Chapter Text
“There you are,” Jasper said when Raven opened the door. “I’ve been knocking all day.”
“We just wanted to stop by and make sure Clarke was okay,” Monty said, nudging his friend out of the way. “We heard what happened and Octavia filled us in a little, but then she made us leave the room last night before you came back.”
“I’m fine,” Clarke replied. “It’s just been a long twenty-four hours.”
“I can understand that,” Monty said.
“So, how’d you guys know to go up there?” Jasper asked, walking into the room, and sitting down on Raven’s bed. “You all just rushed out of here without saying anything. We didn’t know what the hell was going on.”
“Jas,” Monty said, giving his friend a look.
“What?” Jasper asked.
“We’ll get out of your hair,” Monty said to Clarke. “If you need anything, let us know, okay?”
Clarke nodded. “Thank you.”
Jasper grumbled as he stood up, and Raven shut the door behind him with a shake of her head. “That boy is lucky he has Monty around.”
“I know,” Clarke agreed. “One of these days—”
Clarke paused when Lexa walked through the wall, barely missing walking straight through Raven, who quickly moved her arm.
“She’s here, isn’t she?” Raven said, looking at exactly where Lexa was standing.
“I apologize,” Lexa said even though Raven couldn’t hear her. “Can we talk, Clarke?”
“Yes, she’s here,” Clarke replied before looking at Lexa again. “And, yes, we can talk.”
“I guess that’s my cue to leave you two alone,” Raven said, grabbing her bag. “I’ll be in the library. Make sure you put a sock on the door if I should stay gone longer.”
Clarke rolled her eyes. “Goodbye, Raven.”
“Your friend can be very strange,” Lexa remarked as Raven opened the door and left the room.
Clarke hummed in agreement. “What did you want to talk about?”
Lexa clasped her hands behind her back and began pacing around the room. “I’d like to discuss your mother’s offer. I want to know what you would do if you were in my place.”
“What I would do?” Clarke asked.
Lexa nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it all night. The offer is tempting. I just don’t know if I want to risk vanishing if it was unsuccessful. A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but now things are different. For the first time in a very long time, I’m enjoying being here. I feel like my old self again and I don’t know if I’m ready to move on. But if it works, if I could become human again—” Lexa shook her head.
“Truthfully, I don’t know what I would do,” Clarke softly said. “I—” Clarke sighed and then gave Lexa a small smile. “If you haven’t noticed by now, I like you. And if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t want to leave you, but I also don’t know if I could pass up the chance to be alive once again.” Clarke sighed. “I know it’s not an easy choice. So I guess you have to figure out what’s better. Living forever like this or maybe getting a second chance at life with the possibility that you’ll be gone forever. I can’t really tell you which I would choose. I would probably end up going with whatever my heart was telling me to do.”
“What if your heart and your head were telling you two different things?” Lexa asked.
“Which would you usually listen to?” Clarke asked back.
“My head,” Lexa answered.
“Then you should probably go with your head,” Clarke replied.
She had no idea what Lexa would decide to do, but she did know she couldn’t stand the idea of losing Lexa. She had known her for such a short time, but her mom was right when she said some people have a special connection. That’s how she felt with Lexa. Like she had somehow known Lexa her whole life despite the fact that they had just met. In the beginning she had been determined to help Lexa move on, but now she didn’t know what she would do if that actually happened.
“Is it safe?” Raven yelled from the other side of the door.
Clarke rolled her eyes. “No.”
“That’s what I thought,” Raven replied, and a few moments later, Clarke heard her roommate’s key jingle.
“And what if I’d meant it?” Clarke asked when Raven opened the door and walked into the room.
Raven let out a light snort. “I’d believe it more if you could actually touch your girlfriend.”
“She’s not—”
“Your girlfriend,” Raven finished for her. “Yeah, yeah. Has your not-girlfriend decided what she’s going to do?”
“She has, actually,” Clarke said with a sigh.
