Chapter Text
If you ask someone how long does it take to let go, the answers are meant to be different. Some take more time to get over, some take less. Louis couldn't do either.
It has already been a year of Harry walking out of his life, with a packed bag and an empty heart and shattered dreams. Their hiatus was supposed to be full of vacations and alone time that they couldn't spend with each other but everything was different.
Yes. The alone time was true though. Just that, they were spending their time alone, and not spending their alone time. Sounds confusing, right? Well, their lives have been nothing but confusing.
It has been a year since Louis last got to see, feel and listen to Harry. One year. 365 days. Each passing day felt like a new burden on Louis' heart, digging holes deep within.
Louis still remembers when it all started, when all the fights started.
"Hey babe.. I am back home.", Louis said cheerily entering the house after all his pap walks and posed photographs.
"Harry?" Louis called out again only to be met with silence again.
"Babe.. Are you home?" Louis was starting to panic now. Harry didn't just leave the house without leaving any note or message.
Tapping his foot on the ground for a few seconds, Louis decided to check their bedroom and all the rooms in the house, maybe Harry was out in the balcony?
Creaking the bedroom door open, Louis stepped inside only to be embraced with darkness and a sudden hollow feeling when he saw Harry perched up on the edge of the window, his long limbs dangling out of the window, a bottle of liquor in his hand.
'Harry was drinking?' Louis thought to himself.
"Baby.. What are you doing there? Just- just come down, yeah? What happened?" Louis tried coaxing Harry back into the room.
"Oh look w-who's he-here. H-how was your date, Lewis?" Harry slurred out.
Louis carefully strode to Harry and tried bringing him back into the room only to be pushed down by Harry. Louis fell on his bum with a thud.
"Go away. I-I don't want to talk to y-you, Lewis. Go to your girlfriend" Harry spat out at Louis.
And what? GIRLFRIEND?
"What are you talking about, Harry? I just went out to get papped. That's all. You know it.", Louis tried to keep his calm.
"Do I?" Harry's voice was cold as ice.
Just as Harry was about to down another swig from the bottle, Louis snatched it from his hands and threw it across the room, the shards of glass flying around after hitting the wall.
"JUST FUCKING STOP WITH THIS, WILL YOU? I AM TIRED OF COMING BACK HOME EVERY FUCKING TIME ONLY TO BE ACCUSED LIKE THIS. I DIDN'T CHOOSE THIS FOR ME HAR-" Louis almost revealed his secrets, almost told Harry that he took up all this for Harry's sake. He couldn't. So he just left. Louis turned on his heel and left the room after making sure that Harry was down from the window.
They didn't even realize when they fell asleep. While Harry slept on the floor by the window, Louis slept on the couch in the living room. Louis didn't sleep though. He just sobbed into the cushions on the sofa, wishing they were not stuffed cotton pillows but Harry's muscular arms instead. But Harry wasn't there.
*********
It has been an year of their hiatus and almost all their solo projects have been done. They just had to get the band together. Six more months and One Direction was set to make their come back with their Made in the AM Tour.
But, that meant that Louis and Harry had to stay in the same room, breathe in the same oxygen and they were not prepared for it. Not yet.
But they had to do it. For the fans. For their promises. And besides, what were they supposed to say? That One Direction was not coming back because two of the band members are not on talking terms? Its not like they were even allowed to interact on stage.
So its 15th of July, 2017 and the boys are supposed to meet each other in their recording studio and practice a few songs, plan the tour and stuff like that.
Louis was going to see Harry after a year, hear his voice, feel his presence.
Currently, Louis was parked outside the venue, contemplating and procrastinating all the escapes in case..
After parking the car, Louis walked up to the lift to reach up to the 5th floor of the building where they were supposed to meet.
Just to kill a few seconds, Louis reached for his phone and switched it on only to be swarmed with a number of twitter notifications and a few messages. He opened Liam's first.
'its going to be okay' and that was really odd. Just as Louis could reply back, the elevator opened with a ding.
Stepping out of the elevator, Louis could clearly make out Niall's voice, after all, who couldn't identify that Irish accent, isn't it?
Sliding the glass door open, Louis skimmed his eyes through the entirety of the room and then he saw him, standing all tall and straight, in his black skinnies and a white t-shirt. And then his eyes travelled down to Harry's waist where a hand was gripping onto the white fabric and the owner of that hand was standing dangerously close by Harry's side, nosing at his neck.
Louis felt his breakfast coming up from him stomach and he felt sick. He just wanted to run away and never look back. But his legs stood transfixed at the ground. Just as he was trying to leave, he felt strong arms envelope him in a warm hug and he instantly knew it was Liam.
