Chapter Text
If Till didn’t have shackles around his feet, he would have been pacing around his room– well, cell, more accurately. Instead, though, he just lay awake surrounded by manuscript paper, thoughts racing. He glanced at the music on the floor next to him; knowing the song he had been working on would help him gauge the time period better, wouldn’t it?
Looking closely, he saw that it was the song he had written before his first draft of Unknown. He sighed at the memory of that song being a tribute to Mizi. Ivan probably hadn’t appreciated that. Not that Mizi had either, but still, maybe Till should write a song for Ivan this time– maybe that would show him that he was serious about this. Ugh, that was such a juvenile thought, wasn’t it? He had just died after watching the same fate befall his friends, but here he was thinking about romance, just like he had in his childhood. Sure, he had always valued Mizi almost as highly as his own survival, but shouldn’t his experiences have changed him a little more? He still felt more or less the same; Till couldn’t tell if that made him strong or weak.
Till ran his fingers over his neck. It didn’t hurt anymore– not from the gunshot, not from the strangling. When he’d asked Ivan why he did that, he’d meant all of it, but Ivan didn’t answer his whole question. But Till supposed he knew the answer, even though he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it at first– Ivan had gotten himself killed on purpose. For Till. There was no denying it. Till tried to think back to what he was thinking during the end of their performance. He’d been ready to die then, hadn’t he? He had just simply thought well, this is the end. He’d only sung so desperately during the final because of Ivan's sacrifice, and even then it had amounted to nothing. And now here he was at his third chance at life, and he wasn’t doing anything. He had gotten carried away earlier, choosing to mess around with Ivan instead of actually working towards escaping.
Till groaned, running his fingers through his hair. Didn’t Ivan want to leave, too? Why was he so calm? There was no way he valued Till enough to just throw his life away, especially with a new opportunity like this. It just didn’t make any sense.
—
The next day, Till ran up to Ivan and pulled him aside from the group of kids he was talking to.
“Did you look for exits last night?”
Ivan smiled, eyes closing. “No, I didn’t.”
Till looked at him incredulously. “Then what the hell were you doing?”
“I had other responsibilities, Till. We don’t have to hurry; relax a bit.”
“No! I can’t just sit here for six years! Why are you okay with just staying here?”
“I wouldn’t be able to make sure you’re safe otherwise.”
“I don’t need you to do that for me!”
Ivan smiled wider. “Oh, but you did.”
Why the fuck did he say that? What an asshole. Till acted without thinking, smacking Ivan across the face. Ivan just kept smiling, putting a hand on the cheek that Till had hit.
“Crazy bastard. Why’d you say that?”
“Well, it’s true, isn’t it? You’re seriously going to get yourself killed if you–”
Till grabbed his shirt collar and hit him again; Ivan was seriously getting on his last nerve. The other boy just laughed.
“This is what you’re getting into if you want to be with me. Better get used to it.”
Till paused. Was he… doing this intentionally? Making Till angry?
He lowered his fist. “You’re making me mad on purpose, aren’t you? You still think I don’t want this.”
Ivan didn’t argue. “It’s only a matter of time before you’ve had enough. I’m trying to help you out.”
Till wanted to keep fighting with how much angrier that made him, but it would only prove Ivan’s point, so he released his grip on Ivan’s collar.
“Can’t you just believe me?”
Ivan said nothing, still keeping that unnerving smile on his face.
“Are you two fighting again? So early?”
That voice. It’s–
Till turned around, finding himself face to face with Mizi. Mizi, who was smiling like nothing bad had ever happened in her life, wearing her big glasses and keeping her hair long. Mizi, who hadn’t experienced the loss of the most important person in her life. Till felt tears gathering in his eyes.
“Mi… Mizi…”
Mizi tilted her head in confusion. “You okay, Till?”
I absolutely cannot cry in front of her right now. I'll look like an idiot.
Till quickly shook his head and smiled at her. “I’m fine.”
She just giggled and sat down next to him. “What are you guys fighting about this time?”
“He’s just being an idiot,” Till told her, shooting a glare at Ivan, who pretended not to notice, and joined her on the ground.
