Chapter Text
|Now|
Kei and his family adjusted to their new life in Tokyo quite well. His mother found a job in a hospital only a bus ride away that gave quite a suitable salary, being a private city hospital and all that, and Akiteru seemed to enjoy his job in the company he was working for. Kei attended college two months after they moved in. He decided not to stay in a dorm on campus to save on costs, and besides, he liked staying with his family. For now, he was still unsure about the major he wanted to pursue so he decided to take the liberal arts program instead. Even after attending school for only one week, he quickly found that class was new and exciting. Kei liked the feeling of being challenged and being around some tough competition, even though he usually didn’t show it. He made new acquaintances but he still missed his old friends. And most of all, he missed Tetsurou.
And that’s why he decided to pay his old town a visit.
After riding a bus, then a train and then another bus, he found himself seeing the same buildings he grew up around and passed by every day when he lived there. Nostalgia or melancholy weren’t exactly what he felt as he passed by them. But he did hold some kind of hope in his chest that maybe the town changed a little bit why he was gone. It wasn’t realistic of him to think that way though. Nothing had changed. What did he expect? He was only gone for two months.
Part of him also hoped that he’d see his old friends again while he was visiting. Again, he was disappointed because he knew that all of them had left town as well. Hinata and Kageyama got into a university somewhere in Miyagi through a sports scholarship. Yachi and Yamaguchi both got into Sofia University, to Yamaguchi’s surprise and delight, which was much farther from here than Tokyo was. Funny how the four of them were still more or less together once all of them parted. The thought stabbed at him.
‘At least Bokuto and Akaashi are still here,’ Kei said to himself, using that thought instead to propel him forward as he headed to his destination. And Tetsurou…
He wasn’t around when Kei called up Vinyl last week. Which was weird, since he never missed a single call from him. If he had a new shift at work he would have reminded Kei too. It was a small thing but it nagged at him day by day. What if Tetsurou found someone new? What if he didn’t want to talk to him anymore?
‘You’re overthinking again,’ he shook his head to try and clear away those thoughts. That was one of the reasons why he decided to come back, apart from the fact that he missed him terribly.
Vinyl looked the same as it had been two months ago, right before Kei left. Before walking inside the store, his eyes glossed over the area in the shop window where the ‘Help Wanted’ sign used to be placed. He remembered the day when he stood right in front of the shop early in the morning before it opened, waiting to talk to the manager. The memory brought a smile to his face and being in front of the shop made his heart race a little. He sucked in a deep breath and opened the door to greet…
“Tsukishima?”
“…Bokuto…” Kei said, the tone of his voice sounding somewhat disappointed. Instead of seeing Tetsurou, it was Bokuto who was stationed behind the counter. But still, the familiar face did make Kei feel a little happier.
“TSUKIHIMA!!” Bokuto said again, in a much louder, enthusiastic voice. He practically ran out from behind the counter and tackled Kei into a rib-crushing, bear hug.
“Tsukishima! You’re back! I knew you were coming back!” he cried, swaying Kei’s squeezed body left and right.
“Y-yeah… Please… put me down already…” he gasped. Bokuto let go of him and Kei sucked in a breath. Bokuto grinned wildly at him, Kei was forced to put on an exasperated smile. “Is it just you right now? Where are the others?” he asked.
“Keiji has class right now so I’m taking over for him. And Tetsu…” Bokuto trailed off and looked away with a sad expression on his face, as if he didn’t want to tell Kei what he was supposed to say.
“Has… has he found someone new?” he swallowed, dreading the answer.
“No, no it’s not that,” Bokuto shook his head. “It’s… well, he left town.”
“So, what time is he coming back?” Kei frowned. Bokuto was sounding more melodramatic than usual at his friend being gone for only a little while.
“Kei, it’s not that kind of ‘leaving town,’” Bokuto said softly. “He’s left for good.”
Kei felt his own mouth drop open slightly and he instantly closed it when he realized how stupid it must have made it look. “You mean… you mean he’s—“
“He packed up all of his things and left town. For good,” Bokuto continued. “He gave the shop to Keiji to manage and everything.”