“That doesn’t sound good,” Raven replied, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “What’s she going to do?”
“She’s decided she wants to try it,” Clarke said. “She wants them to try to bring her back to life. I called my mom and told her. They’re preparing everything; she said they’ll be ready by Monday night.”
“Shouldn’t you be happier?” Raven asked.
“I’ll be happy if it works,” Clarke replied. “Until then, I’m going to be terrified about what will happen if it doesn’t.”
“What made her decide to do it?” Raven asked.
“She decided to go with her head,” Clarke answered. “She said if she hadn’t met me, she wouldn’t have hesitated, so that’s what she’s going to do. Even though I know she’s afraid. Because she doesn’t want to go now. She told me she would rather stay here as a ghost than to move on now.”
“But she’s going to risk it anyway?” Raven said.
Clarke nodded. “There’s a fifty-fifty chance Lexa is going to be gone forever. I had to tell her, though. I had to give her the option once I found out it was possible. If she does move on, I’ll be happy she’ll be at peace, but—I just don’t want to lose her. I’m not ready.”
“Maybe there’s something I can do,” Raven said.
“What could you possibly do?” Clarke asked.
“Well, while you’ve been busy almost being murdered, I’ve been doing a lot of research on ghosts,” Raven stated. “A lot of it’s shit, but there are some researchers who I think are actually legit that have done all this research on energy and why some spirits stay and other don’t.” Raven shrugged. “If you want, I can talk to your mom and we can see if there’s anything we can do to increase the odds that it’ll work.”
Clarke stared at Raven for a moment before silently walking over to her and wrapping her arms around her friend.
“Okay, don’t get all sappy on me, Griffin,” Raven said, though she put her arms around Clarke and hugged her back.
“Thank you,” Clarke finally said when she pulled away.
“Is your mom home today?” Raven asked.
“Yes,” Clarke replied. “She said she needed to prepare.”
“I’ll grab my stuff and head over there, then,” Raven said. “Are you going to come?”
Clarke shook her head. “Lexa is waiting on me, actually. I’m going to spend as much time as I can with her.”
“Does this mean you’re finally admitting that you like her?” Raven asked with a slight smirk as Clarke grabbed her bag.
“I’m not admitting anything,” Clarke replied.
“You don’t have to,” Raven said. “I can see it all over your face. You’re obviously in love with her.”
Clarke rolled her eyes as she threw her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll probably be gone the rest of the day. My phone will still be on, though, so text me if you and my mom make any progress, okay?”
“And interrupt your date?” Raven said.
“Just text me,” Clarke replied. “I’ll call my mom and let her know you’re coming over.”
“Have fun with your boo,” Raven said.
“My—” Clarke shook her head. “Please never call her that again.”
“Oh come on; that was hilarious and you know it,” Raven replied.
“That was terrible,” Clarke said over her shoulder as she opened the door and walked out of the room.
“What was terrible?” Lexa asked when Clarke joined her in the hallway.
“Raven’s joke,” Clarke answered. “But that’s nothing new.”
“So you two have something in common,” Lexa replied.
“It sounds like you should join the club,” Clarke remarked.
Lexa smiled and ducked her head. “So, what are you planning on doing today?”
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Clarke replied.
“Have I mentioned that I don’t like surprises, Clarke?” Lexa said.
“You’ll like this one,” Clarke promised. “But first I need to call my mom and let her know Raven is going to come over. She thinks she may be able to help increase the chances that Monday will go the way we want it to, and I’m guessing if anyone can, it’s Raven.”
“I hope so,” Lexa replied.
“So do I,” Clarke said, giving her a sad smile.
Clarke stood back and watched as Lexa slowly walked along the wall, stopping in front of each painting. She had been a little nervous about bringing Lexa to the student art gallery, but as she watched the other girl observing each painting with great interest, Clarke knew she had made the right decision by bringing her there.
“What do you think?” Clarke finally asked when Lexa stopped at one of the paintings for a particularly long time.
