking why wouldn’t anyone but Major Healey have met her in all those years?”
Dr. Bellows kept himself from wincing. Such an innocent piece of information, or so he thought when he’d shared it. He gathered his thoughts. He needed to be careful. “Love doesn’t always arrive in the package it’s supposed to,” he said.
“Are you telling me that Jeannie Nelson—”
“I’m not telling you anything about Jeannie,” he said. “I can tell you that Tony loves her enough that he would leave everything behind, including being an astronaut, for her. He will do what he needs to do to protect her. Including having an at-home birth and waiting a few days to announce that birth to give her time to recover.”
General Praxton waited for him to say more. When he didn’t, the general sighed. “I hate mysteries. And now you’ve got me thinking about witness protection and mobster daughters.”
Dr. Bellows kept his poker face on. General Praxton shook his head. “Ok, I’m going to trust you, Alfred. Because, except for this, you’ve never given me cause to doubt you. Except for this, Major Nelson hasn’t given me cause either. And because I know about falling in love with someone that the Air Force won’t approve of.”
Dr. Bellows couldn’t hide his surprise at those words, but he refused to pretend he didn’t understand them. Didn’t understand the importance of them. “I know you do, Sir.”
General and colonel looked at each for several moments. Here, in the office of a general, surrounded by all the symbols of the military they both proudly served, during a conversation about trust, they had both taken the chance to acknowledge a truth that could end both of their careers.
While Tony faced losing a job and career he loved for loving Jeannie, the man in front of Dr. Bellows would lose so much more. He would become a convicted felon and imprisoned for violating Article 125 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice if his love was exposed to the world. Dr. Bellows wished he could say more, to let the general know that his secret was safe with him, that he appreciated the trust the man was showing him. But it felt as if to say or do more than the simple acknowledgment that he knew was too big of a risk.
He watched as the tension left his friend’s frame, as if he wasn’t sure that Dr. Bellows would accept his secret. That maybe the doctor had been oblivious to truths every time he’d visited. He watched as his friend accepted that Tony Nelson protected the one he loved just as he did, even if he didn’t know the exact reason why that love needed to be protected.
Sighing, he pulled his seat back and settled back into it. “I haven’t even heard what name they chose, yet.”
“Amanda Nelson.”
General Praxton’s eyebrows rose. “Are you going to still argue that you are objective with Majors Nelson and Healey?”
“Objective on my observation that those two are good and inherently honest men who love their country and the space program? Absolutely,” he stated. Then he smiled. “If I were still acting in any way as a supervising officer, I would have to admit that no, I’m not objective. I’m very fond of those two.”
General Paxton studied him for a moment. What he was looking for Dr. Bellows didn’t know, but whatever he saw apparently satisfied him. He gave a nod and then asked, “Do you have plans for this weekend?”
“I’m having dinner with Majors Johnson and Healey on Friday night. Major Johnson wishes for me to meet his girlfriend,” he admitted. He also planned to spend time with Baby Amanda.
General Praxton nodded. “So, you can come over Saturday evening? Will would like to introduce you to Milly; she’s his dance partner at his ballroom dancing club.” Will was his very good friend and neighbor who had followed the general to three different duty stations. The fact Will was so much more would never be, could never be, acknowledged by Dr. Bellows.
“Milly? David, I’m still not—”
He held up a hand. “We’re not trying to set you two up for a date. Will says she’s been windowed for a few years herself and is not looking to replace her husband. We just thought you two might make good friends.”
Again, it felt like the universe was pushing him forward. To his surprise, he agreed to attend David’s Saturday gathering.
---
Dr. Bellows hung up the phone, feeling both elated and sad. Dr. Reeves, the man he most wanted to replace him, had lost his mother-in-law much faster than the doctors expected. His wife had gone from wanting to stay exactly where they were to wanting to leave the area immediately. Dr. Reeves was both surprised and intrigued by the possibility of working at NASA. He agreed to visit and meet the leadership and see if it could be a good fit.