Kei felt a hard lump in the back of his throat. That was one thing he didn’t expect. Instantly, all his plans for that afternoon and the conversations he was going to have with Tetsurou went down the drain. All of a sudden, he felt stupid for even coming back to town. He didn’t mind Tetsurou too much. But what did hurt was the fact that he didn’t tell Kei about it all, that he didn’t bother to share that major piece of information with him.
“Do you… do you know when he’s coming back?” Kei asked, looking at Bokuto. “Do you know how long he’ll be gone?”
“Listen, I know you’re upset and everything about coming back and not seeing him,” Bokuto reassured him. “But before you judge him for what he did, I think you should know the reason why he left.” He laid his hand on Kei’s shoulder and smiled at him.
“So… why did he leave then?” Kei asked. “Why did he leave without telling me?”
“After you left, Tetsurou started going through his old artworks and sorting them together. He said he was making a portfolio,” Bokuto explained. “Then he sent them to a bunch of animation studios to apply for a job.” He looked up at Kei and grinned when he saw his reaction.
“I know, right? Even Keiji and I were surprised by it.”
“He… did all of that?” Kei mumbled. “So, he got into one of them, right?”
“He sure did!” Bokuto said enthusiastically. “He looked so surprised when he found out but he did make it into one. So after that, he packed up all of his things and drove to Osaka.” Kei felt a sense of pride blooming in him. He knew just how much art meant to Tetsurou and how discouraged he felt after his mother died. Having him apply to an animation studio and get accepted was a tremendous step for him. But then…
“So, why didn’t he tell me about this?” he asked. “He could have left a phone call for me or something…”
“He didn’t want you to worry about him,” Bokuto said softly. “Even though he never told me or Keiji directly, we could tell that he no longer wanted to interfere with your life while you were in Tokyo. He… Tetsu… felt that he should do this by himself.”
“So…” Kei swallowed. “Does that mean that he’s… leaving me?” To him, it certainly felt like it since Tetsurou didn’t tell him about it.
“No Tsukishima, god, he’d never break up with you,” Bokuto hastily shook his head. “Tetsu loves you too much to do that.”
“So why didn’t he tell me then?” Kei bit his bottom lip to stop it from shaking. He wanted so badly for Tetsurou to be there. How could he just suddenly leave right before Kei came back?
“Tetsurou, he’s the kind of person who hated owing people something,” Bokuto said, looking far ahead instead of at Kei as if he was remembering something. “Even when we were in high school. He hated it when I treated him to a drink for a vending machine. He’d either buy one himself or pay for it soon after. When it came to presents, he never asked for anything extravagant. Usually, he never asked for anything at all.
“I think Tetsurou felt that he owed you too much,” he added, looking at Kei this time. “After his mother died, Tetsurou wasn’t the same. He’d sing sometimes but have no heart in them. He’d smile even when he didn’t exactly mean it. He stopped drawing at all. Keiji and I tried everything, we thought our best friend was gone from us.
“Then you came into his life, and we could see the old Tetsurou that we knew slowly come back to us. To be honest, it’s kind of frustrating that you managed to bring him back just by being there while Keiji and I had tried to do that for three years. You… you changed him, Tsukishima. And I know Tetsurou loves you for that.
“So when he left, I think Tetsurou was thinking about you,” Bokuto continued. “I think, he felt that since you’ve always been strong for him, he wanted to be strong for you too, and therefore, he had to take a big step for himself. That’s how he’s thinking of ‘repaying’ you, by being your strength the way you were his. He’s not trying to forget you. He’s trying to make himself a better person for you.”
…
‘Is it true then?’ Kei asked as he recalled everything that Bokuto said earlier that day as he rode the bus home. He always thought that Tetsurou was the strong one in their relationship because Kei felt that he needed him more than Tetsu needed him. And then, he remembered that day when Tetsurou’s father came back, when Tetsu himself began punching and kicking the side of the truck out of frustration. He remembered the way Tetsurou’s arms wrapped tightly around him as he sat down on the ground with his back against the pick-up truck. That moment was when he realized that Tetsurou needed him just as much.