“Whoever painted this is incredibly talented,” Lexa said.
Clarke smiled. “I painted that, actually. Near the beginning of last semester, just before my father died. They chose it for the exhibition at the end of the year.”
“It’s amazing, Clarke,” Lexa said, turning to look at her. “The night sky looks like a photograph rather than a painting.”
“Thanks,” Clarke replied. “It’s one of the last things I painted. After the accident, I couldn’t seem to do anything. Is there such thing as painter’s block? Like writer’s block but for artists?”
“So, you haven’t painted anything recently?” Lexa asked as Clarke walked closer to her.
“Not until recently,” Clarke answered. “I’ve been working on something that I finished a few days ago. It’s upstairs in the studio.”
Lexa nodded. “Will you let me see it?”
“I may be able to do that,” Clarke said.
Clarke gave Lexa a smile and began leading her up to the third floor. As they walked up the stairs, she glanced over her shoulder at Lexa, who was looking back at her.
As they looked at each other, Clarke couldn’t help wondering how spending time with a ghost made her feel more alive than she had in a long time. She’d never really had that feeling with Finn even though they had dated for a year. She knew it was more than just being attracted to Lexa. It was like she had found a part of herself that had been missing. And maybe she had; maybe she had just been waiting for Lexa to come into her life and she didn’t even know it.
She had never been one to believe in fate. She didn’t think there was some bigger reason for why her father had died or for why she caught Finn flirting with someone else. She’d never believed there was some higher power dictating all the good and bad things that happened in her life. Yet she couldn’t help feeling like there was a reason she had met Lexa. A reason she had noticed her and tried to stop her from leaving only to have her hand go right through Lexa.
“Keep in mind that I haven’t painted very much in the past nine months,” Clarke said as Lexa followed her into the studio.
Clarke motioned toward the piece she’d been working on and then hung back as Lexa walked over to her painting. She wasn’t entirely unhappy with the way it had come out, though she was bit rusty and knew it showed.
“Clarke—”
“I know it’s a bit rushed,” Clarke said before Lexa could continue.
Lexa shook her head as Clarke walked up, stopping beside her. “It’s incredible, Clarke.”
Clarke had been working on the painting for a while, unable to get very far with it. But after she met Lexa, things had become a little easier, and before she knew it, she’d completed it with a slight addition to the painting. Instead of simply being a landscape painting, it now had Lexa in the middle of it, sitting on a bench.
“I hope you don’t mind that I painted you in something other than this outfit,” Clarke joked, motioning toward Lexa’s jeans and University of Arkadia sweatshirt.
“What made you paint this?” Lexa asked.
Clarke shrugged. “I guess I just wanted to be able to show people that you were here. That you were more than just the pictures in the newspapers.”
“In case I vanish in a few days?” Lexa asked.
Clarke shook her head and said, “I don’t want to think about that.”
Lexa glanced down for a moment and then looked back up at Clarke. Clarke could see the hesitation in her eyes as Lexa slowly extended her arm and entwined their fingers together, and for a moment Clarke could pretend Lexa was standing there next to her like any other person. But the moment was soon broken by the sound of Clarke’s phone.
“Sorry,” Clarke said, pulling her phone out of her pocket, “I told Raven to let me know if she made any progress.”
“Any news?” Lexa asked as Clarke read the text.
Clarke rolled her eyes and pocketed her phone. “No. She just wanted to know if I was going to the Halloween party at Lincoln and Bellamy’s frat house tonight.”
“Are you going to?” Lexa asked.
“I normally would, but I’d really rather spend it with you,” Clarke replied. “You know—just us. If that’s okay with you.”
“I’d like that as well, Clarke,” Lexa said with a smile.
“Are you ever going to tell me where we are going?” Lexa asked.
Clarke shook her head, a smile making its way across her mouth. “Nope.”
Lexa sighed. “Do I need to remind you what I said about not liking surprises?”