“I’m not the only one,” Ivan sang, putting his arms around Till from behind, catching Till off guard. He felt his face heat up. Asshole. He's embarrassing me in front of Mizi.
“Agh– Ivan, what are you–”
“What? You said you wanted to be like Mizi and Sua, right?”
Mizi raised her eyebrows in surprise. “What!?”
Till felt his blush get worse. “I mean– I said that, but–”
“This is part of accepting my feelings, Till!”
Till put his hands over his face in embarrassment. And to think he was going to be productive that morning.
Mizi seemed to find the whole thing hilarious, clutching her stomach with laughter. “You’re something else. Wait until Sua hears about this.”
Ivan just grinned at her. “We’re not kidding.”
Mizi, noticing that Till wasn’t disagreeing with Ivan, did a double take.
“Wait, you’re serious? Till?”
“U-Um…” He took his hands off of his face to look at her. “Y-Yeah. Something like that.”
Her whole face lit up. “No way! Sua’s definitely hearing about this.”
“Everyone is,” Ivan replied cheekily. “After all, that’s what you wanted, right, Till?”
Till made a face at him. “I mean, not really.”
“So you want us to hide it from everybody? I thought you said you wanted to be like–”
“Yeah, that’s not really what I meant.”
“Ah, I see.” Ivan replied. “You’re too embarrassed to be seen around me. I guess I should leave you alone, then. And I’ll stop kissing you–”
“Idiot. That’s not what I meant, either.”
“So what did you mean, then, Till?”
“I don’t want to make a spectacle out of it. I just want you here with me.” Suddenly remembering Mizi’s presence, Till dropped his gaze to the ground. “Stop messing with me.”
Ivan just laughed and ruffled Till’s hair, which made Till give him another annoyed look. “Okay, then. No spectacles. But what do you think will happen during the show, then?”
Till pulled Ivan’s hand off of his head and shot him a glare that said don’t talk about this in front of her. Ivan pretended he didn’t notice.
“What? I didn’t say anything strange.”
“Um… Till?”
Till turned back to the girl next to him. “Y-Yeah?”
“You guys okay? You’re not messing with me, right?”
Till shook his head.
“Nope!” Ivan chimed in, putting his head on top of Till’s. “I stole his heart from you.”
Stole wasn’t a good enough word; it was more like Ivan had grabbed his heart. Ripped it out.
“I want it back.” Till grumbled.
Mizi’s eyes just went between the two of them, not knowing what to say. It made sense, really. Till had been so obsessed with her, only to suddenly switch up and get together with the guy he was always fighting. Till never wanted her to know what would happen, though. He’d rather she be happy and confused than distraught over everything he saw her go through just for some clarity.
“I know it’s weird.” Till told her quietly.
Mizi just shook her head and smiled. “I get it. I just didn’t know that…” She trailed off. “Well, I’m gonna go tell Sua. This is so exciting!”
She got up and ran off, presumably to where Sua was. Till sighed, relaxing against Ivan. Ivan looked down at him, smile gone from his face.
“What?” Till asked.
“You didn’t want her to know.”
“That isn’t true.”
“You–”
“Let me speak for myself. I don’t want… them to know. Or, I don’t want to be so loud about it, at least. I don’t want them predicting that we’ll run out together.”
“Hm.”
“Hey, if you don’t want to escape, then forget it. I’ll just take Mizi instead.” Till lied.
“You don’t mean that.”
Till glared up at him, but didn’t move or say he was wrong. “Really, though, it doesn’t seem like you actually want to leave.”
“Like I said, you’re safer here than if you just escape with no plan.”
“That’s the point of looking for ways out. So we can make a plan. And I can’t really do that without your help.”
“Alright,” Ivan replied after a small pause. “I’ll look. But don’t get too hopeful.”
Till put his hand on Ivan’s face, bringing it closer so he could press their lips together.
“Please actually look, though? Don’t lie to me. I can’t stay trapped in here to just do everything again.”
Ivan kissed him again softly, putting a hand on the back of his head. “Okay. Anything for you.”
Till’s stomach churned a bit at that, but he chose to ignore it in favor of keeping his mouth moving against Ivan’s. He could think about that later.