Then, the memory of the two of them standing on top of the hospital roof flashed through his head. Tetsurou promised that he would always stand beside him. Was this what ‘standing beside’ someone meant? Sharing their strengths?
The two of them had always shared their strengths. But now, Kei realized just how young and inexperienced the two of them were. The town they’ve lived in was the only world they’ve ever known. Their families and friends, both having good and bad aspects, were the only people they’ve ever been around. But now, they both had the chance of seeing the world outside, of meeting the people outside and knowing what it’s like to live. They were saying goodbye, but hopefully it wasn’t going to be permanent.
Kei looked down at the note in his hand, torn from a page in the accounting notebook. Written on it was the Tetsurou’s new cellphone number in Bokuto’s messy handwriting. It was Kei’s last official link to Tetsurou and he held on to it like a lifeline. But he wasn’t going to use it just yet.
The two of them needed time. Time to grow, time to explore, time to find who they are. And maybe, once they were done with all of that, they would be able reconnect and find each other again, like ships searching the wide, vast oceans. By that time, they would have seen the world and found themselves. By that time, they would be better people and better strengths for each other.
But hopefully, the love they have will still remain the same.
|Four Years Later|
“I really I wish I listened to you…” Tetsurou whispered. There was no reply, no sign that his mother heard him. But as soon as he said those words, he began to feel the guilt slowly seep away. Now that he thought about it, it’s been seeping away for quite a while now, ever since he left town. Everything he’s been doing, moving away, getting a new job, living by himself, has managed to make Tetsurou appreciate himself a little more. Even though it didn’t completely erase the guilt he felt, it was still something to hold onto.
The words came out easier after that.
“I tried to fix things as much as possible, actually,” Tetsurou said, bending down to sit on the grass in front of the gravestone. “I got into a slump of course, after you died and everything, and it was really hard to get myself out of it. It felt as if I was frozen in place but everyone else, my friends especially, were the only ones moving forward. And I hated myself for it.
“And then…” a small smile came up on his face as Tetsurou began to remember. “And then I met someone. He’s a he, actually, I was pretty surprised myself too. Never thought I was gay but that didn’t really matter. His name’s Kei, and I love him…” Tetsurou paused for a while before continuing.
“He came to Vinyl a lot while I was working there. The first time I actually talked to him though was at a convenience store. It’s a long story…” Tetsurou paused again, wondering if it was weird for him to talk to a gravestone. But he knew people in movies did it all the time, so he shrugged and relaxed into a better position before continuing.
“I guess you have all the time in the world then, don’t you Mom?” he smiled. And then he began to tell her everything. How he stroke up his first conversation with him, how he they got to know each other more, how he fell for him, and how he lost him.
“It’s been four years since I last saw him,” Tetsurou said, running a hand through his unruly hair. “I know it seems like he left me, but I think I left him as well. I kind of left him my phone number actually, and I think he got the hint that he was going to call me once we were… I don’t know… ready to face each other I guess? But that was up to him to decide. And so far… he hasn’t called so I guess he isn’t ready. Or… he doesn’t want to see me again…” Tetsurou bit his lip and started fiddling with the blades of grass on the ground, pulling them out and tearing them in half to give his hands something to do.
“Hopefully it’s not the latter option…”
…
“So what time are you coming over later again?” Yamaguchi asked over the phone.
“I’ll be leaving here at around five so I might get there pretty late,” Kei answered. His phone was pressed between his shoulder and cheek as he wrote on a clipboard. “You can go ahead and have dinner without me.”
“Okay, I’ll just tell mom to leave it out for you,” Yamaguchi said.
“I hope I don’t walk in on the two of you making out in your room,” Kei teased.
“Oh god Tsukki. Don’t go there,” Yamaguchi groaned. “She’ll be staying in the guest room anyway.”