“You liked it when I took you to the gallery yesterday,” Clarke pointed out, glancing to the side at Lexa.
“That was an exception,” Lexa replied.
“As this will be,” Clarke remarked. “And I have a feeling you’re perfectly fine with surprises. You just don’t like not being in control of things.”
“You’re right,” Lexa replied. “I’ve had very little control over a lot of things in my life, and I’ve always hated it. When I was younger, I never had any control over where I was going to be or who I was going to be with. Growing up in the foster care system, I had very little say when it came to my life. And for the past twenty years, I haven’t exactly had much control over my situation, either.”
Clarke paused, looking at Lexa for a moment, and then said, “The movies.”
“What?” Lexa asked.
“I’m taking you to a movie,” Clarke answered. “One at an actual movie theater. You know—like people do on dates.”
“Is that what this is?” Lexa asked.
Clarke shook her head. “Actually, I thought we could save that for next weekend. If you say yes when I ask you.”
Clarke’s heart rate picked up a little as she waited for Lexa to say something. She thought Lexa must know how she felt by now, but she still didn’t entirely know how Lexa felt. Clarke had told Lexa she liked her and even before that she had admitted she thought she was attractive. Lexa, on the other hand, seemed to be letting her actions speak for her, but Clarke wanted to hear her say it. She wanted to be sure that the feelings she had for Lexa were mutual and that she wasn’t just imagining these things between them.
“What do you think?” Clarke prompted when Lexa didn’t immediately respond.
“I think you should prepare yourself for things not working out the way you want them to tomorrow,” Lexa replied.
“I told you I don’t want to think about that,” Clarke said. “It’s already been a shitty year, and I want to believe something good is finally going to happen. I’ve already lost my father; I refuse to lose you, too.”
“Then I think it sounds like a plan,” Lexa said. “I would like to go on a date with you, Clarke.”
Clarke smiled as she opened the door, allowing Lexa to step into the building first. “I was hoping you would say that.”
Clarke still had a slight smile on her face as she walked up the counter and purchased her ticket. After getting her ticket and walking inside, she noticed several people she had classes with staring at her. For once, she doubted it had anything to do with her appearing to be talking to herself and more to do with what happened on the roof of Polis Hall.
It was already all over campus. Dr. Ellison was really Alison Easton, who had faked her death twenty years prior after murdering her roommate. Raven and Octavia had both told her it was all anyone was talking about, and everyone somehow seemed to know Clarke was the one on the rooftop that the professor had tried to shoot after confessing to her crimes. Thankfully Raven had told her that people were wondering how she hadn’t gotten shot, but everyone seemed to just assume that Dr. Ellison was a terrible shot.
“Are you okay?” Lexa asked.
Clarke nodded as she averted her eyes away from her classmates. “Yeah. I just hate feeling like people are staring at me. I had enough of that after my dad died.” Clarke shook her head. “At least no one has asked me about it yet. Other than Jasper.”
“What did you tell him?” Lexa asked.
“I didn’t have to tell him anything; Raven had already told him to fuck off,” Clarke said, cracking a smile.
Lexa smiled. “While your roommate can be very obnoxious, I think I may actually like her. Don’t tell her I said that; I’m afraid her ego will get even bigger.”
“Believe me, that’s the last thing any of us wants,” Clarke joked. “She’s already going to gloat for months if tomorrow’s ritual works. She’ll think it’s all her.” Clarke shrugged. “Of course, at that point, I doubt I’ll care. She can gloat all she wants. But you should prepare yourself; she’ll never let you forget it for as long as you live.”
“As long as I’m living, I think I can deal with that,” Lexa replied.
“Are you okay, Clarke?”
“I feel like I should be the one asking you that,” Clarke replied.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Lexa commented.
Clarke sighed and looked over at Lexa. “I’m just nervous. Among other things.”
