Chapter Text
Kissing Rin is…
Odd. It’s something Sousuke had thought about quite a bit in the past few months. But he keeps on feeling Rin’s nose bump into his and their foreheads keep sticking to each other.
Sousuke puts a hand in Rin’s hair and a hand on his shoulder. Rin puts both of his hands on Sousuke’s waist. Sousuke pauses, for a second, while Rin continues to caress Sousuke’s lips with his own; Sousuke focuses deep to his toes, trying to feel a pulse of energy, a flash of lightning.
But none comes.
Rin must have noticed that Sousuke isn't responding, because Rin pulls away, wiping his mouth. They stare at each other; Sousuke’s never been great with people and he’s certainly never had to make small talk after a less-than-enjoyable kiss from his best friend.
“Shit,” Rin says, finally breaking the silence. “I can’t believe…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
“Hey,” Sousuke finds his voice. “Don’t worry about it.”
Rin nods, but he looks far from okay. He looks like a rabbit being stared down by a lion; Sousuke doesn’t think he’s ever thought of comparing Rin to a delicate woodland creature. Rin eventually turns toward his desk and picks up a book but Sousuke can only assume that he’s not actually reading, because Sousuke is definitely pretending to work on homework. His mind couldn’t actually be farther away from the math problem he’s looking at.
It’s quiet for a while, then Rin suddenly closes his book and gets into bed. He’s facing the wall, but Sousuke assumes that he’s not actually tired. Still, Sousuke knows he should go to bed early so he can get up in time to pack before he leaves for break, so he turns off the light and climbs into bed himself.
Rin’s voice is quiet when he speaks, but Sousuke still hears him. “Let’s just forget this happened,” he says.
“Yeah. No problem.”
Instead of sleeping, Sousuke can only think about Rin. That’s nothing new; three months before, Sousuke would have given anything to make out with Rin, but now that he has, he’s not sure why he wanted it so much. He tries to remember the feeling from earlier, to convince himself that he felt anything other than confusion.
But no matter how hard he tries, he can’t channel any excitement, or joy, or arousal from kissing Rin.
They pack in relative silence the next morning, both planning to take the same train home. The quiet is awkward and punctuated occasionally by Rin mumbling to himself, trying to make sure he doesn’t leave anything behind.
“You ready?” Sousuke asks, bag in hand, thirty minutes before their train will leave.
“Yeah,” Rin replies. They don’t speak on the way to the station, nor on the train. It’s not a comfortable silence, by any means, but it’s also not painful.
Sousuke gets off one stop before Rin. “Have a good break,” Sousuke says.
Rin holds up his fist. “Yeah, man. You too,” he says, as Sousuke bumps it. “And don’t forget what I said before.”
Overall, Sousuke considers his winter break a success. He holes himself in his room and plays video games, only to emerge for his mom’s cooking. He’s forced into the cold for New Year’s Eve, then promptly returns home and does his best to avoid any other human contact from anyone not directly related to himself.
Surprisingly, Rin texts him a few times.
Rin: are you relaxing??? put down your books you nerd
Rin: don’t forget to eat dinner. and save some for me
Rin: take a shower I can smell u from over here
Sousuke smiles every time he sees a text from Rin and does his best to respond. It’s comforting to know that Rin is still looking out for him, even after their awkward encounter before break.
On January 4th, Sousuke almost calls Ai. But in the end, he’s too afraid to even text. He’s not sure why the idea gives him so much anxiety, since the ever-polite Ai would probably at least send a courtesy reply. In the end, maybe it’s the fear that Ai won’t give a generic reply that stops him from reaching out.
But he wants to.
All breaks have to end, so the day before classes start again, Sousuke finds himself packing his bags and kissing his mother goodbye. Rin’s not coming back until later that evening, so at least Sousuke will still have some alone time. The 10:20 train back to Samezuka isn’t crowded, and not many students have returned to campus.
But then he sees him.
He sees the pale hair sticking out of a slouchy beanie and knows, instantly, that he can’t let Ai go this time.
Sousuke half-jogs up to the dorm, not wanting Ai to go inside before he can catch him.
“Ai,” he calls, slightly out of breath. Ai turns around.
He looks the same. Of course he does, it’s not like he could change that much in two weeks. All the same, Sousuke feels relieved to see his narrow, pale face, even that little beauty mark under his eye.
Ai falters for a second, then smiles. “How was your break, Yamazaki-senpai?”
Sousuke cringes internally at the formality, then tries his best to smile back. “Yeah, it was fine,” he says. “Did you have a good birthday?”
Ai looks surprised. “Oh, it was good! Momo-kun and Seijuuro-buchou video called me, it was nice.”
Sousuke can picture Ai blushing at Captain Handsome’s obnoxious red hair and infectious grin. Ugh. “How thoughtful of them,” he says, trying not to sound sarcastic. He’s aware that now they’re just standing around outside the building, but he doesn’t want Ai to leave. “Sorry, were you on your way to somewhere?”
“It’s no problem, I was just about to go to the convenience store for snacks,” Ai tells him.
“I’ll come with you,” Sousuke says hurriedly. “Let me put my stuff in my room.”
“Oh, no, that’s fine,” Ai says airily. “I don’t want to put you out.”
“No, I want to,” Sousuke says firmly.
Sousuke is relieved that Ai is still there when he comes back from putting his bags upstairs. “Thanks for waiting,” he says. Ai nods and leads the way.
“Is Rin-senpai back yet?” Ai asks.
“No, he’s coming back later today,” Sousuke responds.
“How are things between you two, anyway?” Ai asks.
“Alright, I guess,” Sousuke says. “Oh, um. He kissed me right before break.”
Ai actually stops in his tracks. “What?” he gasps. “Really?”