“Glad to hear that,” Kei smirked and put the clipboard down to so that he could get a better grip on his phone. “Anyway, I’ll see you later, okay? Have to get back to work now.”
“Alright. See you Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said before hanging up. Kei slipped his phone back into his pocket and continued looking over the clipboard with the patient’s records. After taking a liberal arts education for one year in university, Kei finally decided on taking psychology for his major. He just finished graduating and getting a bachelor’s degree but he was also looking into taking a master’s degree too. His mother still worked at the hospital but now, she had a higher position as one of the head nurses in the establishment. Akiteru got his own place and was working full-time as a graphic designer with multiple companies wanting to hire him. He still visited them on weekends, sometimes with his girlfriend, Tanaka Saeko.
Everything was pretty much smooth sailing now. His past and childhood were slowly fading into distant memories, barely touched upon or thought about. But they were still there. In his first year of university, those memories seeped in quite a lot. Kei could barely go to parties with alcoholic drinks being served without having to remember his father and the fear he felt as a child. But instead of simply dwelling on all of that fear, worry, and anxiety, he used it as an inspiration.
Right now, he had an internship in a nearby hospital. Not the one his mother was working in but one which was nearer to Tokyo University. He wanted to be a psychiatrist. He never considered that specific field until three years ago, when he thought about all the problems that could have been solved if his dad didn’t turn to alcohol and how much his past had affected him. Kei knew that he wasn’t the only one who had to go through this, that there were millions of other kids like him who needed help as well. Kei was lucky, he had his mother, he had his brother, but before them, he had Tetsurou.
“How are you today?” Kei greeted as soon as he walked inside the room. His internship only allowed him limited hands-on experience but it was hands-on experience nonetheless. One of his jobs was to give daily check-ups on his patients to practice interacting with people. That was one thing he needed to work on. He was good at the analytical part but communication definitely needed improving, especially if he was trying to help people instead of offend them like he usually did.
“Tsukishima-san,” the boy on the bed looked up from the book he was reading when he entered. He was sixteen years old, still a kid in high school, going through rehabilitation after a few years of substance abuse. The young ages of most patients he encountered no longer surprised Kei.
“I’m alright, I guess, for now…” said Guren, he was the patient that Kei regularly visited for daily check-ups.
“That’s good,” he nodded and looked down at the clipboard in front of him. “They’ve lowered your dosage just a bit more now. I’m sorry to say this but you’ll be experiencing the effects pretty soon.”
“I know…” Guren swallowed and looked up. “But it’s not going to be that bad this time around, right? I mean last time I only threw up twice and got that shaking sensation.”
“It’s… difficult to say, Guren-san,” Kei said, trying to break the news in his best ‘doctor-voice’ that was equal parts sympathy and straightforwardness. But after spending quite some time with Guren, he felt that the sympathy already came naturally for him. He had that sarcastic, dry humor that he used a lot when he talked about himself that made even Kei crack a smile. He was also one of those patients intelligent enough to know what was happening with him and open enough to accept the facts. Apart from that, he liked books and rock music which Kei supplied whenever he had time.
“Usually the side-effects of the withdrawal differ per person and how they handle it,” he continued. “In your case, it might be a little worse than how other patients experience it, but I’m sure it’s something within your capabilities to handle.”
“Great,” Guren nodded, sounding equal parts sarcastic and exasperated. “Well, what’s a little more pain? At least I can get this stuff out of me soon.”
“You’ll feel much better afterwards,” Kei tried to reassure him. “Also, you’re scheduled for another blood transfusion this afternoon.” One thing that made Guren’s case slightly more difficult was the fact that he was anemic, making it difficult for his body to handle the effects of the drug withdrawal. The hospital didn’t have a lot of blood packets available for his type of blood either, so Kei decided to donate his.
They were of the same blood type anyway, and even though Kei wasn’t exactly entitled to since he was only a psychiatrist in training, he still committed to providing blood for Guren’s transfusion sessions. He did it because a part of him believed that Guren was able to go through the treatment. He hated it when his fellow interns thought he was just doing it for the extra credit.