Saying she was nervous was an understatement. She was terrified things weren’t going to work, but she didn’t want to tell Lexa that. She knew Lexa was worried enough on her own, and she didn’t want to make her second guess her decision. This was what Lexa wanted to do, and Clarke was going to support it.
“When I asked my mom if it was possible, I thought it was going to be an all or nothing thing,” Clarke said after a few moments. “I thought they would either be able to do it or not. I didn’t think she would tell me they could try, but there was a chance of it going wrong.”
“I guess you never know how these things are going to work,” Lexa replied. “It actually seems like there is a lot we don’t know about this world. We don’t know why I’m here; I really shouldn’t be, but I am. And you shouldn’t be able to see me, but you do. There are clearly things beyond our understanding. This ritual is just another one of those things. Who knows why it works for some and not others. But given the way everything has fallen into place so far, I’m going to choose to believe this will go our way, too.”
“You never really struck me as an optimist,” Clarke said.
“I’m not,” Lexa replied. “But I need to be one right now or I may change my mind. Plus, I believe I’ve had enough bad luck to last a lifetime. And considering everything that’s happened in the past few weeks, it’s a little easier for me to tell myself this is going to work.”
“Why do you say that?” Clarke asked.
“Because since I’ve met you, things have actually been okay,” Lexa replied. “You’ve changed everything for me.”
“Let’s hope it continues that way,” Clarke said, glancing over her shoulder. “As much as I hate to say it, we should probably get up there.”
“I know,” Lexa replied.
They both sat on the bench for several more minutes before Clarke finally stood up with a sigh. The sun was beginning to set, and Clarke knew that was their cue.
“We should get up there,” Clarke said.
Lexa nodded and stood up, following Clarke toward the large building. Since Raven’s research led her to believe that it would increase the chances of success if they performed the ritual where Lexa had been killed, the coven was currently setting up on the roof of Polis Hall. When they got up there, over a dozen people were standing around, most of which Clarke had never seen in her life. Though there were a few people that surprised her. Friends of her parents that she’d known her entire life. And then there was Anya, who looked like she felt completely out of place, but had wanted to be there for her sister.
“There you are,” Raven said when she noticed the two. “We were wondering if you were ever going to get up here. We can’t start the party without the guest of honor.”
“Maybe you should take this a little more serious,” Clarke said to her friend.
“I am,” Raven said, waving her off. “I just know this is going to work, so there’s no reason to worry. I’m awesome at this sort of thing, remember?”
“Performed many rituals, have you?” Clarke asked.
“You know what I mean,” Raven replied with a roll of her eyes.
“Your friend has been very annoying,” Anya commented as she walked up to the small group.
Raven scoffed. “Says Little Miss Cynical. Is there anything you haven’t complained about since you got here?”
“Well, maybe if you wouldn’t—”
“Guys!” Clarke said, interrupting their bickering.
“She started it,” Raven replied.
“What are you, four years old?” Anya asked.
“Clarke, we need to talk,” Abby said, coming up behind her daughter. “You’re going to have to join the circle.”
“I’m what?” Clarke asked.
“One of the coven couldn’t make it,” Abby replied. “She went into labor this afternoon.”
“But why me?” Clarke asked.
“Because I believe you have powers in there, Clarke,” Abby answered. “Even if you don’t know it.”
“There’s no one else that can do it?” Clarke asked.
Abby shook her head. “We need you.”
“No pressure, right?” Raven said, looking at Clarke.
“Thanks, Raven,” Clarke replied before glancing at Lexa, who gave her a slight smile.
“I think it’s time,” Abby announced. “Does everyone know what to do?”
Everyone nodded or gave their ‘yeses’ except for Clarke, who simply took a deep breath.
“You okay, kid?” Clarke heard from behind her, and she looked over her shoulder to find Marcus Kane giving her a sympathetic smile.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Clarke answered.
“You can,” Marcus replied. “I’ve known you since the day you were born, and there’s nothing you haven’t been able to do. I’m sure this is no exception. And your mom wouldn’t ask you to do it unless she believed it too. Now you just need to believe it, because that is the only thing that will hold you back.”