“Yeah. It was weird, though,” Sousuke explains. “I didn’t feel anything.”
Ai looks at him intently before starting to walk again. “But things haven’t been weird since then?”
“Well, I haven’t seen him since break started. We texted, though,” Sousuke says. Ai doesn’t say anything else until they enter the store.
“I won’t be long,” Ai says, grabbing a basket. Sousuke follows him as he heads directly to the candy and plops several down in his basket. Ai grabs various snacks from around the store and some drinks. As Ai heads up to the register, Sousuke wordlessly grabs his basket and plops it on the counter.
“Sousuke-senpai, what are you doing?” Ai asks.
“I didn’t get you a birthday present, so I’m going to buy your snacks,” Sousuke states.
“Oh, but you don’t have to,” Ai protests as Sousuke pays. “I didn’t expect a present, I haven’t exactly been a good friend lately.” Sousuke grabs the bag from the cashier.
“I still wanted to get you something,” Sousuke says when they get back outside. “I don’t know exactly what happened to us, but I wanted to make it up to you.”
“You…didn’t do anything,” Ai says, embarrassed. “It was my fault, I blew things out of proportion.”
“Well, I still felt bad for upsetting you,” Sousuke says, also embarrassed. “So. I’m sorry. I hope we can go back to how things were.”
“Of course,” Ai agrees. They approach the building and Sousuke hands the bag to Ai. Ai stops, bag in hand.
“Sousuke-senpai,” Ai starts. “When you said ‘how things were,’ what did you mean? Like when we went to lunch, or…the other thing?”
Sousuke hesitates. “I want whatever you want. I just don’t want something to come between us.”
“That doesn’t tell me anything,” Ai laughs weakly. “But okay. Thank you, Sousuke-senpai.”
When the term starts, Sousuke is too busy to worry about what will happen wth Ai. But he finds he has just enough time to return to swim practice. Momo is even more enthusiastic than he remembered, and Rin definitely seems grateful for someone else to keep an eye on him. But more often than not, Sousuke finds himself at the end of Ai’s lane, waiting to help him out of the pool.
“Before break, his times were slowing,” Rin tells him one day. “But they’re getting better again.”
“Is it just me, or is he more confident?” Sousuke asks.
“No, I think you’re right,” Rin agrees. “It’s good having you back.” Rin and Sousuke haven’t discussed their kiss, but Sousuke thinks that may be for the better; Sousuke doesn’t feel like it matters anymore.
And then in March, right before the year ends, Rin declares that Ai is the new captain. Sousuke watches Ai cry as the rest of the team congratulates him, proud of all the progress he’s made. He hangs back as the rest of the team goes to change, waiting for Ai. It takes forever; he imagines that everyone has something to say to their new captain. Finally, Rin leaves the locker room. He sees Sousuke hanging around and winks, grinning.
Then, Ai comes out. Thankfully, he’s alone.
“Ai,” Sousuke says. There was really no need to call out to him, Ai was already walking towards him.
“Sousuke-senpai,” Ai says, still looking a little tearful.
“I’m not your senpai anymore,” Sousuke says gently. Unfortunately, that’s enough to set Ai off and suddenly he’s crying again.
“I know,” Ai says, voice cracking.
Sousuke can tell that it’s going to be hard to talk to Ai if he’s crying, even if it’s partly for happy reasons. Wordlessly, he closes the distance between them and wraps Ai in a hug. His arms easily wrap around Ai, but he notices that Ai has gotten a little taller. Ai is shaking, but he holds on tightly to Sousuke, grabbing his jacket tightly. Sousuke rubs Ai’s back, keeping one hand on top of Ai’s head.
“Congratulations,” Sousuke says softly. “I’m very proud of you.” He hears Ai squeak out a watery ‘thank you.’
About a week later, Sousuke is on his bed, reading before bed, when there’s a knock on the door.
“No, don’t get up, I’ll get it,” Rin says sarcastically.
“Thanks,” Sousuke says, without looking up.
The door opens and closes, but Sousuke doesn’t hear Rin talking to anyone. He assumes it might have been someone knocking on the wrong door, but then he doesn’t hear Rin grumbling about having to get up.
“Rin, who’s…” Sousuke starts, but when he looks up, Rin isn’t there.
It’s Ai.
He’s standing in the middle of the room, with Rin nowhere to be seen. Ai starts making his way towards the bed and Sousuke watches silently.
When Ai starts climbing the ladder up to Sousuke’s bed, Sousuke’s heart starts pounding; Ai looks serious but he’s blushing and Sousuke is in the middle of wondering why he only climbed partially up the ladder, when Ai kisses him.
It’s a little awkward, with Sousuke still lying down and Ai standing, but Sousuke’s pulse goes through the roof as Ai’s lips gently caress his and both of his hands grab Sousuke’s face. It’s nothing like before, or with Rin; it’s passionate and fantastic and Sousuke’s not sure he's breathing. But he never wants to stop, and he definitely never wants Ai’s hands to leave his face. When Sousuke grabs Ai’s waist and squeezes, Ai sighs happily.
And then they hear the door open and suddenly someone’s clapping for them.
“Rin-senpai…” Ai wails, clapping his hands to his own face.
“Sorry,” Rin chuckles. “I wanted to see how that went.”
“It went well, thanks,” Sousuke says flatly and Ai groans.
The next day, Sousuke returns from class to find a note on his desk, written on duck stationary.
Dear Sousuke-senpai,
I want to spend a lot of time with you before you graduate. Please go on a date with me tomorrow evening.
Yours,
Nitori Aiichirou
And since Rin isn’t back from his classes yet, no one is in the room to witness Sousuke pumping his fist in celebration.