“Thanks again for the blood, doctor,” Guren smiled. “And the books and the CDs and everything.”
Kei looked up from his clipboard with his eyebrows raised in slight surprise. “Oh… those. It’s nothing really, I just had them lying around at home…” he murmured.
“But you still brought them,” Guren shrugged. “You know, I never thought psychiatrists were this nice. I always thought that they meddled with people’s lives all the time and asked all these nosy questions.”
“Oh don’t worry, those come after,” Kei smiled slightly. “I’ll also be cutting up your brain open down the road.”
“I don’t think you’ll find anything inside…” Guren deadpanned. The two of them burst out laughing.
“So, do you really think I’ll make it then?” he asked in a quiet voice after the two of them stopped laughing. “That I’ll make it through the treatment?”
“I’m not really a medical doctor so in terms of that field, I can only say that you have a good chance of doing so,” Kei said, deciding to give the straightforward facts instead of sugarcoating the truth. Guren was the one going through the treatment so he deserved to know.
“But, as a psychiatrist, I believe that you do have the mental capacity to prevent yourself from getting into illegal substances once your treatment is over,” he added. “And as someone who’s studied psychology for years, I know the effects of sheer determination on a person’s behavior.”
“Thanks, Tsukishima-san,” Guren smiled and nodded. “That… really makes me feel better,” he said with no hint of sarcasm.
…
Koutarou and Keiji no longer lived in that town anymore. They passed the shop on, after Tetsurou gave his consent, to a fellow employee that they hired a few years ago. Now, the two of them were living together in the same flat and had their own jobs. Their place was quite close to Tetsurou’s actually so they had time to hang out once in a while whenever they weren’t too busy. Even though they weren’t in Vinyl anymore, Tetsurou passed by the shop anyway just to have a look around. The new shop owner seemed to be quite experienced and passionate about music. Tetsurou liked him, but he didn’t introduce himself either.
He boarded a bus back to the city at three o’ clock in the afternoon, hoping to make it home in time for him to do a bit of work before Monday. The bus ride to the train station was quite short and he got there just before the three-thirty train. During the ride, he decided to send and answer a few emails to keep busy. He was already tired by the time he walked from the train station to the nearby bus station. Since the last stop was his stop anyway, Tetsurou decided to take a nap on the way.
The bus reached the station at around five o’ clock. He quickly got off as soon as he received an email from a fellow coworker in the animation department of the studio. He was answering the email with his head down while walking when he decided to look up to see if he was going in the right direction.
And that one single movement was enough to cause fire alarms inside his head.
Because he spied a person lining up for one of the buses in front of him. Someone with blonde hair tucked under a beanie, black-framed glasses, and a tall, lanky frame. Tetsurou had seen quite a lot of Kei look-alikes during the past year so he knew enough to know that the person he was looking at might not be him. But this time, he was seeing things in full view quite clearly, and he knew that the person he was looking at was him.
But before Tetsurou could call him, Kei boarded the bus.
…
Kei got inside the bus just as it was about to leave and took the seat just behind the driver. His phone dinged and he opened it to find a message sent by Yamaguchi. ‘Are you leaving the area already, Tsukki?’ it asked. Kei typed out his answer and sent the message. But just as he was about to close his phone, his eyes landed on a reminder he typed out on his cellphone planner. ‘Call Tetsurou?’ it said with the phone number typed under it.
It’s been four years and Kei just couldn’t forget about him. He definitely planned to call him, the urge grew stronger with every passing year, but it was always waved off by an innate feeling that it ‘wasn’t the right time yet.’ Kei didn’t know the criteria for ‘the right time’ but he just knew that it wasn’t ‘the right time.’
Now though…
He didn’t know how or why but at that moment, as he sat in the bus and waited to be taken to his destination, several alarms began ringing in his head. All of a sudden, it felt as if now was ‘the right time’ but even as he raked his head, Kei couldn’t exactly tell where that feeling was coming from. All he could really say was that it felt as if the decision of calling Tetsurou at that moment was a turning point in his story.