Clarke nodded. “I need to talk to Lexa for a moment and I’ll be ready.”
Clarke made her way over to Lexa, who was standing just outside the circle that had been drawn in the middle of the roof. She could tell Lexa was nervous by the way she was pacing back and forth, and Clarke knew exactly how she felt. She stopped as Clarke neared, though, turning to the blonde.
“Clarke, I just want you to know—”
“Don’t say anything,” Clarke interrupted. “You can tell me after, okay?”
Lexa stared at her for a moment before nodded. “Am I at least allowed to thank you for everything you’ve done for me?”
“No, you can also do that after,” Clarke replied, giving Lexa a smile.
“Are you ready?” Lexa asked.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” Clarke replied.
“Too bad,” Raven said, grabbing her by the arm, and pulling her toward the circle. “Take this candle. It’s time to go. Lexa, you get in the middle and stay there.”
Clarke and Lexa looked at each other for a moment before they both did as Raven instructed. Everyone else took their places as well, and Raven stepped back, standing near Anya.
Abby began, performing most of the ritual by herself before everyone else joined in. Clarke spoke in Latin, having no idea what she was saying, but she made sure she followed her mom’s directions exactly.
Lexa was watching her throughout the whole thing, and Clarke kept her eyes on Lexa as well. As the ritual went on, a bright blue light began emanating around the circle, growing larger and larger as the chanting continued. One by one, the members of the coven began blowing out their candles, ending with Clarke. She locked eyes with Lexa as she blew out the candle, and a moment later everything went dark on the roof.
“Lexa?” Clarke said as her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she realized the center of the circle was now empty.
“Clarke.”
The blonde quickly turned around at the sound of Lexa’s voice. She was no longer in the middle of the circle but standing just behind Clarke, who closed the distance between them and threw herself into Lexa’s arms.
“You’re still here,” Clarke softly said.
“I am,” Lexa replied.
Clarke pulled away and looked at her hands, which were resting on Lexa’s shoulders. “And you’re alive. It worked.”
Clarke looked up, locking eyes with Lexa. Before she could even think about what she was doing or the fact that she was surrounded by people, including her mom, Clarke leaned forward, bringing their lips together. As soon as their lips touched, she could feel Lexa tense, but then her shoulders relaxed after a few moments and her arms slowly wrapped around Clarke’s waist, pulling her closer.
“Get a room,” Raven shouted, and Clarke and Lexa both pulled away and rolled their eyes.
“Thanks, Raven,” Clarke said in annoyance.
“It’s what I’m here for,” Raven replied, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders, and then looking at Lexa. “It’s nice to finally see you. You really should change those clothes.”
“She can do that later,” Anya said, never taking her eyes off Lexa. “Hey, kid.”
“We’ll let you two talk,” Clarke said.
Clarke grabbed Raven’s arm and pulled her away from the sisters. As much as she wanted to spend time with Lexa, she knew they would have plenty of time to do that later.
“I’ll be back,” Clarke said to her mom. “It’s cold up here; I’m going to grab a jacket for Lexa.”
“We’ll be here,” Abby replied, reaching over, and squeezing Clarke’s hand.
Clarke walked over to the door, glancing over her shoulder at Lexa and Anya as she went. She opened the door and began walking down the stairs, but before she was even halfway down, she heard the door open again and Lexa asked, “Are you leaving? Because I still need to thank you.”
Clarke shook her head as she turned around. “There’s no need.”
“Maybe not, but I still want to,” Lexa replied, walking down until she was on the same step as Clarke. “So thank you, Clarke. For everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know if I will ever be able to repay you.”
“I can think of one way,” Clarke said.
“And what way is that, Clarke?” Lexa asked.
“Go on that date with me,” Clarke answered with a smile.
“I think I may be able to arrange that,” Lexa said as she reached out and took Clarke’s hand in her own.