He would need to inform General Praxton tomorrow and firm up all the dates for a visit, but Dr. Bellows could feel it in his bones that he had found his replacement as staff psychologist. He would have to go through the hiring process, of course, and take the time to wind down his practice in Tampa. Dr. Bellows would need time to transition the department into a civilian-led one, and he hoped it would require much less paperwork than the medical department, but he doubted it.
And then, at the beginning of May next year, Dr. Alfred E. Bellows would leave NASA, his last Air Force duty station, for the last time.
He walked out onto his patio and looked up at the stars. He remembered looking out his office window almost three years ago, not being able to see the stars. Knowing they wouldn’t have given him comfort if he could view them.
He heard soft laughter from next door and smiled. Jeannie, Roger and Tony were still having a good time. He decided to go back and join them.
He already spent a good chunk of the day there. Today was Amanda’s first month’s birthday, and Tony said earlier in the week that they would celebrate it because he knew celebrations were important to her mother. But he put his foot down at having a big party or giving gifts. He and Roger both seemed stunned when Jeannie agreed to the no gifts.
When he arrived for the small luncheon celebration earlier, he could tell that Jeannie was more upset by their refusal to allow her to do anything than at the idea of no gifts. She was feeling stronger every day, but the men in her life were still wanting her to take it easy. Tony cooked a simple but tasty lunch, and Roger bought a cake from a bakery. He even brought the wine he’d told Dr. Bellows that he had bought to celebrate this occasion. While the doctor was not the connoisseur his father had been, he thought the vintage an excellent one.
The conversation had been lively and varied. It had been moments of joy (“Greg finally popped the question!”) to sadness (“Mama has not come to see Amanda, and I will not force a relationship on my daughter with someone who will never accept her.”). There had been gentle teasing (“Yes, you could say Milly and I went on a date last night, but it was not a date! We were just two friends going out to listen to some music.”). There had even been the mundane (“I don’t know where Miller got those numbers, Roge, but I can tell you they are not right!”).
He left earlier to make some phone calls. They’d all been personal, including his one to Dr. Reeves until Dr. Reeves revealed the bad news about his mother-in-law and that he was looking for a place to move. Carefully making his way over the pathway between his house and the Nelson’s, Dr. Bellows had no doubt he would be welcomed back with open arms.
Jeannie saw him first, waving him over as she laughed. “Amanda’s daddy and uncle have decided she’s old enough to start learning all the stars!” Jeannie spread her arms wide and looked up. Dr. Bellows joined her in her laughter.
“Hey,” Roger protested. His voice held a hint of laughter and a hint of seriousness as he said, “She needs to know this! She might be the first astronaut to walk on Mars!”
“Oh, surely, we’ll make it there long before she’s old enough, Roge!”
“I doubt it, Tone. I don’t think the drive and passion that got us to the moon is at NASA anymore.”
Tony frowned, obviously hearing the slight note of discontent in his friend’s voice. Dr. Bellows knew it was a small seed now, but it would grow. Fortunately, it looked as if Tony would be aware enough not to be completely knocked off course when Roger decided to leave.
Dr. Bellows looked up at the stars again. They were beautiful, he realized, but he didn’t need their comfort. His comfort and guidance came from the bright souls that surrounded him every day.
He sat down in the seat behind his two standing friends, across from the seated Jeannie. Tony partially turned and looked down at his daughter. “You know what your Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Roge realized earlier today? You have never been held by your grandfather.”
He found his arms suddenly full of a baby. “Oh, I can’t—I don’t—”
“Just support her head, Alfred. There you go,” Tony said, squatting down next to him.
Roger squatted on the other side of the chair. “She’s beautiful, and you can already tell she’s super smart.”
“Roge, she’s one month old!” Tony protested with a laugh.
“I don’t care; she’s a genius I tell you.”
Dr. Bellows looked down at the baby in his arms. Her eyes were open, studying him. He thought he sensed the intelligence Roger was talking about, even though the scientist in him argued that Tony was correct. One month was much too soon to know a child’s intellectual ability.