It was a sign, definitely a sign.
And Kei knew just how important it was to pay attention to signs.
…
Without even thinking twice, Tetsurou ran after the bus as it began to drive away. He was quite far away so the bus was ahead by a large distance. “No no no no no no,” Tetsurou said in a panic as he continued to run after it. Even though he was running with all his might and it felt as if his chest was about to burst, he was only barely touching the back of the bus. Now he really wished he worked out.
“KEI!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, hoping that he’d somehow miraculously be able to hear him from inside the bus.
“KEI!”
…
Kei dialed the number on his phone, knowing that this time for sure, he was going to press the ‘dial’ button.
…
The bus sped up and drove further and further away. Tetsurou’s legs couldn’t take any more and he eventually slowed down to a stop, leaning forward and panting as he tried to catch his breath. He watched helplessly as the bus drove on.
“No…” he whispered, feeling his hopes circle down the drain. Only a few minutes ago, Kei was within his reach. If only Tetsurou had reacted a few seconds faster, if he ran a meters further. Now, the only hope he had left was that Kei would call him soon, and he didn’t even know if there was much certainty to that idea.
And then, his phone rang.
…
“Hello?”
Kei’s eyes widened as he heard the unmistakable sound of Tetsurou’s voice. ‘It’s him, it’s really him,’ his mind reacted. Kei had to bite his lip to keep himself from bursting into tears. It sounded exactly like how he remembered it.
“T-tetsu… Tetsurou?” he whispered into the phone. He was greeted with silence, and then the sound of Tetsurou’s voice again.
“Kei… Kei! Stop the bus!”
“Wait… what?”
“STOP THE BUS RIGHT NOW!”
Without thinking twice, Kei pressed the button on the side of bus in front of him to signal the driver. The brakes squealed as the bus came to an abrupt stop. Kei still had the phone held to his ear as he took his backpack and practically ran out of the bus.
He stopped on a sidewalk and turned around, and then he saw Tetsurou.
…
“Kei…” Tetsurou’s voice shook with emotion as he saw Kei looking right at him, standing at the place where the bus dropped him off. All the tiredness he felt from running a few minutes early disappeared. Clutching on to his phone, Tetsurou ran forward. Kei was running towards him. ‘God, this is so fucking cheesy,’ he immediately realized. What he and Kei were doing right now could practically be torn out of a steamy romance novel. But he didn’t care.
The two of them met in the middle. Tetsurou threw his arms around Kei’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder. Kei seemed to be a bit stunned at first but eventually wrapped his arms around Tetsurou’s waist, his fingers clawing into the fabric of his jacket. Then, they pulled away slightly and Tetsurou looked up at him, cupping his face with his hand.
“You’re here…” he breathed out as he gazed into the familiar amber eyes, partially covered by his the blonde bangs that fell across his forehead. ‘You’re real’ was more along the lines though of what he wanted to say. It certainly felt more like a dream, having Kei here and right in front of him. Tetsurou’s fingers reached up and gently pushed aside Kei’s bangs before going down the sides of his face, tracing his jawline. All the while, Kei kept his gaze on him and only him, his eyes roaming his face just like how Tetsurou’s fingers were roaming his.
And then, Kei leaned forward and kissed him. It was only a slight, tentative brush of their lips together. Careful, hesitant, shy, as if doing so was going to make the illusion disappear. But soon, they realized that it wasn’t an illusion. Tetsurou pulled his face closer to deepen the kiss, trying to gather Kei in. His fingers went up and tangled themselves on the stray blonde pieces of hair that framed Kei’s face. The arms around Tetsurou’s waist were now pulling him closer as Kei kissed him. ‘I found you, I found you, I found you,’ was the message that they were trying to say.
They pulled apart after what felt like eternity. Kei pressed his forehead against Tetsurou’s, their eyes never left each other. “It’s you…” Kei whispered. “God, it really is you.”