"It's okay, Lou. You are going to be okay, babe. We gotchu", Liam kept whispering words of reassurance into Louis' ear.
And that's how it started. Louis was introduced to the stranger as Harry's acquaintance. Well, that was how Harry said it.
'This is Alex. A friend' Harry introduced him to Louis with a shaky voice.
The vocal practices continued, and every day Louis would come back to see the replay of the first day's events. And Louis just didn't want to be here. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never, to be precise.
Liam could sense Louis becoming tense every time he saw Harry with Alex, both of them smiling and sharing conversations.
So he spoke. He finally broke the silence.
"Harry? Uh- Can i talk to you for a second?", Liam asked hesitantly.
"Yeah. Hey.",Harry replied back.
"Can you tone it down a bit? Can't you see its breaking Louis, Harry? We are losing him, Harry. Just. Please. Stop bringing Alex every fucking day here. We get it, you are happy. We get it, Harry. And trust me, we are happy for you. But stop flashing it across Louis' face. He can't take it anymore." Liam kept rambling while Harry simply stood there waiting for his chance to speak.
"You done?" Harry asked and continued "Listen, Liam. I am not flashing across Alex to anyone, he happens to be into music and wants to learn about it all and just comes along with me to see the proceedings. As for your best friend, I don't care about what he wants and what he doesn't. He made me do this. He was the reason we drifted apart, Liam. He was the FUCKING REASON I HAD TO WALK AWAY FROM MY RELATIONSHIP OF 5 YEARS. DO YOU THINK IT WAS EASY? IT WASN'T, LIAM. IT WASN'T." Harry was breathing heavily after letting go all that was in his chest.
"IT WASN'T EASY FOR YOU, Harry? IT WAS NOTHING THAT YOU WENT THROUGH THAT COULD SURPASS WHAT LOUIS WENT THROUGH. YOU JUST SAW WHAT YOUR EYES WANTED YOU TO SEE. YOU DIDN'T SEE LOUIS' CLOTHES FALL OFF HIS SHOULDER BECAUSE HE WAS LOSING WEIGHT. YOU DIDN'T SEE HIM THROWING HIS HANDS AND FEET WHILE SLEEPING BECAUSE HE MISSED YOUR WARMTH. YOU DIDN'T SEE HIM ALMOST KILLING HIM TO DEATH BECAUSE HE BLAMED HIMSELF FOR YOU WALKING OUT WHEN IN REALITY, HE DID IT ALL FOR YOUR, Har-"
"LIAM", Louis cut through Liam's conversation.
"Look who's back.. So? This time you send Liam as your saviour? Huh? Couldn't come talk to me directly?", Harry's voice was covered in poison.
"For FUCK'S SAKE HARRY. STOP IT. STOP WITH YOUR TONE. LOUIS DIDN'T DO ANYTHING - ", Louis again tried to cut in but Liam was seething with anger and he was not going to let it go this time. Not anymore.
" No Louis. Just stop it, Okay? And Harry, where was I? Yeah.. Listen.. You were so pissed off with the stunts, right? Well, guess what? If you would have waited for just a few more months, it would have beem different, Harry. You could have been what you wanted for your future. Louis planned it all and you went ahead and destroyed it. Destroyed it all for you and Louis. Louis did it all for YOU, HARRY. ALL FOR YOU.HE SIGNED UP THE CONTRACT SO YOU COULD FILM YOIR FUCKING MOVIE IN PEACE, SO YOU COULD WALK DOWN THE RED CARPET, HAND IN HAND. LOUIS DID IT ALL FOR YOU AND IT IS DONE. ITS ALL GONE BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANYMORE. " Liam's confession hit Harry like a truck and Harry just wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
He glanced around to look at Louis who was standing in the corner of the room, his hands wrapped around his middle. That's when Harry noticed how much weight Louis has lost, he was still beautiful though, with his perfect features and his beautiful heart but he felt and looked so small.
Harry didn't even realize that Liam had left the room.
"You didn't even tell me?", Harry mumbled.
Louis wanted to laugh and bang his head at the same time.
"What was I supposed to say Harry? "Louis whispered.
"About the contract.", Harry just wanted to reach out to Louis and cradle him in his arms and never let go.
"So I was supposed to say that Harry, I sacrificed my freedom in exchange of your and our freedom? Was I supposed scream it out to you? Was I not serious enough about my feelings, Harry? What part of my gestures didn't make you believe that you were it for me?", Louis felt warm teardrops gushing down his cheeks.
"You could have just told me, Louis", Harry's cracked voice was the sign that even he was crying.
"Tell you and then oblige you to stay back with me? If you thought I was worth it, you would have stayed, Harry. You would have stayed" and with that the room was enveloped in silence, again.
This time, It was Louis who walked away.