He closed his eyes and to his surprise he could see the future. For the first time since hearing that horrible, breath-taking future-stealing word—cancer—he could see his future. The picture was so vivid in color and so sharp in focus that it almost took his breath away.
Much will remain the same…
So many games of chess over the years with Omid, so many discussions about their two worlds and the women they loved. (“I was so nervous I dropped the ring when she said ‘yes’!”)
So many hours spent researching and writing with Cassim, growing in his knowledge of djinn medicine. (“It is similar to what your people call a medical convention.” “And they want me to be the guest speaker?”)
There will be time spent with Tahmineh helping her achieve her dream and then watching that dream flourish. (“Two ladies have asked to become my apprentices.”)
Much will change….
He already knew the large change waiting for Tony and Roger tomorrow morning at NASA. (“Congratulations, Colonel Nelson and Colonel Healey!”)
As he also knew that would be the last time the two friends would be promoted together. Only Tony’s shoulders would be adorned with silver eagles years from now. (“You’re retiring, Roge? You can’t be serious!”)
He knew his last home with Amanda would soon be in new hands, eager hands willing to take care of it and fill it with love. His current home would be sold within a year as he and his friends all moved to Houston. They will mourn the old as they seek to make roots in new soil. (“Oh, Anthony! I love it! The yard will be perfect for Amanda to play in.”)
A beautiful bright boy with his mother’s looks will join them unexpectedly. He and Roger will help support their friends as Tony’s terror (“Please, don’t leave me, Jeannie. Please, don’t leave me.”) will clash with Jeannie’s determination to have their child (“If you have to choose between saving me or saving our baby, Alfred, I want you to save our baby.”).
He will join Tony and Jeannie in their pride as Roger excels in the civilian world. They will watch in wonder as he goes far beyond what even he had dreamed. And they will all learn, reluctantly, to accept his generous gifts over the years as his coffers grow beyond his wildest dreams (“Are you sure you never blinked another paper from the future for Roge to see, Jeannie?”).
He will also join Tony and Jeannie in their worry for Roger as he continues to “fall in love” with the wrong women because he is too afraid to take the chance to really fall in love. They will smile and hide their queasy stomachs as he marries a wrong woman (“Dearly Beloved…”) and will do the same when he does it again (“Dearly Beloved….”). They will cheer and celebrate when he finally falls in love with the right woman who was his friend long before he even thought about her as a woman (“I don’t want to mess this up, Tone!” “You won’t.”).
His own romantic life will be filled with many wonderful women who are dear friends but none of them will ever replace Amanda. But he is happy for their companionship, and that is all that he wants or needs (“I had a wonderful time tonight.”).
Badly acted school plays, out of sync dance recitals, out of tune choir showcases, and sports whose rules will have to be explained to him become an important part of his life. (“I can definitely see the family resemblance between you and your grandkids.” “Thank you.”)
He will become a master bedtime story reader. His voice acting will be one for the ages, at least in the eyes of his grandchildren and their children. (“And the star shining so bright said…”)
And when his time comes long in the future, his death bed will be surrounded by people who love him. Tony and Jeannie will be, one on each side, holding his hands. Roger will have his hand on Tony’s shoulder as his wife hugs him close, offering her strength. His grandchildren and their families will be there as will Tahmineh, Cassim and Omid. And as he releases that last breath, he will still love Amanda.
He inhales and opens his eyes. Baby Amanda’s eyes meet his, and he swears she tries to smile at him. He stares down at her while her father and uncle talk about triangles and Altair and Deneb and Vega. He is almost overwhelmed by sheer joy.
One breath at a time, Alfred, he told himself. One breath at a time.
He’d been using those words to get through one of the most difficult parts of his life. But he now understands they are not just for the hard times. Life was just moments, and moments were just breaths. It was the only way mere mortals could live their lives. Breath to breath. The bad, the good, the ugly, the beautiful were all just breaths.
Sitting here holding his granddaughter, surrounded by love and laughter, he can see the future. And he thinks it looks wonderful.
Enjoy life one breath at a time, Alfred, he tells himself. Enjoy it one breath at a time.
And so he did.
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Thanks for reading!