“I was chasing after the bus,” Tetsurou chuckled. “I thought I was going to lose you again.”
“And I was debating whether or not I should call you.” Kei paused before adding, “I’m sorry I took so long to call you. You must have waited for forever.”
“I know I should say something along the lines of ‘I would wait through another forever as long as it means seeing you again’ but my thoughts are more along the lines of ‘What the hell took you so long?!’” Tetsurou smiled. “And I’ll be sticking to that. This isn’t a romance novel after all.”
“God, what we did earlier was so fucking cheesy though,” Kei cringed.
“I know,” Tetsurou rolled his eyes. “All we’re missing right now would be to have rain pouring overhead.”
“I sure hope not. I’m carrying a laptop in my bag,” Kei said.
“So… what made you do it then?” Tetsurou asked, cocking his head to the side. “What made you call me?” Kei looked ahead into the distance as a small, secretive smile came up on his face. God, seeing his lips again and how they moved drove Tetsurou crazy.
“I can’t exactly explain how…” he began. “But, it just felt like it was the right time. It felt like I was supposed to do it at that exact moment.”
“And it felt as if looking up and seeing you board the bus was something that was supposed to happen too,” Tetsurou added.
“Yeah, I was actually heading back to town, to meet Yamaguchi and everyone else,” Kei said.
“Funny, I just came from there,” Tetsurou smirked. “But… I don’t mind going back now.” He pulled apart from the hug and took Kei’s hand in his, feeling the same, familiar warmth again. Kei intertwined their fingers.
“I don’t mind going back with you either.”
…
This was the turning point in his story.
Kei realized this as he sat in the bus with his hand intertwined with Tetsurou’s and the weight of his head against his shoulder. The two of them were sharing a pair of earphones that were connected to Kei’s CD player that he still had, listening to the last mixtape Tetsurou gave him that he still kept.
‘Fast Car’ was the one that was currently playing, the last song in the mixtape. Kei had always liked this song. Just hearing the guitar riff in the intro made him want increase the volume. And being in the bus on the way back to the town they grew up in made him appreciate it even more.
You got a fast car, is it fast enough so we could fly away?
“Hey, Kei,” Tetsurou spoke up.
“Yeah?” Kei answered, turning his head slightly to look at him.
“Do you regret it?” Tetsurou asked. “Do you regret splitting apart and everything?”
We gotta make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way
Kei mulled this over. Back then, he tried to blame everything on his father for drinking and his brother for leaving him. He wanted to run away from the town he grew up in, but by doing so, he was placing the blame on everything else but himself. In doing so, he avoided placing the blame on himself. He was running away from his problems, running away from himself instead of facing them head on.
Because I remember we were driving, driving in your car
He didn’t think he had a chance to fix those problems back then when in actuality, his chances were infinite. The only thing he really had to was put them into action, and that’s what he did. Spending time away from Tetsurou did make him miss him a lot, but it did give him time to grow, just like he expected it would. Kei stopped running away from his problems and went after a road full of uncertainties and possibilities.
Speed so fast it felt like I was drunk
Tetsurou’s hand was in his. He also had his own road of uncertainties and possibilities. But now, at least they weren’t alone. And facing all of those tasks on their roads had given them strength. Now, they were sharing that strength, supporting each other as they walked the road together.
Kei smiled and squeezed his hand.
And city lights lay out before us
“No, no I don’t,” he shook his head. Tetsurou smiled back at him and squeezed his hand in return.
“Me too.”
And your arm felt nice wrapped around my shoulder
Because that’s what love’s about. It’s not about getting everything right on the first try. It’s about making a lot of mistakes and then looking back to find that there was nothing to regret after all. Kei leaned back and stared out the window of the bus, remembering the night when he screamed his lungs out as Tetsurou drove him through the tunnel, how he felt infinite and unafraid.
He felt the same now.
What comes first, the music or the misery?
For the two of them, it’s the misery.
But in the end, they had the music.
And I, I had a feeling that I belonged
And I, I had a feeling that I could be someone, be someone